mbczzcbm Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years and we have been like any couple. We have had our fair share of arguments, we have had anywhere between a great sex life to non existent. We split for a while, only a few weeks, but both wanted to get back together so we did. We both ended up with someone else during that period, apparently I cheated but she didn’t. I don’t know it’s some twisted woman logic but we forgave each other and moved on with our relationship. Earlier this year she went on a 6 month working holiday around England with 2 of her friends. We never split and it was made VERY clear by her that we were to remain faithful. I did and she claims she did but I am really starting to doubt whether that is true. She had been back 4 months and we picked up where we left off. Very soon after our sex life started to change dramatically. She is into anything and everything now. We have tried so many different positions, we do it all the time, we sometimes skip parties and work just to stay home and have sex. She has said she wants a threesome with another girl (I have watched her with another girl but haven’t joined in yet and she has watched me with the same girl), we have had sex in public, and when I say public, I don’t just mean outside, I mean with people watching. Now don’t get me wrong, I am like any guy and all this is just awesome but I have this sick feeling in my gut when I think about when and why she changed so dramatically. I can’t help but think that she tried all these things overseas, has liked it all, and has bought it into our relationship. So this is a big problem, what do I do? I mean if she didn’t cheat then I have the best girlfriend in the world. If I accuse her of cheating I run the risk of losing her. If she did cheat then she is not the sort of girl I want to be with BUT I could say nothing and stay with her and have an awesome time until I find someone more trustworthy. If she did cheat overseas she has stopped it since she has been back. She has had no time to be able to, she stays at my place nearly every night, so if it did happen it was only overseas. So to the guys, what would you do? To the girls, can you really change that much and that quickly? To those more experienced that I, am I just being an untrusting boyfriend or is there something to this? Oh, I am 20 and she is 24.
aussietigerwolf Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I can't change that much and that not that quickly but I'm 34
silvermercy Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 (edited) You are both so young so even if she did cheat or not, the odds are against you for staying together long-term anyway. Obviously the element of trust is gone. But only you can decide if you're comfortable with that or not. I would say let her go for the following reason: If she did cheat then she is not the sort of girl I want to be with BUT I could say nothing and stay with her and have an awesome time until I find someone more trustworthy.For some reason this quote bothers me. Ragardless if she cheated or not (and you still have NO ACTUAL proof of that) why would you stay and use a person like that? Plus, who's to tell that the future "trustworthy" girlfriend you're seeking will not be put off by such an attitude? (These things have the tendency to emerge at some point and not stay hidden). You can't have it all. Personally, I would be put off by the threesomes anyway but to stay with someone (cheater or not) simply for a "good time" is very off-putting. You would not find many "trustworthy" girls that would be okay with such behaviour. Only non-trustworthy ones, the ones that have threesomes all the time, engage in public sex (like you did) and suddenly change their behaviour once abroad alone. Edited November 30, 2012 by silvermercy 1
Author mbczzcbm Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 you still have NO ACTUAL proof No I have no proof at all. Our sex life has come alive and I love it. I would love to think that in the time away from me she realised how much I meant to her and decided to open up a whole new bag of tricks but I guess I'm just being self defeating by thinking that it may be some other sinister reason (cheating),
Chi townD Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Just ask her why the sudden change. Not that you're complaining, you're just curious. You not accusing her of cheating, just inquiring. Then, gage her responses. Watch her reactions. She if she seems uncomfortable about talking about it. 2
Trixis4kidz Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Come on man, this is the problem with human beings in general. This incessant need to know EVERYTHING. Why can't you just enjoy what you have, and give her the benefit of the doubt? Just because she's turned into superfreak (in your mind) doesn't mean she didn't always have those urges. She could have watched a movie and decided she wants to experiment more, she could have read a book (50 shades of Grey has all kinds of women amped up), she could have had conversations with girlfriends who are talking about their wild and crazy life. Anything could have happened. This is a time in her life where she wants to experiment and try different things, this is a good thing. More women would be better off for doing the same thing once in their lives before jumping into marriage. Appreciate that she wants YOU to be the guy she gets wild and crazy with. Stop speculating and wasting your time trying to figure out a problem that doesn't exist. You're young, and it doesn't sound like your on a path to marriage so enjoy yourself young man. And for Heaven's sake, don't ask her about the change. Geesh!
karnak Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Considering how the human psyche works, I'd say yes: she had some sort of "liberating" sexual experience when she was out of the country. And she brought that kind of knowledge into your relationship. But have no illusions. A woman with that sort of high sex drive (specially considering her young age) will sooner or later get tired of your body and will want to experiment with other male (or female) bodies. Beware... 1
Author mbczzcbm Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 50 shades of Grey You might be onto something. I never gave this a thought. She has read the book and told me it was very erotic. Her and her friends even got together a few times and read parts of the book together, that seemed a bit weird to me. It does fit very nicely into place of when this change happened but surely just a book can't to that. If it can I might have to read it myself. 1
Author mbczzcbm Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 A woman with that sort of high sex drive (specially considering her young age) will sooner or later get tired of your body and will want to experiment with other male (or female) bodies. We are already experimenting with other women as I said in my initial post, not that I'm complaining one bit about it. Experimenting with another male has been touched on briefly in conversation but that is waaayyy out of my comfort zone. I would still have to consider it though, it would be very hypocritical not to after we have shared other women.
aed Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 We are already experimenting with other women as I said in my initial post, not that I'm complaining one bit about it. Experimenting with another male has been touched on briefly in conversation but that is waaayyy out of my comfort zone. I would still have to consider it though, it would be very hypocritical not to after we have shared other women. Why would that be hypocritical? Did you share a woman and she (your gf) didn't want it and went trough with it or was it a mutual fantasy? And even when she went trough with it, while she wasn't in to it. Then that was her decision not your's! so keep to your own Boundaries!
road Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Why would that be hypocritical? Did you share a woman and she (your gf) didn't want it and went trough with it or was it a mutual fantasy? And even when she went trough with it, while she wasn't in to it. Then that was her decision not your's! so keep to your own Boundaries! Because she was not smart enough to let you have a FFM does not mean that you have to have a FMM when you know it is not for you. Some day you will learn that relationships are for two not three.
Author mbczzcbm Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 Because she was not smart enough to let you have a FFM does not mean that you have to have a FMM when you know it is not for you. It's all about choice, we chose to have a ffm, and I may choose to have a fmm for her. I know I don't have to, I may choose to. Some day you will learn that relationships are for two not three. True for many people, but again we have chosen to expand our relationship on occasion and are hurting no-one by doing so. Just because it does not work for some does not mean it will not work for everyone.
road Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 You don't like the idea of her banging an OM yet you will allow it. This shows that you are young and just full of c@m. Because if you had enough real life experience you would be aware of how many relationships and marriages go down the drain by having three somes.
Author mbczzcbm Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 You don't like the idea of her banging an OM yet you will allow it. This shows that you are young and just full of c@m. Because if you had enough real life experience you would be aware of how many relationships and marriages go down the drain by having three somes. What is OM ??? Other Man ? If so, I have no issues with her being with another man (as long as it is all out in the open). The idea is actually quite exciting, it's just the idea of me and the other guy doing things together that I am unsure about. I'm not really interested in that but then again I have never tried it so I probably shouldn't totally discount it. As you said, we are young, we will try new things, some we will like others we wont. That reason alone is why I haven't said no to a threesome with her and another guy. As long as we are open about it all and discuss and agree to any boundaries before hand I don't see any major issues. As for what is happening re the opening post, I have not spoken to her about it yet. Consensus seems to be split 50/50 on whether to ask or not so I am holding off until I can play the different scenarios through my head a little longer.
Chi townD Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 wow....yeah, this relationship is going to last for the long haul. 1
magnoliasoutherly Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 To the girls, can you really change that much and that quickly? ... Oh, I am 20 and she is 24.If she was reserved before she left, but isn't when she gets back, something happened. What that something is, only she knows. I didn't become much more sexually relaxed until I met someone who taught me how to be more sexually relaxed. On the other hand, I wanted to be. I knew I should be, I just couldn't. It's possible that she read something, saw something in a movie, whatever, but it's more likely it was someone else. I hate to say it, but there it is. Talking to her about is all well and good, but I don't believe she'd come out and say 'Yes, I met someone who taught me how to rock my world'. Also, open relationships most often end. I only know of one couple who is still together after all these years. The rest are over.
Author mbczzcbm Posted December 8, 2012 Author Posted December 8, 2012 Well procrastination can be a good thing right? In my case it certainly turned out to be good. I have been weighing up whether to ask the questions of my girlfriend but was having a difficult time deciding whether that was the correct way to go about things. And of course to make it a little harder advice is evenly split. So she says to me last night 'how are you enjoying our new sexcapades' <-- her words, not mine. But the door had been opened and I had no need to ask, she told me everything I needed to know and my fears were baseless. Ahh, good old procrastination...... works everytime. So now we can move on and I can enjoy all that life brings while I am young and able to do these things. Getting to do them with someone I love is an awesome added bonus. The only thing that worries me is that she said that this was the tip of the iceberg, if that's the case I am in for one hell of a ride. It's my birthday on the 12th so I can't wait to see what my present ma be, lol.
magnoliasoutherly Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 And of course to make it a little harder advice is evenly split.Yeah, I think it'll always be that way. she told me everything I needed to know and my fears were baseless.Well super congratulations to you! I know you're relieved. I'm truly happy for you.
road Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 Well procrastination can be a good thing right? In my case it certainly turned out to be good. I have been weighing up whether to ask the questions of my girlfriend but was having a difficult time deciding whether that was the correct way to go about things. And of course to make it a little harder advice is evenly split. So she says to me last night 'how are you enjoying our new sexcapades' <-- her words, not mine. But the door had been opened and I had no need to ask, she told me everything I needed to know and my fears were baseless. Ahh, good old procrastination...... works everytime. So now we can move on and I can enjoy all that life brings while I am young and able to do these things. Getting to do them with someone I love is an awesome added bonus. The only thing that worries me is that she said that this was the tip of the iceberg, if that's the case I am in for one hell of a ride. It's my birthday on the 12th so I can't wait to see what my present ma be, lol. How do you know she is not BS'ing you?
magnoliasoutherly Posted December 8, 2012 Posted December 8, 2012 How do you know she is not BS'ing you?For that matter, how do you know that she is lying?
road Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 For that matter, how do you know that she is lying? The evidence is in what said. Without knowing what she said leaves us to only wonder. We can only go by what you have told us. One's spouse or BF/GF does not go to bed then wakes up the next day with a whole new set of skills. Did the angels put something in her head while she sleep or did the tooth fairy instead of leaving money under her pillow teach her some new things?
Author mbczzcbm Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 Without knowing what she said leaves us to only wonder. Sorry, I should have clarified what was said. She basically said that this is the real her, she has always had these desires / fantasies / dreams or whatever you wish to call them. She had never found anyone she felt comfortable enough with to express and act on those desires. While she was overseas with her friends they were going out and partying a lot and her friends weren't shy when it came to picking up men to play with. She had the opportunity to join them but could only think of me (go me!) hence all the late night phone calls I got (this was when the other girls were out partying). She did admit to one night when she watched her two friends with other guys and was extremely turned on by it, the details are very hazy here, but I think it may have been at a sex club. She swears she never did anything with anyone but does admit as well that guys were touching her, pinching her bum etc. I wasn't happy about this but if she went to a sex club and that's all that happened I can live with that. This is when she said she realized that she wanted to do all these things her friends were doing it's just that she wanted to do them with me. How could I turn down an offer like that? She came home and well you know what has happened since then.
road Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 She did admit to one night when she watched her two friends with other guys and was extremely turned on by it, the details are very hazy here, but I think it may have been at a sex club. She swears she never did anything with anyone but does admit as well that guys were touching her, pinching her bum etc. I wasn't happy about this but if she went to a sex club and that's all that happened I can live with that. The I only watched and the details are hazy because this a the technique to lying. She swears that she only watched. And she had her ass grabbed a few times. This is known as trickle truthing. Just admit to enough to get you to think she must not be lying to me. I have seen so many trickle truthing were the WW or GF said we only talked, to just one kiss, to oral, to sex only once and I made the OM wear a condom, to I can't remember it was too many times to know the count and I let the OM ride me bare back. Your GF got schooled on how to bang by some stud on her vacation. Your GF got a PhD in Ph-ucking from the OM and she graduated Summa Cum Loud and Often. You must have your GF take a polygraph test to get the real truth. She will complain and act insulted. Tell her that those that have nothing to hide hide nothing and the date for the test. As the date gets close your GF will admit to doing more then watching as a ploy to get you to cancel the test. Don't, you tell her you need to have what she said confirmed. 2
magnoliasoutherly Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 She did admit to one night when she watched her two friends with other guys and was extremely turned on by it, the details are very hazy here,Hazy because she wants them to be. Sorry, I have to side with Road now. Watching something and being turned on while not participating.... except when she gets home and it's with her boyfriend sounds very contrived. Your gf sounds awesome for sex, not for a relationship at the moment.I agree. OP, you need to be braced for infidelity. If you can come to terms with that then fine, but otherwise you may want to rethink your relationship with her.
silvermercy Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Yep. "Hazy" does not sound good. At all. It's a very common textbook technique by the cheater. Sorry. Look up other "I don't remember" threads here. Cheaters also minimise and admit to JUST enough to get you off their back. And they're usually VERY good liars and actors. Beware... So I re-read all your posts and it indeed sounds like she cheated. That's great if you are both ok with an open relationship. But, if you read around, even succesfull open relationships have rules. Cheating exists even in open relationships, too, I'm afraid. If you're ok with her cheating (because she DID cheat, from your descriptions) then more power to you.
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