Dating Is Supposed To Be Easy

[MrCastle]

I was just thinking about this today. Recently I've had to drop a few women out of my life because I wasn't getting the feedback I felt I should have gotten. There are a few other girls showing interest in me who have made my job very easy. It flows very smoothly. They'll text me, or I'll text them, whatever, it doesn't matter. They can send several texts in a row without worrying that they're coming across as needy, and vice versa. It then dawned on me that this dating thing is supposed to be fun, and easy, not difficult and rage inducing.

 

My guess is the reason people are having problems is because they're putting focus on the wrong people.

 

"He didn't call me. I texted him three times, ugh, this sucks! Why do guys have to be like this!"--It's because he doesn't like you, move on. Not all guys are like this, uninterested ones are. Cut him loose.

 

"She said she only wants to be friends for now. Should I tell her how I really feel?" -No. She doesn't like you. If she did, she would want to be in a relationship with you. Don't give her the satisfaction of being her friend.

 

It seems like almost every dating thread is someone asking why men or women do certain things. To me it's all very simple--low interest. Time and time again, I keep arriving at that answer. I think most peoples' dating woes stem from emotionally investing in people that have no interest or low interest.

 

When you're dating someone who likes you for you, there are no games. There isn't "well I texted him first last time, so now I'm gonna wait for his text." There's no "Damn, I called her twice in one day. She must think I'm a needy loser." It's two people enjoying each other's company. Doesn't matter who contacts who first or how often, no one comes up with lame excuses not to meet up. It runs very smoothly.

 

If people cut their losses a lot earlier than they do, there would be much less heartache, bitterness, and resentment going around.

 

I really do believe any sign of resistance is a sign that it's not meant to be. If you feel you have to tiptoe around him/her because any wrong step and they'll send you packing, they are not truly into you. You should be able to feel comfortable around them and not worry about how you're being perceived.

 

If he didn't call, he's not going to call. If she flaked, she's not interested in meeting you. Cut these people loose and start trying to find people who show a genuine interest in you.

 

I know we often refer to dating as a game (myself included) and finding someone like the kind I mentioned is easier said than done but this message is for people struggling in their dating lives. It's not supposed to be hard. Dating is supposed to be a fun exciting experience that you share with people who feel for you the same way you feel about them.

 

Anyone else agree?

Edited November 30, 2012 by MrCastle

[somedude81]

It seems like almost every dating thread is someone asking why men or women do certain things. To me it's all very simple--low interest. Time and time again, I keep arriving at that answer. I think most peoples' dating woes stem from emotionally investing in people that have no interest or low interest.

 

When you're dating someone who likes you for you, there are no games.

Too bad it's not easy to find somebody who is highly interested in you. If it were easy, nobody would have trouble.

[tigressA]

I don't think that's really what the OP is saying...sure, it would be really easy if we could all find someone unequivocally interested in us the same way we are them with little to no difficulty.

 

The point is that people make it harder on themselves by focusing on those who clearly aren't interested. When you have to ask if someone's into you...they're not. But many of us waste energy and time and effort on people who feel little more than lukewarm toward us, if even that.

[Nightsky]

I was just thinking about this today. Recently I've had to drop a few women out of my life because I wasn't getting the feedback I felt I should have gotten. There are a few other girls showing interest in me who have made my job very easy. It flows very smoothly. They'll text me, or I'll text them, whatever, it doesn't matter. They can send several texts in a row without worrying that they're coming across as needy, and vice versa. It then dawned on me that this dating thing is supposed to be fun, and easy, not difficult and rage inducing.

 

I just looked up dating on wikipedia and no where was the word fun mentioned... I did a search. Function of reproduction was my first hit searching for fun.

 

Sex is fun. Looking at a sexy girl and being seen with her out in public certainly can be fun.

 

My guess is the reason people are having problems is because they're putting focus on the wrong people.

 

"He didn't call me. I texted him three times, ugh, this sucks! Why do guys have to be like this!"--It's because he doesn't like you, move on. Not all guys are like this, uninterested ones are. Cut him loose.

 

She has to learn that for herself. Also she may be part of the problem if she thinks like this.

 

"She said she only wants to be friends for now. Should I tell her how I really feel?" -No. She doesn't like you. If she did' date=' she would want to be in a relationship with you. Don't give her the satisfaction of being her friend.[/quote']

 

This and the example above is a big part of what LS is about. Also shows like Dr. Phil and Oprah.

 

Now for the example with the guy who's girl just wants to be friends he should take a crack at her. The sooner the better. It's lame to tell a girl how you feel. better her show her by making a bold move. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Also of course he shouldn't settle for friendship if its making him unhappy.

 

It seems like almost every dating thread is someone asking why men or women do certain things. To me it's all very simple--low interest. Time and time again, I keep arriving at that answer. I think most peoples' dating woes stem from emotionally investing in people that have no interest or low interest.

 

When you're dating someone who likes you for you' date=' there are no games. There isn't "well I texted him first last time, so now I'm gonna wait for his text." There's no "Damn, I called her twice in one day. She must think I'm a needy loser." It's two people enjoying each other's company. Doesn't matter who contacts who first or how often, no one comes up with lame excuses not to meet up. It runs very smoothly. [/quote']

 

Well a lot of people don't even have the confidence to be themselves. Also I disagree with "there are no games." Even if you're some ones type you still need to mind your manners. I see no reason to be just calling some one twice in one day unless that's just something you need to do as a person. Obviously once the relationship is 2 months in or what ever call away, but their are some games to be played. A chase if you will.

 

If people cut their losses a lot earlier than they do, there would be much less heartache, bitterness, and resentment going around.

 

I really do believe any sign of resistance is a sign that it's not meant to be. If you feel you have to tiptoe around him/her because any wrong step and they'll send you packing, they are not truly into you. You should be able to feel comfortable around them and not worry about how you're being perceived.

 

If he didn't call, he's not going to call. If she flaked, she's not interested in meeting you. Cut these people loose and start trying to find people who show a genuine interest in you.

 

I know we often refer to dating as a game (myself included) and finding someone like the kind I mentioned is easier said than done but this message is for people struggling in their dating lives. It's not supposed to be hard. Dating is supposed to be a fun exciting experience that you share with people who feel for you the same way you feel about them.

 

Anyone else agree?

 

Think about why you refer to dating as a game. People learn from their mistakes. This site is for venting and entertainment that comes from that venting. Don't get to frustrated. No such thing as wasted time.

[MrCastle]

Too bad it's not easy to find somebody who is highly interested in you. If it were easy, nobody would have trouble.

 

I readily admit that, but a couple of things:

 

-improve yourself in all facets

-expand your social circle

-cut out people that piss you off

 

The last point being the focus of this thread. Look, I've had times, not long ago, where I had no women on the horizon. It was by choice, (I rejected offers to be a woman's friend) but nonetheless, I was womanless. I prefered being womanless and headache free than sitting by a phone waiting for a text, or other sad garbage. I demand a certain level of interest now and if they don't follow it, they get dropped. This has trimmed the fat off my dating life and now I only deal with women who put as much into it as I do.

 

There are several steps that need completion to get to that point (as I mentioned, self improvement and expanding socially) once those things are met, the only people from the opposite sex you should be talking to are people who bring you moments of happiness, not frustration. None of this friendzone garbage, no wondering why they haven't called, **** them. You obviously mean nothing to them so return their feelings in kind, and focus on the ones who like you for you.

[MrCastle]

I just looked up dating on wikipedia and no where was the word fun mentioned... I did a search. Function of reproduction was my first hit searching for fun.

 

Sex is fun. Looking at a sexy girl and being seen with her out in public certainly can be fun.

 

 

 

She has to learn that for herself. Also she may be part of the problem if she thinks like this.

 

 

 

This and the example above is a big part of what LS is about. Also shows like Dr. Phil and Oprah.

 

Now for the example with the guy who's girl just wants to be friends he should take a crack at her. The sooner the better. It's lame to tell a girl how you feel. better her show her by making a bold move. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Also of course he shouldn't settle for friendship if its making him unhappy.

 

It seems like almost every dating thread is someone asking why men or women do certain things. To me it's all very simple--low interest. Time and time again, I keep arriving at that answer. I think most peoples' dating woes stem from emotionally investing in people that have no interest or low interest.

 

 

 

Well a lot of people don't even have the confidence to be themselves. Also I disagree with "there are no games." Even if you're some ones type you still need to mind your manners. I see no reason to be just calling some one twice in one day unless that's just something you need to do as a person. Obviously once the relationship is 2 months in or what ever call away, but their are some games to be played. A chase if you will.

 

 

 

Think about why you refer to dating as a game. People learn from their mistakes. This site is for venting and entertainment that comes from that venting. Don't get to frustrated. No such thing as wasted time.

 

I do agree this site is for venting but some people vent without changing their dating formula. It's one thing to come on here and bitch about how bad a date went or other frustrating moments, and then soak up some of the advice given to you, take an introspective look at the situation and figure out how you can improve things, and it's another to just bitch and bitch and not change your life.

 

Some people are struggling because they just can't come to terms with the fact someone doesn't like them. I still stand by what I said in terms of game playing. If you feel you have to gameplan every move you make, then it's just not going to work out in my opinion.

 

Dating is not as difficult as people on here make it seem. You find someone who's into you, you take them out to nice places, have sex, and keep a steady flow of communication between you when you're not together. If you're finding difficulty in any of that, the person isn't for you.

 

Dating is communication, sex, and hanging out. If the person sucks at responding to your messages, gives you reasons why they can't hang out or sleep with you, you don't need to be talking to them.

[Under The Radar]

I was just thinking about this today. Recently I've had to drop a few women out of my life because I wasn't getting the feedback I felt I should have gotten. There are a few other girls showing interest in me who have made my job very easy. It flows very smoothly. They'll text me, or I'll text them, whatever, it doesn't matter. They can send several texts in a row without worrying that they're coming across as needy, and vice versa. It then dawned on me that this dating thing is supposed to be fun, and easy, not difficult and rage inducing.

 

My guess is the reason people are having problems is because they're putting focus on the wrong people.

 

"He didn't call me. I texted him three times, ugh, this sucks! Why do guys have to be like this!"--It's because he doesn't like you, move on. Not all guys are like this, uninterested ones are. Cut him loose.

 

"She said she only wants to be friends for now. Should I tell her how I really feel?" -No. She doesn't like you. If she did, she would want to be in a relationship with you. Don't give her the satisfaction of being her friend.

 

It seems like almost every dating thread is someone asking why men or women do certain things. To me it's all very simple--low interest. Time and time again, I keep arriving at that answer. I think most peoples' dating woes stem from emotionally investing in people that have no interest or low interest.

 

When you're dating someone who likes you for you, there are no games. There isn't "well I texted him first last time, so now I'm gonna wait for his text." There's no "Damn, I called her twice in one day. She must think I'm a needy loser." It's two people enjoying each other's company. Doesn't matter who contacts who first or how often, no one comes up with lame excuses not to meet up. It runs very smoothly.

 

If people cut their losses a lot earlier than they do, there would be much less heartache, bitterness, and resentment going around.

 

I really do believe any sign of resistance is a sign that it's not meant to be. If you feel you have to tiptoe around him/her because any wrong step and they'll send you packing, they are not truly into you. You should be able to feel comfortable around them and not worry about how you're being perceived.

 

If he didn't call, he's not going to call. If she flaked, she's not interested in meeting you. Cut these people loose and start trying to find people who show a genuine interest in you.

 

I know we often refer to dating as a game (myself included) and finding someone like the kind I mentioned is easier said than done but this message is for people struggling in their dating lives. It's not supposed to be hard. Dating is supposed to be a fun exciting experience that you share with people who feel for you the same way you feel about them.

 

Anyone else agree?

 

 

Great post dude; I feel like we should all print this one out and put it on our refrigerators. It really is common sense, but sometimes we all need that reminder.

[MrCastle]

Great post dude; I feel like we should all print this one out and put it on our refrigerators. It really is common sense, but sometimes we all need that reminder.

 

Thanks, I agree, it's something obvious but something people overlook. Like I said, it just dawned on me recently as well. I had an "Aha!" moment a few hours ago where I was frustrated over something this woman did and I said "haha wait, why do I care? Clearly her actions show she is not worthy of my time, because if she really did care for me she wouldn't have acted this way. Next!"

 

I then texted a different girl I'm talking to and she was very receptive and happy to hear from me.

 

Yes, I had to admit that girl #1 wasn't into me, but not everyone in life is going to like you. It's her loss. I'm certain she doesn't spend time thinking about me so why should I give her any thought? Why give her that power?

[Under The Radar]

Now, when are you going to start that long needed thread on avoiding Scorpio Women ?

[Lonely Ronin]

Dating isn't hard, finding people date that you mutally click with in several ways is.

[MrCastle]

Dating isn't hard, finding people date that you mutally click with in several ways is.

 

True. But wouldn't you say that task could be easier when you cut people out of your life? I mean if you're emotionally invested in one person, thinking if you just keep at it, they'll come around, you could be potentially missing out on other people. You shouldn't have to force attraction.

 

Long term effects are, you fall for the wrong people enough times, it hardens you, and makes it harder for you to find love.

[Nightsky]

I do agree this site is for venting but some people vent without changing their dating formula. It's one thing to come on here and bitch about how bad a date went or other frustrating moments, and then soak up some of the advice given to you, take an introspective look at the situation and figure out how you can improve things, and it's another to just bitch and bitch and not change your life.

 

Experience has taught me some people never change. Others like myself stay the same but than like magic change.

 

The trick is you have to take your own advice and play the game here the way you want it to be played. Not get frustrated by the predictable people and there predictable problems.

 

Some people are struggling because they just can't come to terms with the fact someone doesn't like them. I still stand by what I said in terms of game playing. If you feel you have to gameplan every move you make' date=' then it's just not going to work out in my opinion. [/quote']

 

For me it's about being confident enough to just know when it's not worth it instead of asking for advice. It's not worth it when I think it's not worth it.

 

Dating is not as difficult as people on here make it seem. You find someone who's into you' date=' you take them out to nice places, have sex, and keep a steady flow of communication between you when you're not together. If you're finding difficulty in any of that, the person isn't for you.[/quote']

 

I don't know what you're talking about but you may be oversimplifying. I mean it's an emotional thing some times. I can remember feeling very sad when I was 22 about it just not working out with this girl who was playing tons of games with me. Yes, with hind sight being 20/20 she wasn't for me, but I'm still glad I had sex with her! Also it was learning experience.

 

Dating is communication' date=' sex, and hanging out. If the person sucks at responding to your messages, gives you reasons why they can't hang out or sleep with you, you don't need to be talking to them. [/quote']

 

"sucks" is an opinion. What one person considers good responses another may not. I think you're trying to over simplify. Also you're not going help anybody by being this frustrated. Bottom line it can be very simple, or it can be the most complicated thing ever. When you really like some one the rules go out the window.

[Under The Radar]

Dating isn't hard, finding people date that you mutally click with in several ways is.

 

Exactly - I was discussing this in another thread a few days ago. Another poster mentioned how a lot of people seem to "fall" into relationships quite easily while many of us remain single. The implication was that those of us who are single are somehow viewed as "defective" or "weird" by society.

 

The reality is that getting into relationships for many of us isn't hard at all. The difficulty is in finding a compatible partner that yields sustainable happiness without the toxicity so many people posting on this board (or IRL) experience.

[MrCastle]

Experience has taught me some people never change. Others like myself stay the same but than like magic change.

 

The trick is you have to take your own advice and play the game here the way you want it to be played. Not get frustrated by the predictable people and there predictable problems.

 

 

 

For me it's about being confident enough to just know when it's not worth it instead of asking for advice. It's not worth it when I think it's not worth it.

 

 

 

I don't know what you're talking about but you may be oversimplifying. I mean it's an emotional thing some times. I can remember feeling very sad when I was 22 about it just not working out with this girl who was playing tons of games with me. Yes, with hind sight being 20/20 she wasn't for me, but I'm still glad I had sex with her! Also it was learning experience.

 

 

 

"sucks" is an opinion. What one person considers good responses another may not. I think you're trying to over simplify. Also you're not going help anybody by being this frustrated. Bottom line it can be very simple, or it can be the most complicated thing ever. When you really like some one the rules go out the window.

 

I don't know. If I had to choose between over simplifying and over complicating I'd rather go simple. No one I know who complicates dating actually dates successfully. The ones who are successful are the ones who don't care. Who just let things happen. Maybe there is a grey area somewhere but I think people who are over complicating things would do themselves a world of good if they just eliminated the people that don't provide them with what they're looking for, as opposed to torturing themselves over it.

[Lonely Ronin]

True. But wouldn't you say that task could be easier when you cut people out of your life? I mean if you're emotionally invested in one person, thinking if you just keep at it, they'll come around, you could be potentially missing out on other people. You shouldn't have to force attraction.

 

At my age this doesn't really happen, people are who they are going to be by now, so waiting for them to come around is a waste of time. But I agree forcing something is never a good idea. That's why no matter how many times my friends tell me to cold approach, i won't do it. It's forced, and puts me in a competitive anti fail mode from the beginning. if I see a woman I'm attracted to, and an opportunity to interact with her presents itself I will, if it doesn't I wont.

Edited November 30, 2012 by Lonely Ronin

[Nightsky]

I don't know. If I had to choose between over simplifying and over complicating I'd rather go simple. No one I know who complicates dating actually dates successfully. The ones who are successful are the ones who don't care. Who just let things happen. Maybe there is a grey area somewhere but I think people who are over complicating things would do themselves a world of good if they just eliminated the people that don't provide them with what they're looking for, as opposed to torturing themselves over it.

 

Yes, and part of not caring is not being afraid, as in not afraid to get DIRTY!

 

This idea that everything must be simple and fit perfectly isn't my style. Easy isn't my style. I like a challenge in life.

[MrCastle]

Yes, and part of not caring is not being afraid, as in not afraid to get DIRTY!

 

This idea that everything must be simple and fit perfectly isn't my style. Easy isn't my style. I like a challenge in life.

 

The connection has to feel seemless and easy. I don't mind teasing so long as it leads to somewhere.

 

Teasing:

You: *Getting hot and heavy with a girl and reach for her private parts*

Her: "Not so fast baby, be patient :p"

 

(Few days or a week later = sex)

 

Not Teasing but something people perceive as teasing and waste their time

 

You: Hey did you get my text?

Her: Oh yeah I'm sorry, I was busy. Uh, I'm not sure about this weekend, I'll let you know.

You (in your head): Well played girl, well played! Let the timeless dance of love begin!

[Nightsky]

The connection has to feel seemless and easy. I don't mind teasing so long as it leads to somewhere.

 

Teasing:

You: *Getting hot and heavy with a girl and reach for her private parts*

Her: "Not so fast baby, be patient :p"

 

(Few days or a week later = sex)

 

Not Teasing but something people perceive as teasing and waste their time

 

You: Hey did you get my text?

Her: Oh yeah I'm sorry, I was busy. Uh, I'm not sure about this weekend, I'll let you know.

You (in your head): Well played girl, well played! Let the timeless dance of love begin!

 

It's all about dealing with reality. I know the way girls are, and that's because I've been through it.

 

Dating is what it is. No one ever said it was going to be easy. Although it certainly isn't a traumatic experience for me anymore. Though a relationship that makes it past the casual dating phase sure has the potential to rip my heart open if I've put my soul into a person. (figuratively speaking of course)

[MrCastle]

It's all about dealing with reality. I know the way girls are, and that's because I've been through it.

 

Dating is what it is. No one ever said it was going to be easy. Although it certainly isn't a traumatic experience for me anymore. Though a relationship that makes it past the casual dating phase sure has the potential to rip my heart open if I've put my soul into a person. (figuratively speaking of course)

 

Well when I say "dating" I mean going on different dates with different people. Relationships are totally different and extremely complicated. I'm talking about single people looking to have fun.

[kiss_andmakeup]

...

 

Anyone else agree?

 

Yep.

 

(10 characters)

[curlygirl40]

Great post Castle!!

 

I always have to keep this in the back of my mind as well. Well said.

 

In dating, I think people spend too much time trying to put a square peg in a round hole. (yes, I know how that sounds ) Instead, they should move on and concentrate their efforts elsewhere.

 

I think every woman should read 'He's just not that into you'. Weekly. Until it sinks in. Same premise.

 

There is a world of difference when you can tell, without a doubt, that someone is into you. You should focus on those people and drop the others. No good will come from hanging around where you're not wanted, and trying to get someone's attention if they are just giving you crumbs.

 

Have a great weekend.

[Mrlonelyone]

While I get where the OP is coming from I simply cannot agree with it. A relationship worth having is ultimately worth fighting for.

 

 

I'm glad my parents never read this sort of thing because if they did I would never have existed. They were in an on off, push pull back and forth break up make up relationship for nine years before they figured things out and finally got married.

 

It wasn't dear ol dad chasing a woman with low interest either. At one point he's supposed to have told my mother "Baby, I'll never give up cigarettes and I'll never give up white women!" He was superfly like that.

 

 

The OP's basic premise makes sense. If you don't get the sense that the other person is interested and enjoys your company. But even if that's basically true they won't enjoy your company all the time, and you won't always get along.

[fortyninethousand322]

The problem is that a whole lot of people have trouble telling the difference between genuine interest and "niceness". If you think somebody likes you but in point of fact they're just being nice and friendly, bad things can happen. And sometimes nice and friendly means using you for sex or money or entertainment.

 

So, it you go through life thinking that the girl who is actually being nice and friendly is interested in you (and I suppose vice-versa as well) you will have a hard time dating. Either you will continue to be burned or you will give up in frustration.

[Mrlonelyone]

The problem is that a whole lot of people have trouble telling the difference between genuine interest and "niceness". If you think somebody likes you but in point of fact they're just being nice and friendly, bad things can happen. And sometimes nice and friendly means using you for sex or money or entertainment.

 

So, it you go through life thinking that the girl who is actually being nice and friendly is interested in you (and I suppose vice-versa as well) you will have a hard time dating. Either you will continue to be burned or you will give up in frustration.

 

If someone uses you for sex, no matter what they may say at the end of the relationship, they were being more than nice.

[Bristolius]

While I get where the OP is coming from I simply cannot agree with it. A relationship worth having is ultimately worth fighting for.

 

 

I'm glad my parents never read this sort of thing because if they did I would never have existed. They were in an on off, push pull back and forth break up make up relationship for nine years before they figured things out and finally got married.

 

It wasn't dear ol dad chasing a woman with low interest either. At one point he's supposed to have told my mother "Baby, I'll never give up cigarettes and I'll never give up white women!" He was superfly like that.

 

 

The OP's basic premise makes sense. If you don't get the sense that the other person is interested and enjoys your company. But even if that's basically true they won't enjoy your company all the time, and you won't always get along.

 

Superfly can get away with that ****, but remember, Freddie's dead.