RedIvy Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Ooookay, so...here's how it is in a nutshell: my dating record is horrible. I keep landing these awful men. You know, the ones that think they're all high and mighty, the alpha male, the mysterious, the...well, the "a s s h o l e s " that us women tend to fall for. I'm going through a break up now, it sucks, but trust me, it was very necessary as he was yet again, another cold hearted S.O.B. I don't get it, I'm attracted to the wrong type of guy. And of course, when the thrill and excitement fade, my heart always gets broken. Something is seriously wrong here. So, here's where YOU come in. Giving the "nice guy" a chance. Can anyone tell me uplifting stories of experience relating to this? Perhaps what you went through and if the "nice guy" ended up blowing your mind and taking your breath away? I need some sort of advice because I'm starting to lose faith in love. How do I keep away from these jerks and let the good men come in?! Help! 1
aussietigerwolf Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I had your problem too but then I met this awesome nice guy (he's 5'7 btw) and he is the most perfect guy <3
threebyfate Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Are you confusing a domineering arse for a dominant male?
LostOne1 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 well you should be able to tell a nice guy from a jerk? I consider myself a nice guy.. probably why I don't get as many dates or girls treat me differently or are more friendly than wanting a relationship. I guess a nice guy is one that respects EVERYONE around you. If your out.. he isn't going to say how ugly the waitress is or make rude remarks. He's going to show respect for you and everyone else around. He's probably going to be some what shy, but open up once you get talking. He wants to listen more to you rather than talk over you or do all the talking himself. He's the guy that might not be the strongest or most good looking. But inside he has the best looking heart, mind and soul. It's just not shown, because he doesn't want to or needs to show himself off. It's all from respect. But I can see why some girls don't like nice guys as much. But to be honest.. I'm happy being how I am. Though I am working on some things myself.
CptSaveAho Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 (edited) Nice guys are emotionally boring though, why women would rather date a jerk/******* then one. Thats why the question is asked. Nice guys are just as bad as the jerk/******* too. The difference is the jerk screws over the girl while nice guys screw themselves over. This is something they can't change/attraction. The "game" is rigged against them(women) and nice guys Edited November 30, 2012 by CptSaveAho
somedude81 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Nice guys aren't as upfront exciting as the jerk guys. That makes them easily overlooked.
ReadMyThread Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Young, immature, and selfish girls date the *******s. They usually get hurt by this *******s in the end. Smart, caring, and successful WOMEN date the nice guys. Then it's the nice guy who usually gets hurt by the woman in the end because things get boring. Case closed. Relationships are stupid. People are never serious and If they, it eventually changes anyway and ends lol. It's stupid. If your a WOMAN and want to be treated like one, date a nice guy. If your GIRL who wants to be hurt and enjoy it, date a "*******". 1
CptSaveAho Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Young, immature, and selfish girls date the *******s. They usually get hurt by this *******s in the end. Smart, caring, and successful WOMEN date the nice guys. Then it's the nice guy who usually gets hurt by the woman in the end because things get boring. Case closed. Relationships are stupid. People are never serious and If they, it eventually changes anyway and ends lol. It's stupid. If your a WOMAN and want to be treated like one, date a MAN. If your GIRL who wants to be hurt and enjoy it, date a "*******". changed one word
ReadMyThread Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 changed one word Lol. There we go. Although these selfish immature girls replace even THAT word with a bitch or a pu***. It's such a sick game lol.
movingon12 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I'm married to a nice guy. He's absolutely wonderful. The first night I met him he went to the 7-11 and bought me a little bottle of water. When he brought it back to where I was sitting on the pavement, he broke the seal on it so I wouldn't have to struggle with it. I didn't ask him to, he didn't mention it, he just cracked the lid open and put it down next to me. I just sat there and thought 'who ARE you???' He still does it even now. When I was a teen/in my twenties I dated troubled guys. Always ended badly for one or other of us. But, without wanting to sound patronising, you do start to lose interest in that sort of thing as you get older. I don't know if it's biological clocks ticking or whatever, but you start to want the kind of guy who you can trust will look after you rather than the kind of guy who's going to make life exciting. So don't beat yourself up about still being attracted to the wrong sorts of guys - just make sure you don't marry one!
USMCHokie Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Young, immature, and selfish girls date the *******s. They usually get hurt by this *******s in the end. Smart, caring, and successful WOMEN date the nice guys. Then it's the nice guy who usually gets hurt by the woman in the end because things get boring. This sounds like the life cycle of your average woman. She spends her younger years being "immature and selfish," and it isn't until she's been burned a sufficient number of times that she becomes "smart." I'd be willing to bet the farm that more often than not, those women who preach from atop their ivory towers of glory, berating the "immature" women who chase after the *sshole clownshows, had once chased after the arseholes themselves. And those younger women who claim they were never immature, I simply refer to the Dunning-Kruger effect.
movingon12 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 This sounds like the life cycle of your average man. He spends his younger years being "immature and selfish," and it isn't until he's been burned a sufficient number of times that he becomes "smart." I'd be willing to bet the farm that more often than not, those men who preach from atop their ivory towers of glory, berating the "immature" men who chase after unavailable women had once chased after them themselves. And those younger men who claim they were never immature, I simply refer to the Dunning-Kruger effect. Changed a few words..
USMCHokie Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 When I was a teen/in my twenties I dated troubled guys. Always ended badly for one or other of us. But, without wanting to sound patronising, you do start to lose interest in that sort of thing as you get older. I don't know if it's biological clocks ticking or whatever, but you start to want the kind of guy who you can trust will look after you rather than the kind of guy who's going to make life exciting. So don't beat yourself up about still being attracted to the wrong sorts of guys - just make sure you don't marry one! This is unfortunate...I'm going to infer two things from the advice bolded above: (1) You likely won't be attracted to the man you marry, and (2) You will likely marry a guy who won't make your life exciting. It's these beliefs that draw women to the "exciting" arsehole, even when they're happily married to the "nice guy." They are socially conditioned to always WANT the arsehole but settle for the "nice guy."
movingon12 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 This is unfortunate...I'm going to infer two things from the advice bolded above: (1) You likely won't be attracted to the man you marry, and (2) You will likely marry a guy who won't make your life exciting. It's these beliefs that draw women to the "exciting" arsehole, even when they're happily married to the "nice guy." They are socially conditioned to always WANT the arsehole but settle for the "nice guy." 1) Wrong inference - of course you will be attracted to the man you marry, it's just the type of man you are attracted to changes over time. 2) True. For me. I don't want an 'exciting' relationship. Excitement implies unpredictability. I don't want an unpredictable partner anymore - you can't promise to spend your life with someone you can't rely on. But that that's not the same as saying I don't want fun or romance or any of those other good things. I do want those things and I have them. I haven't settled for anything, my husband is the most amazing man I've ever met and every day I'm grateful to be with him.
USMCHokie Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Changed a few words.. Men and women both enable the other's behavior. Women willingly condone (and encourage! ) such behavior from men because they have been conditioned to be attracted to such behavior. The PUA industry is so hated by women because it actually works... So women's attraction to these sorts of men enable and encourage men to become that arsehole and avoid being the "nice guy." On the other hand, men aspire to be that arsehole because it's what works. It's what women are attracted to. So when young women respond positively to being treated poorly, men can only infer that that's how women want to be treated. So it's a vicious cycle...chicken and the egg...
movingon12 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Men and women both enable the other's behavior. Women willingly condone (and encourage! ) such behavior from men because they have been conditioned to be attracted to such behavior. The PUA industry is so hated by women because it actually works... So women's attraction to these sorts of men enable and encourage men to become that arsehole and avoid being the "nice guy." On the other hand, men aspire to be that arsehole because it's what works. It's what women are attracted to. So when young women respond positively to being treated poorly, men can only infer that that's how women want to be treated. So it's a vicious cycle...chicken and the egg... I'm not sure I agree. Some women are attracted to cocky, unavailable, selfish jerks. Some men like to be cocky, unavailable, selfish jerks. But I think you're over-generalising. I have never dated or been interested in the kind of PUA you're referring to. And plenty of guys - including many on this website - have never been the kind of PUA you're referring to. Just because a man is not suitable as a long term partner doesn't automatically mean is he must be a PUA.
USMCHokie Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I haven't settled for anything, my husband is the most amazing man I've ever met and every day I'm grateful to be with him. Now the question remains, why doesn't the "amazing man" get a chance with you until now (or at least relatively later in your life)? In general, are "nice guys" destined to be attractive only to women who have had a line of arseholes run train on her...? Given that arseholes get first dibs on the younger women, you'd be hardpressed to find a man, when asked whether they'd rather be "nice" or be an arsehole, who picks the former...
movingon12 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 (edited) Well I'll say again, I never dated "arseholes" - but I dated troubled guys - drugs, depression, self-harm etc. Why? Probably because at that time I could relate to them. But I changed. Most people do. Maybe some younger women date selfish guys because they think that's the best they can get. Or maybe they think they will be the one to change them, they think 'with me it will be different'. Or maybe the 'nice guys' are too shy to approach them, or they send out mixed signals so the women aren't sure whether the nice guy is interested, or just being 'nice'. Maybe - as I've seen on here - nice guys are mistaking 'being nice' for being clingy, smothering and needy (which isn't attractive in either men OR women). It's a mistake to think that women enjoy being treated badly. They don't. But some will tolerate it because they either have been persuaded that they have done something to deserve it (which normally goes back to childhood issues), or because it's a price they are willing to pay to get the good times (and there are always good times - even with arseholes), or they think that this is normal male behaviour. Edited November 30, 2012 by movingon12
USMCHokie Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I'm not sure I agree. Some women are attracted to cocky, unavailable, selfish jerks. Some men like to be cocky, unavailable, selfish jerks. But I think you're over-generalising. I have never dated or been interested in the kind of PUA you're referring to. And plenty of guys - including many on this website - have never been the kind of PUA you're referring to. Just because a man is not suitable as a long term partner doesn't automatically mean is he must be a PUA. PUA is just an example of a marketed conceptualization of the kinds of traits that initially attract women. So perhaps I should have added "e,g,." prior to my statement on PUAs. And generalizations are inherently "over"-broad. They aren't absolute statements of fact. Just observations across a sample of a population.
movingon12 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I think the other thing I would add to all this, is that it does seem to be a misconception that it is just younger guys who are constantly out breaking hearts and playing games with naive young women. You only need to look through the threads on the site to see the number of men complaining about ex girlfriends who cheated/left then came back then cheated/left again. If those ex girlfriends were men and the heartbroken dumpees were women it would be cited as an example of typical male arsehole behaviour and weak willed women who put up with it. But it's not. I've got no data on this, obviously, but it may well be that younger men are just as likely to be attracted to selfish young women, and tolerate being treated badly as vice versa. But perhaps in society it's far less socially acceptable for a man to admit to it.
itsmyfault Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 This is quite an interesting subject. It was just the other week I was talking to a girl in a club, she'd approached me. We got talking and she asked what I do for a job I told her and she said "boring!!!" and made an excuse to leave. Now I don't think I'm boring, I do lots of stuff, I lead a busy life with lots of fun involved. The fact I was deemed boring because of my job amazed me. I guess because I didn't tick the (Footballer, Rich and Big House) category she lost interest. But then again I see it as a blessing, I don't want to be with someone like that. She would be in the "f**k em' and Chuck em'" category...
movingon12 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Ok, now I have to ask: what is your job? Maybe she was the kind of girl who was looking for money, or maybe she was looking for the kind of guy who says he's an intergalactic space cowboy rather than giving an honest answer....
itsmyfault Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Ok, now I have to ask: what is your job? Maybe she was the kind of girl who was looking for money, or maybe she was looking for the kind of guy who says he's an intergalactic space cowboy rather than giving an honest answer.... I work in Military Electronics, I don't find it boring, The money is good. One of my Mates tried to convince a couple of girls he was a dolphin trainer..
itsmyfault Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Did it work? I don't know, I forgot what he said now, I don't think so though. Might try telling someone I'm an intergalactic space cowboy tonight though. 1
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