presto86 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 My fiancee and I are on a break right now. Technically we aren't dating but neither of us are looking to date anyone else. She just wants time away to figure herself out and me to do the same. She wanted to get engaged like 6 months into dating and now she knows we rushed things. She is 21 and wants to experience the bar life. Im 23 and have growen out of that stage in my life. I know that there are guys out there that know about our situation. I know some were very jelious when we got engaged but now that we're not I'm worried they might go after her. Should I be worried if she is just going out with guys who are just her friends? If i know her as good as I do, she would not do anything like that. Me and her family would be very disapointed in her and I don't think I would want to get back together with her. But I know she has a good head on her shoulders, she just wants to be 21 and go out and have fun. So should I be worried that she might find someone better than me out there?
LostOne1 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 It's hard to say man. My ex told me the same crap about her having a guy friend. But I feel something might have gone on.. don't know for sure and probably will never know. But my ex talked a lot about her new guy friend all the time.
CptSaveAho Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 For those of you that do not understand the term break... its very simple... Its a way a person can continue to lie to themselves that the relationship is still ongoing when all the actions speak otherwise... I have never been in a relationship that had "breaks" they were either on, or off. If the other person was off, so was I.
Author presto86 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 So you think the relationship is a lost cause?
bitterruin Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 When I asked my ex for a break I honestly meant time apart from each other where we would try to fix our dependency issues. We said we wouldn't see other people and now he's with somebody else and said he won't take me back. I don't understand why you'd need a break to go to bars and party with your friends since it's something you can do even when in a relationship, the only boundaries are not hooking up with other people. Make sure you're very clear with her about where you are right now and make sure she's honest with you. If not be ready for a shock when she tells you this is now a permanent breakup.
Author presto86 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 She has told me a number of times she is not even thinking about being with anyone. Everything just came to a head with her being in nursing school and living away from home and a wedding. She said before she met me that she always wanted to get married young so while it was happening she freaked out and realized she wasn't ready. I told her why can't we go back to dating and i'll still let her go out. She said that if she is in a relationship she wants to be 100% committed to the relationship. So I'm hoping she just needs to get this out of her system and realize what she really had. Her family and my family hope the same because they saw how good we were for each other. We haven't talked to each other since Saturday night.
CptSaveAho Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I don't understand why you'd need a break to go to bars and party with your friends since it's something you can do even when in a relationship, the only boundaries are not hooking up with other people. Make sure you're very clear with her about where you are right now and make sure she's honest with you. If not be ready for a shock when she tells you this is now a permanent breakup. Dun Dun Dun... she wants more You can't cage a wild animal and tell them , oh i dont want you sleeping with other people. The smart thing to do is to just let her go spread her wings and fly away. Its her choice. Its also your choice if you want to be the collateral damage from staying in a relationship/break with a person who wants to spread their wings. I will tell you, seeing it, SUCKS. This is the problem and why people get "cheated on" they hold on to that hope of its not going to happen when deep down they all know its going to happen.
2sunny Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 A break to me is the same a breaking up! If you're not totally on - you have nothing. She wants to be single to "experience" stuff while you don't see it. Consider it over.
Author presto86 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 It just doesn't make sense, she wanted to be engaged and she said yes to marrying me. Just because a relationship has hard times you don't just bail on it and hope it just goes away. Her mom really thinks that things will work out. Her older sister did the same thing when she was 21 and she is happily married to the same guy.
2sunny Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 So - how do you think she figures SHE'S staying close, intimate and connected to you if she hasn't made effort to speak to you since sat?
CptSaveAho Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 (edited) I dont know a single 21 year old that knows what they want... if you ask them, they dont know what they want. Im not saying it wont work out in the end... The best way for it to succeed in your favor of it working out in the end.... is the push her away and let her go. She will respect you for it in the long term... you will be the one person that let her go while everyone else tries to grab on to her and hold her.... set yourself apart Deep down you know its over, otherwise you wouldnt have posted here Edited November 30, 2012 by CptSaveAho 1
ReadMyThread Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Lolllll oh boy, you got a heartbreak and WHOLE BUNCH of pain just waiting for you. I feel so sorry. Damn it makes me mad. She's isn't ready man. She is only 21. Hell that's the age your now able to go to bars! Thats obvisouly why she would want to do so but my point is this girl isn't ready for all that marriage and everything you want. She has no clue what she wants. These "breaks" aren't healthy in my opinion. She is obvisouly unsure if she wants to be with you and you derserve someone who WANTS to be with you. If its not that, then this break is because there is someone else she has her eye on. But either way... She's lost! Let her go. If its yours, it will come back.
Author presto86 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 Personally do I think it's over, no. I know her to good to know that she is going to go and hook up with someone because that was not how she was raised and I know she would never do that. But I am preparing myself if the time comes and she stright up tells me it is. It's so hard to lose feelings for a person you wanted to marry. On Saturday when we talked she told me she still loves me and she wished she wasn't so confusing and frustrating because she hates herself for it. Deep down I think she doesn't know what she wants and needs to grow up. Her family told me out of all the boy friends she's had I've treated her the best. But it's her that has to make the decison on if she wants to get back together or not.
Author presto86 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 Lolllll oh boy, you got a heartbreak and WHOLE BUNCH of pain just waiting for you. I feel so sorry. Damn it makes me mad. She's isn't ready man. She is only 21. Hell that's the age your now able to go to bars! Thats obvisouly why she would want to do so but my point is this girl isn't ready for all that marriage and everything you want. She has no clue what she wants. These "breaks" aren't healthy in my opinion. She is obvisouly unsure if she wants to be with you and you derserve someone who WANTS to be with you. If its not that, then this break is because there is someone else she has her eye on. But either way... She's lost! Let her go. If its yours, it will come back. I know there isn't anyone else becuase she comes home every weekend from school and is with her family and she is way to busy with school and work for anyone else if she can't have time for me.
movingon12 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 She's doing the right thing. You need to let her go and live life for a while. You also need to accept that she will meet and date other guys whilst she does it. If she just wanted to go to bars, she could go to bars with you. She doesn't want to go with you. She want's to be single...and meet other people. Having done this, and seen what the alternatives are, she may come back to you. And you'll need to decide whether you want to take her back, knowing she's dated other people. If you are absolutely certain that there is no way that you would take her back if she dates another, you may as well tell her this now and move on with your life.
ReadMyThread Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 She's doing the right thing. You need to let her go and live life for a while. You also need to accept that she will meet and date other guys whilst she does it. If she just wanted to go to bars, she could go to bars with you. She doesn't want to go with you. She want's to be single...and meet other people. Having done this, and seen what the alternatives are, she may come back to you. And you'll need to decide whether you want to take her back, knowing she's dated other people. If you are absolutely certain that there is no way that you would take her back if she dates another, you may as well tell her this now and move on with your life. See! Lol. This was perfectly said! Let her go bro. She's gone. Even if there wasn't another person NOW, soon there will be. Hence "the break"...
Author presto86 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 I'm glad you think this something funny. If you only knew what I am going through or how I feel. I can't just forget someone I intended on spending the rest of my life with.
mammasita Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 If all she wanted to do was go to bars and party, she could easily do that engaged to you. She's saying in a delicate way that she wants freedom to do as she pleases and wants nobody (I.e. you) to hold her accountable for her actions. I actually respect her honesty, kind of. She could have easily kept up the facade and cheated. I say kind of because she's keeping you on the back burner for when she's done sowing her wild oats. I agree with others in that you need to treat this as a break up. I know you love her and think you know her and feel she has a good head on her shoulders but her actions are saying otherwise. 1
Author presto86 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 I'm just scared to trust anyone else with my heart again. If this doesn't work out I don't think I will want to date anyone for a long time. I gave my heart to someone and they broke it.
mammasita Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I'm just scared to trust anyone else with my heart again. If this doesn't work out I don't think I will want to date anyone for a long time. I gave my heart to someone and they broke it. I'm gonna say the last thing I'm sure you want to hear right now. You're young. You have your whole life and the world ahead of you. It's ok to feel the way you are feeling right now. It will get better and you'll be stronger because of it. 1
Author presto86 Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 "If you love something, set it free; if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was." I saw this quote the other day and it really made me think. My friends keep telling me if it's meant to be then it's meant to be. Its just so hard to grasp that right now. I'm used to her being right by my side I lost my best friend and someone I knew was always going to be there for me.
ReadMyThread Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I'm glad you think this something funny. If you only knew what I am going through or how I feel. I can't just forget someone I intended on spending the rest of my life with. Lol!!! You want to know why I think it's all so funny man? Because I KNOW long from now, one day you will look back on this and laugh yourself! Not right now because it's all just happening and you can't believe it and your hurting, oh believe me I know. But soon you will be laughing about this. Let me explain why I find it funny and one day you will too... I'll use my story and relate it to yours... Me ex cheated on me and LEFT ME for the guy she cheated on me with. Hell, I wish my ex did what your (soon to be) ex did lol and broke up with me BEFORE she went and started hanging out with another guy behind my back and I had to find out. Lol. Oh when this happened and I found out, THE PAIN WAS TREMENDOUS!!! I felt like killing myself. I felt I wasn't good enough. I felt it was all my fault. I was at the lowest point in my life. This pain hurt worse than me losing my sister in a car accident about 6 months ago. Because you see just like you, I thought this girl was going to be the girl I thought I would spend the rest of my life with as well! We planned on the wedding, kids, picked out names, look at wedding dresses, about houses, future jobs, pets, cars, EVERYTHING. I wanted to marry her too and would have if I could. (we are teenagers, too young lol) But you know what!? That all happened about 3 months ago and now I'm laughing about it. You want to know why!? Because i picked my balls up and REALIZED EVERYTHING! Which is I KNOW there will be a day in the future where she gets hurt JUST LIKE SHE HURT ME and I KNOW she will look back and regret doing what she did to me as soon as she gets hurt like she did to me. She will get what she deserves one day. And that's what makes me laugh about it. She threw away someone who would NEVER hurt her in ANYWAY but now she is taking that risk by leaving me and WILL get hurt one day. Lol. You see? She threw away the best thing that happened to her! It's her loss!!! Lol. You getting where I'm going? I KNOW I derserve better and I KNOW she will get hurt by another guy in the future and will regret leaving me because I would have never hurt her in any way because I TRULY love her. She didn't truly love me and I got played. A part of the laughter I have is me laughing at myself for being played like a fool as well lol but it's more because of knowing she will soon be hurt by someone else. "Never feel sad over someone giving up on you because they gave up on someone who would never give up on them" The way I can relate this to your story is soon you'll be laughing too. Not now, I know it hurts. I was where you are now a while ago. The pain is still there and i still cry about it but I more laugh about what happen to me and everyone on here. Don't get me mistunderstood, I'm not laughing AT YOU. I'm laughing about what is happening and you will in time too. Long from now. You will look back on this day in 2 or 4 years and think "wow lol. What the hell was I thinking?" while you will currently be with the TRUE girl you want to spend your life with because it wasn't this girl. Obvisouly. Watch. Just think about it man, she threw away a guy who would NEVER hurt her and now she is going to go get hurt by another guy. ESPECIALLY if she meets him IN A BAR lol. Come on. So what? Your going to sit here and ask yourself "will she come back?" "will we be back together?" while you cry and suffer in all this pain HOPING she will GROW UP and realize what you two had while she is going to go to these bars while on a break with you and look for other guys? Lol. Or are you going to PICK YOUR BALLS UP and realize its over and laugh about how she will eventually get hurt and realized leaving you was a big mistake. Your A MAN! A man who would have NEVER hurt her. She WILL realize. When she grows up. Realize you derserve someone BETTER! Someone who would NEVER want to take "a break" with you. Someone who would want YOU and ONLY you. Think about it man. It's not that hard to put it together. Lol. But I'm sure your mind is running with A WHOLE BUNCH of stuff but I know you will be laughing someday in the future. I promise you. Besides what's more attractive? A guy who was cheated on and is laughing about it with a beautiful smile lol or a guy that got cheated on and is crying about it with tears everything and **** lol? Laughter brings a smile. Smiles bring happiness! Bang.
ReadMyThread Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 "If you love something, set it free; if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was." I saw this quote the other day and it really made me think. My friends keep telling me if it's meant to be then it's meant to be. Its just so hard to grasp that right now. I'm used to her being right by my side I lost my best friend and someone I knew was always going to be there for me. See. Look at it like that and let her go. And yes, I'd it was meant to be it, it's meant to be but don't hold onto that forever and wait. Ofcourse it's hard. Losing a love one is the hardest thing someone can go through. Woah woah woah. Someone you KNEW was always going to be there for you? I'm sorry but sadly it's someone you THOUGHT was going to always be there for you. She lied. You got this man!!! Your better than her and don't NEED her remember that. Think about before you met her, you weren't in this pain before you met her right? Well one day you'll be bak at that point and what she did will make you do much stronger. You were good without before you met her and you will be good without her in time. I know it. Stay strong!
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