sugarSpicy Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I'm heartbroken and need your thoughts on this emotionally unavailable man. Do you think there's still a chance? Could he still be interested? Have you ever fell of an unattainable man/woman, and what happened? Backdrop: Ben and I had this "unspoken" attraction to each other for two years but things never took off. Finally, things took off this August and he decided to fly from Europe to visit me. He is doing business there for a few months. I had just broke up with a pretty serious ex, and wouldn't have availed myself (emotionally) for anyone but him. Ben and I spent two days together. Hours of conversations went by in the blink of an eye. We made each other tick. Then, the unimaginable happened! I got a call from my ex while I was with Ben, picked up, felt incredibly guilty for moving on so quickly, and started balling! I know Ben was heartbroken from his last ex -- she cheated on him with her ex. So I couldn't tell him what happened. He completely bailed after this. He went back to Europe (temporary stationed there for business). I tried no-contact for a month, then broke it and reconnected with him. I pointed out how much he had hurt me from bailing, and that he was projecting his ex's issues onto me. I told him the truth, but didn't quite apologize. He realized he had issues, but was adamant it didn't matter because I was wrong. Postmortem: Another month went by with no contact. I broke the ice, and asked if we can be friends. We started IMing/emailing each other, although mostly from my initiation. At first, we'd banter and flirt nonchalantly. But something strange happened. He asked if I was dating people. He kept on repeating that he's coming back to NYC in January. I was supposed to go out of the country for three months in January, but plans are falling through. So I told him I may be tied down in NYC. He said, "oh, I'll tie you down." I said "oh you're a tease." Then he became uber serious and brought up our pitfall from August. Finally, I apologized about what happened -- I didn't realize how hurt I was about my ex. And I reassured him that he was not a rebound. He apologized too, and said, "keep in touch." It was strange. I broke the ice after this and pretended like nothing weird happened. But kept the communication really formal. Don't know what to make of it. I'm tired of holding the ball -- I feel like if I drop it, he won't pick it up. I'm the one making most of the effort by initiating conversations. I know it's hard that he's in Europe, and he's likely swimming in work there, but I don't know if he's genuinely interested. He's always been emotionally unavailable. Am I just a fool trying to attain the unattainable??
CptSaveAho Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Huh? You were emotionally unavailable to this guy. You treated him like a rebound and continue to treat him like a rebound. The good ole "lets be friends" line and avoid his serious attempts at asking you out. 1
jwhite Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I second captain. Tread carefully because he IS a rebound for you. I think you are now in the wrong section of the forum. You should find a way to bow out gracefully without hurting an already emotionally unstable person.
Author sugarSpicy Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 Sorry, I wasn't clear. The reason we never took off for two years is because he was emotionally unavailable. Then when things finally took off, he bailed on me on my birthday (which I didn't mention). All because I cried in front of him and couldn't tell him what happened?? That's just wrong. I didn't think he wants to be friends. I tried to re-initiate contact afterwards, and he was just...emotionally unavailable. He was kind of neglectful, to say the least. I didn't know how to reestablish contact besides to ask, "can we please be friends"
jwhite Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I'm heartbroken and need your thoughts on this emotionally unavailable man. Do you think there's still a chance? Could he still be interested? Have you ever fell of an unattainable man/woman, and what happened? Backdrop: Ben and I had this "unspoken" attraction to each other for two years but things never took off. Finally, things took off this August and he decided to fly from Europe to visit me. He is doing business there for a few months. I had just broke up with a pretty serious ex, and wouldn't have availed myself (emotionally) for anyone but him. Ben and I spent two days together. Hours of conversations went by in the blink of an eye. We made each other tick. Then, the unimaginable happened! I got a call from my ex while I was with Ben, picked up, felt incredibly guilty for moving on so quickly, and started balling! I know Ben was heartbroken from his last ex -- she cheated on him with her ex. So I couldn't tell him what happened. He completely bailed after this. He went back to Europe (temporary stationed there for business). I tried no-contact for a month, then broke it and reconnected with him. I pointed out how much he had hurt me from bailing, and that he was projecting his ex's issues onto me. I told him the truth, but didn't quite apologize. He realized he had issues, but was adamant it didn't matter because I was wrong. Postmortem: Another month went by with no contact. I broke the ice, and asked if we can be friends. We started IMing/emailing each other, although mostly from my initiation. At first, we'd banter and flirt nonchalantly. But something strange happened. He asked if I was dating people. He kept on repeating that he's coming back to NYC in January. I was supposed to go out of the country for three months in January, but plans are falling through. So I told him I may be tied down in NYC. He said, "oh, I'll tie you down." I said "oh you're a tease." Then he became uber serious and brought up our pitfall from August. Finally, I apologized about what happened -- I didn't realize how hurt I was about my ex. And I reassured him that he was not a rebound. He apologized too, and said, "keep in touch." It was strange. I broke the ice after this and pretended like nothing weird happened. But kept the communication really formal. Don't know what to make of it. I'm tired of holding the ball -- I feel like if I drop it, he won't pick it up. I'm the one making most of the effort by initiating conversations. I know it's hard that he's in Europe, and he's likely swimming in work there, but I don't know if he's genuinely interested. He's always been emotionally unavailable. Am I just a fool trying to attain the unattainable?? Some rebounds work great, if the person rebounding is really serious. You were clear all over the place. Tread carefully. This forum is full of people like him and I am one of them. Sounds to me like he realized what you were trying to do and has maybe experienced something similar before, so he is trying to avoid getting hurt...again
CptSaveAho Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 You aren't emotionally available... You were crying and didnt tell him why you were crying... Do you not see how this is emotionally unavailable? I would have left too. Im not trying to bash you but its the truth
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