temptedstars Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 First off I will tell you, this may help and this may not... To me it seems to have a bit of influence but it may not. I am a lesbian, as is my ex. Her parents have no knowledge of her being one... Nor does she want them to know. My ex and I broke up a little over 6 months ago. It was, yet wasn't expected. I knew she still cared for her ex, but I knew at the same time she was happy. We knew each other several months before we started dating, I wound up falling in love with her not knowing she was with someone, though I managed and we became practically best friends. I finally told her how I felt but she was not interested at the time, so I figured why not just show her how serious and how much I really did care. So I sent her a card for Valentines day (corny yes) but she gave in. She loved me as well, but she was just afraid of the complications, she didn't want to lose me. Of course I wanted to be with her extremely bad, so I told her if it ever got too hard we could take a break, that I would rather try than not to. We dated for a little over a month and broke up, though we still acted as if we were together, we got back together almost a week later. Then two months later she began to get distant, and I knew something was wrong... sadly enough her ex had came back into the picture. Her ex did not care for her, but that didn't keep her from caring, after all you cannot help who you love. It killed me to let her go, knowing that what she was going for was no good for her, and knowing her heart was being broke. Her telling me that she was sorry and that she just didn't love me as much as her ex. I knew it hurt her to say it, but we always agreed to be completely honest. We didn't talk for weeks. And then we realize we can't stay away from each other. We aren't back together. But I'm still always there for her as she is for me. I've been there to be the one for her to cry with when her ex told her she didn't love her nor wanted anything to do with her... It hurt her, and it hurt me as well. How could someone be so cold and indifferent? Not worried about hurting someone... I began to get fed up with hearing her talk about her ex 24/7, that she didn't realize she was the only one hurting, that despite it all, I cared, I loved her, but I wasn't good enough or what she wanted. Thats not the problem now, its how she acts, how she tells me when her and I get too close, that she loves me, that she misses being with me. And then days later, I care about you, but only as a friend. I tell her that she could fall in love with me all over again, but she says she can't and that she will not allow it... We argue more since we broke up, but never argued while we were together. We talk all the time, she flirts with me like always. She tells me things I shouldn't know. And she tells me things I feel as if she only does to make me jealous. My problem is, I don't know what to think. I don't know if she doesn't love me, or if perhaps she still does...
Toddbt12y1 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Confusing. It could be that her feelings for you are confusing to even her. Or that her feelings are all over the place, considering her past relationship, her feelings could be mixed up, jaded even. Or it could be a game(at worst case.) But an ex returning in someone's life always causes some tension or mixed emotion. Give it time...if not after a time you have decided to give her to realize you love and want to be with her...then it might not be ATM...maybe when ex is gone for good 1
NavyAirTraffic Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 that she loves me, that she misses being with me. And then days later, I care about you, but only as a friend. I tell her that she could fall in love with me all over again, but she says she can't and that she will not allow it... She tells me things I shouldn't know. And she tells me things I feel as if she only does to make me jealous. My problem is, I don't know what to think. I don't know if she doesn't love me, or if perhaps she still does... She is torturing you, YOU are allowing it. She doesn't deserve your love/time/effort. Do you really want to be with someone who has told you "I won't allow myself to fall in love with you" (i.e. you're not good enough for me)?
Author temptedstars Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 I "allow" it you could say because at the end of the day, I don't want to lose her completely from my life. I can cope with being just friends with her. It may not be what I particularly want, but I would rather have that than destroy everything that was ever there. After all, she is always there when I need her, she is there for me when my family isn't. And I love her, not just romantically, but as a friend and family as well. So it may torture me and not be exactly what I want. But you cannot have everything, and if you "can" be happy with part of the situation, then I suppose why not keep it like that?
Author temptedstars Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 Confusing. It could be that her feelings for you are confusing to even her. Or that her feelings are all over the place, considering her past relationship, her feelings could be mixed up, jaded even. Or it could be a game(at worst case.) But an ex returning in someone's life always causes some tension or mixed emotion. Give it time...if not after a time you have decided to give her to realize you love and want to be with her...then it might not be ATM...maybe when ex is gone for good Well I know that she has problems going for what she wants... She gets afraid and she pulls away, I know this. I know she is afraid of her how family will react and that in the end everything will just implode, and everything will be gone. I know her, almost too well. But what I don't understand is how now at her age she can still be doing this. I know that at this point in time, I'm not the most desirable person, I lost my job, I have tons of problems (who doesn't?), I dwell on the mistakes I made and that ultimately it was my fault. Then it comes to her teasing me about my age. Yes, I understand I am young, I know that well, but I never had the problem of deciding what I wanted, I never cared that my family would hate me in the end. I want to be me, and I want to be happy... She is almost 30, still living at home taking care of her parents, it runs her life. I know that her mom is sick... but she can't live her life for them, if she does, she throws away everything never giving herself a life and opportunity.
CptSaveAho Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 She is almost 30, still living at home taking care of her parents, it runs her life. I know that her mom is sick... but she can't live her life for them, if she does, she throws away everything never giving herself a life and opportunity. This isnt your choice to make for her, move on and quit acting ridiculous Why would she change if she can have her cake and eat it too, flirting with you and having an ex thats now her boyfriend. Its like winning the lottery twice with the same ticket.
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 She may sacrifice her happiness for her parents. Sounds like she loves them enough. In the end it will be her choice. She clearly has a lot going on in her life and much stress to overcome. Fears even. Stick around, help her if you like. See what happens.
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