BUBS Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I deleted my ex's facebook, tried my best to block him out of my life, and yet I find myself playing detective to see when he will ultimately reveal whomever it is he decided to date instead of me. What is that nonsense? I'm not sure if I'm just trying to see who he may be with so that I can force the bomb to explode all at once and then move on, if I'm afraid that I'll get better only to see him with someone else months from now and fall apart... but I'm ruining myself over it. I became absolutely convinced that he is seeing this girl (still haven't convinced myself otherwise) based on her putting up a photo on fb of her on my old porch... and then caved and sent the ex a text... "really, __ (insert slutty whores name here)?"... he replied "huh". So not only did I drive myself crazy but I broke my NC. I'm an idiot. Anyone else here finding themselves almost looking for the hurt or pain? Why is this happening?
NavyAirTraffic Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I'll give you hurt and pain if you want it.... I don't know how many ex's you've had, but I know 2 things: 1.) Maybe other than your most recent ex (still possible), 100% of your ex's have slept with someone else. Those are pretty high odds this one will too. 2.) 100% of your ex's are your ex's. Like this one, you might try to give it a second chance but ultimately, everyone you've ever broken up with you've stayed broken up with. Not trying to bash on you but, these are the realities you are going to face, I hope you prove me wrong (but you prob won't). "If I love someone, if I want to be with that person for the rest of my life, I WILL NOT ask for a break, to break up, to just be "single". I want to be with them and only them. I don't want to take the chance of losing them".
Author BUBS Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 Thanks for the response. I know it is inevitable, which is why I think I keep searching for it maybe to just get it over with, like ripping off a band-aid. You seem to have posted on this forum enough and I've checked your threads. I appreciate you taking the time out on both of the threads I finally mustered up the courage to post. I'm not stupid, I am aware that he will eventually replace me, and that if she looks just like me I'll probably go ballistic, or if she is the total opposite of me I will probably go ballistic. I understand that in all reality I'm setting myself up to fail by even trying to dig for answers about why I can't resist the urge to see who he could potentionally marry instead of me, or why Im wasting time over analyzing him tagging me in a photo... None of it makes sense to me as up until this all started to go to ****, I thought I was a seemingly rational human being, as I'm sure many of the people on this site have too. I guess I'm just a masochist.
jwhite Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Do you get sexually aroused by hurting yourself? That is the definition of masochist. Please please please, there is NO need to do this. Do NOT tell yourself that he is sleeping around, that may not even be the case. Going NC means BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK. Take your FB offline for a while. Block his number on your cell even if you have to pay for it. Delete his family and friends from your cell. Whatever it takes. The only time that this NC should be broken is when you feel indifferent torwards him. Then you wont even feel the pain. " May the bridges you burn light the way home". Work on you. Dig deep, dig hard, and you can change yourself. Go to the gym a lot. Shuffle and renew your wordrobe, but pick new items selectively...like your next man in 6 months or so:) 2
Toddbt12y1 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 Sweetie, the best thing for you might be to lay off fb for a while and block his number. This way you are not compelled to text or peak at his profile. I know how you feel...but trust me...the insanity it causes is not worth it. Better to not know somethings....if you looked and saw it was 'that girl's you would have been tornup. Do not self-hurt....I did it...and it sucks... Even if you look and see nothing, you will be tempted to look again. Block his profile or don't use FB for a while...number too...it's hard but the less you see or have options to think of him...the better you will be.. 1
Author BUBS Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 haha jwhite I was worried someone was going to bring up the masochist thing, the definition also entails any type of gratification (not just sexual) to self inflicted pain, but it isn't fitting being that I certainly find no joy in it, just seems to happen on its own. Thank you for the gnarly pep talk, I like the end about picking wisely! I know I need to completely cut it out. As I mentioned in a previous forum he has my dog and most of my things, he is 2000 miles away while I officially try to be anything but a zombie back at my grandmas house (where I cannot have my dog). The arrangement is that i get my things and dog when I find a place up here, but I've been stalling because I don't feel emotionally ready to see him again... I don't know if I ever will but I certainly dont want that bastard to get my dog and all my things along with what hes already taken from me... so I guess I'll have to man up soon huh?
Author BUBS Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 Todd- Thank you. I'm glad that I'm not the only one had or is having an issue with being tempted to know for sure. I am worried that if I block it out, and don't confront it head on that when the time comes where I have to see him again and I think I'm all healed I'll find out he has a girlfriend and break down or something crazy, I dunno, maybe I'm just making excuses... who the hell knows at this point lol.
Toddbt12y1 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 It will always blow to see the one whom hurt you. One day, yes, woman it up and don't let a fool take you for everything. you will make it, trust me. One day find a true caring man, even if you have to go through plenty of badones(hope the next one doesn't stop rockin' your world ever...be nice after this.) Take time. Don't let anyone tell you when you should be "ready(BTW)" that will be on your own time! Best of fortunes to you! /hug
Author BUBS Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 Thank you Todd!... I hope I am ready soon. I have been doing everything right, eating right, sleeping properly (for the most part), going to work, trying to make goals for myself... and none of it seems to be working yet. Sometimes I worry that I'll do all of these amazing things with my life, and still feel this pain and wont know what else I can do to possibly do to heal. I guess time will tell. In the mean time I'm grateful to all of you already.
Toddbt12y1 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 You know? The truth is I doubt anyone ever properly heals...especially if done wrong, in an R. You may not forget...but the pain will be replaced as you one day find someone better. I am glad to hear you are achieving much. That is better than most already. Keep at it. Become greater...living well is the best way after all
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