radchencko Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 What does it mean when she flirts with me most of the time, but then ignores me? What it she's just a flirt? By flirting, I mean hanging out often, buying me small things, holding my hand, making out, cuddling, making future plans. We get along great, but, after feeling something in my gut saying something was wrong (she being fairly distant lately) I asked her best friend if she was just being flirty or if there was something more. He said "she's being flirty in an almost 'more to it, she likes you' way but she is really up and down and flighty when it comes to this, generally meaning that she's not actually going to pursue something." It baffles me. We're going to an out of town concert tomorrow and staying the night at her grandparents....what should I do, and what's a good way to deal with rejection?
GirlontheLam Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 That's not exactly flirting. And she is also not giving off signals that it is a super casual relationship. You are staying the night at her grandparents........I assume you would meet them during this outing.
Author radchencko Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 In any other situation I'd agree that I'm just over thinking things. But she has said in the past how she's accidentally led guys on, and she's not averse to casual sex either. She likes to cuddle and meet people. Where for me, even small things, like holding hands, is a big deal for me, something I do deliberately. It's hard for me to predict her because, in that area, we're quite different. I'll be meeting her parents at the concert as well. And what her best friend/roommate said. It raises questions for me. But thank you for your answer =)
Ami1uwant Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 She is interested in you. She may be pulling away or getting distant from you because your body language is expresing the thoughts you are posting of unsure about this. 1
Divasu Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 I asked her best friend if she was just being flirty or if there was something more. He said "she's being flirty in an almost 'more to it, she likes you' way but she is really up and down and flighty when it comes to this, generally meaning that she's not actually going to pursue something." Sounds like her best friend is incorrect, based on this: By flirting, I mean hanging out often, buying me small things, holding my hand, making out, cuddling, making future plans. ^^The above sure sounds like pursuing to me. Not sure why you're baffled by it.
Author radchencko Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 I guess the main concern here is, (and of course, only she would know) is that she tends to do these things with other people and do it only on a friendship basis. The only way to be completely sure is by asking her, which I will very soon. But your comments are uplifting I have to say.
Divasu Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I guess the main concern here is, (and of course, only she would know) is that she tends to do these things with other people and do it only on a friendship basis. The only way to be completely sure is by asking her, which I will very soon. But your comments are uplifting I have to say. If she's being physically affectionate with you in a non platonic way, she's either attracted to you or, she's an idiot. I hope it's not the latter.
Author radchencko Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 She's just been quite distant lately, not texting me as much, and being less inclined to hang out (she never says no to hanging out, just lately not initiating them. Past few nights we were out with friends and she mostly kept to herself. This has really only been for the past three days, so I'm not sure if it's because she does not like me or if she is just tired.
Author radchencko Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 Update, for those interested. ha. Turns out my gut was right. I asked her, and she said "I like you, but I'm not ready for a relationship right now, maybe later" after our trip. Over the night we cuddled and I helped her with her fever, she told me multiple times how glad she was that I came with her, etc. Sigh. I'm not sure if she means what she says, literally, or just a polite way of declining me. I'm more bummed out than I should be. I was really starting to connect with and her, and it sucks that I'm going to have to start from absolute scratch again now that I'll have to meet someone else and do that whole thing again before dating someone. That'll take a while. Bleh.
Author radchencko Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 Turns out I was right. She just wants to be friends. A wee bit of a bummer I have to say.
Divasu Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 She's an idiot then, making out with her guy friends equals someone with issues.
Author radchencko Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 I think she was just conflicted. She said she wasn't ready for a relationship when I asked her about it, but that she does like me. She wasn't as flirty during the trip, and though we had some cute moments that don't really happen between just friends, she kept it mostly platonic.
Divasu Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Well then it sounds like she likes hanging out with you, being physically affectionate with but that's as far as it goes. She should know that "just friends" doesn't include romantic physical contact. It's up to you to put your foot down at this point. 1
todreaminblue Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I think she was just conflicted. She said she wasn't ready for a relationship when I asked her about it, but that she does like me. She wasn't as flirty during the trip, and though we had some cute moments that don't really happen between just friends, she kept it mostly platonic. If she was conflicted ....initiating physical contact wasnt fair.....i truly though by what you posted she was interested....i guess i am going what i would and wouldnt have done......intitiating physical contact to me is a way i show a guy i like him more than a friend.....i wouldnt hold hands with a guy i wasnt interested in..that includes male friends....hugging or cuddling male friends too....its more than a friendship thing in my opinion..deb
Author radchencko Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 I'll still be friends with her, but obviously I won't do anything that appears to be flirting. For me, holding hands and kissing are definite signs I like someone. I don't even like hugs from those who I'm not romantically interested in. But she's had casual sex and other flings before, so I suppose her moral compass is different. Really, really frustrating though. There was definitely a connection, and I that is something that does not happen often with me. The more time I spent with her, the more I liked her, despite my skepticism. Sigh. Gotta start from scratch with someone else I suppose. 1
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