Am I handling the situation at hand correctly?

[rmk232]

I'll attempt to not make this super long and drug out. I met my girlfriend about a year and a half ago, after we met we texted and met up a few times. Never like kissed we just kind of flirted. Well I found out she was talking to another guy and called her on it. She said sorry and understood if I didnt want to talk to her any longer. She choose to stop talking to him and pursue me. Considering I wasn't being an angel at the time myself, I went for it. I stopped my friends with benefit relationship to seriously pursue her. It was the best decision I ever made. The happiest beginning first months I have ever had in any of my relationships. Shes a Muslim so sex wasnt happening and I was alright and respected that. About 4 months in it happened and was her first time. All was well for a few months after. Then, around this time last year after she started college and her father returned from Saudi (obviously he doesnt approve of boyfriends as he grew up in Saudi) the honeymoon stage of dating ended and we had a few hiccups. Mind you her mother is white and she does approve of our relationship. Her father doesnt ignore me or not allow me in their home. I just am on my toes with respect as I should be. Returning to the point, I come from a family where we don't really talk about feelings too much. This upset her, obviously, I dont blame her. So instead of sharing that it was bothering her, one day 5 minutes after we had finished having sex. She broke up with me because of it. Told me I don't open up and she is only with me because she feels bad for me because my home life can be rough! I obviously was emotionally hurt by this, I mean why have sex with me! Why do this right after. She came back to me the next day quite upset and said she was sorry and she just hadnt explained her feeling either and finally she just exploded. We carried on just fine for some time after. Then around valentines day she was becoming distant. So when I finally called her on it for the 5th time or so. She broke up with me, ignored me and went to college frat parties while texting me the whole time. Mind you shes not the type to slut around. At all. But you never know. I have friends who were at the party that she didnt know. They said she just followed her friend around like a puppy the whole night. She then after that stayed with me, but wouldnt date me. She was friends with this Muslim kid at school who she explained to be sloppy and chunky. She was very rude to me at times during this period. We acted like we dated but we didnt. Finally her rude and mean comments got to me and I told her I cant be around her anymore. She replied, 'your breaking up with me?!' and I replied 'you won't even date me so, no'. On my drive home she called and called. I ignored and ignored. Eventually she begged and begged to let me show her and take her back, to date again. So I did. Now she is from Saudi and I have had guys from over there contact me saying they love her and they need her. She explained she didnt know them at first. Then said they just used to be friends. Then later explained she used to text them when she visited years ago and they can't let it go. It was fishy. Then randomly she had guys texting her when we would spend the night together asking 'can I call yet' with no message prior. I obviously thought she was cheating and called her on it. She promised that Saudi guys are just nuts and they still all have her number. So she changed her number to show me that this was true and she wasnt being unfaithful. So this Thanksgiving, just the other day. I got on her phone to change her background trying to be cute. The Muslim kid from college text her why I was on there. I look through the message. He told her he was gonna have to take her out to dinner. She responded with 'for sure!'. So I confronted her and she replied I wasnt going to I just thought he was being nice. Mind you she is really bad at saying no to people she does usually just agree in awkward situations and blow them off later. But still I voiced if she cant turn down dates I do not need to be with her. She apologized. We carried on. Come to find out with some facebook boredom I found this kid! He has pictures with them with their faces together smiling and goofy pictures as profile pictures form the time when she wouldnt date me and was mean to me. Yeah so at this point I really was hurt, I told her and pretty much said I was done. The pictures werent of them kissing or anything intimate. But they were touching faces, then again there were pictures like this all over this guys page with teachers etc so when she said they were just friends I guess I can buy that. But he isnt chunky or sloppy. Hes not super attractive but he is fashionable in the way he dresses. She goes to school for fashion and loves that type of stuff. I pretty much tell her I need a few days to think about things and that I'm upset. She shows up in my driveway crying saying she would give me the attention I deserve and that she knows she hasnt been doing a good job of it. So I comforted her and the next day we went back to normal. She was home for 8 hours, awake with no homework and could barely text me yet she had all the time to be goofy with her friends on instagram. THe texts to me were just not very excited and she didnt seem interested at all. So I said why cant you just give me attention. She blew up said leave her alone blah blah. I called her the next day (yesterday) after work and she said the same thing. I ext her last night apologizing for letting my insecurities get the best of me. She replied I just want to go to sleep. So I said okay Goodnight I love you. This morning I text her saying I would like to meet her in person to talk about this face to face since she broke up and said we were done the previous night. She said she needs time right now. I told her that I am not doing this again where she runs away from fixing things and she does whatever she wants for months because we will end up back in this same situation. She said she loves me and shes not done with me and that in Islam it says take 3 days to let things cool off. I told her I could respect that and I would let her be. This was just hours ago.

 

So what do I do know? Everything screams to try to talk to her but I know that wont help and probably will drive her away. Like I do love this girl. I know I am young and I can get over it. But I honestly dont think shes been unfaithful. I just think shes made bad decisions that make her look bad. Islam does state to take 3 days but NO longer so I guess I'll give it to that? Should I just not text her even after that and wait for her to contact me? Or contact her that date?

 

Her Birthday is also the 5th of December, Wednesday. Should I text her Happy Birthday that day if she doesnt contact me before that? We both have faults that need fixed for this relationship to succeed. But you don't divorce your spouse everytime you fight. I can respect a few days to cool off. But weeks and months I feel like I shouldn't stand for. If you love someone you want to be with them I believe. I mean I am mad and hurt by her but I love her and want to work to fix it with her. A lot of this is unknowns because it just all happened the past few days and she hasnt stated she wants this long break I fear and feel like I shouldnt stand for. Any advice how to handle this? I'm kind of flustered with all this currently.

Edited November 29, 2012 by rmk232

[NavyAirTraffic]

If you love someone you want to be with them

 

Your quote is all that matters. She's confused, and you don't waste energy on trying to convince/fix confused/broken people! Honestly this is what I'd say to her:

 

"You break up with me over and over again, you talk to other guys while with me, you go out with other guys while with me, and I understand. You're confused. You don't know what you want and that affects me, I'm in that equation. However I am not confused, I know I want you, and most of all I want someone that is not confused/so so about being with me. I want/deserve someone that is sure about me, loves me the way I love them"

 

She is either really confused about what she wants, or waiting for someone/something better to come along. If you have any self worth, you won't take her crap any longer.

 

-She wants space, give her all the space she's looking for.

-She's confused, let her emotionally torture someone else.

-She's looking for something/someone better, good luck, hope you find him.

[Chi townD]

Man, this is a hard one. She's good. But, one thing did catch my eye. When she recieved the text that was pretty much asking her if it was safe to call her. That tells me that she's hiding things from you. Therefore, you have the right to question her behaviors.

 

The one thing that I've noticed on these boards is that it's difficult as hell to date a Muslim if you're not Muslim yourself. I have a feeling that if her father had married a Saudi woman, you wouldn't even be dating her. But, he puts up with it or else he would be a hypocrit.

 

I think that she doesn't know what the hell she wants in life. But, I can say that she likes things the way that they are. She can still go out and party and have questionable relationships with other guys while she still has a boyfriend waiting in the wings. Best of both worlds for her. And she knows that all she has to do is turn on the water works and you bend.

 

I say give her all the space that she wants. I think you should just start to move on without her. Go no contact. She need to see what life without you is going to be like.

 

And next time. Break up your post into paragraphs, that was difficult as hell to read!

[rmk232]

Man, this is a hard one. She's good. But, one thing did catch my eye. When she recieved the text that was pretty much asking her if it was safe to call her. That tells me that she's hiding things from you. Therefore, you have the right to question her behaviors.

 

The one thing that I've noticed on these boards is that it's difficult as hell to date a Muslim if you're not Muslim yourself. I have a feeling that if her father had married a Saudi woman, you wouldn't even be dating her. But, he puts up with it or else he would be a hypocrit.

 

I think that she doesn't know what the hell she wants in life. But, I can say that she likes things the way that they are. She can still go out and party and have questionable relationships with other guys while she still has a boyfriend waiting in the wings. Best of both worlds for her. And she knows that all she has to do is turn on the water works and you bend.

 

I say give her all the space that she wants. I think you should just start to move on without her. Go no contact. She need to see what life without you is going to be like.

 

And next time. Break up your post into paragraphs, that was difficult as hell to read!

 

Haha sorry about it being one big blob. She doesn't go to parties, that was one time when we were broken up. She also doesn't go out on these dates she just doesn't say no when asked. Just clarifying so we get the right picture here.