Connections

[nama]

Hi guys,

 

Feb 2011 I was holidaying alone in India and on my last evening an enigmatic man sat down beside me. He himself a Mexican but living and working in Hong Kong was in India on business. I live in the UK.

 

We chatted for a couple of hours, deep conversations about life until his friend (business associate)joined us. I made my excuses and left - I needed to sleep, my flight was early morning and I felt umcomfortable with his friend being there. We exchanged emails. But nothing happened otherwise.

 

I was besotted. We kept in touch - friendly emails but he told me that he was bowled over by me. He asked me to visit and said that he would try to visit me in London. Emails fizzled out after 3 months. I got a happy new year email in 2012.

 

All of a sudden, last week he sent me an email telling me that he was coming to London for the weekend to visit his cousin and his father would be flying down too. Could he see me? I met up with him and had an amazing night with him, his cousin and father and his cousin's gf. Nothing happened - we flirted, touched etc. I implied (whilst drunk) that i was sort of seeing someone but that was just to protect myself - I didn't know what his intentions were. Looking back - they were honourable.

 

So he has left, I sent him a text before his flight telling him I really liked him and that I hoped i would see him again. He told me that he would maybe be coming in Jan and would let me know and would love for me to take him out.

 

He is 10 years older than me and now lives in China. I kept myself protected with him as my past dealings with men have been problematic. I had barriers up.

 

I haven't heard from him since last weekend and am not sure how I should proceed. I seem to be obsessing about him - I have never met a man like this. I am completely bowled over. Am I wasting my time chasing a connection with a man that I am very unlikely to ever see again??

Any advice - even 'get a grip' would be appreciated!!! Ha.

 

Thanks.

[Cutiepie1976]

Okay, exactly how do you see this working out if you pursue him???

 

Let's get practical. Are you planning to visit him on a fairly regular basis...say every two weeks or a month? (He obviously isn't making the effort, so this would be all on you!) Would you be open to moving to China, Singapore, or wherever he next lands a year or two from now?

 

If the answer to these is no, then you are simply angling to be his port of call and his good time Annie whenever he happens to be in London and wants to have "fun." Not sure why you would want to expend any effort to become some guy's future booty call.

 

FWIW, I dated a guy who lived in London for most of the first year of our relationship, and in Singapore for the second year. He then moved back to the US and was about 15 minutes from me. While he was on his work assignments overseas, he flew back to see me at least every other weekend, and we spent the whole weekend together (Thursday night to Sunday afternoon). He was also back for every American holiday. In addition, I saw him whenever I travelled on business anywhere near his city. (I travelled frequently myself.) So if I was in Belgium or France or wherever in Western Europe, I'd make a pitstop in London to spend the weekend on either side of the work week with him. Ditto when he was in Singapore. Flying around southeast Asia to see him was not as convenient, especially, when I was adding it to the long flight back to the US. It was also more inconvenient to Skype and communicate when he was in Asia because of the impractical time difference. Still we saw each other a fair amount despite the distance and spoke/Skyped every other day, in addition to daily e-mails.

 

Long distance relationships are tricky. They tend to work best when you have a plan to see each other in person semi-regularly and a clear plan for ending the long-distance aspect of it.

 

You met some charming Mexican expat on vacation. For all you know, he's married! What do you know about him exactly that you can actually verify. Personally, I think you need to drop the fantasy Of Mr. Mysterious and find someone local who is actually capable of being in a relationship with you.

Edited November 30, 2012 by Cutiepie1976