surfer67 Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 He technically isnt my boyfriend but we have always had an on and off thing together. Were exclusive and practically dating. Two days ago was my birthday but all he said was happy birthday in a text. I was kind of upset he didnt do anything else. I just wanna know that he cares and Im kind of mad. Should I be?
Arabella Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Well, he's not actually your boyfriend. He may have chosen to not do anything to avoid giving you the impression that you're in an actual relationship. 1
dasein Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Yeah, IMO you have a right to be annoyed. You have more than just a casual level of dating involvement, he knew when your birthday was and doesn't even take the time to call you? That's not a very thoughtful person, and IME this will translate into other areas.
grkBoy Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 He technically isnt my boyfriend but we have always had an on and off thing together. Were exclusive and practically dating. Two days ago was my birthday but all he said was happy birthday in a text. I was kind of upset he didnt do anything else. I just wanna know that he cares and Im kind of mad. Should I be? Technically isn't your boyfriend? Let's break it down...how much is he your boyfriend? Are you two DATING? or just hanging out as pals? Are you two being intimate? Like making out or sex? You claim you're exclusive...but are you really? Or did you two just start this exclusivity? Or he has no other available options right now? PLEASE don't think I'm being hateful or attacking you. I just want to dust away the amount of gray area you have here and get it down to brass tacks. To really quantify if he should have done something for you as a boyfriend, or if he's just some "buddy" who did what all your other friends did. Also...how old are you two?
Author surfer67 Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 We have been intimate, Im in college and I know for sure he has not and is not planning on hooking up with other girls. He wouldnt want me hooking up with anyone else either. Id say we are between good friends and dating, but closer to dating.
Treasa Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 It honestly sounds like he's using you. He gets sex and gets to string you along, but in reality you don't know what he's doing. Let him go. And not just because of the birthday thing. If you want to be with a guy, find a guy who wants to actually be in a relationship with you and will do more for your birthday. Also, happy belated birthday. Mine is in two days. 1
dasein Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 I wouldn't care who it was or what level of friendship, relationship FWB etc., if he had the time to text, he had the time to call.
salparadise Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Well then, it was pretty darn lousy of him to neglect you that way. Whether you should read something more into it, or understand that he wasn't obliged to make a big deal of it if you're not "dating" and not really bf/gf is up to you. All I can say is that it's not a good indication of future happiness.
Author surfer67 Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 But if he is stringing me along he wouldnt have gotten so upset when he found out I was hooking up with another guy while we were "off" or whatever you would call it. I said we could be friends during that time but he said he couldnt do that it would be too much for him to handle.
Treasa Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Don't confuse possession for love. He doesn't want you to find someone else. He doesn't want you, but doesn't want anyone else to have you. He's a loser. 1
salparadise Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 But if he is stringing me along he wouldnt have gotten so upset when he found out I was hooking up with another guy while we were "off" or whatever you would call it. I said we could be friends during that time but he said he couldnt do that it would be too much for him to handle. It's hard to get a good read on exactly how things are between you, what kind of understandings you have etc., and that makes it hare to give advice. But if you're saying that he wanted it to be exclusive (because of whatever), but that he's otherwise not acting like a boyfriend by not acknowledging your b-day and other things, and that he's stringing you along... my solution would be to give that selfish ba$tard his walking papers without even saying why, and don't look back.
rn0408 Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 He technically isnt my boyfriend but we have always had an on and off thing together. Were exclusive and practically dating. Two days ago was my birthday but all he said was happy birthday in a text. I was kind of upset he didnt do anything else. I just wanna know that he cares and Im kind of mad. Should I be? Cut him! I am really focused on my career and love life being single for a long time, but any girl I dated, I treated her like ROYALTY. Not taking you out is a deal breaker. 1
grkBoy Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 OK people...we're getting a bit harsh here without enough real solid info. surfer, did you celebrate his birthday when it came around? Did you do something for him the way you wanted him to do something for you? I'm mainly trying to establish if there is a precedent or not. Yes, you two are "hooking up", but it seems that you're not an established RL. This is a big reason why I hate hookup culture. I see too many instances of one side happy to just have the sex and fun, but the other wondering if and when it will become a full on relationship with things like the anniversary and birthdays. If you did make an effort for his birthday, and now he didn't for you, then I would have it out with him. Even tell him you can't do this "in between" or "no labels" thing. If you want him as your boyfriend, then corner him*into either saying "yes, let's try a relationship" or "no", and then you can walk away knowing where you stood. You younger folk need to stop having so much gray area. I made this mistake so many times in the past when women would give me some interest, but wouldn't nail anything down to black and white. Usually we would be playing in the gray area and then she suddenly rushes off into the arms of someone else (whom she immediately deems as "boyfriend"). Now I won't tolerate gray area. I ask a girl out, we make solid plans. If she gives me "maybe" or runaround, I walk...even if she's suddenly clamoring for me to give things a shot. We're dating and she's all flaky and can't figure out what she wants...I leave. I tell the same for women. No one should accept the gray area, and the more people stand for black and white, then the less people will try to expand that gray area.
carhill Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 OP, boyfriend/friend/FWB/dating partner.... there is interpersonal interaction and intimacy involved in varying levels. Neither he nor you are one of billions who don't matter. You each matter to the other in apparent ways. Birthdays are milestones. Two nights ago I went to a small dinner for my best friend's sister's birthday; she turned 63 and, after two bouts with brain cancer, she's a lucky gal to see another BD. We're not intimate; we don't 'hook up'; we're not 'dating'. She'll find a massage session with her masseuse paid for the next time she goes, without comment. In person, she got a hug and a 'I love you'. That's how interpersonal relationships work. Good luck. 2
yessy21 Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 It honestly sounds like he's using you. He gets sex and gets to string you along, but in reality you don't know what he's doing. Let him go. And not just because of the birthday thing. If you want to be with a guy, find a guy who wants to actually be in a relationship with you and will do more for your birthday. Also, happy belated birthday. Mine is in two days. i agree. he doesnt see u as anything special but a piece of A**. sorry but even if you think he realllyyy likes u.. chances are he likesss banging u.
Quiet Storm Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 But if he is stringing me along he wouldnt have gotten so upset when he found out I was hooking up with another guy while we were "off" or whatever you would call it. I said we could be friends during that time but he said he couldnt do that it would be too much for him to handle. No, that's not the way it works. It doesn't mean anything except that he views you in a possessive way (like an object) and doesn't like other men playing with his toys. You deserve better. Read over on the OW board. Most of the "other women" have married boyfriends that want them to be faithful, regardless of the fact that they go home to their wives at night. Their jealously doesn't mean that want to be with their other woman in a real relationship, it just means he doesn't want to share! The same dynamic applies here. Men like this are takers. They will happily enjoy whatever you are willing to give, for as long as you are willing to give it. If he wanted to be in a relationship, he would have asked you to be his girlfriend. The thought of you being with other men makes him uncomfortable, but not enough for him to commit to you. It sounds like he either doesn't want a relationship with anyone, or he is holding out for "the one" while you meet his sexual & emotional needs. He is getting the benefits of relationship, sex and companionship, without any of the responsibility or the expectations. This doesn't mean he doesn't like you or is faking his affection & interactions with you. He can love you as a person and a friend, but still not want a relationship. If you do want a real, mutually committed relationship, you aren't going to find it with this guy. IMO, he just doesn't see you like that.
veggirl Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Why do you call him your boyfriend if he indeed is not your boyfriend? Hello? I agree that he did not get you something /celebrate because: a- he doesn't care that much and, b- he doesn't want you to get the wrong idea about your "relationship" why don't you find a guy who actually wants to be your boyfriend? how long are you willing to do this stupid dance with him for? don't you WANT committment? 1
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