thembones Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 I am on a dating site and there is one particular woman that is really great and we have a lot in common. Like everything. We both live in the same city and it is a pretty small city. I don't want to blow this chance by sending a stupid message. I have never done the dating site scene and just was wondering what I should say. I have sent a few messages to others but never really got responses. Basically I was hoping for a woman's perspective on what they would want to hear or what would get them to at least read my message and think about it. I know she and others are getting 100's of messages a day and have many choices. I just want to stick out a little bit. Thanks in advance!
dasein Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Well, try not to make an email listing out all the things you have in common. Two paragraphs, three main points, one joke. One email I had some success with later in doing OLD was to simply ask out via the first email for a first date. "Hi, I'm (first name). I'm going to see/do X next week and you seem like someone who might enjoy that. Want to go?" It needs to be something pretty cool that isn't always available to do, like a specific band, act, exhibit or event, something you are pretty sure she would want to do. It short circuits the normal process, and I had good results with it. Trying to get a response from a particular woman OLD is low odds no matter the approach, especially if she hasn't been logged in on the site very recently. Worth a try though, no matter what approach you try. Good luck.
Trixis4kidz Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Well, try not to make an email listing out all the things you have in common. Two paragraphs, three main points, one joke. One email I had some success with later in doing OLD was to simply ask out via the first email for a first date. "Hi, I'm (first name). I'm going to see/do X next week and you seem like someone who might enjoy that. Want to go?" It needs to be something pretty cool that isn't always available to do, like a specific band, act, exhibit or event, something you are pretty sure she would want to do. It short circuits the normal process, and I had good results with it. Trying to get a response from a particular woman OLD is low odds no matter the approach, especially if she hasn't been logged in on the site very recently. Worth a try though, no matter what approach you try. Good luck. The last thing you want to do is ask her out immediately. She doesn't know you, let alone she may not even like you, just because you have some things in common. The ONLY approach here is to introduce yourself, comment on some of the things that you both have in common, and ask her an open ended question regarding some of those things that you have in common. Leave it at that, if she's remotely interested - she'll respond. 1
mammasita Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Have you contacted her already? If this is a first message.....keep it short and simple. I used to HATE getting paragraphs and wouldn't even read through it all anyway based on whether I liked the way the guy looked or not. That said, say something like "Looks like we have alot in common...." then ask a question about something you noticed on her profile..... "how many <pets> do you have?" "I've always wanted to travel to <location>, how long were you there?" Whatever you do, don't say "would you like to talk?" "would you like to chat with me?".....its annoying. Thats just me though. 1
DC4 Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Here are the things the two guys did that really caught my attention and lead to great dates: 1st guy: Wrote a brief note which made it quite obvious he read my profile. Nothing about it felt like a canned response-which A LOT of guys seem to do. hate those. Didn't mention getting lost in my eyes or any other silly crap like that-again which a lot of people do. We've been hanging out since this summer. 2nd guy: Broke a rule posted here. He noticed I really like live music. He told me he had tickets to a show, noticed I like going to shows and asked if I'd like to go. He invited me for coffee first to see if we hit it off enough to sit through a concert together. We did, we went, and we've been dating for a month now.
GirlontheLam Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Send a note. Make it clear you read her profile. And ask her a question related to her interests. You passed her the ball at this point. If there is no evidence you read my profile, then I don't bother to respond 90% of the time.
fortyninethousand322 Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Word to the wise, don't get your hopes up just because she's from the same city as you and you guys have a lot in common. I can't tell you how many times I've emailed women on dating sites under the same circumstances and didn't get a response or got a lame "not interested" response. 1
jakoye Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Definitely follow the KISS principle: Keep It Short, Stupid! If she's interested, she'll get back to you.
Ami1uwant Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Im a guy...so you can take this with a grain of salt. Im assuming you are using a site like MAtch or OK Cupid where you need to do an intro email. rules: 1. show you read her profile 2. get away from generic sayings or cliches. You dont want this to come off as a form letter. 3. keep it short...maybe 2 paragraphs. 4. Dont come out in first message about asking her to go out on a date...too risky....some are turned off by being too forward. 5. Don't have your hopes all up as if she is the one.
Author thembones Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 Thanks for all of the responses. I have read her profile and we do have pretty much everything in common, but I am not thinking she is my soul mate out of the gate. I have been out of the game too long and never done this online dating thing. I really appreciate the responses as they have given me better direction!
Michal2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 If you know every thing about that women that why are you so scared about this. Go and make her your.
Silly_Girl Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 My fiancé took this approach: "Hi, I like your profile and it seems as though we like a lot of the same things. I wondered whether you'd like to meet for a drink?" I said yes I would and it took a week or so to set up during which time we did some basic superficial, friendly texting and one quick phone call to make arrangements. Was all easy from there. Please don't over-think it. Just have a little confidence and go for what you want.
phineas Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 I have to say that every woman I've met off OLD just looked at my picture & gave no indication they had even read my profile or they had read it & were testing me to see if I told the truth on it because they asked me questions about things that were already on my profile.
rocketman122 Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 I am on a dating site and there is one particular woman that is really great and we have a lot in common. Like everything. We both live in the same city and it is a pretty small city. I don't want to blow this chance by sending a stupid message. I have never done the dating site scene and just was wondering what I should say. I have sent a few messages to others but never really got responses. Basically I was hoping for a woman's perspective on what they would want to hear or what would get them to at least read my message and think about it. I know she and others are getting 100's of messages a day and have many choices. I just want to stick out a little bit. Thanks in advance! you assume too much. youre putting this puessy on a pedestal. she's not the greek goddess pussaliya. hold your horses. what they would want to hear? what you say to her should be sincere and genuine and from you. if youre asking for help from others for a message, then what will you do on a date? maybe i'll come and hide in the bushes and will advise you through hidden ear headphones. why no one has any creativity these days, I dont know.
Under The Radar Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 you assume too much. youre putting this puessy on a pedestal. she's not the greek goddess pussaliya. hold your horses. what they would want to hear? what you say to her should be sincere and genuine and from you. if youre asking for help from others for a message, then what will you do on a date? maybe i'll come and hide in the bushes and will advise you through hidden ear headphones. why no one has any creativity these days, I dont know. Wait a minute, there's a Greek Goddess named Pussaliya? Seems my grade school teachers seriously dropped the ball on my education. I mean, you're giving me a lot to process here and I JUST woke up on a beautiful Saturday morning. Ok, *DEEP BREATH*, I better do some research on google before I make my breakfast. For instance, does she hang out with Aphrodite? And, what does Zeus think about all this craziness going on atop Mount Olympus? My, oh my, decisions, decisions, decisions ...... All joking aside, there is some truth to this post. Just be yourself and keep your options open. OLD definitely takes thicker skin than IRL. BTW, Rocket122, how much do you charge for the earphones in the bushes service? Seriously, your post had me cracking up (in a good way) for a solid minute - thanks for that :lmao:.
SJC2008 Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Mention something you read about her, keep it short, introductory. Some women say they want in depth emails but with the rejection rate it's not worth it. For the most part if they find you attractive they'll respond to most anything.
rocketman122 Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Wait a minute, there's a Greek Goddess named Pussaliya? Seems my grade school teachers seriously dropped the ball on my education. I mean, you're giving me a lot to process here and I JUST woke up on a beautiful Saturday morning. Ok, *DEEP BREATH*, I better do some research on google before I make my breakfast. For instance, does she hang out with Aphrodite? And, what does Zeus think about all this craziness going on atop Mount Olympus? My, oh my, decisions, decisions, decisions ...... All joking aside, there is some truth to this post. Just be yourself and keep your options open. OLD definitely takes thicker skin than IRL. BTW, Rocket122, how much do you charge for the earphones in the bushes service? Seriously, your post had me cracking up (in a good way) for a solid minute - thanks for that :lmao:. I cant take credit. I took the Pussaliya comment from 40YO virgin. glad you liked it though. from what I know she hangs out with venus and aphrodite and Thor comes in with his hammer and takes care of business. haha. OP- be genuine and sincere if she's not into you then try again. sometimes people who havent dated for a while seem to fantasize about woman and they build up this image in their minds. they put them on pedestals. you seem a bit timid and lacking a bit in confidence. its ok. it will happen to many of us because we havent dated for a while. but it will show and your lack of self esteem/confidence will not work well on a date. it happened to me in the first 2 dates I had. I was so nervous, I couldnt look them in the eyes when speaking. some will say aww, he's nervous, how cute but most will be turned off by that and it will look weak in their eyes. im not saying you have to act like a player/PUA. go in with a mindset that you want this to happen and thats it, done. be strong, charismatic, be fun, have the conversation flowing, but be confident in your own abilities to take something you want. dont reply on others to tell you what to say. believe in yourself. also dress nice and impeccable hygiene is important. bring a rose. that always impressed woman I went to dates with. and be a gentleman. notice Im talking about the date and not the message to send her because when I want something, I make it happen. do the same.
Author thembones Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 Thanks again for the replies. I am not worried about the date. I am very confident in that aspect. It is that fact that attractive women are getting 100's of messages per day on some of these dating sites. I just wanted to be able to stick out a little bit from the crowd and not mess up a chance to actually meet someone nice. Like others and I have said, I have not dated in some time and have never met someone online. I used to think it was dumb, but in reality, it is how a lot of people meet these days. I don't have time go to bar hopping and frankly, I don't want a club slut. Sure I would be nervous on the date, but who isnt? Thanks!
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