Samms22 Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Hey guys, I wanted to try to open a discussion regarding an issue that I think we've all come across: at the end of a relationship, the dumper and even sometimes the dumpee will go to friends, family members, and associates and vilify the person who they have dumped or been dumped by. And and all problems in the entire relationship are dredged up... all foibles are met with invective and ridicule. This post is aimed at the poor saps (like me) who are unfairly libeled and slandered with things that aren't TRUE. Why does this happen? It happens pretty uniformly. Not everyone can be a liar, can they? Let me propose my thesis: When someone does something to someone else, we will call this a harmful act. When the harmful act is withheld, we'll call this a withhold. Example: Boyfriend X touches a girls butt at a concert despite knowing that his girlfriend wouldn't want this. The boyfriend comes home and is met with a smiling girlfriend, with dinner and a kiss and a cheerful demeanor. The guy feels guilty because of having committed a harmful act and he now has a withhold. His happy and satisfying life slips away because most people, instead of sitting down and telling their SO about this harmful act , will repress it and thus the boyfriend might keep getting reminded of his withhold. What would happen if he continued to do things like this? He "accidentally" forgets to tell a cute girl in his class that he has a girlfriend, maybe he has small harmful acts such as lying about certain things. It doesn't have to be big. Anything that makes you feel guilty. These harmful acts stack up until the boyfriend eventually can't stand to be in the company of his SO. He has so many harmful acts against her that nice gestures are met with disgust, and an inevitable break up results, maybe because he is acting out so badly because of his harful acts that she has to break it off, or maybe he breaks it off. He must now begin the process of LESSENING THE TARGET OF HIS HARMFUL ACTS. He must, with friends, family and other people, degrade the girl in any way possible. "She burnt my dinner...She wasn't good in bed...she made me feel bad..." ANY and ALL foibles the girl has are brought up, and this is where lying comes into play... It is HIGHLY interesting that the SO who has the less of the harmful acts WILL NOT LESSEN THE TARGET EVEN IF THEY DESERVE IT! In the 60's, Mr. Hershey had one of the finest work forces in the world. He treated his employees so well and so magnificently that he was... eventually shot at? Yes, the most well treated workforce in the world revolted and shot at Hershey, alleging all kinds of abuses which were found to be fraudulent. The answer? Anytime you do a harmful act against a very survival and good target, you must lessen the harmful act because if you truly realized what you had done, you would suffer a mental and physical collapse, in some cases. Examine your life and friends and find this to be true. This is why it is so deadly to withhold your harmful acts in a relationship. It builds into resentment and I follow the philosophical belief that mankind is BASICALLY GOOD, and he or she will distance him or herself from that which they have done wrong to. This isn't to say that there aren't people who are so abusive and so disgusting that disconnection is warranted, without harmful acts being done to the other party, but harmful acts tend to stick one's attention to their ex/SO. Clean hands make a happy life. Stick to your integrity.
aMguilts Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Hey guys, I wanted to try to open a discussion regarding an issue that I think we've all come across: at the end of a relationship, the dumper and even sometimes the dumpee will go to friends, family members, and associates and vilify the person who they have dumped or been dumped by. And and all problems in the entire relationship are dredged up... all foibles are met with invective and ridicule. This post is aimed at the poor saps (like me) who are unfairly libeled and slandered with things that aren't TRUE. Why does this happen? It happens pretty uniformly. Not everyone can be a liar, can they? Let me propose my thesis: When someone does something to someone else, we will call this a harmful act. When the harmful act is withheld, we'll call this a withhold. Example: Boyfriend X touches a girls butt at a concert despite knowing that his girlfriend wouldn't want this. The boyfriend comes home and is met with a smiling girlfriend, with dinner and a kiss and a cheerful demeanor. The guy feels guilty because of having committed a harmful act and he now has a withhold. His happy and satisfying life slips away because most people, instead of sitting down and telling their SO about this harmful act , will repress it and thus the boyfriend might keep getting reminded of his withhold. What would happen if he continued to do things like this? He "accidentally" forgets to tell a cute girl in his class that he has a girlfriend, maybe he has small harmful acts such as lying about certain things. It doesn't have to be big. Anything that makes you feel guilty. These harmful acts stack up until the boyfriend eventually can't stand to be in the company of his SO. He has so many harmful acts against her that nice gestures are met with disgust, and an inevitable break up results, maybe because he is acting out so badly because of his harful acts that she has to break it off, or maybe he breaks it off. He must now begin the process of LESSENING THE TARGET OF HIS HARMFUL ACTS. He must, with friends, family and other people, degrade the girl in any way possible. "She burnt my dinner...She wasn't good in bed...she made me feel bad..." ANY and ALL foibles the girl has are brought up, and this is where lying comes into play... It is HIGHLY interesting that the SO who has the less of the harmful acts WILL NOT LESSEN THE TARGET EVEN IF THEY DESERVE IT! In the 60's, Mr. Hershey had one of the finest work forces in the world. He treated his employees so well and so magnificently that he was... eventually shot at? Yes, the most well treated workforce in the world revolted and shot at Hershey, alleging all kinds of abuses which were found to be fraudulent. The answer? Anytime you do a harmful act against a very survival and good target, you must lessen the harmful act because if you truly realized what you had done, you would suffer a mental and physical collapse, in some cases. Examine your life and friends and find this to be true. This is why it is so deadly to withhold your harmful acts in a relationship. It builds into resentment and I follow the philosophical belief that mankind is BASICALLY GOOD, and he or she will distance him or herself from that which they have done wrong to. This isn't to say that there aren't people who are so abusive and so disgusting that disconnection is warranted, without harmful acts being done to the other party, but harmful acts tend to stick one's attention to their ex/SO. Clean hands make a happy life. Stick to your integrity. what the hell you going on about?? aM
flitzanu Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 this might make more sense if it wasn't in faux third person and you just told what the dude did that you don't like. after reading he touched someone's butt at a concert it started sounding immature. my hand touches some stranger's butt nearly every day, doesn't mean i get off on it. grabbing, squeezing, and kneading someone's ass with both hands is much different, but i'm not really clear on what you're suggesting happened in that incident.
Recommended Posts