big bear Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 So, apparently it's my birthday today. We have been broken up for more than an year. By the time I tried to implement strict NC and realized how much I missed her almost all had been lost. I have noticed that many times when I tried to walk away she fed me crumbs and I came crawling back. Other times I really needed her and did stupid stuff (the usual drunk dialing and what not). After 2 months NC, I had an accident and ended up calling her. Sent a mail last Thursday asking her to meet me again and see how much I have changed. She said she would think over it. Saturday heard nasty rumors about her going out with an older co-worker. Ended up drunk dialing really late at night. She did not respond. Woke up next day with a message asking what happened and if everything is fine since, I called her so late. Made a lame excuse about phone-book malfunction. Last nigh she calls at exactly 12. Call is on waiting. Keeps on calling 11 times and every-time it's on waiting. 1 call pops up between calls. I did not pick it up. Get a text wishing me happy birthday. I did not reply. Got another call today morning. Was not able to pick it up anyways. It feels so painful. Not being able to respond. I know if I do she will just pick up, wish and hang up. No reference to the mail. Or break my heart on my birthday. It's so confusing and painful.
NavyAirTraffic Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 I'm sorry brother, this roller coaster ride is not a fun ride. I hope you've decided to really step off this time? Unfortunately you've allowed this to be dragged on for more than a year. Dumpees need to realize something as soon as they are dumped: -Your ex is an ex, 100% of my ex's are still my ex's (highly improbable you're getting back together, even if you do, probably won't last long). -100% of my ex's have slept with someone else (you fought this for over 1 year). Dumpees that linger, hold on to hope for 1 SECOND after a breakup are wasting valuable time, wasting away their lives. If they tell you "I don't want to be with you" for ANY reason, you should be determined to move on, and do better. I hope you realize this now, I hope the ride is over for you...
geegirl Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 It's so confusing and painful. There is nothing confusing about it. Dumpers are in a completely different emotional state as dumpees. Contact to them means, plain old contact. Contact to us means hurt and hope. Especially with dumpers that hang the carrot, there is no sense of care for your hurt because their needs come first. You think she does not know you hurt everytime she contacts? She knows but she does not care. So she throws crumbs because she needs the attention for her own self-preservation. If it meant anything more, it wouldn't be called crumbs. If you loved and cared for someone and you knew that contact only hurts them, would you keep frivolously contacting or would you do the kind thing and let them go? Painful. Yes. Absolutely. But you have the power to stop it. A year has gone by and you identify that it's been nothing but crumbs. Would you like to spend another year crumb eating or would it be better to feel the pain, battle the emotions and at least in a few months feel a lot more stronger and a lot more hopeful about life. You can respond. But you already know the outcome. I would hope that months from now, you're on LS talking about how much you're enjoying your emotional freedom rather than more posts about pain and confusion. At some point you need to stop seeking temporary relief for your pains by engaging this woman and start grabbing it by the horns, wrestling it to the ground and one day soon, emerge victorious.
Cutiepie1976 Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 It just sucks sometimes, buddy. Sorry you're going through this!
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