boundtoplease Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 I have signed up to a number of these sites looking for something, I don’t know what. Advice, guidance, direction maybe, I really don’t know so I will just tell my story in the hope that somebody out there may have something to offer. I am 46 years old, I have been with my husband since we met at school when I was 16. He was everything to me, I never worked, I played the dutiful housewife while he was the breadwinner. He had a very successful career and we are financially self sufficient. I have never had a worry in the world. We have 6 wonderful kids all now no longer living at home. We had an incredible sex life, I’m not sure how much I am allowed to share here or even how much I want to but suffice to say that we had pretty much tried it all. The only place he drew the line was multiple partners, it was only ever him and I. So as a nice New Years present at the start of this year he tells me he is leaving. He only stayed for the last few years for the kids and now they are gone so is he. The divorce was swift, he was very generous, I have no worries looking forward. He left for some very weird situation where he is the master of some young couple, and I mean young, she is only 21, they are basically his slaves. We met them at a BDSM club a few years ago and we became friends. I had no idea that anything developed between them. Apparently it has been going on since then, so about three years. That is my back story, it’s all in the past, I have dealt with the issues, I have remained friends with him, we have even slept together a few times since. But now moving on to the next phase of my life has been difficult. Honestly, I missed sex so I went looking for it and I found it and in the 6 months since I have been dating I have slept with 9 men and even a woman. I know that might not be a lot by young peoples standards but I had never been with anyone except him. When things start to get adventurous in the bedroom they get scared away, the only one who stayed and kept coming for more was the woman. I never saw myself with a woman but I was enjoying the new experience and then I found out she was married so I ended it. So I find myself single, in the prime of my life and I can’t find a sexual partner that will stick around. I may be on the far end of kinky in the bedroom but who would have thought guys didn’t want that. So what do guys want in this day and age. Do I need to keep my sexual desires in check and play loving girlfriend with them before we can explore further in the bedroom. I have found the younger men are more willing to experiment but it doesn’t feel right taking a 20yo out on a date, sure the sex is good but it looks like a mum and her son when at the movies or restaurant. So do I find a good man to date and have a vanilla sex life or do I just keep going the way I am going. I don’t want to stand up at my 50th and say I have slept with over 100 men. The way I am going that will be the case.
ascendotum Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Is it for sure that these guys are leaving because you are getting a bit too kinky for them, or that they are only out for a fling? Do they actually get apprehensive when you suggest things or is it a case of 2-3 weeks in and maybe you start talking about wanting them as your soulmate for walks on the beach when you are retired and they start getting apprehensive over any longterm talk? I'm pretty surprised that 9 our of 9 men are getting all weirded out over a woman who wants to get a little kinky. I thought many would be rapt to have a mature aged woman who does not have a 'been there done that' attitude and still wants to go hardcore. As for saying how many men you have slept with at your 50th....just do what a lot of women do and make up an audience friendly number. lol.
Author boundtoplease Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 Do they actually get apprehensive when you suggest things or is it a case of 2-3 weeks in and maybe you start talking about wanting them as your soulmate for walks on the beach when you are retired and they start getting apprehensive over any longterm talk? I am not looking for a soulmate. After a few times in the bedroom and we have been through all the normal stuff like different positions etc I would suggest different things, toys, tieing up, I get a few positives to this but when I suggest kinkier things like fisting, watersports etc they just run a mile. As for saying how many men you have slept with at your 50th....just do what a lot of women do and make up an audience friendly number. lol. I didn't mean that literally, I wont be announcing any number to the world, but I just don't want to move from one man to the next and after a few years end up with a huge list.
BetheButterfly Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 I have signed up to a number of these sites looking for something, I don’t know what. Advice, guidance, direction maybe, I really don’t know so I will just tell my story in the hope that somebody out there may have something to offer. I am 46 years old, I have been with my husband since we met at school when I was 16. He was everything to me, I never worked, I played the dutiful housewife while he was the breadwinner. He had a very successful career and we are financially self sufficient. I have never had a worry in the world. We have 6 wonderful kids all now no longer living at home. We had an incredible sex life, I’m not sure how much I am allowed to share here or even how much I want to but suffice to say that we had pretty much tried it all. The only place he drew the line was multiple partners, it was only ever him and I. So as a nice New Years present at the start of this year he tells me he is leaving. He only stayed for the last few years for the kids and now they are gone so is he. The divorce was swift, he was very generous, I have no worries looking forward. He left for some very weird situation where he is the master of some young couple, and I mean young, she is only 21, they are basically his slaves. We met them at a BDSM club a few years ago and we became friends. I had no idea that anything developed between them. Apparently it has been going on since then, so about three years. That is my back story, it’s all in the past, I have dealt with the issues, I have remained friends with him, we have even slept together a few times since. But now moving on to the next phase of my life has been difficult. Honestly, I missed sex so I went looking for it and I found it and in the 6 months since I have been dating I have slept with 9 men and even a woman. I know that might not be a lot by young peoples standards but I had never been with anyone except him. When things start to get adventurous in the bedroom they get scared away, the only one who stayed and kept coming for more was the woman. I never saw myself with a woman but I was enjoying the new experience and then I found out she was married so I ended it. So I find myself single, in the prime of my life and I can’t find a sexual partner that will stick around. I may be on the far end of kinky in the bedroom but who would have thought guys didn’t want that. So what do guys want in this day and age. Do I need to keep my sexual desires in check and play loving girlfriend with them before we can explore further in the bedroom. I have found the younger men are more willing to experiment but it doesn’t feel right taking a 20yo out on a date, sure the sex is good but it looks like a mum and her son when at the movies or restaurant. So do I find a good man to date and have a vanilla sex life or do I just keep going the way I am going. I don’t want to stand up at my 50th and say I have slept with over 100 men. The way I am going that will be the case. From what i am noticing, "men who want to stay" are becoming a rarer "type" of men. I don't know why that is. I wonder if it has to do with some men always thinking that the grass is greener on the other side, and viewing women as throw-awayable. However, there are some men who do not view women in this way. I am so sorry to hear about what your husband did to you. That would devastate and hurt me really bad if my husband ever did that to me, and I know that it would be like putting a knife through his heart if I ever did that to him. Love doesn't put people through that kind of pain. Love doesn't throw people away either. Love values and treasures the beloved. I think one of the reasons men have to want to stay is understanding the power of love and treasure it is to grow old with a female human. It seems however that some men and women are losing the understanding of love and all love is. Some people think love is just a mushy high feeling. They don't understand it's action and a decision to be made everyday. To find a man who will want to stay, I think it'd be good to investigate if the man does understand true love and wants that. Sad to say though, many men today seem to only want and value sex and beauty. Once a woman gets old, they see her as disposable. However, those men do not know anything about love. Love is ageless, and it grows as old and strong as great trees if one let's it grow. I love this song by Eric Clapton: Let it Grow. My advice is to get to know a man first before you sleep with him. See if he has a strong character who knows how to grow love and is not interested in cutting love down like a lumberjack fells a tree. See if he has "staying power" or if he's interested in just taking what he wants and leaving.
grkBoy Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 I think BSDM and other kinds of very "adventurous" stuff is its own world. For your needs, you got lucky your ex was into all that. I think now, if you're seeking another "all of the above" guy, you should go on the "find a sex partner" sites, but lay it all out there. Tell that you want a guy who would light candles and make passionate love to you one night, but then the next night pour the hot wax on your skin and take you anally, then maybe on the weekend you two play the excitement of sex in public places. I don't know if that is you...but it was a hypothetical example. If you're seeking sex partners from the net, just lay it out there on what you want. If guys come here later complaining some hot MILF wants way more than they want to give, then too bad for them. 1
ascendotum Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 (edited) Saw your reply. IDK it still surprises me with what you described, that you get 9 runners out of 9. I'd be up for action. I'd say you likely need to go with grkboy's suggestion and specify 'adventerous' in an online dating profile or better still go with Fetlife where you pretty much can't go wrong I would have thought. How did you find the woman...just curious, since it sounded like it was not intentional. btw, good moniker. Edited November 29, 2012 by ascendotum
Author boundtoplease Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 Saw your reply. IDK it still surprises me with what you described, that you get 9 runners out of 9. I'd be up for action I have even met 3 of them from a dating site. I did specify my kinks so they knew up front. One didnt like me taking charge, one I think got embarrased when he couldnt keep an erection and the other had a pain threshold that was way too low for me.
Author boundtoplease Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 how did you find the woman...just curious, since it sounded like it was not intentional. btw, good moniker. Of all places I found her while shopping. I was shopping for clothes trying on a few things and she was all touchy feely. I wasnt sure whether it was flirting so I thought what the heck and asked her out for a coffee. we had her lunch break together really clicked and then met that weekend for the first time. It was totally accidental, totally unexpected. when she liked the kink well all was good until one day she mentioned her husband. I didnt want to be a part of her cheating so I stopped seeing her.
grkBoy Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 I have even met 3 of them from a dating site. I did specify my kinks so they knew up front. One didnt like me taking charge, one I think got embarrased when he couldnt keep an erection and the other had a pain threshold that was way too low for me. Oh well...just means they weren't man enough for you or you were too much woman for them.
jcrew11 Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 If you are just looking for casual sex partners, it will be easy to find willing men on POF or Match or at any BDSM club. Perhaps your ex-husband can suggest some of his new BDSM friends for you. If you aren't married, then swinging will be okay now.
Oxy Moronovich Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 From what i am noticing, "men who want to stay" are becoming a rarer "type" of men. I don't know why that is. I wonder if it has to do with some men always thinking that the grass is greener on the other side, and viewing women as throw-awayable. Yeah. Men are the only ones guilty of acting this way toward the opposite sex. Women never do this. Never.
Author boundtoplease Posted November 30, 2012 Author Posted November 30, 2012 If you are just looking for casual sex partners, it will be easy to find willing men on POF or Match or at any BDSM club. Perhaps your ex-husband can suggest some of his new BDSM friends for you. If you aren't married, then swinging will be okay now. I'm not looking for casual but I am finding it by accident. I have tried a few relevant sites but I am finding the guys either want basically a slave or want to be dominated. I am OK with either scenario but do not want to be restricted to just one. It is becoming increasingly hard to find someone who will try it from 'both sides'. My ex-husband had suggested a few but most are couples and I am not really wanting to move into multiple partners, I like my sex one on one. My ex also suggested I could move back with him and be a dominatrix beside him of his two slaves. That is a very attractive offer to me but I think I want to try and stand on my own first.
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