A letter he will never read.

[Javabear]

Dear G,

 

I miss you every day. I miss you so much the weight in my heart pulls the rest of my body towards the ground and holds me there so tight sometimes it feels like I’ll have to crawl the rest of my way through life. Sometimes I don’t miss you, but most of the time I do.

 

I hate the thought of you with her. How could you gamble the last three years away like you did? When we went to Del Mar with my parents, you wouldn’t bet more than five dollars on a horse, but you bet your happiness on this girl you hardly know. You gambled away the life we had planned and my heart will be paying the difference for a long, long time.

 

Does she know that you like your sandwiches cut in triangles? Does she know that you can’t fall asleep without one leg sticking out from underneath the covers? Does she know to remind you to send a card to your mom on Mother’s Day? You somehow always forget that holiday exists. That’s what love is… it knows the little things. It’s not butterflies or bashful giggles or dressing to impress. Love is sweatpants and Sundays spent watching Animal Planet. Love is remembering to leave out the mushrooms because we both hate how they taste. I was in love with you.

 

You’ll come back someday, I’m sure. You’ll come back for your board games, your blender and your television. Maybe you’ll also come back for my heart, but I gave it to you once and I’ll know better the second time. I’ll make sure your gambling days are over before I even think of trusting you with something so precious again. And who knows, maybe the day you come back will be the day after I stop missing you. Maybe by then I won’t remember that you like your eggs scrambled and your bacon crisp. Maybe by then I won’t remember to keep a piece of candy in my purse in case your blood sugar drops and you’ve run out of glucose.

 

But no matter how many days go by, I’ll still love you because when I said “forever” I meant it, and I don’t break my promises.

 

Yours sincerely,

M

Edited November 29, 2012 by Javabear

[Minadee]

It is little comfort, but I am going through the same thing almost word for word. He left me after three years for another girl. :/ nothing you can do but take one step infront of the other and smile through the tears!

[Javabear]

So sorry to hear that you're suffering through the same thing. It truly is one of the worst pains in the world. Hang in there yourself

[Minadee]

Thankyou honey. Just thought I would post to let you know that you are not alone in this and if you ever wish to talk to me i'm here

[newcaledonia]

I do miss you all the time...it is a lot of things and I know that you have already moved on with someone who was a friend or so called friend. everyone seems to think its all good and you are all happy and they have already lost me..i moved away three months ago and find it very hard to go back. no one can quite imagine the cool way that we lived and the beautiful setting and the amazing experiences that happened at this place...but sometime is really was like I was part of your entourage and your star kept rising. the day it ended I just wanted the fighting to stop and thought you might be in it for the long run...it had been six and a half years..that we were together. I didn't think it would end that day but I just wanted to be treated better. I was tired of the shabby treatment and I felt like I had put up with it for a long time. So, instead of recognizing one ounce of your part in it, you took the opportunity to end it. I think that beautiful July morning I simply cut through the bull**** and the place or part of me that felt ****ty being with you and cut the ties. What followed was an avalanche of pain and sorrow. I did not even want to break up because I so hated being single but it happened and I brought it to a head. I did not want to lost you and I miss my home, and the many things that just were a huge part of my life. starting over is hard...and I really don't seem to care about starting over...I just want you back. I know it won't happen in my lifetime...

[Jono85]

that got me kind of emotional (although i've been real vulnerable since my BU). honestly, u sound like an amazing gf. probs a gf that very few guys are lucky enough to have. i know i haven't found a girl that knows me so well. your post actually made me realize even further how selfish/self-absorbed my ex was and how much she wasn't the one. and how i think she was just really infatuated with me during that time, she didn't love who i really was.

 

sorry to hear what you're going through. i really hope that someday a guy appreciates you. i feel i'm like u in the sense that i always remember the little things, and for me the little things are the most important. i'm really glad i saw this though, b/c i've been so down on how much i miss her, and how could she hurt me like that, and how we were supposedly best friends etc etc, but in reality, now that i think about it, aside from doing some nice things for me, she didn't really take a great interest into WHO i am. not sure this will make me feel all pleasant automatically lol, but still really helped.

 

hang in there

[Javabear]

I'm glad that something I wrote helped you to come to some realization about your own life. I know it's not easy and I know how much it hurts to live with such imbalance... but time makes everything easier, or so I'm told. The worst part about my situation is that my ex did love me and did appreciate the little things in our relationship up until the week he met this new person. None of it makes sense to me which is why I've been feeling so lost. And I hate that I miss someone so much who hurt me the way he did, but the heart has a mind of its own. I hope that you continue to realize that you deserve someone who loves you unconditionally and would go to the ends of the earth to show you that. I deserve it too. We all do. Keep your chin up.