Can't find a girl, is it me?

[Cag121]

Military man single and depressed.

I'm 22 and in the military. I joined straight out of high school where I usually always had a girlfriend. I was never sexually active but I'm not a virgin. I've been in for 3 years now and I havent had a girlfriend since. People around me are getting married or having kids or are in healthy relationships. I'm always the third wheel and I've really started to only want to do things alone because of it. I'm going through this phase of thinking I'm going to die alone. I can't talk to girls and girls in the military constantly have guys at their feet. I'm not hideous but I am balding. I'm not fat but I'm not cut or skinny. I'm really funny and that's all I feel I have mastered. My fear of failing with women keeps me from trying. I don't know what why I can't get over this. I feel like crying to someone but I'm in a world of alpha dogs that have healthy adult relationships. What's wrong with me? Sex isn't even a main driving force anymore; I just want someone!

 

I'm in the navy. I travel to Thailand and Hawaii where sex is as popular as air. Prostitutes are never a thought for me. Girls want a guy in uniform but not the lifestyle that goes with. Am I having a pity party or am I seriously, medically FUBAR?!?!?

[Ninjainpajamas]

You need to realize you're holding yourself back, not anyone else. There are plenty of single and available women out there, there's nothing keeping you from pursuing and engaging them but yourself.

 

All this self-doubt in your head has manifested into some wall and barrier that you've built up by comparing yourself to guys (that as well as I know men, are not that much different from the next overall) that ultimately doesn't matter. This is just an excuse to keep yourself pinned under this rock and tell yourself of why you can't do it, you've created this virtual barrier that you cannot cross because you've filled it with all of your insecurities and self-doubt.

 

You've got to get the courage to step out of your comfort zone, take chances, learn to talk to women and engage socially with them and let things happen. You don't have to walk around being this Alpha guy....I had this acquaintance/female friend who was gorgeous, very fit, intelligent, very caring and down to earth...so naturally I assumed she was dating a probably at least pretty confident good looking guy as I figured anyone approaching her would need some balls to do it...then one day she showed me a picture of herself and her bf...it was some skinny, nerdy looking guy wearing a hat with glasses..some kind of asian, who looked like a big dork with no noticeable outstanding qualities or vibe of like charisma, or charm, or style that Id be like "oh yeah, I could see that" It looked like a rift in the galaxy of beauty and the geek, and she was in love with this guy.

 

Now of course, this was an exception to the rule...but the point is, if that guy said to himself he had no chance with that woman, like I know a lot of guys probably did, then he'd probably not have had the courage and confidence to even pursue a woman like that, even if she was offering her hand...he'd probably run under his bed with his face in his hands, tickled like a giddy school girl because a pretty girl talked to him.

 

So you've got to get over this mindset, you've got to get off your pity party dance floor and start busting a move. No one is going to come save you, you've got to save yourself, don't take the road of self-pity and self-loathing...give yourself a fighting chance, give your sperm a fighting chance! Have confidence and faith in your positive qualites, being funny is a HUGE advantage, probably one of the best and most difficult things to emulate, that's a huge attraction edge in your favor...women love to laugh and feel relaxed by a guy who can make them feel at ease and comfortable, use those things to your advantage, because these other guys, they're nothing special...there's no reason they've got a girlfriend over you if you understood women, women are not just honed in like men to mainly the physical, women fall for men for different reasons...sure you might not have drop dead looks or body, but if you learn the things that matter most you'll realize those things alone won't hold you back, plus look at the population anyway, not a lot of super models walking around if you ask me!

 

So stop worrying about what you don't have, start learning how to use what you do have and get some experience out there with women, fail, mess up, make a fool out yourself, eventually you'll get it though and you'll find a girlfriend, right now you're just standing at square one and no you aren't going to be alone forever, plenty of guys are learning in their 20's and it's not always going to be like this at all as long as you start improving now and take chances out of your comfort zone.