CM2009 Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 I always hear things when it comes down to relationships and trying to hold on to them. When someone doesn't want to be with someone I normally hear fight for relationship, or don't give up without a fight. Then I'll hear people say just let it go, if its meant to be they'll come back. It's a thin line between these two, and I'm some what involved in this situation where should I try to fight for this relationship or just let it go and if its meant to be it will be, just looking for answers folks thanks.....
Pyro Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Try on your end to preserve the relationship and if the other person doesn't try back then you let it go. At that point you know that you at least attempted and that you have no regrets.
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 The thing is, that most of the time it's just a sinking ship in which you cannot save...you'd have a better chance of draining all the water in the ocean. When people are "fighting" for a relationship, it's typically one person who really wants it to work out and the other feeling guilty/obligated to do it because there is some emotional bond. I don't believe that this "other" person who truly wants out, but just can't buck up and say they're done or did and now caved...really wants it to work, there's a part of that person internally and emotionally that just doesn't want to be there, therefore the motivation, the emotion, the will and desire is just not there. On top of it they're ultimately lying to themselves and their SO, and you'll notice these people just "rationalize" why they shouldn't leave this person that loves them...which are always the same excuses... - don't know if you'd find anyone better or someone else - don't want to be alone - don't want to date and have to get to know somebody again - still love the person and think that maybe it could work if they just accepted that was enough, after all they're a good mate in many ways Things like that are fueling many of these sinking ships, but it's not really saving the relationship as much as it is delaying the inevitable, because it's only going to get harder and harder, and when you're not really there emotionally...everything becomes a chore. In the end you need both people to want and desire, emotionally, mentally be ready and willing to make the sacrifices and overcome the challenges that relationships present to stay together. And that will and desire cannot die and shouldn't feel forced, because that alone wipes around a lot of the problems where one person is "fighting" and the other person is just giving in for whatever reason...that other person will never have the will and desire of that other person who actually wants to be there, and that means the emotions associated, the patience, the kindness the understanding will be at a completely different level....because instead of acceptance of differences in the relationship it will be tolerance of them. So go ahead, waste your time trying to save a sinking ship for those who believe in miracles...but you're only buying yourself time at best from an inevitable disappointment whether it's fighting for the rest of your relationship or becoming indifferent, or postponing the actual demise which instead you draw out and make the loss and damage so much more significant because you couldn't walk away when you knew you should have, now you get to live with the scars of that experience and you have partly yourself to blame as much as you want to blame the other person, you weren't listening to your gut. People need to realize that person cannot and will not ever change the way they feel, it's either there or it is not. You are living the relationship right now, not in the future after X and X are overcome, this is it, this is what it is...stop thinking you can turn water into wine. Some challenges and obstacles may be overcome in the relationship, but it'll never be enough to change it completely like you want it to.
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