Anyone out there willing to date a 24.5 year old female virgin?

[tarababy00]

Hey all.

 

I am a virgin. Will turn 25 this coming June. I was overweight during my teenage years and hence never really truly dated other than a few dates here and there. Overweight girls dont have good options and I remained a virgin since I wouldnt lose it to a guy sleazy, using guy. When I turned 20 I decided to do something about about my looks. Since age 22 I have been considered attractive. I get dates pretty easily now. I have tried dating (meaning more than three dates) with a few from my work, one through a friend and four from online dating.

 

Havent been able to get a boyfriend in these past 2 years. I want to lose it to a boyfriend. Im not naiive- I know the likelihood of ending up happily ever after with the guy who takes it from me...but I want to be in a committed relationship first. I will admit Im horny alot and have thought about a random person taking it it to since apparently being a virgin turns many men off. Wasnt expecting it to be this bad. Know women are more sexual now but didnt think it completely swung the other way.

 

First off, several men didntt believe me and I guess dont understand how shallow their gender is when I state that I didnt have options (or at least good ones) for a boyfriend when being fat. They told me it didnt matter as long as I have a good personality I could have gotten one. My personality has remained almost exactly the same (actually have become a little more introverted now...) so thats not it. Second, many think it is weird and I can tell are turned off. I am not prude...if I have been seeing a man for awhile I will do things other than sex but I dont see why I can save the sex part for a boyfriend. Im not trying to rush into one either to lose my V card Im not that desparate.

 

The only guy who wasnt turned off was one guy who I would describe as a stereotypical Italian guy, except he was seriously clingy. I told the first 3 guys flat out I was a virgin when they asked out my past within the first few dates, the Italian being one. He said it was awesome and guys should marry virgins or inexperienced women. He seemed sweet and genuine but he got seriously clingy after 2 dates and wanted me to talk to him constantly, meet his parents too quickly, spend all of my free time with him. I politely told him several times I need some space and Im independent (he even said he liked this about me) and didnt change so I had to drop him as he was driving me crazy. We never got too far physically either...he didnt rush me. He would have been perfect but his clingy behavior killed my attraction towards him.

 

Since telling a guy Im a virgin is a turn off...what am I supposed to do? Telling them early to weed out jerks doesnt seem to work. Waiting until the last second will probably piss alot of men off and it seems manipulative to say "I want sex in a relationship only" to then get into one and say "by the way, Im a virgin".

 

The reasons I have gotten for being turned off thus far is 1) virgin sex is bad sex and 2) I would become psycho for them afterwards. I only agree with the first.

 

There were a few that disappeared without stating why or lost interest It could have been things other than this. Maybe im paranoid or maybe they left due to other things that happen during dating

Edited November 29, 2012 by tarababy00

[NoMoreJerks]

It's not a turn-off to all men.

 

Also, consider yourself lucky. I waited til I was 29. Partly because I didn't want to lose it to just anyone, partly because I never really dated that many people and it never progressed to anything more serious than a few dates.

 

When I lost my virginity, it was to a guy I had gone out with 3 times. I took him back to my place, then when we started making out / foreplay, I told him I had something to tell him and that it was kinda embarassing. He said, what is it? I said, I've never done it... And then I asked him if that was ok with him, and he said, yeah, no problem.

 

Some men think of it as a turn-on to take someone's virginity; others wanna do it just for the experience; others think a virgin will have a tight vagina, and so on..

 

A guy who will refuse to have sex with you because you're a virgin has issues, IMO. Unless he is super-queasy and can't stand the sight of blood (and there might not be any visible signs of blood, btw).

[charasbb]

Personally I would wait a little before I tell a guy I'm a virgin. I was 19 when I lost my virginity and I felt old because I was the last of my friends to lose it,but I tried not to focus on it or highlight it. The guy I ended up losing to I clicked with on the first few dates and felt super comfortable with him,so I just went with it. I told him right before it happened and he did not seem too concerned and we ended up dating for a couple of years.

[ascendotum]

many think it is weird and I can tell are turned off.

I think you might be reading too much into their look when you tell them this. I bet they are surprised and would find it a little strange especially if the girl is even half attractive, more so than turned off. What they might find a little worrying is that you will be over the top into them as a result of losing your virginity. They might feel some pressure that you want a forever after type relationship with the guy who you have been saving your virginity for (I know you were not deliberately avoiding sex but they could see it that way), and it wont just be a lets just see how this goes type relationship which is all they might be after, initially anyway.

For some guys like your Italian buddy its a good thing that you have not slept with a swag of guys, and also he will be your greatest lover. It depends on the guy, but its not as bad as it is for your male equivalent. Just don't mention it until the night it looks likely sex is going to happen.

[turt]

If they cut it off because of that, you better off saving your time. A good amount of the people it bothers probably aren't looking for a relationship anyway.

[Pyro]

There are guys out there who would love to date you (assuming the attraction and chemistry is there). During the process though you will meet plenty of guys who will be against you for that. We are in a society now where no sex right away seems to be coming the minority.

[Cag121]

Whoa whoa whoa. There are guys out there (like me) that actually want a virgin or someone with little experience! I have sex twice... Ever! I want someone who is just as nervous as me, inexperienced and isn't looking for a random hookup. I'm in the military a d have traveled where sex and deviantcy is everywhere. It's not appealing to sleep with someone you have no connection with. I say find a guy that treats you right and is deserving of your trust and virginity. Don't make this your opening line, wait a little while and then get his opinion on the matter. Keep strong and find the right guy. You only have your first time once.

If only I could meet a gal like you!

[musemaj11]

Virgins are bad at sex.

 

I wouldnt have sex with them if I had better options.

[Carenth]

Wouldn't bother me at all.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I lost mine at 21 to a guy I wasn't with, I regret doing it with someone I didn't care about but I don't regret having sex because it was fun

[Revolver]

Most guys see this as a turnoff because it usually implies one of 2 things

 

A. She's a prude

B. she's not very attractive

[Ross MwcFan]

I'd be willing.

[grkBoy]

I think you're unfortunately meeting the wrong guys.

 

I also think since it's showing you're not looking to abstain til marriage, then it shouldn't freak out a guy.

 

I would probably cosign on the idea that many guys, like women, are looking for that "sweet spot" in experience. They want someone who has had sex, been around the way...but not too much. One woman put it as she wanted the guy who had one or two steady relationships in his past, had loads of sex, tried many things, but hasn't been out banging every girl he meets.

 

I think you need to be patient, and perhaps careful on the men you date. I've noticed many males now seemingly have some strange rationales in dating. You would be surprised there are men who would overlook the virginity, but focus on your overweight past as a reason to reject.

 

I'm serious. I've seen guys both online and offline who believe a woman who was once fat has the propensity to "blimp out" again...like she only lost weight in the hopes of snagging a man into marriage, but then will go right back to bad eating and packing on the pounds. I never bought into that because I was once fat. Believe me, I think "formerly fat" people work harder to make sure they never go down that path again.

 

ANYWAY...just look at all this as the normal drama of dating. Trust me, there are plenty of non-virgin women going through the same song and dance as you are. You'll eventually meet a good one.

 

Not to get "TMI", but do you masturbate? You might want to at least think about reliving some of that hormonal stress while you look for Mr. Right.

[BetheButterfly]

Tarababy,

 

I personally think that if a guy really cares about you, he's not going to care about if you are a virgin or not. Rather, he's going to be interested in what makes you "you" and in getting to know you and experience the joys of life with you.

 

Personally, how you write this thread seems very desperate to me. When I was a virgin, I didn't see it as a bad thing like it seems many people today see it. I saw it as my ability to control who penetrated me, and the fact that I didn't get "penetrated" till I chose to (on my wedding night) by the man who committed to/with me was for me a sign of strength, both of myself and the guys who I dated who respected me enough to not try to take advantage of me.

 

When I had sex on my wedding night, it hurt like crazy. However, my first husband was an excellent "teacher" and I grow to absolutely love sex, except for one thing. Our marriage didn't last, due to other reasons, but I never regretted waiting till I got married. I was 23 when I got married.

 

I'm married again, to a wonderful man who doesn't mind that my past sexual partners are not as many as his past sexual partners. He actually is impressed with that. What matters to both of us now is that our past is the past, and our present and hopefully future = him and me. Our sex life is awesome and I personally think it would be awesome even if one or both of us were virgin before getting together.

 

It's wonderful that you are taking care of yourself and are living a healthier lifestyle. Please don't sweat being a virgin or wear it as a dunce cap. It's not a dunce cap. It's actually your ability to control who you want to give that intimate part of yourself to and is worth waiting for a guy who loves you and you love. Don't make it to be a bad thing. It's not. Everyone was a virgin once. Sadly, not everyone had a choice when their virginity was taken away. When I have heard of a few of my friends being raped as children I wish they had been able to be virgins until they freely decided to lose their virginity to the person of their choice in the time/way of their chosing. That's one of the most horrible tragedies in the world, is when a person's virginity is taken away from them without them being willing and happy about losing it. Count your blessings.

Edited November 29, 2012 by BetheButterfly

[tarababy00]

I didnt care I was a virgin at first. Maybe I am meeting thr wrongs guys because I didnt think that many would care but my experience has said otherwise.

 

I dont start it telling people early. It is usually after a few dates where people ask me stuff. I have had alot of guys ask me how many guys I have "been with" and I could tell alot of them meant sex. I wont say anything until right before sex, I just hope they dont get mad

 

As for the person who said I must be unattractive and prude you obviously didnt read what I wrote. I have only been considered attractive for the past 2 years, and some guys when I explained this seemed to understand. I also do other stuff. Ive done everything but sex and had a guy tell me I give good BJ's, one I dated for 3 months and then it fizzled out, so its not like Im frigid and completely inexperienced. If a girl didnt want to do other sexual stuff I WOULD expect a guy to run the other way because physical intimacy is important.

 

I masterbate about every other day, sometimes multiple times a day. I am horny alot

[salparadise]

I think you're way too hung up on the your status of virgin as if it were something to be ashamed of. I don't think you should consider yourself to be dramatically different from other women. IOW, just quit labeling yourself and assuming that the world is divided into two groups with virgins on the left and everyone else on the right. The fact is that every person started out as a virgin and many still are. People usually have sex either when it's right for them, or too early and end up regretting that they didn't wait for exactly the reason you're waiting---to be in a relationship with someone they actually want to give themselves to. I think you should be commended for that, and quit thinking of yourself as inferior because of it.

 

The other side of the coin... yes, at some point being a virgin is an anomaly (but not at age 24), and yes, some men (the ones looking for an easy hit and run) may be put off by it. But that's not something you can change, and they aren't the ones you'd be interested in even if you weren't a virgin, so no need to worry about it.

 

I don't think you need to feel obliged to disclose this information to anyone until you are at the point of starting a relationship with him. I do think you should make it known that you don't intend to have casual sex and that you want to be in a relationship. If the discussion comes up you could say something like, "I'm relatively inexperienced," or "I haven't slept around." If the guy is still interested in a relationship know that he won't mind that you're a virgin, and many will even be pleased. The time you need to disclose it is when you're at the point of having sex with the guy you're starting the relationship with. Before that, it's nobody's business but your own.

 

Now, the other option, which based on what you said is probably not right for you, is to simply start dating someone for the express purpose of having your first sexual experience and to become experienced. You let your intent be known (perhaps an online dating site), and the conditions are that you must get to know, like and trust each other first. There are plenty of nice men who would be more than enthusiastic to participate (with the understanding there is no other implied commitment).

 

So my advice is simple... think differently.

[tarababy00]

Now, the other option, which based on what you said is probably not right for you, is to simply start dating someone for the express purpose of having your first sexual experience and to become experienced. You let your intent be known (perhaps an online dating site), and the conditions are that you must get to know, like and trust each other first. There are plenty of nice men who would be more than enthusiastic to participate (with the understanding there is no other implied commitment).

 

So my advice is simple... think differently.

 

I have thought of that before but Im afraid I will get a weird guy.

 

I highly doubt I will get fat anytime soon. I am OCD about my diet and fitness in fact I should prob relax a bit and eat some french fries now and then. I am 5'6 121 lbs and my doctor said Im on the lower end of a healthy weight range. But I can see what you are saying- I think in general people try less in relationships.

[Ross MwcFan]

I didnt care I was a virgin at first. Maybe I am meeting thr wrongs guys because I didnt think that many would care but my experience has said otherwise.

 

I dont start it telling people early. It is usually after a few dates where people ask me stuff. I have had alot of guys ask me how many guys I have "been with" and I could tell alot of them meant sex. I wont say anything until right before sex, I just hope they dont get mad

 

As for the person who said I must be unattractive and prude you obviously didnt read what I wrote. I have only been considered attractive for the past 2 years, and some guys when I explained this seemed to understand. I also do other stuff. Ive done everything but sex and had a guy tell me I give good BJ's, one I dated for 3 months and then it fizzled out, so its not like Im frigid and completely inexperienced. If a girl didnt want to do other sexual stuff I WOULD expect a guy to run the other way because physical intimacy is important.

 

I masterbate about every other day, sometimes multiple times a day. I am horny alot

 

Don't let a few certain posters on LS hear you say that, lol.

[salparadise]

I have thought of that before but Im afraid I will get a weird guy.

 

I highly doubt I will get fat anytime soon. I am OCD about my diet and fitness in fact I should prob relax a bit and eat some french fries now and then. I am 5'6 121 lbs and my doctor said Im on the lower end of a healthy weight range. But I can see what you are saying- I think in general people try less in relationships.

 

As far as getting a weird guy, you would vet them first just as if you were going to date with the intention of starting a relationship, only the criteria would be bit different. You'd only meet the ones who didn't seem weird based on the profile and pics, meet for coffee to see if they're still ok after meeting in person, and then go out a few times to become comfortable with each other. Make sure the guy is willing to proceed at your pace and is understanding. There are a lot of guys who would be honored to be your teacher, I'm sure.

 

Not sure what the second paragraph is about... is that a response to someone else?

[NoMoreJerks]

yay, different beliefs in life are bad, and wild hedonism is the absolute of life!

 

 

I have known numerous attractive women who don't date and are virgins. Some have been religious.

I am neither a prude nor unattractive, nor for that matter religious, and I lost my virginity at 29.... I just never had the opportunity to do it. I wanted to do it with someone I was very attracted to and who sounded promising in terms of a relationship, and so I waited. Do I regret having waited? No. It made me unnecessarily stressed about it because over the years I thought it was such a huge deal and that it would be super-painful, but that's the only downside. By the time I lost my virginity, though, I was starting to get nervous that if I delayed it a bit more, people would really start getting judgmental and not want to have sex with me if I told them I was a virgin at 30 or something.

[SoonMyFriend]

I feel like I'm in a similar situation to you tara. I've only had one partner and I am 27. I am terrified I will find a great guy only to have him turned off by the fact that have only had one partner. I may need to start a separate thread for my own questions...

 

For your situation - I'd hate to see you lose it to some guy just to get it over with, only to regret that later on. If you want it to be with someone you love and trust I do believe you will find that person. Unfortunately, it just seems like some men are willing to shut you down based on your past. There is no reason, though, why you should settle for less than what you believe in for sex.

[thatone]

so here's the devils advocate position, from a man's point of view...

 

a) i would not be immediately turned off by a virgin at 25 based on the assumption of her being bad at sex, that can be learned, as you say you know about oral sex and other things. i'm more concerned with the idea of 'why'. why wait?

 

b) the whole waiting to have sex until you're in a relationship with someone is all fine and good, to an extent. take your example of 3 months. after 3 months i'm not going to continue to wait. you are admitting that you don't insist on being married to the first guy you have sex with. well with that in mind i'm in agreement, i'm not going to marry a girl to have sex with her. that leaves us with the distinct possibility that we might break up after we've had sex and nothing is going to undo that. as such, i am not worried about putting any sort of extra emphasis on sex, it's just sex.

 

c) obsessing over sex, or any other one part of a relationship while not paying enough attention to others is inherently unhealthy. hence the idea of abstaining from sex being counter productive. all it serves to do is make sex the center of attention until it's out of the way. once it is out of the way, then yes, things will change. the inability to cope with change is why people break up, and women who see sex as their only bargaining tool in relationships wind up with more breakups than those who do not see sex as their only asset, in my experience. but they don't learn this lesson, they continue to obsess over how they can treat sex just a little bit differently and make one thing trump all others, but that is never the case.

 

bottom line, there is a lot more to a relationship than sex. obsessing about sex, either having it or not having it, is not healthy either way. when sex isn't such an issue for you and you can devote equal or more time to other facets of relationships, you will tend to find better relationships that last longer, in my opinion, and sex will just be one more thing that you tick off in a list of things you want in a partner, somewhere between whether you like to go outdoors or watch football on sundays, will be "we have good sex or not".

 

if nothing else, to further demystify losing your virginity being a huge event, if the first guy you have sex with has been abstinate and waiting for you for months at a time, he'll probably orgasm in about a minute and you'll be completely unsatisfied without some substitution of oral/manual stimulation anyway. so if you're assuming that the first time you have sex will be this magical mind blowing experience? trust me, it won't! but the third/fourth/fifth/197th time may be. the only way to find out is to get that far.

Edited November 29, 2012 by thatone

[tarababy00]

Vast majority of guys I dated didnt make it past a month or two.

 

The guy I dated for 3 months was the longest one I dated. He never pressured me for sex. He was fine doing everything but sex. He did not act like he wanted to have sex with me (and I think it is because Im a virgin, that or he was satisfied with my BJs he said it felt better than sex) Also I could tell he only wanted something casual.

 

I am not forcing a guy to abstain for a long period of time. I cannot find a guy who wants to be in a relationship

[Toddbt12y1]

I think virgin girls are hot. So I have no problem with it. Don't see why some do? I mean it shouldn't matter...you getthe honors to teach them and or learn together - fun.

[thatone]

Vast majority of guys I dated didnt make it past a month or two.

 

The guy I dated for 3 months was the longest one I dated. He never pressured me for sex. He was fine doing everything but sex. He did not act like he wanted to have sex with me (and I think it is because Im a virgin, that or he was satisfied with my BJs he said it felt better than sex) Also I could tell he only wanted something casual.

 

I am not forcing a guy to abstain for a long period of time. I cannot find a guy who wants to be in a relationship

 

In that case you just need to meet men you have more in common with. Try asking yourself ''what about me would be beneficial to men I like?" If you struggle to think of things besides sex, there you go. A lot of women who do nothing but shop, gossip on Facebook, and watch reality shows. Naturally they have bad or no relationships. Same goes for a lot of men who do nothing but drink beer, play video games and watch porn. Extreme examples but you get what I'm saying.

 

Sex doesn't make relationships, finding people you have things in common with makes relationships pretty easy.