SJC2008 Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Been dating a woman for about a month now, 4 dates. She's about a year removed from her first and only R, about 8 years (first and only man to sleep with too and I think she's a little insecure about that). She wants to date around and doesn't really know what she wants and isn't looking for an R right now. I told her I wasn't in a rush as I felt people jumped into things anyway but I did lay down some boundaries. I told her I don't want to be rebound guy and boost her ego and if we progress to the point where we're having sex, that is where I draw the line with dating others. Now I don't think she sees me as a rebound as she's been open about her dating state if you will. She initiates contact, initated holding hands a couple times and even initiated our last date. I think we're very compatible in that she's big on communication, a la the "strait talk" we had about dating etc., she initates contact (we're daily with a day or two missed here and there), and she initates some physical stuff like holding hands etc. Also, she's hardly online, she checks it once a day or every other day. I'm not in a rush and have set a time limit for myself to when I'm jumping ship if things don't progress and right now it's set at the 3 month mark. The fact that she doesn't want an R right now has me on egshells as to how physical to get with her (not sex). I didn't even kiss her during the actual date, only toward the end and feel like I should have kissed her sooner but I don't want to come on too strong... I want to kiss her more and more passionately and give her sincere hugs but I don't want her to think I'm getting to close and scare her off. TBS I don't have feelings for her yet and I'm concerned about that too but then again it's only been a month. TBS I am interested and if she nixed me right now it would sting a bit. So what should I do??
pbjbear Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 You sound level headed and perfectly reasonable to me...although your last two statements confused me. If it would sting you- you do have feelings for her...just not alot of them. Not enough to commit
dasein Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Keep what you want in the forefront without being a demanding or pushy ass of course, let her worry about her end. Always be pressing the physical in a respectful way. It's how they respond to your invitations to spend time alone and how they respond physically to your advances that matter. Have tried it every other way, this is the way that works. Everything else is noise, what they say about not being ready for a relationship, all blabla noise. Get her hot, keep her sexually engaged, and when the time is right for -you- and her, get her having orgasms, and you will have the best chance of having yourself a GF. Do otherwise and chances are you will be getting a talk about "met someone else." These are of course just odds, not certainties, YMMV but it's the best bet IME. Good luck.
Author SJC2008 Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 You sound level headed and perfectly reasonable to me...although your last two statements confused me. If it would sting you- you do have feelings for her...just not alot of them. Not enough to commit Sorry for the confusion... But here's some more confusion for you lol. I don't have that rare sprung feeling but my feelings with her wax and wane?? I don't know if it's a subconscious thing to protect me from getting close becuase she doesn't know what she wants. I was very upset after our 3rd date when she dropped the date others/doesn't know what she want's bomb on me (I wasn't upset while talking to her) so I guess I do like her but they're not strong feelings IMO.
Author SJC2008 Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 Keep what you want in the forefront without being a demanding or pushy ass of course, let her worry about her end. Always be pressing the physical in a respectful way. It's how they respond to your invitations to spend time alone and how they respond physically to your advances that matter. Have tried it every other way, this is the way that works. Everything else is noise, what they say about not being ready for a relationship, all blabla noise. Get her hot, keep her sexually engaged, and when the time is right for -you- and her, get her having orgasms, and you will have the best chance of having yourself a GF. Do otherwise and chances are you will be getting a talk about "met someone else." These are of course just odds, not certainties, YMMV but it's the best bet IME. Good luck. I gave her a soft slap on her but last date and got an "excuse me". So I'm thinking "One month in and can't even grab the ass"... She does let me kiss her like I said though but I felt like I held back too much on our last date but like I said it's becasue I don't want to scare her off...
dasein Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Have been where you are many times in the past with the "not scaring away" part. It's a mind trick we play on ourselves to avoid rejection. If you act like a wayward, apologetic puppy when they give you some resistance, it sets one kind of tone. If you act like a mischievous dog who is naturally and wholesomely frisky, it sets another tone entirely. This is just a different kind of dancing that you need to lead, and if she feels the dance is natural, she will feel comfortable and things will progress. If she feels it is halting or contrived, she will balk and give attitude. Your sexual desire as a man is part of your power, set it free in a measured way and their response will surprise you. If she gets really petulant or offended time after time, she is likely one of those who doles out sex as currency anyway, and you don't ever want that. 2
Author SJC2008 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 This is bothering me more than I'd like it to. I'm so jaded and insecure right now it's not even funny. Mabye I like her more than I realize because when I'm neutral or less about a woman the rejection doesn't phase me. The thing that has me hung up is how passive physically on our last date. Like I said I didn't kiss till the end but there were moments earlier where I should of kissed her or hele her hand and when she dropped me off I didn't invite her in (I did bring her in earlier when she came and got me to show her the place). The thing I'm worried about the most is being the "test the waters" guy and I don't want to be giving her all this attention when she doesn't know what she wants. And what I mean by attention is nearly daily contact. I initiate but she initiates a lot, sometimes to the point where she beats me to it. She's not clingy and I pulled back once for a couple days to see if she'd slow down and she did. So am I overreacting about the contact? The way I see it she's getting the "benefit" of an R while it being in one.
Author SJC2008 Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 *I asked her in she didn't ask me to show the place.
Author SJC2008 Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 Have been where you are many times in the past with the "not scaring away" part. It's a mind trick we play on ourselves to avoid rejection. If you act like a wayward, apologetic puppy when they give you some resistance, it sets one kind of tone. If you act like a mischievous dog who is naturally and wholesomely frisky, it sets another tone entirely. This is just a different kind of dancing that you need to lead, and if she feels the dance is natural, she will feel comfortable and things will progress. If she feels it is halting or contrived, she will balk and give attitude. Your sexual desire as a man is part of your power, set it free in a measured way and their response will surprise you. If she gets really petulant or offended time after time, she is likely one of those who doles out sex as currency anyway, and you don't ever want that. We went out again and long story short it ended in sex!!! It was not my intention or even on my mind for that matter but like they say one thing led to another and she started getting hot so I took the cue and went for it! We've been dating for over a month so we didn't rush into things:) We've been in contact since the next day of being intimate so that's good. I really want to reign her in!!! We have similar backgrounds and we are very compatible in some "must haves" for me. I know she likes me but I'm pretty sure she's guarded. I'm just going to take it one step at a time, show interest but not be pushy and give her time to come around...
nessaaa Posted December 11, 2012 Posted December 11, 2012 She wants to date around and doesnt want a relationship yet---- hummm..
Author SJC2008 Posted December 11, 2012 Author Posted December 11, 2012 She wants to date around and doesnt want a relationship yet---- hummm.. Like I said I think she's guarded but her actions show she want's a relationship. TBS I'm not going to stick around forever... Either way it's a win win for me as she let things progress to sex so if I don't reign her in I got to have some sex and got more exp but if I had it my way we'd wind up in a R because I do like her and think were super compatible.
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