jefermelesyeux Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 i wasn't sure exactly where to post this because i was never with this guy to begin with, but i'll explain. a little backstory: we met earlier in the year via a dating website. at the time, he was in a relationship, so nothing came of it. but we talked sporadically for a couple weeks, then it died off. we lost touch. a couple weeks ago, i saw him back on the dating website. i sent him a message and we started talking again. i learned he's been single since june (good for me), but that he wasn't looking for anything more than friends and sex because he was moving to idaho (bad for me). (mind you, i live in new york.) it happened to be the one weekend out of the two in my entire life that my parents were away for the weekend; i had the house to myself. i invited him over, and he ended up spending the night. we spent 4 nights together, 2 at my place, 2 at his. we had sex twice. the last time i saw him was thanksgiving morning, then the day after that, he left for idaho. we've maintained contact and are facebook friends, we text on a daily basis, etc. but unfortunately, due to the intimacy, i got attached. i figured it would happen and i went against my better judgment by inviting him over, but i couldn't resist. i think about him constantly and i think i am slowly getting over him, but it's hard. if he were still here, i am almost positive i'd try and pursue him. what's worse is that i've been told by a mutual friend that he's cheated on nearly every guy he's been with. even though i think cheating is terrible and i don't condone it, i still can't help but be hung up on this guy. am i crazy? last night, i took the risk of telling him that i miss him. he replied "i miss sleeping with you." and by that, he means literally sleeping together, not sex. he hates sleeping alone. i covered up and said 'that's what i meant.' that right there should be enough to tell me he doesn't reciprocate his feelings for me, and even if he does feel the same way, i don't know why it matters. it's not like i can do anything about it with him on the opposite coast. i guess what i'm getting at here, is how can i speed up the "healing" process and move on? it's been suggested that i cut off all contact with him, but i see no reason to. should i? can anyone remotely relate? thanks, and sorry this is so long.
sugarSpicy Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I feel for you... Have you guys ever dated -- as in beyond those two weekends? Have you actually sat down with each other and truly, deeply get to know what makes the other person tick? I know it's hard for men to feel "emotional," and even if they do, it's hard for them to commit to that person at a young age. So it's not you. It's likely the state of mind he's in. I personally think to move on -- the best way is no contact -- both for your own sanity and to make him miss you. If he does miss you, then you'd find out the feelings were real. And if he doesn't, you'd have your answer too. But I, of all people, know how hard that is. So I don't know if it's possible. The other option is to be force yourself to date other people, which usually helps you see what other redeeming qualities a good man should have: committal, unselfish, and emotionally available -- the qualities that he seems to lack. Of course, easier said than done. I've tried to do this myself many times and haven't succeeded yet, but I'm hopeful.
Author jefermelesyeux Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 I feel for you... Have you guys ever dated -- as in beyond those two weekends? Have you actually sat down with each other and truly, deeply get to know what makes the other person tick? I know it's hard for men to feel "emotional," and even if they do, it's hard for them to commit to that person at a young age. So it's not you. It's likely the state of mind he's in. I personally think to move on -- the best way is no contact -- both for your own sanity and to make him miss you. If he does miss you, then you'd find out the feelings were real. And if he doesn't, you'd have your answer too. But I, of all people, know how hard that is. So I don't know if it's possible. The other option is to be force yourself to date other people, which usually helps you see what other redeeming qualities a good man should have: committal, unselfish, and emotionally available -- the qualities that he seems to lack. Of course, easier said than done. I've tried to do this myself many times and haven't succeeded yet, but I'm hopeful. see, that's the thing. we've never actually gotten to know each other really. the 4 nights we spent together consisted of us meeting up usually no earlier than like 10pm...we'd talk about our days, watch tv, play videogames, then go to bed. but we never actually went out anywhere or did anything outside of one of our homes. so, i'm not totally sure if i actually miss him, or if i miss his company at night. i don't think he has any problem being emotional, i think maybe he just didn't allow himself to make that connection with me or get attached like i did, because he knew he was leaving and that it was inevitable. i can't help that though- i get attached easily and can't really stop myself. or maybe i just don't try. sometimes i think to myself, if i didn't text him, would he text me? but then i quickly remember that it really doesn't matter, because even if he did miss me, what could we really do about it with the distance between us? i'm not totally against the idea of long-distance, but given his track record of cheating, i wouldn't trust him. and even though he has a history of infidelity, i still wonder what it'd be like to be with him! i'm definitely gonna see other people. there's no point in not doing so, because as i said, there were never any promises and i doubt we'd ever be anything more. i guess in general i'm just a little discouraged and jaded...it has seemed like every guy i've been interested in this year hasn't been available for one reason or another. it can be exhausting.
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