Treasa Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 I broke up with my boyfriend a week and a half ago because he wasn't meeting any of my needs, and he was being really selfish and emotionally abusive whenever I'd try to communicate with him. After a few attempts by him to stop the breakup from happening, I finally told him not to contact me again unless he was going to actually, I dunno, try to be a good guy, and NOT to contact me by email. So....tonight he emails me and tells me to let HIM know to call me if I want to talk. Yeah, took me half a second to delete his email. He knows exactly why I broke up with him, which is basically this behavior. If a guy wants you, he won't make a half-assed attempt at it. Ironically, a mutual friend of ours sent me TWO emails saying that he's crazy about me. However, he's married, and I don't get involved with married men. So now I'm just headdesking. Sighing a bit. But not giving in to breadcrumbs or crappy relationships. 1
reallyhotguy Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Well I have to admit, I had to reread your sentence a few times to understand exactly what rule he was that he violated. Maybe he misunderstood what you meant by "don't email me again"? 1
Author Treasa Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 I told him very clearly, maybe 5-10 times, not to contact me unless he actually was going to be a good boyfriend, or be affectionate, or treat me well. And I told him I wasn't playing games anymore, and that I wasn't going to reply to his emails. I told him if he wanted to talk to me, he needs to call me. I'd definitely rather be alone than put up with his BS anymore. I don't have time for a guy who needs me to email him if I want to talk to him. I put all the effort into the relationship. Got hardly anything back. Just not doing it anymore. I also got tired of talking to him at the end of the day, and him asking if I'd rub his back, after I got done with a full day's work. He doesn't have a job and lives at home with his parents, and is almost 31. I'm just not going to coddle him anymore.
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 You can't put your foot down after you've been a doormat...he doesn't respect you, everytime you let him gett away and push you on something..he lost more and more and he simply won't takeyou seriously because you've showed that you don't take yourself seriously and probably a pushover. So I blame him for treating you the way he has and being and idiot...and I blame you for letting him get away w it and being an idiot for being w a guy like that...you made the choice to be w him...you think he was going to change? That's your naivety...if he's an diiot then what do you expect from idiots? For them to be smart? Ha! You have to ask yourself...who played the bigger fool? This guy won't change, ever...now who's going to be the smart one and accept that and walk away? 4
Author Treasa Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 Oh, I totally blame myself, too. And I don't expect him to change. However, I've made the choice not to be with him anymore and not to respond to pathetic attempts at contact, and that's all I can do. He can find his perfect mythical woman and treat HER like ****.
Author Treasa Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 Oh, and for the first few months he was wonderful. It's only been in the past three or four months that he's been awful, but that's three or four months too many. And, sadly, I attributed it to the fact that he had surgery in May and lost his job shortly before that. However, he's not too busy to put effort into the things he still cares about, like playing video games all day.
dasein Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 This thread makes me think of al dente noodles for some reason, guy is soft. Good luck moving past this and to better options OP. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Oh, and for the first few months he was wonderful. It's only been in the past three or four months that he's been awful, but that's three or four months too many. That's how it starts off. Of course, do you think that a guy who treated a woman like **** from the start would have much of a chance of winning her over? For men like your ex, being nice is merely a tactic to win a woman over and then turn her into their doormat. My ex was like this. He was a narcissist and was extremely abusive (emotionally). He went even further than your ex, and kept threatening to break up with me if he didn't get his way.. He did this half a dozen times, and I was such a pushover and gave in every time, until I had had enough of it , and broke up with him. I feel SO MUCH BETTER NOW. I have regained my independence and sanity. 1
Author Treasa Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 Agreed, and it's my fault for being a pushover as much as I was, and thank you.
Author Treasa Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 That's how it starts off. Of course, do you think that a guy who treated a woman like **** from the start would have much of a chance of winning her over? For men like your ex, being nice is merely a tactic to win a woman over and then turn her into their doormat. My ex was like this. He was a narcissist and was extremely abusive (emotionally). He went even further than your ex, and kept threatening to break up with me if he didn't get his way.. He did this half a dozen times, and I was such a pushover and gave in every time, until I had had enough of it , and broke up with him. I feel SO MUCH BETTER NOW. I have regained my independence and sanity. Ick, I had an ex like that, too. One day I snapped and told him to ****ing break up with me already...and he backed down. But then we broke up anyway over something stupid, and then I realized that I might have a problem in selecting men. They end up being narcissistic *******s. And I'm drawn to them like a moth to the flame. It's my fault. I'm worth more than that. And I'm happier being single anyway. I feel like I can do what I want. 1
Author Treasa Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 You know what kills me? There's a guy who would love to be with me. He's single, has a job, is educated, perfectly sweet, totally sane, not narcissistic at all, and he gives me the world. He's my best friend, actually. But I friendzoned him so long ago that it's hard to think of him sexually or romantically. Yep, definitely something wrong with me.
dasein Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 So what? Reverse that friendzone! Don't have a big heavy discussion about it, but the next time you are alone together, tell him "You know I've been thinking about something lately." Then when he asks "what?" GRAB THAT WINGWANG! Grab it good. He will either run away afright or it's on. If the former, tell him some a-hole barista who has been stalking you slipped an ecstasy in your coffee. 2
Author Treasa Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 ROFL He's been begging me to grab his wingwang. It's just really hard to overcome the "he's like my brother" mentality.
Author Treasa Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 Moron (I'm too tired to remember his name today) emailed me this morning to tell me he decided to take a job he was offered, and that he starts in January. How nice for him. *yawn* In the part of my mind that's actually conscious, I take a sick satisfaction in knowing that he doesn't want this job, that it doesn't pay well, and that he'll be on a train two hours every day. But I'm ladylike enough not to respond and tell him that.
dasein Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 I saw from the other thread that this guy plays MMOs ten hours a day. Is it possible he is addicted and needs help? If so, his behavior may be salvageable, and a function of the addiction. I used to play MMOs endlessly when they first came out, but mainly on weekends. There were many obvious addicts in the games and it caused lots of life problems. It is exactly like alcohol or drug addiction, maybe even worse in extreme cases. Still say grab the wingwang of that other guy.
Author Treasa Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 I don't think he's addicted. He'll just as easily go away for a weekend Warhammer 40K tourney. He just prefers to be lazy over being a good boyfriend and putting time into me. I used to be addicted to MUDs a LONG time ago, so I know how THAT is, but I never let it come before a guy. And yeah, planning on grabbing the other guy's wingwang sometime, but I definitely don't want to be in a relationship right now with anyone.
rn0408 Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Ick, I had an ex like that, too. One day I snapped and told him to ****ing break up with me already...and he backed down. But then we broke up anyway over something stupid, and then I realized that I might have a problem in selecting men. They end up being narcissistic *******s. And I'm drawn to them like a moth to the flame. It's my fault. I'm worth more than that. And I'm happier being single anyway. I feel like I can do what I want. -You may be attacted to emotionally abusive people. -You always will run into one, or maybe two in a row that are trouble. -I think your weakness is compassion. I am very compassionate about life and I had a girl manipulate me when my friend hung himself (I wasn't looking for anything but I was vulnerable). It was a very emotionally abusive relationship for 5 months. After I woke up and cut her off she was begging on the phone and I ripped her apart for 2 hours and I don't feel bad for it for what she did. -I suggest know the person better and start off casual hanging out in groups. Have your friends spot red flags. Don't rush things sexually right away..don't follow this stupid "third date they are bangable." Wait a while first. 1
Author Treasa Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 No, you're right. However, I definitely don't rush into anything sexual. Two out of my last three boyfriends didn't want sex. They seriously had issues. I mean, they wanted sex with their right hands, but that was it. The boyfriend in between was ok. But yeah, the ones who are emotionally abusive are the ones who come across as AWESOME in the beginning, maybe even overdoing it, and then they start complaining about rough times in their lives, and because I am so compassionate, I keep giving. Even when they no longer deserve it. I appreciate all of you weighing in on this. You all have excellent points.
jakoye Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 I also got tired of talking to him at the end of the day, and him asking if I'd rub his back, after I got done with a full day's work. He doesn't have a job and lives at home with his parents, and is almost 31. I'm just not going to coddle him anymore. Well, I'd say you missed a few glaring clues when you first decided to go out with him.
Author Treasa Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 Well, I'd say you missed a few glaring clues when you first decided to go out with him. Yeah, the first couple months he was completely different.
ascendotum Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 (edited) ROFL He's been begging me to grab his wingwang. It's just really hard to overcome the "he's like my brother" mentality. Maybe it could turn around if he (single friend guy) turned on the charm and started to become more flirtatious around you, you would start to see him in a different light, but that is unlikely to happen as you have knocked him back in the past and he knows 'he's like my brother' which you have probably actually used that line with him. Given what you said above I would say forget him, he's just 'good on paper' guy who doesn't arouse your senses. If you do really want him, then you have to take the initiative and start flirting overtly with him (as per dasein's recommendation), for him to see you now see him in a different light. I also think you are a little hard on yourself with the idiot ex, given that he did not start out that way and you have only been putting up with shoddy treatment for a handful of months before you took the initiative to boot him and you gave him fair warning to get his act together. If you have a track record of continually choosing ' narcissistic *******s' as you say, well that's another story. Edited November 29, 2012 by ascendotum
Author Treasa Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 If you have a track record of continually choosing ' narcissistic *******s' as you say, well that's another story. Yeah, about that...two out of my three exes, including the most recent one, were almost identical. There were just enough differences that I didn't see it from the last ex. I don't know why I do this to myself. I'm not a stupid person, and I never take crap from ANYONE else in my life.
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