sophiez Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Hey everyone. I've been reading this forum for the past month or so, but haven't had the courage to actually post until today. This is mainly because I feel as though I've hit rock bottom today, and honestly, I feel as though I have nowhere else to turn. If someone would take a moment to read my terribly long post and offer a word of advice or encouragement, it would be greatly appreciated =] First, a little bit about the break up. My ex and I have been in an on again, off again relationship for a few years. We've known each other for 10 years (since we were 14 years old). I vividly remember the first day that we locked eyes. That day, he told me that he was going to marry me. I always had feelings for him, but unfortunately, our backgrounds and cultures always kept me rather hesitant to pursue anything. We are both originally from the middle east. Although we are from nearby regions, he is Muslim, and I am Christian. Even though he and i were both raised in the United States, I thought that my family would never accept him (and Vice Versa). We became very close friends though, and it was only when I came home from college that I realized how much I loved him. By then, I had dated a couple of guys, matured, and realized that he never once gave up on me. I knew that I had hurt him when I constantly rejected his love, but I was always afraid of the reality of our different lives, and the last thing I wanted was to get hurt. I probably should have listened to myself back then. We eventually began to date, and surprisingly enough, my family accepted him. They said that if I loved him, then they would love him. His family, however, did not feel the same. His mother knew about me, but when she did meet me she basically said that I was worth less than the s*** on the bottom of her shoes, and that her son would be kicked out and disowned if he continued to see me. Although he was able to calm me down and reassure me of his love after this event, things were never quite the same. I began to have trust issues with him. His family was taking him to different cultural events specifically to meet girls they approved of. As time went on, I knew that the more secretive he was getting about his whereabouts, the more likely it was that I would lose him soon. About a month ago, he told me that his parents were in a lot of financial trouble and he needed time away from me to deal with the stress of the financials burdens that had fallen on him, as well as school (he dropped out of college a couple of years ago and is now fervently trying to catch up and graduate). I became hysterical, begging him to stay and promising that I would work harder to deal with the negative feelings of distrust and suspicion I was having. In the end, he said that staying with me through this period would only hold him back. It made me feel as though all of his failures in life were somehow connected with me. He had told me several times during my hysterical episodes that he was not going to see anyone else, and that didn't want to lose me. He refused, however, to sit down and talk to me about the guidelines of the break (including how much time he thought he'd need away from me). It's been two weeks since I've last spoken to him. The last thing I told him was that I was tired of feeling this way, and time would tell if he ever came back to me. I miss him. It's the longest we've gone without communicating in years. I find it hard to get out of bed in the morning, and while my days consist of bucketloads of coffee just to FEEL (not necessarily BE) productive, my nights depend on sleeping pills just to get me to rest. I feel both lethargy and insomnia... all the time. I go through 10000 different moods in one day. It's absolutely exhausting. I've fallen behind in school and can't seem to do any work for the business that I run. There are days when I feel as though I'm slowly healing, and then there are days when I can feel my heart take giant leaps backwards. My mind reels with the unpredictability of tomorrow, and although the only solace I can muster is through the hope that one day he'll come back, I know that the reality of the situation is that the only way I can genuinely heal is to move on. I just don't know how to do this. I don't know how I can experience the joys of this life without him. Have any of you been in a similar situation? Any words of advice? Encouragement? I don't know exactly what type of response I'm looking to find here.. I just needed a place to let everything out.
Toddbt12y1 Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Hm. My ex was Christian but her family was mostly Muslim. She was mixed. Her family hated me and her for being what she was: her dad would call her daily to curse her. Different cultures...wrong, but Muslims are strong toward wanting their kids to date Muslims. My ex converted and etc. I do love her. Look, as hard as it is...you will make it. It is hard working out a relationship when ones parents hates the person their kid is with. But stay steadfast..the future is limitless and you may end up together. Also, do other things and take your mind off of him. And no, you are not a result of any miseries he may have in life. We each bare our own miseries...he is responsible for his happiness as you are your own. /hug feel better please...sometimes things happen in life...but its not the end.
Author sophiez Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 Thank you for your reply. I will definitely try to get my mind away from him.. It's just getting started that seems to be the most difficult step.
Toddbt12y1 Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 It is always difficult. Start small, hangout with friends DS even at the house. Go out if you want. Do things with family. These steps are small and can help you.
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