Murphy12 Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Hi one and all. My first post . . . Just to say thanks to those who lay their hearts on the line, those who offer advice and those who disagree. I've been following some of the threads here for a while and it has been really helpful to read other people's stories and to know that it's not just you who feels the way you do. So a big thank you! My story: I came out of a pretty disastrous marriage about three years ago after nearly 20 years. I was certainly partly responsible for the way the marriage ended (it takes two to tango as they say but that doesn't mean I cheated on her by any means). Anyway, it didn't help at the end to discover through a mutual friend that my ex wife had started to see someone else while we were still married. At one point I unwittingly paid to hire a car so she could go and stay with him. I obviously didn't know that at the time! Anyway, to cut a long story short we parted and our children started to blossom away from the poisonous atmosphere of our marriage. I didn't really feel any real sense of loss because the marriage had died years before and we had both checked out emotionally a long time beforehand. Anyway, my ex wife and I are now reasonably good friends although I would say it has not been easy by any means. We have both tried really hard for the sake of our children. And it kind of works to that extent. So after such a miserable marriage I decided to meet someone (to have some fun to be honest). And after a few initial misfires I met someone internet dating and it ended up developing into a two-year relationship. We had huge amounts of fun, many laughs, did lots of stuff together including going abroad and generally had a wonderful time together. We are about the same age by the way: she's no barbie doll, lol. And then, out of the blue, she treated me like I was her worse enemy over a long weekend and she ended it (by email) the next weekend. And like other people have posted here: I was in shock. I didn't eat, didn't sleep, spent every waking moment wondering what I had done wrong etc etc. It felt like I had been transported back to being 16! I'm normally in control and happy in most things I do and this took the wind out of me completely. There is, after all, no pain quite like it. And it was not because I loved her (because I didn't if she had bothered to ask). But I liked her a lot and I thought, if anything, we had become friends. I now strongly suspect that she ended our relationship to go back to a former boyfriend and needed a quick exit out of our relationship. But I don't really care about that and I don't wish to find out either. The Iron Curtain has come down from my side most definitely! Anyway, my message for now goes a little beyond that anyway. As a result of visiting here and other sites I came across some good advice about moving on and being strong in yourself. And in doing so I came across one piece of advice that has really helped me: which was to write down all the things you didn't like about them. And in less than 10 minutes I was up to 50 and I think I could have gone on quite easily . . . Sometimes it really helps to take off the relationship goggles (even at my age). Having said all that I sincerely hope that the next person I meet doesn't feel the need to end a really good relationship in such a horrible way. Honesty counts for everything in my book however painful. I could see my girlfriend and I were never destined for anything long term: but she didn't need to break my heart (which she did) to get the point across. Whatever you do: believe in yourself (ask yourself why that person got together with you in the first place?). That's a good starting point. I hope for my ex-girlfriend's sake her former boyfriend doesn't dump her like he did last time. Because she's now in my past: gone and forgotten as hard as it has been for me to realize that. I need a bit of a break from girls right now, lol. And if and when my heart becomes my own again I will probably try again. Because, despite the hurt, those two years were most definitely worth it. No doubt about it whatsoever. Thanks to everyone here. You've helped me an awful lot. As the saying goes, all is fair in love and war. Just have faith in who you are.
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