DaveA Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Hi, My name is Dave and i just found this website through google so thought some of you guys may be able to help me out Me and my ex were together for nearly 2 years. We met at work and hit it off straight away and she left her then boyfriend and got with me. Things were great apart from the odd argument over something stupid. She then got a new job in feb of this year and got friendly with her boss and over the last couple months she would talk about him now and again. I had a feeling something was up because there was no intimacy at all and she seemed really distant. At the start of this month i saw a text on her phone which read " never say never, enjoy your meal xxx " from her boss but she had deleted what she sent to him. When i asked her about it she went wild saying i don't trust her and then was so cold for 2 days before breaking up with me. She came for her stuff the next day and we had a talk and she said there could still be a chance for us because in a week or 2 she might of realized she had messed up. I was so heartbroken i have never felt pain like it! After a few days she turned nasty and started sending abusive texts and telling me there is no future for us at all and then admitted she had feelings for her boss and saying stuff like he is a million times the man you have been or will ever be and i have alot to be jealous of ( even though he is at least 30 but looks 40ish and has 2 kids and going through a divorce while she is 23 ). She then refused to tell me how long she strung me along for in our relationship saying it had nothing to do with me at all but obviously it does since she took my life and just played with it. What confuses me even more is the fact she was still making plans for us for new year and next year's holiday leading up to the day she ended it. We talked about marriage, kids and moving in together numerous times and i was actually gonna pop the question next year I wore my heart on my sleeve for this girl and supported her through so much when she was having bad times at home with her dad. Why would she string me along during the relationship, make plans for the future and then after we broke up still say we had a chance if she had feelings for him then defended him when i questioned it? p.s I was in a real bad way for like 3 weeks after and only now getting back to normality but i still ask those questions but can't figure out the answer so i hope one of you guys can help me. Thank you
LostOne1 Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 sounds kinda like my ex. she started talking about this new guy she didn't like at first and then she would always talk about him. I never said anything, because I trusted her, but felt it was odd. Later in the heat of things she told me the same stuff. She was seeing him, she will marry him next yr, she slept with him etc.. And later told me she only said it, because she wanted me to move on and that non of it was true. So I know how you feel when it comes to marrying her and kids etc.. I also had made future plans with her. And now it's all gone... Now only new plans can be made and it's tough for a person to envision a life and then have to tear it apart and try to envision a new one when all you ever thought and saw was that 1 vision and future. Asking questions will drive yo crazy. I tried asking myself and still do sometimes.. did my ex really cheat on me, or was he only a friend and she was jsut angry. Because if that's the cast then our fight is worthless and I might have been able to win her back. If not, then she is with someone else and she replaced me within a timespan of 2 weeks out of our 3 yr relationship. My guess is either nothing happened or something did and if something did it happened because our ex's saw something they thought is better. So they went with it an they use the anger against us to tell themselves it's okay to do what they did.. it makes them feel less guilty. See what's worse is we both used our anger and went at them. We fueled their fire. If we both kept it shut when they said they were seeing someone else. They would feel worse I think, because we aren't fighting back with them. I wish I could go back and change things... but I can't and you can't either. All we can do is look at tmrw and know that our ex's are NO LONGER part of our lives. They left and moved on so who cares why they did it. Chances are they did it for their own selfish reasons or they just weren't happy with us for some reason. 1
jwhite Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 This girl sounds like my ex. You caught her trying to be "free", you didn't stand for it--props to you!! She was angry because you proved to her that she was a bad person and she just got angry because she does not take blame. She looks to blame anything but herself. Then she was utterly and disgustingly NASTY to you. My ex was also like this....saying that I wasnt a man as well. T She has no self worth and will always need "strange" attention, which will just be a cycle for her because no one will take her but heart on sleave types. LoveShack and ENA have both been very helpful during this period for me and I think that they can help you too. When things get bad, because this will be a rollercoaster, come here to read and vent. I am 1 month in. Read about NC, but more importantly UNDERSTAND it for yourself.
Author DaveA Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 Thanks for the quick replies. I couldn't believe how horrible she became when i figured it out! i had a gut feeling for a couple months beforehand. I thought after spending 2 years together and her telling me she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me she would of had a bit more respect and been honest to say how long she had feelings for him while we were still together. But instead she just called me everything and anything she could and said it was none of my business. I know they are together now so she got over me quick!
Author DaveA Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 oh and i forgot to add when she came for her stuff she was crying her eyes out and hugging me and even gave me a christmas present whilst keeping my hopes up we could work it out.
TaraMaiden Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Dave, in brief - read the Caliguy link in my signature. Read it, then re-read it, then for good measure - read it again. Copy, paste into a word.doc, print off as many copies as you need to paper your bedroom/kitchen/bathroom/sitting room, and print an extra copy to take with you EVERYWHERE, just in case. Live by it, and Live It, 100%. This is the only way you can make definitive progress towards Getting Over and Moving On. Written by a man who actually worked under the same roof, for the same company, as his ex - he's living proof it works.
Recommended Posts