GeBa Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 This is my first time ever opening up to anyone on the internet, I just don't know who to turn to right now and I just have to let it out. I apologize in advance if this is really long, I just really need some advice. We were together for 9 months and everything seemed to be going well. I didn't think this day would come as everything seemed perfect. She is very sheltered so we rarely got to hang out outside of our college. We would spend most of our time at school. Our relationship was very intense and fast paced since the start. Since we first started going out, she always felt that we were going way too fast, yet she said she couldn't help it because it felt right to her. We are both each other's first partner, and everything we were doing was completely new to us. We talked so much on the phone--probably more than when we've ever actually spent time together. She had a very rough childhood, and always kept everything to herself. She claimed to have told me stuff that she couldn't even tell her own family. She also said that she's always felt comfortable with me since we first met, and it was something that she had never experienced before, not even with her former best friends. We've got into little fights here and there about natural jealous stuff, but I was always more jealous than she ever was. However the past 2 months, we've been arguing about how I don't give her enough space, and I would tell her maybe it was because I didn't get to see her much because of how she couldn't hang out outside of school being that she's sheltered. About two weeks ago I had a talk with her about how I didn't feel loved anymore/felt like this wasn't going anywhere, and she comforted me by saying that she loved me and that she'd always be there for me, and everything felt good again. I guess I just constantly needed some reassurance. Then suddenly out of the blue, one day we were talking normally, and I thought she was joking when she said its probably better if we just be "best friends". When I asked her why, she told me that for the past two weeks she's been thinking about what I said and she told me she didn't want to hurt me anymore and hold me back from the things I wanted to do with her. She said she couldn't give me the things I wanted. She was telling me stuff like it was too emotionally draining for her and it was interfering with her studies because she was so distracted. I told her then maybe we can take a break or take a step back in our relationship but she told me "no". She kept insisting that we just be friends from now on. I told her that I wouldn't be her friend because it would hurt too much, so she proposed that we probably shouldn't see each other anymore. I just don't see why she wouldn't try to make it work. I asked her if we could ever be together again later on and she told me she didn't think so. I don't get why all of a sudden she feels like we can't ever work this, even in the future. I asked her so many times if she's met someone else, and she always said no. She said she didn't want anyone else, and she didn't want me to have anyone else. It's true cause I'm always with her so there's no way she could be seeing another guy. Also I have no evidence to convict her of that. She even has jokingly told me that she would "hate my new girlfriend". So I'm pretty sure she's telling the truth when she says that it wasn't because she met someone else. 2 days ago I told her that after this semester (because we have the same class) I would not be in contact with her anymore, she looked sad but she said that it was fine. When I hugged her she started crying, and I said I loved her and she was angry that I said that. Today we had class together, when I got to school I texted her "hello" and she ignored me. Also, when we were about to go to class when I saw her, she didn't even say hi to me, I had to talk to her or she would have ignored me. I asked her if she wanted to have lunch and she said "no". Then she left early after class, and I told her to wait for me, and she just left. I'm not understanding why she's trying to avoid me now. It's weird because we blocked each other from Instagram, but she still has my mom as a friend (who she barely even knows), and likes my mom's pictures and stuff, maybe trying to get my attention I don't know. Should I just leave her alone? Or should I just show her some way that I still want to be with her? I don't want to lose her forever. I'm afraid if I don't do something now, then we really will never get to talk to each other again after this semester. I'm also afraid that she'll think I don't care about her anymore. I want her back so badly.
Author GeBa Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 I also don't want her to get used to us being apart which is why I'm hesitant about cutting all contact. Hmm what to do?
Author GeBa Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 I'm really overwhelmed by all this. I need some advice
Chi townD Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Dude, you need to leave her alone. One thing you'll learn about women that if they decide on something it usually takes divine intervention to change their minds. In other words, you're screwed. Right now, with all the contact you're trying to start with her AFTER she dump you makes you look desperate and annoying. I know that this isn't what you want to hear. But, lets face it. SHE made the choice to have you out of her life. SHE made the choice to never entertain the thought of EVER getting back with you. So.....you got your answer. Why do you want to hang arond someone that DOESN'T want you around? Have some dignity! You need to start No Contact with her (NC). Block her on Facebook and change your number. She needs to start to see what life is going to be like without you in it. Time to heal and move on. AND also, STOP BEING A HERMIT!!! Get out and do things! Your in College! Join a club or something. KEEP BUSY!!! 1
Author GeBa Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 Thanks for your reply man! What if she then decides to start contacting me again? Should I just ignore her? Or how do we make it work but with me leveling out the power again?
Chi townD Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 (edited) Okay, she finalized everything with you. You can look at your relationship as a job. When you're at a job and they lay you off, do you go back in there to hang out and do some work for free? Do you still send everyone at your first job christmas cards every year? NO! You move on, dust off the resume and find a new job! Well, your girlfriend fired you. She basically said your services as a boyfriend are no longer required. Okay, time to dust off that resume and you move on! NC is not a punishment and it not something you do to try to win your Ex back. It's a tool to help you heal and move on. IS NC hard? Absolutely! It will be the hardest thing you can do. But, you can get through it one day at a time. And you can always post here. People will walk you through it. Will your Ex contact you again? In your case, I would say that it is a VERY real possibility because she was so adamit that you two become friends. Lets face it. You're not her friend. I'm sure you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with the end result being you two are nothing more than "really good friends". If she calls you, let it go to voicemail and then post here. If she texts you, ignore it and post here. If she e-mails you. Ignore it and post here. People will listen and give you solid advice. Any text that she sends is going to be breadcrumbs to keep you strung along with false hope. The ONLY thing you could possibly entertain is "I'm sorry. I made a mistake and I want to come back." anything else is just breadcrumbs. Edited November 29, 2012 by Chi townD 1
Author GeBa Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 Okay, she finalized everything with you. You can look at your relationship as a job. When you're at a job and they lay you off, do you go back in there to hang out and do some work for free? Do you still send everyone at your first job christmas cards every year? NO! You move on, dust off the resume and find a new job! Well, your girlfriend fired you. She basically said your services as a boyfriend are no longer required. Okay, time to dust off that resume and you move on! NC is not a punishment and it not something you do to try to win your Ex back. It's a tool to help you heal and move on. IS NC hard? Absolutely! It will be the hardest thing you can do. But, you can get through it one day at a time. And you can always post here. People will walk you through it. Will your Ex contact you again? In your case, I would say that it is a VERY real possibility because she was so adamit that you two become friends. Lets face it. You're not her friend. I'm sure you didn't get into a loving and caring relationship with the end result being you two are nothing more than "really good friends". If she calls you, let it go to voicemail and then post here. If she texts you, ignore it and post here. If she e-mails you. Ignore it and post here. People will listen and give you solid advice. Any text that she sends is going to be breadcrumbs to keep you strung along with false hope. The ONLY thing you could possibly entertain is "I'm sorry. I made a mistake and I want to come back." anything else is just breadcrumbs. Thank you so much for the advice once again. I'm looking to stick around on these forums they've been so helpful and supportive. I'm getting through this one step at a time.
Recommended Posts