Cutiepie1976 Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 He should just be himself then. He's over thinking the whole situation and its not beneficial. So what if he secretly wants to stalk her? He should stalk her then. And be okay with it since he's just doing his thing. It's better than trying to deny your feelings. Sorry, but I have disagree! As someone who's had to have the police get involved twice, no it's not okay!! Mentally unstable, obsessive people do this. NORMAL people...if the thought even crosses their mind (!)...do not give in to the urge to stake out someone's home, workplace, places they frequent, etc. and follow the person around. They may not be thrilled with the break-up, but they accept that the person no longer wants to see them, respect boundaries, and find socially acceptable ways to deal with their loss. Stalking is never okay!
Author cavalier99 Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 Sorry, but I have disagree! As someone who's had to have the police get involved twice, no it's not okay!! Mentally unstable, obsessive people do this. NORMAL people...if the thought even crosses their mind (!)...do not give in to the urge to stake out someone's home, workplace, places they frequent, etc. and follow the person around. They may not be thrilled with the break-up, but they accept that the person no longer wants to see them, respect boundaries, and find socially acceptable ways to deal with their loss. Stalking is never okay! I think this poster amaysyngrace was being sarcastic. But i didn't quite understand using the idea of stalking to make her point ..and her point eludes me.
Cutiepie1976 Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 I was hoping she was joking too. But I can't seem to get that even after multiple reads of the post.
Simon Phoenix Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Oh man that is totally hilarious. Well it seems that way now i hope lol. I can empathize. Huge adrenalin rush and plus weird feeling like she is going to think im waiting here for her. Which is absolutely ridiculous. Your situation looked even worse. Man what if she saw you in the garage and then in the bar. I know how you feel, no wonder i felt sort of slimy and dirty because that is how THEY would see us if they thought we wanted to see them and were showing up were they were on purpose. I believe I've had a insight. Guess I'm still giving her power over me in my mind. Must cut that crap out! Thank for your story. I feel better after yours lol. I'm pretty positive she did not see me in the garage. I saw her again a few weeks after this incident for the first "official" time since the break (she's the sister-in-law of my best friend and he and his wife, her sister, came down to visit in a pre-arranged outing before the break) and it was never mentioned by either party. I'm hoping she was just as freaked out by her potential "stalking" as I was. I think if she was affected by it I would have known though -- I get updates on her even when I don't want them (which I never really do anymore).
amaysngrace Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 I think this poster amaysyngrace was being sarcastic. But i didn't quite understand using the idea of stalking to make her point ..and her point eludes me. You are the one who said you felt like a stalker, didnt you? Why let somebody control your life by avoidance? That's BS in my opinion. You wanted to go there so you went there. What's the big deal? I think it's better than avoiding the places you use to go. To me that's crazy.
suladas Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 You are the one who said you felt like a stalker, didnt you? Why let somebody control your life by avoidance? That's BS in my opinion. You wanted to go there so you went there. What's the big deal? I think it's better than avoiding the places you use to go. To me that's crazy. Agreed, it's not easy to see them but much better to just face it. And after it feels much better. 1
amaysngrace Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 I feel like a stalker Yeah...and I still say this is better than avoiding a place if you want to go there. Screw her...she doesn't own that place. It's not like you were trespassing. And also yeah...I think you wanted to bump into her somewhere in the back of your mind. So why are you freaking about possibly seeing her when you knew that there was a good chance you might? You make no sense.
notsosuperman Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Getting over my ex gf and coping with my emotions is really hard for me atm.. Not only was she my first loveand dumped me - but we go to the same school.. I see her every single day, several times! And the only thing I do, is nothing. I pretend that she is not there, but it is so difficult sometimes..
amaysngrace Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 Getting over my ex gf and coping with my emotions is really hard for me atm.. Not only was she my first loveand dumped me - but we go to the same school.. I see her every single day, several times! And the only thing I do, is nothing. I pretend that she is not there, but it is so difficult sometimes.. Yeah but you don't have a choice but to go there everyday. Cavalier chose to go there. Which is why I don't understand why he started this thread.
Author cavalier99 Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 (edited) Yeah but you don't have a choice but to go there everyday. Cavalier chose to go there. Which is why I don't understand why he started this thread. Let me clarify. This thread has been fun. Reread the responses and great stories. I dont NEED a reason for starting it and people have enjoyed it! I didnt plan on seeing her nor did I seek out a place just hoping she would come by. I agree that I do not want to be contolled and have gone many places that we used to frequent because I wont live my life in fear of running into her. Again if I felt a certain way for a few minutes big f-in deal. I know who I am you dont. And this whole thing was a small blip in my day and it was FUN to post about and produced some great stories. You seem to be extra sensitive about this. Lighten up. Edited November 29, 2012 by cavalier99
Author cavalier99 Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 (edited) Yeah...and I still say this is better than avoiding a place if you want to go there. Screw her...she doesn't own that place. It's not like you were trespassing. And also yeah...I think you wanted to bump into her somewhere in the back of your mind. So why are you freaking about possibly seeing her when you knew that there was a good chance you might? You make no sense. I agree that she doesnt own the place...point well taken. And who know maybe many of us at one point or imagine seeing our Ex's and feelings indifferent in the back of our minds..so what. Was I going to Starbucks just longing to see her upon reflection ...NO. I was interested in striking up conversation with cute girls who frequent this Starbucks near a University. And truth be told it wasnt a HUGE freak out. My post spent time documenting my emotions of the MOMENT. I am not going thru my day freaking out about seeing her or even thinking about her all the time now. I have been doing quite well thank you. I had certain feelings breifly and posted. If I had actually run into Im sure I would have been fine..been polite and rolled out. Im sure I wouldnt have burst into flames. That being said I dont think seeing her after 2 months would have been good for me but who knows? I might have felt nothing. This happened to me after another relationship and I really showed me how much I had moved on but that was 6 months after BU. At this ponit Im not sure why I am explaining myself. I was good topic as far as im concerned and to many on this forum ... end of story. You made your point about not letting others have control over you and your actions and I agree we shouldnt. Edited November 29, 2012 by cavalier99
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