How have you dealt with running into or seeing your EX

[cavalier99]

So Im going to grab a cup of coffee at starbucks with my dog in the back seat. He is a beutiful pure bread Golden Retreiver (show dog breeding) and I have made it a habit after the BU 2 months ago to go out with him.

 

It is great for meeting people and being social. I dont normally go to this Starbucks because it is close to her work..but Im going that way today and think nothing of stopping there. (I used to go here and buy her a cup of coffee many mornings when she didnt get her morning fix).

 

So I get my cup of coffee and then get my dog out of the car and am sitting out site at a table. It is 1130 am and Im not even thinking about running into her. I was more focused on the 3 cute girls that had waked into the starbucks a few minutes before.

 

Anyway, I start to get this strange feeling sitting outside on a cold day at this specific Starbucks with my Dog (who she absolutley loved).

 

And I think WOW Id look sort of weird sitting here if she happens to roll by. So not 30 seconds later I notice a car EXACALTY like the one I helped her pick out this last summer waiting to enter the parking lot.

 

I cant make out the driver but it looks female. Im frozen...MIND is racing NO FOOLINS Guide flashing thru my brain. Smile, Wave, Roll Out, Dont say anything, DONT LET HER PET THE DOG WHATEVER YOU DO....Escape Quickly!!!

 

Anyway this car enters parking lot...

 

.......turns around an leaves.

 

What the F-K It had to be her.

 

I was fine but I sort of started looking a my phone after. She is blocked anyway. I feel strange now. I feel like a stalker ....or am I worried she thinks im staking her...waiting for her everyday at Starbucks.

 

I havent done this and I could have driven by her work numerous times to see if she is there and I dont. I dont know anything about her life for 2 months now.

 

Why do I feel so weird? I didnt even see her and am not even sure it was her (90% sure). Why else would that car turn around and leave..weird.

 

Anyway Im not even sure how I feel. I have been doing really well and the worst of the suffering seems to be over. Just looking for some reassurance..is this going to set me back?

 

Was I subconciously getting near her. Is it possible for her to think that I was waiting there for her?? I feel slimey and dirty and I havent done anything. What the F.

 

This is bad for my confidence. FUUUU-K

Edited November 28, 2012 by cavalier99

[KatZee]

First of all... relax.

 

Thousands of people on this planet have the same car. You also didn't get a look at the driver. Your mind decided to play tricks and think it looked female. You were playing mind movies and all of a sudden you're playing out the imagination in the real world.

 

You have no idea if it was your ex. You have no idea why that car pulled in and pulled out. I do that all the time in large parking lots if I have to do a U-turn. I pull in to a restaurant/gas station/store lot and I flip back around and go on my way.

 

You're over thinking and turning something into something else that it probably isn't. You didn't see her. You didn't run into her. Since you're this paranoid and freaked over a situation in which you DIDN'T see her, I can't imagine what would happen if you truly did. Stay away from that Starbucks from now on.

[cavalier99]

First of all... relax.

 

Thousands of people on this planet have the same car. You also didn't get a look at the driver. Your mind decided to play tricks and think it looked female.

 

You have no idea if it was your ex. You have no idea why that car pulled in and pulled out. I do that all the time in large parking lots if I have to do a U-turn. I pull in to a restaurant/gas station/store lot and I flip back around and go on my way.

 

You're over thinking and turning something into something else that it probably isn't. You didn't see her. You didn't run into her. Since you're this paranoid and freaked over a situation in which you DIDN'T see her, I can't imagine what would happen if you truly did. Stay away from that Starbucks from now on.

 

Well it was the exact car model and soooo close to her work. And her bank and cleaners are also in that shopping center and come to think of it that is the hour she occasionally ran out to get coffee or make a deposit. And the car looked like it made a beeline out of there. Not imaginig this.

 

Eitherway you are right. It isnt a big deal. I think if it was her I would have handled it fine and rolled out. It just felt so weird and that is what concerns me. Hey...I need to post about something right lol I guess i should be grateful I havent had much drama post breakup. Thank G-D

Edited November 28, 2012 by cavalier99

[KatZee]

just felt so weird and that is what concerns me.

 

That only shows you're not over her. The feelings are still there. So if you don't want to be caught feeling weird again, stay away from her area. I'm sure there are other Starbucks around you. Better yet, hit up Dunkin Donuts. They have better coffee.

[beyond]

Yep, probably wasn't her at all, but our minds play tricks and as you were thinking about her, you put two and two together about the car and made five.

Besides, worse case scenario - say it WAS her, you have nothing to feel bad about. You were sitting with your dog drinking coffee in a public place - it is allowed!

You certainly wouldn't appear to her as a stalker. If you were sat outside her work or house day after day, then yes, but not this.

It's ok, you're fine, you survived it.

 

xx

[jwhite]

I too had a scare yesterday, only it was her showing up to my house to drop the rest of my unwanted crap that I just threw in the trash. She didnt knock or anything.

 

I know that feeling that you got when you saw 'her' car though. It is like a strong pounding of blood coursing through your body and head, followed by a "oh Sh-t I am totally unprepared for this" flight or flight response.

 

Personally, I think you may be right about your subconscious.

 

I have been modifying NC since pretty much day one. It has almost gotten to the point where I want to block my brothers phone from her number as well. Its my new hobby lol.

[cavalier99]

I too had a scare yesterday, only it was her showing up to my house to drop the rest of my unwanted crap that I just threw in the trash. She didnt knock or anything.

 

I know that feeling that you got when you saw 'her' car though. It is like a strong pounding of blood coursing through your body and head, followed by a "oh Sh-t I am totally unprepared for this" flight or flight response.

 

Personally, I think you may be right about your subconscious.

 

I have been modifying NC since pretty much day one. It has almost gotten to the point where I want to block my brothers phone from her number as well. Its my new hobby lol.

 

Did it affect you? I guess after reading all these threads I got all worked up. Ive been so good with NC it has beecome a mission to recover and have no setbacks and not break NC

 

It was like

... this is the moment you have prepared for just in case

 

..you have 2 months of countless threads under you belt, 3 breakup books, meditaion and prayer, Gym, new wardrobe.

 

..you look great, hair is even blow dried with gel!!

 

....and......Who gives F-K

 

EMERGRNCY!! EMERGENCY!!

 

THIS IS NOT A DRILL NOT A DRILL!!!

 

MOVE TO DEFCON 2. ...CAR IS TURNING... DEFCON 1, DEFCON 1 IMMEDIATLY IMPLENTED ESCAPE PLAN PROCEDURES!!! NOW!

 

Car leaves. What the F. I was all ready.

 

Guess I need to chill. Im just laughing at myself now. Im fine. Im going to Dunkin Donuts in the future lol:eek:

[jwhite]

I was laughing so hard at that last post of yours I was crying!

 

Of COURSE it affected me. I am still messed up and have been on here and ENA for a couple of hours now. lol

 

I thought about the same stuff. I was prepared for this, gone over the convo in my head like a million times....blah blah. Not but 10 seconds later I was in panic mode too. Immediately forgot EVERYTHING. lol

[suladas]

I would avoid going there if seeing her hurts that much, unless you want to deal with the pain, because each time it will hurt less, and eventually you won't care to run into her. Speaking as someone who has ran into their ex about a million times. I stopped avoiding it. I've seen her car in the grocery parking lot or whatever still go in, not going to avoid going somewhere just to not see someone. Depends on your situation, it is easier to just never see them though.

[na49]

I need to see my ex because we have classes together, should I just not look her way? That's what I've been doing.

[suladas]

I need to see my ex because we have classes together, should I just not look her way? That's what I've been doing.

 

Depends how strong you are, feelings for the ex still, how often you see them, etc. I avoided a bit at first, but eventually just hit it head on and dealt with the pain. Now it's much better, because i don't think about it. Wondering if you're going to see them, etc is annoying.

[cavalier99]

Suladas..I empathize with you. You are definitly stronger than me. I didnt even see her. I guess youve just become immune to it now. In some ways your lucky because it has probably been harder and forced you to really face your demons.

 

You must be laughing your ass off at me lol. Anway im glad you are doing well. For me it was just a weird false alarm. It let me know I have a ways to go inspite of feeling good recently:cool:

[na49]

Depends how strong you are, feelings for the ex still, how often you see them, etc. I avoided a bit at first, but eventually just hit it head on and dealt with the pain. Now it's much better, because i don't think about it. Wondering if you're going to see them, etc is annoying.

 

I consider myself pretty strong. Feelings are diminishing every day of NC, and I see her three days a week. I'd rather not have to see her at all but it's annoying when you KNOW you are going to see her.

[suladas]

Suladas..I empathize with you. You are definitly stronger than me. I didnt even see her. I guess youve just become immune to it now. In some ways your lucky because it has probably been harder and forced you to really face your demons.

 

You must be laughing your ass off at me lol. Anway im glad you are doing well. For me it was just a weird false alarm. It let me know I have a ways to go inspite of feeling good recently:cool:

 

I think it was I could of stayed in bed forever crying about loosing her or I could move on with my life. It's not easy, I wouldn't wish it on anyone but ya it definitely made me stronger being in that situation.

[amaysngrace]

Which ex?

 

My exBF and I are friends so we talk when we see each other.

 

My exH and I have kids so there's no getting around talking to him.

 

And my exexBF and I have a child too so again, same thing. But he called me as soon as he found out that I was having a crisis with my daughter(not his) just to let me know if there's anything he can do to call him.

 

So...why not just be yourself? Why the need to "act" at all?

[suladas]

I don't think it's that he needs to act, it just a really weird feeling seeing someone after a BU when you still have feelings for them.

[amaysngrace]

He should just be himself then. He's over thinking the whole situation and its not beneficial. So what if he secretly wants to stalk her? He should stalk her then. And be okay with it since he's just doing his thing.

 

It's better than trying to deny your feelings.

[gullibleme]

Oh man I know exactly how you felt when you thought it was her...I took on a part time job and was working as a cashier at a local store...I just got off my lunch break and the A**hole Ex was at the next register with his GF...UGH! I started to shake uncontrollably...it was horrible...lol..I don't know if he saw me or not but I just couldn't look in his direction once I saw he was there....totally ruined the rest of the night for me too

[cavalier99]

He should just be himself then. He's over thinking the whole situation and its not beneficial. So what if he secretly wants to stalk her? He should stalk her then. And be okay with it since he's just doing his thing.

 

It's better than trying to deny your feelings.

 

Woah there. What are you trying to say? Nobody is secretly wishing to stalk anyone..certainly not me.

 

Have i missed something in this thread? I posted about a funny response to a situation where i thought i was going to see my ex for the first time in 2 months. And im not over thinking anything now.

 

It was all over quickly after adreanline rush and these thought flashed thru my brain and i moved on. Im not sitting here dwelling on this nor was i about 10 minutes after it happened..but i decided to post about it. No more no less. I feel fine and it was worth a good laugh.

[Simon Phoenix]

Had this happen a few weeks after we broke up. I was still somewhat trying to get her to talk to me and had left a message on her voicemail the day before. Anyway, I was hanging out at the pier walking the beach enjoying a Friday afternoon off from work when I went to the parking garage to feed the meter, as I had only put two hours in, the time was up and I wanted to stay longer. As I walked up the stairs to the second floor of the garage I saw her going to the very same automated meter that I was headed to.

 

I had a rush of panic, because she was obviously avoiding me and the last thing I wanted to do was for her to think I was stalking her for any reason even though I had been there first, and ran right up the stairs past the meter she was standing at (which was about 10-15 feet from the stairwell) so she wouldn't see me. I waited on the next level for about 2-3 minutes until I was pretty sure she was gone to wherever the hell she was going before going to the meter.

 

I almost just left, but I was sort of panicking, half wanting to run into her again and half dreading the f--k out of it because I was in no state to schmooze with her. So I figure I would take a walk to clear my head and go get a drink (there are about 10-12 bars in this area, along with several restaurants) and figured I had a 90 percent chance of picking a bar that she wouldn't be at. So I pick a bar that her and I never went to when we were seeing each other, figuring that'd be safe and I could down a couple drinks and calm down before getting out of dodge.

 

So I go to this bar and head immediately to the auxiliary bar part (there were two bars you could sit at or an assload of tables) looking straight ahead. I'm chillin at the bar, having beers and calming down. However, where I was sitting was right along the path to the bathroom, and I see two of her co-workers walking out of the bathroom toward where I was sitting. Luckily they didn't see or acknowledge me, but I knew that I inexplicably picked the bar she was at, or she just happened to arrive at the bar that I was at after me (I was on drink no. 2 at this point). I knew then that I had to GTFO. I finished my drink quickly but not chugging and basically looked ahead and didn't look to either side as I walked out of the bar so I wouldn't accidentally make eye contact.

 

I get outside of the bar and exhale, looking to the right through the window and see the back of her shirt at a table that was situated to where she was looking directly at my back when I was sitting at the bar. I basically ran to my car and went home, giving whoever was parking at my spot next a free hour of parking. Kind of spooked me out the entire night, though I knew that she would never call me on "stalking" (even though I didn't stalk at all obviously) because she would be just as guilty as I was. I don't avoid the area though -- it's my area -- I'm not giving it up -- and it was a freak occurrence. If it happened again (which is doubtful because she recently moved 20 minutes away according to her brother-in-law, who is my best friend) I could easily talk to her now, but then it was bad idea jeans.

[cavalier99]

Had this happen a few weeks after we broke up. I was still somewhat trying to get her to talk to me and had left a message on her voicemail the day before. Anyway, I was hanging out at the pier walking the beach enjoying a Friday afternoon off from work when I went to the parking garage to feed the meter, as I had only put two hours in, the time was up and I wanted to stay longer. As I walked up the stairs to the second floor of the garage I saw her going to the very same automated meter that I was headed to.

 

I had a rush of panic, because she was obviously avoiding me and the last thing I wanted to do was for her to think I was stalking her for any reason even though I had been there first, and ran right up the stairs past the meter she was standing at (which was about 10-15 feet from the stairwell) so she wouldn't see me. I waited on the next level for about 2-3 minutes until I was pretty sure she was gone to wherever the hell she was going before going to the meter.

 

I almost just left, but I was sort of panicking, half wanting to run into her again and half dreading the f--k out of it because I was in no state to schmooze with her. So I figure I would take a walk to clear my head and go get a drink (there are about 10-12 bars in this area, along with several restaurants) and figured I had a 90 percent chance of picking a bar that she wouldn't be at. So I pick a bar that her and I never went to when we were seeing each other, figuring that'd be safe and I could down a couple drinks and calm down before getting out of dodge.

 

So I go to this bar and head immediately to the auxiliary bar part (there were two bars you could sit at or an assload of tables) looking straight ahead. I'm chillin at the bar, having beers and calming down. However, where I was sitting was right along the path to the bathroom, and I see two of her co-workers walking out of the bathroom toward where I was sitting. Luckily they didn't see or acknowledge me, but I knew that I inexplicably picked the bar she was at, or she just happened to arrive at the bar that I was at after me (I was on drink no. 2 at this point). I knew then that I had to GTFO. I finished my drink quickly but not chugging and basically looked ahead and didn't look to either side as I walked out of the bar so I wouldn't accidentally make eye contact.

 

I get outside of the bar and exhale, looking to the right through the window and see the back of her shirt at a table that was situated to where she was looking directly at my back when I was sitting at the bar. I basically ran to my car and went home, giving whoever was parking at my spot next a free hour of parking. Kind of spooked me out the entire night, though I knew that she would never call me on "stalking" (even though I didn't stalk at all obviously) because she would be just as guilty as I was. I don't avoid the area though -- it's my area -- I'm not giving it up -- and it was a freak occurrence. If it happened again (which is doubtful because she recently moved 20 minutes away according to her brother-in-law, who is my best friend) I could easily talk to her now, but then it was bad idea jeans.

 

Oh man that is totally hilarious. Well it seems that way now i hope lol. I can empathize. Huge adrenalin rush and plus weird feeling like she is going to think im waiting here for her. Which is absolutely ridiculous.

 

Your situation looked even worse. Man what if she saw you in the garage and then in the bar. I know how you feel, no wonder i felt sort of slimy and dirty because that is how THEY would see us if they thought we wanted to see them and were showing up were they were on purpose. I believe I've had a insight.

 

Guess I'm still giving her power over me in my mind. Must cut that crap out! Thank for your story. I feel better after yours lol.

[cavalier99]

Oh man I know exactly how you felt when you thought it was her...I took on a part time job and was working as a cashier at a local store...I just got off my lunch break and the A**hole Ex was at the next register with his GF...UGH! I started to shake uncontrollably...it was horrible...lol..I don't know if he saw me or not but I just couldn't look in his direction once I saw he was there....totally ruined the rest of the night for me too

 

Sorry about that. That is rough. Seeing them together

 

In previous relationship ran into my recent ex and her new boy friend (an ex of hers) in best buy. I also thought i saw her car in parking lot. Turns out she saw me in parking but not in store. I was peeking around isles trying to get a look at the guy and could see them holding hands. And the guy was a supermodel compared to me. What a kick in the balls.

 

Then i just couldn't handle it anymore and bolted. I got back together with this girl for a another year and we joked about it. She was soooo sorry i needed to see that.

 

Anyway that was semi traumatic for me. I didn't even think about that situation until i read your post. I must have blocked it out...i was soo soo mad and shaken up because it was so soon after we broke up, just days after good bye sex.

[gullibleme]

Sorry I had to laugh at the thought of you peeking around isles..lol. Isn't it just amazing the effect one person can have on another...it makes us literally sick in the beginning after a breakup...unable to eat, cope, sleep...then we finally feel somewhat ourselves and BAM!! we see them and the rush of fear or adrenaline or something just overcomes us...I am just amazed at the amount of emotion it stirs up in a persons body. I laugh at how stupid it all is and how I wish I could just be like "Oh Hi, how are you" I just can't at this point...too much hurt even though he wanted us to be able to do that if we saw each other after the breakup. Anyway thanks for the giggle...I know my reaction was stupid and am well on my way to recovery but a little set back and still moving on

[Cutiepie1976]

Love your post. It made me smile.

 

I was going to spend the day at a friend's. My ex-BF and I belong to the same gym, but go to different locations. (He lives over an hour away from me.) His gym was two minutes from my friend's house and the most convenient option that day since the club I usually use would have added an extra 25 minutes to my commute, and the others along the way were also a little out of the way. Well, I inconvenienced myself rather than risk looking like a crazy stalker ex-GF.)

 

When you are over her, what she thinks will no longer matter. You're not there yet. Obviously, neither am I!

[suladas]

As weird as it sounds, I think it was good to be confronted with a situation of seeing me ex and talking only 2 days after the BU. sure I wanted to avoid it and didn't think I was strong enough, but I did fine. Plus it is a bit easier when they are acting and talking a bit different it is clear they are hurting to, that helped me also I think.