Cag121 Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 I'm 22 and in the military. I joined straight out of high school where I usually always had a girlfriend. I was never sexually active but I'm not a virgin. I've been in for 3 years now and I havent had a girlfriend since. People around me are getting married or having kids or are in healthy relationships. I'm always the third wheel and I've really started to only want to do things alone because of it. I'm going through this phase of thinking I'm going to die alone. I can't talk to girls and girls in the military constantly have guys at their feet. I'm not hideous but I am balding. I'm not fat but I'm not cut or skinny. I'm really funny and that's all I feel I have mastered. My fear of failing with women keeps me from trying. I don't know what why I can't get over this. I feel like crying to someone but I'm in a world of alpha dogs that have healthy adult relationships. What's wrong with me? Sex isn't even a main driving force anymore; I just want someone!
Mrlonelyone Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 In the millitary, depending on where you are, you likely have access to a therapist of some kind. It sounds to me like you really need to talk to a professional about your issues. Try to remember this isn't a sign of weakness. Forget the alpha dog BS and take care of your mind. A soldier who feels the way you do would not perform well in combat. You are hurt, just the same as someone who's been shot.
Imported Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 (edited) You should have went aircrew, on transport planes. My time in the military was from one country to another staying in nice hotels, spending every single penny of my perdium on alcohol and good times. If you're gonna stay in, try to lateral over if you can. It was so much fun. Also, you're 22. You know what you know at 22? If you are thinking jack and ****, you might be on to something. Everything changes with time. Edited November 29, 2012 by Imported 1
amaysngrace Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 Thank you for serving. I'm sorry you're in a bad way right now. Maybe go see someone and sort it all out. You've been through a lot more than the ones who stayed behind and just got on with their lives. You've definitely taken the road less traveled. You will eventually have the same experiences as them but they will never have the experiences you've had. Wear that reality proudly.
magnoliasoutherly Posted December 7, 2012 Posted December 7, 2012 Request to be stationed in Korea.+1 on that. Women will be falling all over him. "Buy me drinkie?" OP, you are so young still. I was married to a GI (who did two tours in Korea, while we were married. I might add) and trust me, marriage that young is a serious mistake. I spent the worst 23 years of my life determined to make it work. It didn't. The local girls in most military posts are not usually interested in GI's unless all they want is marriage. My best friend Connie (I went to nursing school at Ft. Sill and Connie was a local) would never let me even set her up with a GI friend. She wanted no part in that. Are there no women back home? Korea is really a good idea. Most of those women want to marry and you'll have your pick.
Author Cag121 Posted December 9, 2012 Author Posted December 9, 2012 I'm in the navy, In a fighter squadron, all we do is travel from our home base to Nevada to the ship. Then we go on 6-8 month deployments. It's a huge deterrent for the women I meet. And navy (or marine) women aren't really the caliber of individual I'd want to be with. Being in so many places with women I would get with or don't want to get with me is torture. I'm always the 5th wheel. I feel if I don't get experience now, I'll be Fked for life.
magnoliasoutherly Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 Then we go on 6-8 month deployments. It's a huge deterrent for the women I meet. And navy (or marine) women aren't really the caliber of individual I'd want to be with... I feel if I don't get experience now, I'll be Fked for life.Ah. Well I hate to say this, but what you say is true. My ex was Army and coincidentally, I'm married to a retired Navy man. No, I don't have a thing for military necessarily (I met my ex when we were kids and were married before he joined; the current husband I didn't even know he was Navy when I met him). My husband had the same problems you are having, and I'm sure that is discouraging. He didn't get married for the first time until he was in his 30s. He was like you, he didn't sleep with a lot of women, but it wasn't enough for him either. Although, you are one up on him. He was a virgin until he was 22, which he still hates to this day but ah well. He felt exactly as you do, but - and you're going to hate hearing this - he now is thrilled that he waited. Financially he was very well off. All that money socked away, he did very well. The thing is, you are still so very young and I know you hate hearing that. You have an entire life for you out there. It just takes time and screw what your friends are doing. I married my first husband when we were young and note that I keep repeating first or second husband? It's more than likely most of your friends will be divorced one day. I was determined not to be one of those, but after 20 years of marriage I left miserable anyway. Twenty years wasted. I hate myself for that. I hear that you're feeling lonely, but what about dating sites? I've heard a lot of positives coming out of that. I wouldn't rely on it for relationships, but just to get out there and see people when you're stateside. For fun only, visit the local bars. You'll snag a few that way, so long as you're not shy. I wouldn't go there looking for a relationship though. I don't know if you're Atlantic or Pacific but my husband said his best times were in Thailand. Again, for fun only. 1
Gunny376 Posted December 9, 2012 Posted December 9, 2012 (edited) Being a career Marine ~ and now retired ~ looking back on it all? I wouldn't even waste my time with much more than dating, let alone with getting serious about anyone. If I could I would hav dedicated myself to my career and ate, sleep, thought, dreamed and lived for the Corps. I had a friend of mine, who got married why he was on the front side of twenty, (22) who was in the Corps. He came home one day, and the wife of a couple months was gone, and all she left was his uniforms, clothes and personal belongings. He moved back into the barracks, ate in the chowhall, lived and breathed the Marine Corps. Went on to make a twenty four year career of it. Retired as Marine Master Gunnery Sergeant. Retired, got a federal civil service job doing the exact same thing he did in the Marines. Except it pays about $25K more than he did in the Corps. (Supply Sergeant) On a Marine Logistics Base no less. He's got his Federal Civil Service Job coming in, his retirement from the Corps, his medical and dental, etc. He went out and bought twenty acres in SW GA, ~ paid cash. Built a 3000 sq ft house ~ paid cash. Built a half stable for his horses, sealed down the middle air tight. Other half is where he keeps his 4 wheelers, his Skidoo's, his bass boat and trailer, his classic 1969 Pontiac GTO "The Judge", his 69 Pontiac Firebird Convertable, (400, 4bbl) along with his ten Harley Davidsons! :eek: All bought and paid for. The wife has a Toyota 4Runner, he drives a Tundra. All of this compared to most other Marines that I know sitting around talking about their 1st, 2nd, and 3rd XHEX's! He's married now, has two children, has the time, money to spend "qualtiy" time with the wife and childrern. All of it that he wants! He took the time to lay a good solid foundtion for him and his Wife and family. He's not overworked, over stressed, worried about anything. Everything he's got is bought and paid for. They have everything they want and need. He gets thirteen paid holidays, a month vacation, another retirement check coming in on top of his military retirement, comp time, etc. Life is good! NO MAN PRIOR TO THE AGE OF THIRTY SHOULD EVEN THINK OF GETTING MARRIED!!!!! (You need that much time just to gain "relationship" experience and to not only decide what you want and looking for in a wife/partner/mate,....................BUT what your NOT looking for!) YOU CAN PAY UP FRONT WHEN YOUR YOUNG AND PLAY THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! Or you can PLAY when your young and WORK for the rest of your Life! Edited December 9, 2012 by Gunny376 1
speedstreak Posted December 17, 2012 Posted December 17, 2012 These things are hard because, as you said, it's a vicious circle. The deeper you get, the harder it is to climb, but the more you do need to trudge. People only require strength when they do not need it. But these things have a way of working themselves out, if only for a little effort in the beginning. Struggle is the father of all things, after all. But maybe mother is the luck? Keep trying.
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