Author deekay Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 There are almost always obstacles of some sort - but if you're determined you find a way. Nobody wants be hurt - but when people feel strongly enough about their partner, they will take the risk. You can't reassure her that it will work out. Most relationships don't work out. And even more LDR don't work out. Reality is against you here. You had 6 great months together. But that's really not that long in the scheme of things. Now you're in different countries and she dumped you because of your behaviour and because she doesn't see a future together. Unless you can change whatever behaviour she has objected to AND prove to her you have a future together (which would mean actually arranging to move to her country, as she doesn't seem able to move to yours), there's nothing you can say to her that's going to make her change her mind. Words are just words, if you want her to feel differently you need to take action. Let her go. Edit: she told you find another girl, because she doesn't see a future with you and she wants you to be happy and she wants you to leave her alone and move on. I gave her 2 options -- to stay in contact and wait til we see each other again, or permanently cut contact and move on with our lives. You claim that she doesn't see a future with me, and if what you said is absolutely true then she would have welcomed to cut contact and move on with our lives. But she didn't; instead, she wanted to keep in touch with me in case we ever see each other again. And regarding that "find another girl" talk, she told me that 4 months ago after our first "unofficial" breakup, yet when I visited her afterwards we were committed again. Does that ring any bell to you? I guess I'm trying to convince you that you're wrong and your advice doesn't work for all relationships because I'm just not ready to accept your advice yet.
movingon12 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 It's not that I claim that she doesn't see a future with you, you said she broke up with you for 2 reasons, and the 2nd reason was "She doubts that we'll ever meet and stay together". Dumpers very rarely want to completely break contact - as you will have seen from reading these threads, unless the dumpee has behaved atrociously (and sometimes, even then), the dumper wants to stay friends. They probably still have affectionate feelings towards the person they dumped and genuinely want to keep them in their lives, or they may well think that offering friendship is 'kinder' to the dumpee, or they may want to keep their options open in case they need someone to turn to between new partners. Read the threads: look at how many people are posting about dumpers wanting to be friends. It doesn't mean she wants to be your girlfriend. If she wanted to be your girlfriend she would have 'let' you persuade her by now. I'm well aware that you don't want to accept my advice, and of course that's your choice. But nothing you've said makes me think she will choose to get back together with you unless you can prove that you have a future with her. Which would mean moving. Maybe I'm wrong and there will be wedding bells in your future, but I doubt it. I wish you the best in this, but there's probably not much more I can say to you on the matter. Maybe someone else will tell you what you want to hear.
cavalier99 Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 It's not that I claim that she doesn't see a future with you, you said she broke up with you for 2 reasons, and the 2nd reason was "She doubts that we'll ever meet and stay together". Dumpers very rarely want to completely break contact - as you will have seen from reading these threads, unless the dumpee has behaved atrociously (and sometimes, even then), the dumper wants to stay friends. They probably still have affectionate feelings towards the person they dumped and genuinely want to keep them in their lives, or they may well think that offering friendship is 'kinder' to the dumpee, or they may want to keep their options open in case they need someone to turn to between new partners. Read the threads: look at how many people are posting about dumpers wanting to be friends. It doesn't mean she wants to be your girlfriend. If she wanted to be your girlfriend she would have 'let' you persuade her by now. I'm well aware that you don't want to accept my advice, and of course that's your choice. But nothing you've said makes me think she will choose to get back together with you unless you can prove that you have a future with her. Which would mean moving. Maybe I'm wrong and there will be wedding bells in your future, but I doubt it. I wish you the best in this, but there's probably not much more I can say to you on the matter. Maybe someone else will tell you what you want to hear. He will come around. In a few weeks he will be posting about NC. He just isnt ready yet. Denial phase. Good advise like always moninon12
KatZee Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 DeeKay--- You're in denial. If she wanted to make it work, she'd be with you. When you are in love with someone and you see a future with them, you MAKE it work. Just look at how you're acting. You can't stop texting. You're posting here all the time asking if she'll be back. You're claiming how amazing it was and you're hoping she'll be in touch to get back together. Your ex is doing NONE of these things. She left you. She moved on. Also, if this relationship was "so great for the both of you" she'd be with you. 95% of the time relationships are not hard to understand. When someone breaks up with you, it's because they don't want to date you. They don't want to make it work, they didn't think it was so great from there end. I think it would be a good idea to check this book out: It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken.
Author deekay Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 (edited) DeeKay--- You're in denial. If she wanted to make it work, she'd be with you. When you are in love with someone and you see a future with them, you MAKE it work. Just look at how you're acting. You can't stop texting. You're posting here all the time asking if she'll be back. You're claiming how amazing it was and you're hoping she'll be in touch to get back together. Your ex is doing NONE of these things. She left you. She moved on. Also, if this relationship was "so great for the both of you" she'd be with you. 95% of the time relationships are not hard to understand. When someone breaks up with you, it's because they don't want to date you. They don't want to make it work, they didn't think it was so great from there end. I think it would be a good idea to check this book out: It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken. So what do you suggest I do then? 1) Wait for her to call me so we can talk about this ultimatum 2) Call her and talk to her as if she's still my girlfriend 3) Cut contact despite her want to keep in touch 4) Cut contact until we get the chance to meet each other again 5) Cut contact permanently Edited December 3, 2012 by deekay
KatZee Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 So what do you suggest I do then? 1) Wait for her to call me so we can talk about this ultimatum 2) Call her and talk to her as if she's still my girlfriend 3) Cut contact despite her want to keep in touch 4) Cut contact until we get the chance to meet each other again 5) Cut contact permanently I really don't understand what's so difficult to comprehend about NC. NC AND MOVE ON. That means, stop playing these games. She dumped you. She's gone. Move on with your life. Don't contact her. Who cares what she wants at this point in time. It's not about her and what she wants anymore, unfortunately. Cut all contact and move on as if you're never seeing her again.
Author deekay Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 I really don't understand what's so difficult to comprehend about NC. NC AND MOVE ON. That means, stop playing these games. She dumped you. She's gone. Move on with your life. Don't contact her. Who cares what she wants at this point in time. It's not about her and what she wants anymore, unfortunately. Cut all contact and move on as if you're never seeing her again. You're so direct. Wish my ex was more like you. 1
Chi townD Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 wow......really?!?! Okay, you want to get something back from her. Some way to have you know that at least she's thinking about you....okay. Here we go. 1. Text her EVERY day. Wish her good morning. Then, in the afternoon, text that you hope that she's having a fantastic day. And then, text her good night every evening. 2. Try to send her a dozen roses at least once a week with a card professing your undying love for her. 3. Burn a CD of sappy love songs that you feel apply to your situation. 4. Send her an e-mail and go deep about how much she means to you. Put your heart out there. 5. Call her randomly throughout the day and keep it light. Explain that you just needed to hear her voice. 6. Like every little thing she posts in facebook. Even if it says her cat died. "like" it. Let her know you're interested in her day to day activities. You give, give and give until you can't give anymore and I promise you'll she'll send something back to you...... a Restraining Order....... 1
KatZee Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 You're so direct. Wish my ex was more like you. How about you say, "I hope my new girlfriend is like this." Who cares about your ex. She's in the past.
Author deekay Posted January 22, 2013 Author Posted January 22, 2013 (edited) Yeah well I moved on and don't really care anymore, still look at the photos from time to time we took but fortunately doesn't have any effect on me tried calling her to see how she's doing, but ignored all my calls. so yeah, screw her for wasting my time.. i have a new girlfriend already but i'm more interested in another girl.. for a year, we've seen each other from time to time but didn't really talk until i started casually talking to her like, "yeah, not having fun at this place are you?" she just giggled and we kind of flirted only a bit but had to leave soon so i couldn't talk to her more.. then i added her on fb (we have a bunch of mutual friends) and then messaged her "hey thanks for the add sucks that we didnt get to know each other better =/" she replied, "Haha finally i dont check my fb status that much sorry And i wish we could talk more each other... Youre going back?" i said, "we can still talk while im gone til u see me again. ^^ idk much about u yet.. are u staying here temporarily?" btw i'm far away at college atm.. and it's been 2 weeks since i sent that message; it said "Seen Jan. 4" and idk why she didnt reply.. what do you think? should i say something back? i talked to a close friend of mine about this (a female) and said that she might have just opened FB and was distracted by something else and forgot to reply, or other excuses.. any advice is appreciated. Edited January 22, 2013 by deekay
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