Jethro Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 I just don't get it... I think I'm reasonably attractive, I have a very good career making pretty good money, I have good pics up, I'm not a creeper, I message nice, thoughtful messages... I'm a bit overweight, I'm honest about it, also honest about how I exercise every single day, I am incredibly active, I'm a freaking catch I tell ya! I can spell, I'm funny... I have a ton of hobbies and friends. I will give any woman who wants to tell me what is the problem $50 to review and comment at length what could possibly be wrong with my OKC profile. I'm not kidding either... this is just insane. I have messaged no less than 150 women in the past 5 months and gotten zero responses! Is it possible to be black listed somehow? They usually look at my profile, then I hear nothing. There simply must be something abhorrent about what I have written, but I can't for the life of me figure it out and I'm not exactly a stupid person. I have a really great outlook despite unexpectedly becoming single at 41. I'm happy and in fact, really quite confident. It makes zero sense that I can't even get a friend, let alone a real date.
SmileFace Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Eh, forget the money. Just post your profile here -- and let us have a look-see. 2
Author Jethro Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 (edited) Well, I am a little freaked out by putting it up but I guess I am absolutely blown away by this and I'm probably just going to delete it anyway... Edited November 28, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator time to remove url, before google catalogs it and every girl you contact googles you winds up here
truth_seeker Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Most women just like to look (window shopping). Ever see a woman at the mall? She spends hours looking, trying things on, but she can leave without buying a single thing. OLD is in a way the exact same thing. Most just like to look, kill some time. If something wows them, they will splurge. On a side note: If you win the Powerball, I can 100% guarantee you can have all of the women you could ever imagined.
Author Jethro Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 Yeah, I'm sure I'll be winning Powerball tonight and will be all set. So online dating just doesn't work for guys? This sucks. I don't know how else I'll meet people.
truth_seeker Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Are there a lot of people where you live? I think if you lived in a major city you could join various groups and build a network.
Author Jethro Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 Are there a lot of people where you live? I think if you lived in a major city you could join various groups and build a network. Yeah, not so much. I live in the country, but we pretty much all do here in NH.
runningfar Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Profile looks great... I would respond, so I am not sure. If online dating is as hard as people say on here, maybe the weight (I don't think you look bad at all) or the income (its a little low for your age group for my area. Based on my friends. I just don't know about your area or anything about online dating.) Meeting people in person is better.
Drseussgrrl Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Honestly it was a bit wordy for my taste. Like a resume. Sometimes a bit less is more.
gaius Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 I have a few thoughts but I'm not sure how honest you want me to be. Full blown kick in the nuts honest or a few minor suggestions no feelings hurt honest? You're going to have trouble getting straight talk from the women around here because most of them are kind people and it's hard to be blunt with someone who seems like a nice guy. 2
Author Jethro Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 Did you send messages to the women who are like you: overweight, high school graduates, and have the same interests? Yes, absolutely. I make sure I go through all the questions and that we have common interests.
Author Jethro Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 I have a few thoughts but I'm not sure how honest you want me to be. Full blown kick in the nuts honest or a few minor suggestions no feelings hurt honest? You're going to have trouble getting straight talk from the women around here because most of them are kind people and it's hard to be blunt with someone who seems like a nice guy. I could care less, I have thick skin, but I'd appreciate it if you would tell me if you are a male or female and what your age is in your reply.
Author Jethro Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 Honestly it was a bit wordy for my taste. Like a resume. Sometimes a bit less is more. I never considered that... but isn't it sort of a resume?
dasein Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 I can definitely help you here. Male close to your age but with significant OLD experience and success. 1. Pictures, your main picture is not a flattering picture. Many women won't even look further. Bad shading on your face. You are not a fat guy, but the camera adds weight, and the angles are unflattering. You also have a large head/face which looks larger from certain angles and should be photgraphed just a bit farther away. Have a friend or family member take 50 pictures with a decent digicam on a tripod or supported somehow of your head and shoulders profile picture in different lighting, different kinds of smiles, different backgrounds. You have pronounced front teeth and the pic exaggerates that. Your full body picture should be closer in wearing non baggy, non sports clothes, jeans and a button down. LOSE THE HATS in most of your pictures, will go into this later, and consider wearing your hair just a wee bit longer. Nix the baby pic, it is unflattering, nix the you and woman pic, if you want your dog in a pic, have him/her sit and kneel down one one knee next to it. Since you are an outdoorsy guy, consider one picture wearing a blazer or in a more sophisticated environment to show flexibility. Could go more on pics but that's enough to start. 2. POF, ditch it and get on match or another large paysite. I promise it's worth the money. It screens out all manner of attention whores, cheaters, others who aren't interested in dating, lots of dreck on free sites. If they are paying, they are more likely to be truly interested in dating. 3. Username, change it when you get on match, people who see an outdoorsy guy with a handle jethro are going to think hillbilly or redneck unfairly. Choose a username that is all text, no numbers, that makes women curious as to where it came from. I use a combo of two words with personal significance and cool stories behind the handle, it makes a difference. 4. Profile. Your profile says you are exactly the kind of guy I'd like to meet and befriend, but I'm a guy. It's too straightforward and descriptive. Nix lots of detail about tv shows, etc. this or that specific things in the profile and focus the entire profile on not telling about yourself and your attributes but piquing a woman's interest in going on a date with you. This is the most important thing about profiles. Pepper questions into the profile that involve the reader, "I enjoy a sunrise on a lake with someone special and a great cup of coffee, sound like you?" Make your profile a series of things you like to do specifically, not a boring list of tv shows, books etc., but what you like about what you do and why a woman would enjoy doing it with you; tailor that to something a broad array of women might enjoy sharing. Specific is key, "I promise not to throw you off the back of the seadoo if you promise not to pour cold water on me in the shower." You have lots of hobbies and interests that can easily be translated into a fun, shared experience. This leads to humor which is key. A funny -flattering- picture goes a long way, especially if the picture contains social value cues and contrast. Making a funny face at a nice venue or a nice event, for example. Halloween costumes can be done here if -flattering-. Humor in the profile should be witty without giving a zany or unhinged impression. Up your age range. Many women will find a turnoff that your range is 15 years below but only 4 years above. Suggest boosting your age range to 33-47 as opposed to 27-47. Also, you could use some what you are looking for in the profile that emphasizes your flexibility. "A down to earth girl who would enjoy a good glass of wine one minute and a spontaneous late night swim in the lake the next would enjoy spending some time with me, sound like you?" Sexuality, get some heat in the profile that isn't coarse. "Do you enjoy settling in in front of a nice fire tired out (but not too tired) after a day of play?" That kind of thing, a little goes a long way, just 1-2 references and nothing specifically sexual. OK that's enough for now, good luck in OLD, I had similar first experiences with it to you with a similar profile. You can improve your results drastically with some effort. EDIT: Ignore overly negative "advice" in the thread, there are some folks here who aren't interested in giving legit advice but airing only their own, obvious issues. 3
pteromom Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Didn't read any of the other responses in case they affected my opinions. Here's what I got from your profile... Your main photo isn't that great. Your eyes aren't visible - they just look like dark blobs. And your teeth are the first thing noticeable, which gives you a slightly buck-toothed look that I can tell is just due to the photo. I would have a friend who has an eye for photography take some photos of you. My favorite of the ones you posted is you with the baby. The one skiing with your friend shows off your blue eyes. You need to market those babies, because they are one of your best physical assets. A strong profile pic showing off your eyes will do a lot for your odds. You sound like a nice guy who is perfect for someone looking for a stable LTR. Only problem - you give a little TOO much detail about yourself. I think it is good that a potential match knows you are into the outdoors, because you don't want to waste your time with someone who isn't compatible, but all the detail you go into about TV shows and food are just items that women can choose to check you off their list. So she looks at your profile, sees "sushi" or "Honey Boo Boo" and says... NO WAY, and passes on you for something that isn't important. So I'd take some of the detail out. Definitely leave the stuff about olives though. And about wanting to talk to anyone who has visited the future. That's funny stuff, and shows how your mind works. I would respond to you based solely on that. LOL So I think you just need a little refining and a better photo. 3
AMusing Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Hey, 27 yo female's opinion. Haven't read other people's thoughts, so that I'd have an unbiased opinion. A few things right off the bat that would turn me off, if I were a 40 year old woman: 1) Your picture could use some work. I think you're more attractive than your main pic makes you look. It's dark and you look a little...greasy? Your bottom two pictures are more flattering, but most women aren't going to bother going that far down. Get a decent-quality (non-cameraphone), flattering photo taken of yourself (not making a goofy face like your car picture, that is absolutely not your best look, it makes you look very heavy). 2) The questions you've answered are quite sexual (in fact your "personality" tab has "more sex-driven" and "more kinky" as two of your top three personality traits). There is nothing wrong with being sexual or kinky. But I can imagine that such a sexual focus could scare off some of the ladies (i.e. "Oh he's just looking for a hook-up," or "Meh, more into vanilla sex and this guy obviously isn't.... Pass."). 3) This is more picky, and more a personal thing, but you may want to restrict the age of women you say you're looking for. Right now you have 27-44 I believe. I see a guy looking for someone 14 years younger than him, and I take him less seriously. Again, there is nothing wrong with a big age gap (I've been in one bigger than that!). However, if you're trying to get responses you're more likely to get them from women your own age, and your more likely to get their interest if they see that you're interested in an "age-appropriate" partner. Trust me, if a 28 year old woman sees your profile and thinks you're amazing, she won't not write to you just because of your age limit. 1
pteromom Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Nix the baby pic, it is unflattering I agree with most everything you said but this. I actually like that pic - his lips look nice and sorry, but - a guy who likes holding a baby is a big bonus for a lot of women - especially women looking to settle down and have a family. Jethro, if you are looking for a serious relationship, I would keep the baby pic. nix the you and woman pic This I agree with. I am not a fan of photos with other people in general. It always raises questions (was he dating that woman?) if you want your dog in a pic, have him/her sit and kneel down one one knee next to it. Agree here too. Actually a photo of you playing with your dog would be better. Something candid where you don't look like a guy who poses for photos with his dog. LOL POF, ditch it and get on match or another large paysite. I promise it's worth the money. I agree about expanding to other sites, but not ditching POF. You never know where you are going to meet someone. Always cast your net as wide as possible. Username, change it when you get on match, people who see an outdoorsy guy with a handle jethro are going to think hillbilly or redneck unfairly. I totally agree, and missed that you used jethro as your profile name. Change that right away. Specific is key, "I promise not to throw you off the back of the seadoo if you promise not to pour cold water on me in the shower." This sounds too contrived to me. I would roll my eyes at this. I much prefer jethro's irreverent rants about olives. Humor in the profile should be witty without giving a zany or unhinged impression. Depends on who you are trying to attract. a dash of zany and unhinged is a good thing to me. Up your age range. Many women will find a turnoff that your range is 15 years below but only 4 years above. Suggest boosting your age range to 33-47 as opposed to 27-47. I agree to a point. I wouldn't go too far on the upper end though. 47 makes it seem like you don't care about having a family, and 27 makes it seem like you are just looking for fun. I'd do maybe... 30 - 42. If you want a family, that is. Sexuality, get some heat in the profile that isn't coarse. "Do you enjoy settling in in front of a nice fire tired out (but not too tired) after a day of play?" That kind of thing, a little goes a long way, just 1-2 references and nothing specifically sexual. I definitely do not respond well to this. I would like for a guy to save the sexuality for actual dates. You gotta tread very smart in this area, because you do NOT want to come off as a guy looking for only sex (unless that is what you are looking for.)
pteromom Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 2) The questions you've answered are quite sexual (in fact your "personality" tab has "more sex-driven" and "more kinky" as two of your top three personality traits). There is nothing wrong with being sexual or kinky. But I can imagine that such a sexual focus could scare off some of the ladies (i.e. "Oh he's just looking for a hook-up," or "Meh, more into vanilla sex and this guy obviously isn't.... Pass."). I missed this section of his profile and 100% agree. Kinkiness is something to share in person, and can have a negative connotation online. ("Is he one of those foot fetish guys??") Nobody wants a guy who is more sex-driven and less compassionate. You need to work on this whole section or just not include it at all. 1
MyPoutine Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 My 2 cents: 1. You say the first thing people notice is your eyes and lips and yet have a profile picture that doesn't show your eyes and leaves the less in bad lighting. If you are so active get some action shots of you skiing, canoeing etc. 2. I found the things you wrote too...much, leave something for the imagination, it comes off as trying too hard to sound perfect especially the seemingly constant "I just need that perfect woman/ off to an adventure somewhere." To me the balance between "looking" and "too eager" is off. 4. You list that you are looking for "activity friends, short-term dating" as well as "long term"...if you want a gf I'd just stick to "long term" and nix the rest. 5. I would trim the bird story, you start off with a great hook (fear of birds) then ruin it by specifying that it's an indoor bird (not quite as interesting) 6. You are 41 yet you are looking for woman starting from 27, that's a huge age-gap and not that that's wrong but for online it might trigger the "creep/sex/hook up" flags. Personally if I saw this I'd pass, I hope you get better luck in the future. 1
Drseussgrrl Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 All of that advice aside, you do seem like a really sweet guy and I think with the right tweaking to your profile, you could land a really sweet gal. 1
Author Jethro Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 This is fantastic... you people are great for helping me out with this. I know my main photo is horrible, and the more horrible thing is that I am a 25 year accomplished and published photographer. I just HATE taking self portraits, but I'm gonna work on it. I'm horrified to hear that it shows me as more sex driven or kinky... I'm actually not. I just answer all the questions that most other women have answered, and I answer them truthfully. I never knew it listed me as such... yikes
MyPoutine Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 A small change to my previous post, I didn't notice the picture tab so I missed the fishing and hiking pictures. Can't edit that out from my first point.
Author Jethro Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 I agree to a point. I wouldn't go too far on the upper end though. 47 makes it seem like you don't care about having a family, and 27 makes it seem like you are just looking for fun. I'd do maybe... 30 - 42. If you want a family, that is. Exactly why I have it listed that way. I am super young at heart, actually look young for my age, and my ex-wife deprived me of the joy of children (ok, I can't blame her, she never deceived me about that).
pteromom Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 I'm horrified to hear that it shows me as more sex driven or kinky... I'm actually not. I just answer all the questions that most other women have answered, and I answer them truthfully. I never knew it listed me as such... yikes Yep, if I was in the market, I would be totally interested based on your funny comments and interests, and would FLEE IN TERROR seeing KINKY as such an integral part of yourself that you want to share it upfront. LOL
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