confused_gf Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Hey all, Here is my dilemma, I'm a 22 year old, soon-to-be-graduating college student. A few months ago I was working a dead end job at a grocery store to make ends meet. The hours were bad, the pay was low, but at the very least I had some great coworkers. There I met X. I didn't think much of him, except that he was friendly, kind of cute. A couple months down the line I am quitting my job for a better one. I decide to throw a Halloween party and invite a few of my old coworkers. Out of the blue, the night before Halloween, I get a text from X asking if he can come by for the party. I say sure. We end up connecting over conversation and dancing. Afterwards, everyone I know says how much they liked "the giraffe guy" - and yes, he came as a giraffe. After the party X starts texting me pretty frequently. We hang out a few times and always have fun. Then we start fooling around and sleep together. The sex, for me, is mind-blowing. At this point, I'm falling for him and I'm constantly thinking about him. Ok, so whats the problem? Well, I'm at point in my life where I really did not anticipate, nor want a relationship and the problems that emotional attachment brings. My new job is better but has a higher level of stress and commitment and my boss is always on my case. I'm also trying to complete an internship in marketing and trying to graduate as soon as humanly possible. So now all the while that I'm supposed to be working on spreadsheets, papers, readings, etc I'm thinking about or talking with X. I should also mention that at this stage in my life I feel pretty unattractive. I used to put a lot of effort into how I looked and I used to have perfect skin. But recently I decided to go off the birth control pill and it has caused me to break out incessantly. The stress hasn't helped much either. On the other hand, X is two years younger than me, nearly failing out of community college, only pays $100 in rent because his mom owns his building, and has perfect skin. We are in pretty different places. In short, I've felt pretty conflicted over the past week since me and X slept together. On one hand my heart is telling me to drop everything to be with him. On the other hand I have so much stress, insecurity, and fear that I just want to be alone and work on some of my issues. Last night me and X talked on the phone for about an hour. He is so easy to talk to and even after an hour when I was asking if he needed to go, he still wanted to talk. At this point I start telling him some of my concerns with our "relationship". He says he doesn't see the point in us being in a relationship when we are both growing. I tell him my issue is that regardless I think I will eventually want to be serious if we keep seeing each other. This is also why I don't believe in "friends with benefits". Then X asks if I want him to stop calling me. And I respond "Maybe..." In the end we decide that if I want to see him, I should call him. I told him this could be days or weeks or months or never. He says he understands and doesn't hold it against me. But he also says he won't "wait up for me" and it hurts me to think of him, happy with someone else. After that we had to hang up and it felt like the hardest thing in the world for me at that moment. So now I'm alone again, just me and all the crap I need to sort out. I'm hoping I'm doing the right thing for myself. Thoughts? Confused
KatZee Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Well I think at the end of the day it comes down to this: He's looking for a fling, FWB situation, you're eventually looking for something serious. That is reason enough alone that this would never work out. It has nothing to do with your weight or your acne, or that you feel unattractive. You're doing the right thing for YOU based on the above statement.
Chi townD Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 You just need to keep your eye on the prize. You're finishing up school and your finacial life is going to drastically improve from working crappy hours in a grocery store. You've have or had an awesome internship which will translate well on a resume. Your life is looking pretty good. Bravo! Keep making those positive changes in your life! And I will tell you that, in my opinion, there's nothing more sexier than a strong and independant woman. And do you know what? Your Ex was probably seeing that in you as well. But, you have to tell yourself, " You know what? I'm worth more than a booty call! I deserve something better than 'friends with benefits' ". And you work on that. You accept nothing less than someone that wants to be committed to you. A man that is becoming a better man just because he wants to make you proud. And a man that wants you as an equal and a partner in life. You deserve that.....and it will come to you, when you least expect it.
geegirl Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Be proud of yourself. You did the right thing. Most would settle, bust their own boundaries and expectations and just hope that a guy will change his mind about them. You're already emotional about this guy and your expectations are much different from his. He is not looking for a relationship. You are. You have so much going for you. Focus on what's ahead of you and keep moving forward.
LostOne1 Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 my advice would be to not get into a relationship just yet. Finish up other things before you look into a relationship. I kinda regret my ex in some ways, because we both are fulltime students and not does the stress of a relationship add on, but school and work do too. Right now it;s best to finish up school and concentrate on work. You'll have a much better relationship once these things are out of the way.
Author confused_gf Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 Sincere thanks to each of you! Really, it means a lot to read your encouraging words. I've been pretty down today, but I'm going to try my best to be resilient and take care of the things that are important to me and keep the faith alive! haha. All your comments really lifted my spirit, thanks again.
Recommended Posts