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My boyfriend is wonderful, but I'm completely sabotaging the relationship!

realchange93

By realchange93
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AlexDP Established Member

AlexDP

Posted
Posted
There are lots of therapists out there who make a living diagnosing children and young people with things that require long term treatment. It's their business to do so, and there is an obvious conflict of interest there.

 

Lots of shrinks are also saying that personality disorders are not treatable and many shrinks will not take on BPD patiens, because they tend to disrupt their personal lives..

AlexDP Established Member

AlexDP

Posted
Posted
This isnt BPD... just the onset of GIGS... been there, done it, been on the receiving end of it in relationships... happens

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/251986-grass-greener-syndrome

 

Dont sweat it.

 

You know there are songs about it,

this is one

 

Its just a phase of life and growing up

 

GIGS is a fantasy. It's just inexperienced people being inexperienced. It has got nothing to do with grass being greener.

CptSaveAho Established Member

CptSaveAho

Posted
Posted
GIGS is a fantasy. It's just inexperienced people being inexperienced. It has got nothing to do with grass being greener.

 

Yup its a fantasy... never happens.... considering ive done it and the original poster of that thread has done it and this OP is doing it now.... nope never happens

 

There are female posters on this dating forum that are STUCK in gigs land

AlexDP Established Member

AlexDP

Posted
Posted
Yup its a fantasy... never happens.... considering ive done it and the original poster of that thread has done it and this OP is doing it now.... nope never happens

 

There are female posters on this dating forum that are STUCK in gigs land

 

Sure. Whatever makes you happy. GIGS.. please. Just deal with reality, mate.

CptSaveAho Established Member

CptSaveAho

Posted
Posted

and what is that people dont ever grow up? All GIGS Is is a coined term for the process of becoming emotionally and cognitively mature

 

OP is throwing away a wonderful boyfriend, knows shes doing it, etc

 

She has to learn the hard way like most people do

AlexDP Established Member

AlexDP

Posted
Posted
and what is that people dont ever grow up? All GIGS Is is a coined term for the process of becoming emotionally and cognitively mature

 

If people don't grow up, they don't grow up. But call it being immature.

CptSaveAho Established Member

CptSaveAho

Posted
Posted

why is it immature ... shes 19? expected to be in a long term relationship for the rest of her life? I dont know a single MATURE 19 year old

 

stop projecting your negativities of immaturity on a 19 year old

AlexDP Established Member

AlexDP

Posted
Posted
why is it immature ... shes 20? expected to be in a long term relationship for the rest of her life? I dont know a single MATURE 20 year old

 

Exactly. But it's not GIGS. People coined the term GIGS because it would be a syndrome. Something that went away after a while and then things returned to the way they were.

 

And that is jut not true. Thing is, she's immature. She'll find some other bloke. Perhaps then she'll wise up. But things won't return to the way they were. She'll find a third bloke.

CptSaveAho Established Member

CptSaveAho

Posted
Posted (edited)
Exactly. But it's not GIGS. People coined the term GIGS because it would be a syndrome. Something that went away after a while and then things returned to the way they were.

 

And that is jut not true. Thing is, she's immature. She'll find some other bloke. Perhaps then she'll wise up. But things won't return to the way they were. She'll find a third bloke.

 

Syndrome definiton - A distinctive or characteristic pattern of behavior

 

Grass is greener is obviously an analogy... if you want to read words at their meaning... it doesnt mean that the grass is actually greener but a perception subconsciously it is

 

Theres a pattern of behavior, i spotted it because I lived it... the syndrome is a good coined term. There are a lot of people on this forum in that "Syndrome"

 

Wow... so what if she dates 3 guys... you are projecting your own beliefs of monogamy at all costs

Edited by CptSaveAho
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hey real change,

read the entire thread,some pretty disheartening posts in there, considering you are already in a relationship, saying you shouldnt be its gonna fail alert alert.......is disheartening advice...

 

I am glad you found a wonderful guy and are in a supportive loving relationship......its hard for the average person to have that, let alone be dealing with issues and manage a relationship successfully....i have a few disorderly disorders to deal with apparently schizo affective is the main.......i understand that you wonder if you feel obliged to act on certain things or that you do it because you want to do it.....BETHEBUTTERFLY'S post answered that sublimely......such a thoughtful poster.....

 

I wish that i could give you quick fix answers or solutions...there are none....all i know is that all relationships have issues, yours are a little more complex, doesn't mean that you should give up though or feel you wont make it...........some people have it harder than others, all relationships get hard at one point, you need to compromise with what you feel and accept it....never make any decisions while you know you are negatively geared....quite a few years ago i was negatively geared i made some shocker of decisions, one of them was because of my past and my disorders that i should only date players and let go the nice guys so they wouldn't have to deal with getting to know me i basically wanted to hurt myself by proxy.NOT others...i am not in that gear anymore.....i am taking it easier on me

 

 

don't hurt yourself on purpose now..by denying yourself a chance of happiness..keep up with the therapy....keep learning while in your relationship that is there....

 

 

relationships take on lives of their own you know it has a combined heart beat you need to nurture....people will say you will fail, only you can be the one to determine that....sounds like your boyfriend wont let it.......

 

there are no guarantees in life or love

only certainties that what you put in to life, love and relationships you get it back one way or another..i believe that with all my heart....and i have a huge one..everything you do, say or everything you are, contributes to the quality of life and love you have........and whether you succeed or fail, its always a curve on which you have the capacity to learn.

 

YOU will learn, you will grow and you do deserve to have a loving supportive relationship....because truly you want that and you do need it whether you admit that or not.......you just have to learn that ......and that is probably the hardest thing for you to learn....has been for me

 

lol....have to laugh at captain save a hos comment about women need to realize they live in gigs world....such a charmer........NOT....smilin atcha realchange93....hugs.....deb

Edited by todreaminblue
todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

Posted
Posted
Syndrome definiton - A distinctive or characteristic pattern of behavior

 

Grass is greener is obviously an analogy... if you want to read words at their meaning... it doesnt mean that the grass is actually greener but a perception subconsciously it is

 

Theres a pattern of behavior, i spotted it because I lived it... the syndrome is a good coined term. There are a lot of people on this forum in that "Syndrome"

 

Wow... so what if she dates 3 guys... you are projecting your own beliefs of monogamy at all costs

 

 

tell me what you have lived cpt save a ho that makes you so negative towards women in general and now towards disorders......i am so curious to know why you write the way you do......deb

  • Author
realchange93 Member

realchange93

Posted
  • Author
Posted
and what is that people dont ever grow up? All GIGS Is is a coined term for the process of becoming emotionally and cognitively mature

 

OP is throwing away a wonderful boyfriend, knows shes doing it, etc

 

She has to learn the hard way like most people do

Excuse me, when did I ONCE say I wanted to break up with my boyfriend and leave him for anyone else? If anything, I APPRECIATE the type of person he is and I'm trying to work on myself so that I can KEEP him because I REALIZE he's a wonderful boyfriend.

 

Do not know where anywhere you got the indication I wanted to break up with him.

  • Author
realchange93 Member

realchange93

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Hey real change,

read the entire thread,some pretty disheartening posts in there, considering you are already in a relationship, saying you shouldnt be its gonna fail alert alert.......is disheartening advice...

 

I am glad you found a wonderful guy and are in a supportive loving relationship......its hard for the average person to have that, let alone be dealing with issues and manage a relationship successfully....i have a few disorderly disorders to deal with apparently schizo affective is the main.......i understand that you wonder if you feel obliged to act on certain things or that you do it because you want to do it.....BETHEBUTTERFLY'S post answered that sublimely......such a thoughtful poster.....

 

I wish that i could give you quick fix answers or solutions...there are none....all i know is that all relationships have issues, yours are a little more complex, doesn't mean that you should give up though or feel you wont make it...........some people have it harder than others, all relationships get hard at one point, you need to compromise with what you feel and accept it....never make any decisions while you know you are negatively geared....quite a few years ago i was negatively geared i made some shocker of decisions, one of them was because of my past and my disorders that i should only date players and let go the nice guys so they wouldn't have to deal with getting to know me i basically wanted to hurt myself by proxy.NOT others...i am not in that gear anymore.....i am taking it easier on me

 

 

don't hurt yourself on purpose now..by denying yourself a chance of happiness..keep up with the therapy....keep learning while in your relationship that is there....

 

 

relationships take on lives of their own you know it has a combined heart beat you need to nurture....people will say you will fail, only you can be the one to determine that....sounds like your boyfriend wont let it.......

 

there are no guarantees in life or love

only certainties that what you put in to life, love and relationships you get it back one way or another..i believe that with all my heart....and i have a huge one..everything you do, say or everything you are, contributes to the quality of life and love you have........and whether you succeed or fail, its always a curve on which you have the capacity to learn.

 

YOU will learn, you will grow and you do deserve to have a loving supportive relationship....because truly you want that and you do need it whether you admit that or not.......you just have to learn that ......and that is probably the hardest thing for you to learn....has been for me

 

lol....have to laugh at captain save a hos comment about women need to realize they live in gigs world....such a charmer........NOT....smilin atcha realchange93....hugs.....deb

Thank you very much, I really do appreciate your post very much. :) It brought a smile to my face. You are right when you say I am fighting my hardest (even as we speak I am fighting against my depression succumbing me, and trying to keep myself from "sinking"). I do not approve of the posters here telling me to leave him to "avoid pain" just because of their own personal experiences, completely ignoring the fact they were my age once, and they lived... I am glad you are not being judgmental in this aspect.

 

You are right though, even my boyfriend would be willing to fight his hardest, he has made that very clear to me in both his actions and words... such a young relationship we are both in, we are both very young and it is early dating for us, yet we don't worry about that and both of us continue to fight... because we see the goodness in each other and are not willing to give up so easily... He's much more stable and stronger than me, and a VERY positive person (he has his downs too, but they are very rare and far in between), so he is very great for me now, and is always willing to help me fight against drowning in my depression and keep me positive and active. I am very lucky to have him.

 

Once again, thank you very much for your kind and positive words. I will definitely continue fighting and hope for the best. Cheers!

  • Like 1
dasein Established Member

dasein

Posted
Posted
Lots of shrinks are also saying that personality disorders are not treatable and many shrinks will not take on BPD patiens, because they tend to disrupt their personal lives..

 

Yep, they take the easy/made up cases like OP's and shirk off the real ones.

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