pbjbear Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Well if you have never been in love, what's the point then? Of course you won't get it. When I was truly in love with my first girlfriend, I didn't even notice other women in a sexual way. If you want to get scientific google who is more likely to cheat in a relationship. Or who is more likely to break a relationship up. Or who is more likely to have sex first after a break-up. Thats not scientific. Scientific is taking a large random sample size. Studies that employ thousands and thousands of subjects and carefully control extraneous variables and randomly select subjects yield accurate results. These studies I take seriously. Most of them point to men being the ones that arent fulfilled. In my research class when we talked about marriage and what leads to cheating based on research studies, my professor said "Men, take care of your wife physically and emotionally and the odds are she wont cheat...women, that might help you but its no guarantee" He said that because that is what research indicates. People just dont want to face the hard truth. Women have flaws too, but since this topic is on not valuing a good partner and taking opportunity of OPTIONS- this is what most men do.
Failboy Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Failboy, Truth: if NegativeNancy attracted a man, invested herself in him and became a loyal, sweet girlfriend that fulfilled all his needs and made him happy...he would still lament hes not banging girls that are hotter and gladly take any options that came his way. Men are wired this way...to never be satisfied. Even if this guy is a 4 and NegativeNancy is a 7, if his options increased it wouldnt matter how great she is. Some women do this too but not as many as the men that do. Women are not wired this way and usually leave when a partner has stopped fulfilling them. Understanding this doesnt make me bitter. It makes me realistic. Choosing not to participate in this setup doesnt make me a bad person. I am actually happier when I am not dating. Not saying all women are like this, but I most certainly am. For the sake of argument, let's assume this is true. In this case all women have to do is date a guy who doesn't have the option to bang a chick significantly hotter than they are. Men like those are not hard to find. If she was a 7 and dated a 4 she'd be set. There is no way in hell a man who is a 4 could ever bang a 9 unless he pays good money for it. Not to mention that you overrate sex. Just because you can bang a hotter chick, doesn't mean you break up or compromise a relationship that offers much more than just sex. And even then you are totally leaving out the emphathy factor. I'd never hurt a woman that treats me well on a deep level just so I can bang a hot chick. That's like screwing my best friend over so I can make some money. No decent person is wired that way.
Negative Nancy Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 attracted a man, invested herself in him and became a loyal, sweet girlfriend that fulfilled all his needs and made him happy...he would still lament hes not banging girls that are hotter and gladly take any options that came his way. this is the sad truth, men even admitted to this earlier in the thread
pbjbear Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 some men do this for sure, so do women unfortunately , even the last two relationships i have had,the men have done this, that doesn't mean all men do it.....there are passionate devoted men, and if passionate devoted women stop wasting time on dating dickheads thinking they will change, we might just be able to find one of those good eggs..me included..relationships are not a waste of time if you have passion for someone.....trying to find someone who has that same level of passion for you is what is harder.......in the end time is only wasted if you let it be wasted, and if you don't learn anything from the mistakes along the way......passion is much better shared than solo.....and that goes for everything that is where inspiration takes hold of your heart....when someone shares a passion.....deb Most of the men you say that dont do it have never had the options to. Most men will gladly give up a girlfriend/wife to be a player. Problem is, few men have these opportunities. Find me a sample of men who have access to be players and constantly bang multiple hot chicks. You will find very few will get married and the ones that do cannot remain faithful. Look at Hollywood- having alot of options is not compatible with relationships. Many of those people prob swore theyd never act like that before they became rich and famous. Men on this forum that say they wouldnt do this dont have the options and if they did, 90% would take advantage. Women need to get out of their dreamworld 1
Negative Nancy Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 For the sake of argument, let's assume this is true. In this case all women have to do is date a guy who doesn't have the option to bang a chick significantly hotter than they are. Men like those are not hard to find. If she was a 7 and dated a 4 she'd be set. There is no way in hell a man who is a 4 could ever bang a 9 unless he pays good money for it. Not to mention that you overrate sex. Just because you can bang a hotter chick, doesn't mean you break up or compromise a relationship that offers much more than just sex. And even then you are totally leaving out the emphathy factor. I'd never hurt a woman that treats me well on a deep level just so I can bang a hot chick. That's like screwing my best friend over so I can make some money. No decent person is wired that way. Nice backpedaling, dude, didn't you just said THIS earlier in the thread: Originally Posted by Failboy I have always been painfully faithful, simply because I always literally believe I should be grateful as hell to even be with someone and I cannot fathom that some hot girl would ever want me.
pbjbear Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Not to mention that you overrate sex. Just because you can bang a hotter chick, doesn't mean you break up or compromise a relationship that offers much more than just sex. And even then you are totally leaving out the emphathy factor. I'd never hurt a woman that treats me well on a deep level just so I can bang a hot chick. That's like screwing my best friend over so I can make some money. No decent person is wired that way. Hmmm...explain the OP's attitude here then? Thats EXACTLY what he is doing. Very few decent men exist nowadays. Many would become undecent if their options increased.
pbjbear Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 I cannot fathom some hot girl would ever want me. This. This is why I dont believe you. Have a ton of hot girls fathoming you...guarantee you wouldnt be acting the way youre stating you think youd act 1
Woggle Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 I could go out and be a player tomorrow but I choose not to and Pyro is pretty much the same way yet we don't do it. I had an attractive woman offer herself to me on a trip where I could have 100% gotten away with it but the thought never crossed my mind. There are more like us then you think. 2
Woggle Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Hmmm...explain the OP's attitude here then? Thats EXACTLY what he is doing. Very few decent men exist nowadays. Many would become undecent if their options increased. Explain the threads where women say the same thing. This doesn't mean an entire gender is like this.
Negative Nancy Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Woggle, you're an exception, but not the majority.
Failboy Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 I really don't understand where there's a contradiction which you apparently see. I was also referring to the OP with my orginal post. I was trying to help. I admit I don't have options, but that is just one reason against cheating, not the entire spectrum. As the rest of my personal spectrum doesn't apply for the OP, I didn't care to mention it. In fact I once had the option to cheat, but only once, whereas people with options have it on a weekly basis or so. I didn't mention it because it had no purpose for the thread at that time. Either way, even if all you are believing is 100% correct, there is still a simple solution if you want a relationship: Date a guy who doesn't have better options. It is very easy.
Woggle Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Woggle, you're an exception, but not the majority. I can introduce you to a number of men who are like me.
pbjbear Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 I really don't understand where there's a contradiction which you apparently see. I was also referring to the OP with my orginal post. I was trying to help. I admit I don't have options, but that is just one reason against cheating, not the entire spectrum. As the rest of my personal spectrum doesn't apply for the OP, I didn't care to mention it. In fact I once had the option to cheat, but only once, whereas people with options have it on a weekly basis or so. I didn't mention it because it had no purpose for the thread at that time. Either way, even if all you are believing is 100% correct, there is still a simple solution if you want a relationship: Date a guy who doesn't have better options. It is very easy. Youre right I could. Actually I think alot of women are realizing men are really like this and are wired this way and try to do that because theyre so desperate for a relationship. Im not. I see no point in investing myself in someone who is wired to be selfish.
Failboy Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 I cannot fathom some hot girl would ever want me. This. This is why I dont believe you. Have a ton of hot girls fathoming you...guarantee you wouldnt be acting the way youre stating you think youd act If I had a ton of hot girls chasing me, I wouldn't get into a relationship with a woman I like less. What's so hard to understand? If a guy as tons of 10s going for him, he won't commit to a relationship with you unless you are a 10 yourself. If a guy is capable of being a player and wants to be a player, he won't be in a closed relationship. Your issue is theoretical. The second I have a strong urge to cheat, I'd end the relationship. That's why I never really understood the phenomenon of cheating. What's the point in being in a relationship with someone you don't care for while having better options. Makes no sense. End it for everybody's sake, no cheating necessary.
pbjbear Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Explain the threads where women say the same thing. This doesn't mean an entire gender is like this. Very few women want to live a player life. Most of the threads youre talking about are relationships where boredom occurred or incompatibility. You can be compatible with a man and he can be un-bored...and still want to live a player life. Women and men are wired differently. I hate it, but it is true
todreaminblue Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Most of the men you say that dont do it have never had the options to. Most men will gladly give up a girlfriend/wife to be a player. Problem is, few men have these opportunities. Find me a sample of men who have access to be players and constantly bang multiple hot chicks. You will find very few will get married and the ones that do cannot remain faithful. Look at Hollywood- having alot of options is not compatible with relationships. Many of those people prob swore theyd never act like that before they became rich and famous. Men on this forum that say they wouldnt do this dont have the options and if they did, 90% would take advantage. Women need to get out of their dreamworld I like how you mention hollywood and then "women need to get out of their dreamworld" in the same paragraph...hollywood is all smoke and mirrors and a dream world you are going by what press you are reading or propaganda about relationships of the rich and famous who are targeted because people want the dirt...mostly untrue or unfounded...oops britney has alien baby in the oven press.... obviously there are men who do respect their wedding vows or there would be no marriages at all......i know of many long standing marriages....they all have a lot of passion and faith....maybe the two go hand in hand....you have to want to believe in it, to believe it it to be truth.........the more you have faith in a relationship the more it works.....who knows....all i know, is it isn't a matter of options...its in the commitment passion and mutual respect for a partner.... if you have that you wont cheat no matter if it bends over in front of you and wags a tail, you won't want it.....if you truly want something to work it will work...takes effort and restraint....not all men are weak willed....some have strength and commitment and put it into every aspect of their lives...i think its just easier to whinge and say it will never happen all men are stuffed all women are stuffed....because then you have an excuse why you arent trying or why you don't want to try...its excuses....i make them too.....doesnt mean i am right when i do make excuses....means i playing at avoidance of the real issue..working on myself and my own confidence...deb
pbjbear Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 If I had a ton of hot girls chasing me, I wouldn't get into a relationship with a woman I like less. What's so hard to understand? If a guy as tons of 10s going for him, he won't commit to a relationship with you unless you are a 10 yourself. If a guy is capable of being a player and wants to be a player, he won't be in a closed relationship. Your issue is theoretical. The second I have a strong urge to cheat, I'd end the relationship. That's why I never really understood the phenomenon of cheating. What's the point in being in a relationship with someone you don't care for while having better options. Makes no sense. End it for everybody's sake, no cheating necessary. No you wouldnt. All of the men in relationships where they are happy would ditch their current one for the hot girls chasing them...or at least try to keep their gf and have the hot girls at the same time. This is called "having the best of both worlds" or commonly termed "having your cake and eating it too" You sound like a nice boy, but very naiive. Tons of men want to have their cake and eat it too. Some men care about nothing but sex, but men still want support and companionship. Men have emotional needs. I never said they didnt...but sex and hot women take precedence and if a man can get away with having a gf to provide the companionship and emotional fulfillment and sexual variety on the side- he will most certainly do so. This is why men love "open relationships" They get BOTH. Look at all the threads here about girls complaining their boyfriends are scouting for other women and are worried about an attractive friend or co worker he eyeballs and makes inappropriate comments towards, flirts with too much. Yes this happens in relationships where men shouldnt even be with them, but it happens all the time in perfectly happy relationships too. 1
Woggle Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 There are just as many threads of men complaining about women cheating.
Author frustrateddd Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 And also, if I have to try so hard to be with my girlfriend maybe she just 'isn't the one' and maybe i aught to try with this new girl. On the other hand what if its just me. I'm scared that even if i start going out with this new girl what if another girl comes by my way and i end up in the same condition. How do i stop myself, how do i know which is the right girl for me, is this an endless process?
pbjbear Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 (edited) Dump your girlfriend and go for the new one. I feel sorry for your current girlfriend Quite frankly, men like you dont deserve a loyal, loving, devoted girlfriend. She is too good for you. She will be heartbroken for sure but you will be doing her a favor in the long run so she can find a man who treats her with respect and loves her and wont throw away a good 3 year relationship because he cannot deal with the fact that he will be attracted to other girls. You also dont sound like you think you are doing anything wrong and are fostering this attraction environment even more with this new girl. If you really truly cared for your current girlfriend, youd cut this new girl out of your life. Unfortunately, most men nowadays are super selfish and feel entitled to having a loving nice gf and another woman on the side. Also, you sound young and like you lack self control. I really find younger men and women need to f*** up their life in order to learn. I didnt treat people I dated like crap when I was young. I actually treaed and still treat the men I value like gold. But I did other stupid things that had an element of impulsivity and immediate gratification like youre describing. Older people gave me advice about it and I ignored them and did it anyway. Guess what...I learned then. So dump your gf, go after this new girl. It could work out but most likely it wont. This new girl seems better because you dont know her as well and people want what they cant have. and you will realize you threw away a good relationship for an attraction that you are perfectly capable of cutting off right now. If your gf has any self respect, she will not take you back when you come running back to her saying you made a mistake. However, the self esteem of higher quality women today astounds me, so rest assured theres a chance she might do that. Dont take the advice of the other guy that answered who said explore the new girl while being with your girlfriend. Guys like that are one of the reasons why dating is a crapshoot nowadays. If you want to have bad morals, have at it but dont come to this forum looking for people to validate your rationalizations for being selfish. You are finding things wrong with your gf to rationalize the new girl. If you were having problems in the relationship I might say differently. But if she really is how you describe youre either 1) a guy who is incapable of being satisfied with a woman, even one out of your league, for a long period of time...a rampant problem and one of the reasons I personally do not date or 2) becoming less attracted because youre focusing on your new girl too much Edited November 28, 2012 by pbjbear 1
pbjbear Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 And also, if I have to try so hard to be with my girlfriend maybe she just 'isn't the one' and maybe i aught to try with this new girl. On the other hand what if its just me. I'm scared that even if i start going out with this new girl what if another girl comes by my way and i end up in the same condition. How do i stop myself, how do i know which is the right girl for me, is this an endless process? If you cannot be with a girl without yearning for another beyond fleeting moments of "shes hot" and so on...you are not relationship material bud.
Ninjainpajamas Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Just because your GF was the love of your life at one time doesn't mean she's the one destined for you to be with. What I mean more elaborately is, if this is your first real relationship and you are quite young, it's hard to be committed and invested in a relationship because you're not aware of the cycles, and the way things evolve in a relationship that have to overcome these challenges. Think of them as speed bumps, but the bumps keep getting higher throughout the course of your relationship. Now when you're younger, you pick a person based off very simplistic qualities, it's all instant feelings, chemistry and attraction. However that's not enough to solidify a relationship for the long-term, because that takes experience. For example once you have relationships with other women, you'll realize the differences in how you feel with each one...right now you don't have anything to gauge and compare it to. When you're younger, it's also easier to get a wandering eye, as you're surrounded by women who I'm assuming are in their 20's and generally in their prime in terms of physical attributes. So lust is and temptation is going to be even a greater factor, combined with the fact that you're young and likely not ready as a man for the long-haul with a woman without sowing your wild oats a little bit. Men need to be at place where they are content and ready to invest in the long-term and are considering long-term qualities and attributes and what works with them by dating or having relationships with other women. Don't be afraid to get out of this relationship, you're not doing her any favor and you're always going to feel conflicted inside, so make the best decision for yourself because otherwise if you force it you can just resent her and then you're going to feel even more guilt for harboring these emotions. Now if this was something like a simple attraction that's normal, you'll get used to that because it would be impossible not to be attracted to attractive women. However you're already starting the detaching process and creating reasons and problems to break it off with your GF, you're starting to focus on the negatives and let them become the focal point of how you see the relationship. You're also trying to find reasons to leave her for this other potential girl because you really like her, which you have to ask yourself how would you feel if this new girl wasn't in the picture...but really, it seems like you're settling for your current girl as you think she's a good catch and you don't want to risk losing a good catch and ending up with nothing....which is not a good thing because that's completely selfish, you owe to her to be honest with how you feel and treat her with the respect she's treated you...don't sabotage the relationship because of your issues and then make her think there is something wrong with her when it's just you trying to find a way out of the relationship. So if you search your feelings and come to find you really want out...then just tell her that how you feel and that you're not quite ready for a long-term relationship, your feelings have changed for her and that you need to move on. I know that's extremely hard to do and she's going to feel torn apart, that's what women do...and you're going to feel guilty and bad, and question yourself but you've got to be true to yourself and her, if you don't really have those feelings it does you no good to lie to her or yourself and you can't just regain those emotions just like that. Otherwise tell her that your feelings for the relationship are changing and you don't know why, and express to her how you feel and see if there is a way you can increase and solidify the bond between you and her, maybe you'll feel closer or something will change once you get this monkey off your back. Those are your two choices, but be honest with women...don't live a lie and don't lead them on, it's as selfish move and you'll feel like a jerk in the end and she'll be even more hurt because time is important to women...the longer you're together the more serious they tend to feel about things and they want things to progress further if possible even if they are in no rush necessarily. So instead of blind-side her, keep a woman in the loop....you'll learn that even though it hurts and makes you feel like an @ss, it's far better to be honest than keep secrets, because these women aren't stupid, they know you better than they know yourself and they can tell when something is wrong anyway, it just makes you look like more an idiot and a jerk trying to cover it up with BS excuses and stuff that don't mean a damn thing in reality, you're just trying to "soften the blow"....get some balls in a relaltionship instead of be the typical guy who avoids crap and plays dumb, it'll be worth it. 1
Author frustrateddd Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 Should I keep trying my best to make this relationship work? Because its not like i wanted to get attracted to this new girl. Is there nothing I can do other than feel sorry about her!? And okay, if I find the person that's 'meant to be', then will I never get so attracted to other girls? How do I know when I've found the right one, so that I can fight for her for life!?
Author frustrateddd Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 I really thank both of you a lot. I've already read the post's like fifty times.
pbjbear Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 (edited) Should I keep trying my best to make this relationship work? Because its not like i wanted to get attracted to this new girl. Is there nothing I can do other than feel sorry about her!? And okay, if I find the person that's 'meant to be', then will I never get so attracted to other girls? How do I know when I've found the right one, so that I can fight for her for life!? Since you are saying you no longer love her Id say no- dont make the relationship work. You are describing it as work too...like its an obligation and you dont really want to be with her. It is possible to be attracted to someone else and still be in love with your current SO. If you dont think this is true you will never stay with one woman for long. All women in relationships get attracted to other men, so dont believe a woman who says otherwise, but that doesnt mean a woman will throw away a relationship over it. This becomes a problem even more when people dont create boundaries in these situations. Meaning, they spend more time with the new attraction, invest more emotional energy in her and this does cause detachment from your current partner. However, if you cannot stay in a relationship and be happy AND be attracted to other people and let it go and not pursue it in your mind...thats not a relationship-material guy. Some guys simply do have this personality (and women too). Its hard to tell based off what you wrote if you have this personality or if its your young age. Maybe a combination of both. The above poster that said young people base relationships on superficiality, attraction and intense feelings...he is true. You will eventually date another girl and 3 years down the line in that relationship, are going to run into this same problem again if you dont learn about relationships and mature. Not expecting a young person to instantly mature though. Whatever you do, dont lead your current girlfriend on while exploring this new love. That is pretty dang mean and a low thing to do to someone you say is one of the best people youve ever met. Men like this are weak and selfish...dump your girlfriend and then explore the new love. You can be alone if the new love doesnt work out- dont run back to your ex for comfort Edited November 28, 2012 by pbjbear
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