frustrateddd Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 See, I have a good looking, hot girlfriend. She was the love of my life at one time. But recently i made friends with this new girl. I'm really attracted to this new girl, really attracted. And suddenly out of nothing after THREE good years my attraction towards my girlfriend keeps deteriorating as time goes by. I don't know what to do about it. My girlfriend is the most kind-hearted person out there today. And now i'm in a mess and i really need to get out. Nowdays whenever i talk to this new girl i feel lke i'm betraying my girlfriend in a way.I really dont want to dump my girlfriend, because i know she's one of the best people i'll ever meet, and she loves me and i REALLY dont want to break her heart. I keep telling myself, give her another chance, but it doesnt help. And now i dont like anything she does or says. I find fauts in her all the time now. Can i love her again like i used to? And on the other hand i cant get this new girl out of my head. WHAT DO I DO? -I know i am a shallow person.
carhill Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Welcome to LS Do you feel you have control of yourself, your thoughts and emotions, and choices? How do you process every attractive person you meet? IMO, if you're experiencing reduced attraction/love to/for your girlfriend and are finding fault with her, perhaps it's time for an honest conversation about your perspective. Guard against being a monkey-brancher. If your current R is working, focus on it. If not, end it. How to get the other lady out of your mind? Focus on the one in front of you. Grab her ass. Hold her close and share your vulnerabilities with her. Accept that extraneous attractions exist, are valid and don't have to rule you. Let them go. Another speck of sand on the beach of life. Good luck. 1
Drseussgrrl Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Why must men always make sure they have a backup before dumping the girl they're with? Is it really so scary to be alone? Please don't use your girlfriend as your emotional tampon while you figure out your feelings for the new girl. This is so, so unfair and if she's as awesome as you say she is, she deserves someone who thinks so, too. 1
ThaWholigan Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Why must men always make sure they have a backup before dumping the girl they're with? Is it really so scary to be alone? Please don't use your girlfriend as your emotional tampon while you figure out your feelings for the new girl. This is so, so unfair and if she's as awesome as you say she is, she deserves someone who thinks so, too. It's not the scariness, it's the potential loss of regular sex usually. Welcome OP. I would say that you are slightly at fault for allowing yourself to be in such a close proximity with another woman when you have a GF. There's nothing wrong with having female friends while in a relationship, but those boundaries have to be there. The best way to reconcile this would be to be close to your GF and away from this girl.
carhill Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Why must men always make sure they have a backup before dumping the girl they're with? Is it really so scary to be alone? That one is pretty easy. Consistent access to sex and companionship is traditionally a marked labor, even if one of love, for men. The fear part comes from knowing, either by observation or experience, how long a man can be alone before finding a willing and desirous partner, as well as knowledge of how much more marked their social power is while married/LTR with regard to aspects of attractiveness. This young man apparently wishes to better understand how to process his attraction to others while with his girlfriend, which is a discrete issue. He has choices, just as those men who start new relationships before ending old ones do. Choices have consequences.
Drseussgrrl Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Understandable. But this is going beyond simply being attracted to other women, which is natural. It's to the point where she can't do anything right and he's finding fault in everything she does. This is his mind's way of detaching from her before an inevitable break-up.
carhill Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Generally speaking, perhaps it might be a valuable life lesson to the OP if he was to do all the wrong things, observe the fallout and get the lessons to 'stick' through emotional memories of the hurt he inflicted. Sometimes going through the process is one effective way to learn, by what we old folks used to call 'the school of hard knocks'. If the OP had titled the thread 'I'm attracted to someone else; what do I do?', I would have advised him to break up with his girlfriend and enjoy the freedoms of youth. He seems to recognize that transient attractions, his response to them, and behavior with his girlfriend are 'shallow' behaviors and potentially wishes assistance with that. OP, can you clarify this? What's your goal here? 2
Failboy Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 A friend of mine always has perfectly fine girlfriends, nothing terrible about them. Yet he still breaks up with them all the time because he just can't stand riding the subway while seeing girls he perceives as hotter. It eats him up inside. Maybe a lack of confidence would do. Maybe telling yourself that you can't get these hot women anyway. That you can't do any better than your current gf. That you can't get that new girl for more than a few months. That type of stuff. I have always been painfully faithful, simply because I always literally believe I should be grateful as hell to even be with someone and I cannot fathom that some hot girl would ever want me. Therefore I'd also NEVER break up a healthy relationship. Not saying you should be like that, because it sucks. Just saying maybe a little bit.
Drseussgrrl Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Perhaps. But as I said I think this goes beyond simple attraction. Please understand that I'm rather sensitive to this and I recognize that it's my own 90/10's rearing their ugly heads. I was engaged to be married and 3 months before our wedding, my fiance fell for his sister's wedding planner. Within a month he was dating her and now they are engaged with a baby on the way - all within less than a year since our split. If he thought things were so wrong he could have ended things long before getting to the stage of even having our save the dates sent out. I was humiliated beyond belief and it's taken me the better part of a year and a half to even feel normal again. So yes - these actions can be very hurtful and far-reaching.
Woggle Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 If you are not attracted to her just break it off and let her move on. It's not right to be stringing her along. As for me I see women who obviously look good but to me nothing can compare to what I have at home.
todreaminblue Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 See, I have a good looking, hot girlfriend. She was the love of my life at one time. But recently i made friends with this new girl. I'm really attracted to this new girl, really attracted. And suddenly out of nothing after THREE good years my attraction towards my girlfriend keeps deteriorating as time goes by. I don't know what to do about it. My girlfriend is the most kind-hearted person out there today. And now i'm in a mess and i really need to get out. Nowdays whenever i talk to this new girl i feel lke i'm betraying my girlfriend in a way.I really dont want to dump my girlfriend, because i know she's one of the best people i'll ever meet, and she loves me and i REALLY dont want to break her heart. I keep telling myself, give her another chance, but it doesnt help. And now i dont like anything she does or says. I find fauts in her all the time now. Can i love her again like i used to? And on the other hand i cant get this new girl out of my head. WHAT DO I DO? -I know i am a shallow person. This is a difficult situation to be in for you, you need to avoid contact with this girl you cant stop thinking about, remember the good things about your gf and why you are with her in the first place when you start with the flaw noticing, start doing things like you used to with your gf ....reclaim the reason why you have been together for three years..if you cant reclaim it maybe think about couple counselling, i think your gf has a right to know that your feelings are changing towards her....not in a nasty way she needs to know, but that you feel a divide growing...you may feel an attraction bu tthat attraction may be fleeting....so do you go the possible fleeting attraction and pursue a realtionship with that girl with the risk nothing happens or the relationship with the girl that you know is good and has lasted....is it a mental attraction you feel or purely physical towards this other female?.....is it mutual?.....deb 1
Oxy Moronovich Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Why must men always make sure they have a backup before dumping the girl they're with? Is it really so scary to be alone? Uh, women do this too. At least as much as men. Women only like to leave their man after another man has come into their lives. 1
ThaWholigan Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Uh, women do this too. At least as much as men. Women only like to leave their man after another man has come into their lives. I think women are as guilty of this as men. Usually they have more than one backup .
CptObvious Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Start fapping to her facebook pics every morning or even every hour before you see her. Gotta clear your head before your other head drags you into the most amazing mistake of your life. Trust me, it's just easier this way.
pbjbear Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 (edited) I can tell you what I would do.. but just know ahead of time that I have no morals at all when it comes to dating. I would just date both of them and hope I don't get caught. If they both have very low self-esteem.. they might fight over you and you can eventually pick the one who seems most passionate about the relationship. This is horrible advice, I know.. but I can only tell you what I would do. No, the majority of men do this. This is why relationships with men are pointless. Something I have never understood is why society tells me a passionate devoted girl has to give herself and devote herself to men. Men have no morals and are inherently selfish. Men dont deserve the vast majority of women out there. All of the women I know that dont date seriously and detach themselves from men and their bull**** like me are much happier than girls in relationships Edited November 28, 2012 by pbjbear 1
Failboy Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 No, the majority of men do this. This is why relationships with men are pointless. Something I have never understood is why society tells me a passionate devoted girl has to give herself and devote herself to men. Men have no morals and are inherently selfish. Men dont deserve the vast majority of women out there. All of the women I know that dont date seriously and detach themselves from men and their bull**** like me are much happier than girls in relationships Yeah, you seem very happy. 1
pbjbear Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Yeah, you seem very happy. Just because I state the truth doesnt mean I am unhappy. Lol. I am flabbergasted how men think if a woman doesnt want to date she is UNHAPPY. There are things called friends, family, hobbies, career...
Failboy Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Just because I state the truth doesnt mean I am unhappy. Lol. I am flabbergasted how men think if a woman doesnt want to date she is UNHAPPY. There are things called friends, family, hobbies, career... It's not the truth. It's some bitter, angry talk because you are extremely frustrated. No happy person would have such a negative, overly flawed mindset. It is theoretically impossible. Also, there are plenty of women who are happy in a relationship while still having friends, family, hobbies and a career..
Negative Nancy Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 It's not the scariness, it's the potential loss of regular sex usually. I have always been painfully faithful, simply because I always literally believe I should be grateful as hell to even be with someone and I cannot fathom that some hot girl would ever want me. I would just date both of them and hope I don't get caught. LOL pbjbear, isn't this EXACTLY what we've been saying in the other thread and yet we got chased down with pitchforks for even insinuating such a thing. And look now, not only are these guys exactly confirming what we've been saying, no, they are even "trumping" all expectations - in a negative way. Men....they are all hypocrites.
pbjbear Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 It's not the truth. It's some bitter, angry talk because you are extremely frustrated. No happy person would have such a negative, overly flawed mindset. It is theoretically impossible. Also, there are plenty of women who are happy in a relationship while still having friends, family, hobbies and a career.. Scientific research doesnt lie. Thats where I get my opinions from. Knowledge is power I have had average dating experiences. I have had a few jerks and a few guys that seemed nice where it ended for other reasons. I have never been in love nor dumped hard where I became super depressed. Not personal bitterness. My opinions are based on tons of personal observation and using a process called thinking Perhaps you should google "men are only as faithful as their options" and observe how many men can be satisfied with a great girlfriend long term without getting bored and desiring others...you dont need to be burned personally to figure it out 1
Failboy Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 LOL pbjbear, isn't this EXACTLY what we've been saying in the other thread and yet we got chased down with pitchforks for even insinuating such a thing. And look now, not only are these guys exactly confirming what we've been saying, no, they are even "trumping" all expectations - in a negative way. Men....they are all hypocrites. From what you type like it is not exactly surprising that a man would choose a lovely 10 over the likes of you. That shouldn't be a problem, though, as a guy who can attract a 10 won't get with you in the first place. So in conclusion, it is all theoretical and doesn't affect the relationship.
Failboy Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Scientific research doesnt lie. Thats where I get my opinions from. Knowledge is power I have had average dating experiences. I have had a few jerks and a few guys that seemed nice where it ended for other reasons. I have never been in love nor dumped hard where I became super depressed. Not personal bitterness. My opinions are based on tons of personal observation and using a process called thinking Perhaps you should google "men are only as faithful as their options" and observe how many men can be satisfied with a great girlfriend long term without getting bored and desiring others...you dont need to be burned personally to figure it out Well if you have never been in love, what's the point then? Of course you won't get it. When I was truly in love with my first girlfriend, I didn't even notice other women in a sexual way. If you want to get scientific google who is more likely to cheat in a relationship. Or who is more likely to break a relationship up. Or who is more likely to have sex first after a break-up.
Negative Nancy Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 a man would choose a lovely 10 too bad that's never gonna be you
pbjbear Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 From what you type like it is not exactly surprising that a man would choose a lovely 10 over the likes of you. That shouldn't be a problem, though, as a guy who can attract a 10 won't get with you in the first place. So in conclusion, it is all theoretical and doesn't affect the relationship. Failboy, Truth: if NegativeNancy attracted a man, invested herself in him and became a loyal, sweet girlfriend that fulfilled all his needs and made him happy...he would still lament hes not banging girls that are hotter and gladly take any options that came his way. Men are wired this way...to never be satisfied. Even if this guy is a 4 and NegativeNancy is a 7, if his options increased it wouldnt matter how great she is. Some women do this too but not as many as the men that do. Women are not wired this way and usually leave when a partner has stopped fulfilling them. Understanding this doesnt make me bitter. It makes me realistic. Choosing not to participate in this setup doesnt make me a bad person. I am actually happier when I am not dating. Not saying all women are like this, but I most certainly am. 1
todreaminblue Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 No, the majority of men do this. This is why relationships with men are pointless. Something I have never understood is why society tells me a passionate devoted girl has to give herself and devote herself to men. Men have no morals and are inherently selfish. Men dont deserve the vast majority of women out there. All of the women I know that dont date seriously and detach themselves from men and their bull**** like me are much happier than girls in relationships some men do this for sure, so do women unfortunately , even the last two relationships i have had,the men have done this, that doesn't mean all men do it.....there are passionate devoted men, and if passionate devoted women stop wasting time on dating dickheads thinking they will change, we might just be able to find one of those good eggs..me included..relationships are not a waste of time if you have passion for someone.....trying to find someone who has that same level of passion for you is what is harder.......in the end time is only wasted if you let it be wasted, and if you don't learn anything from the mistakes along the way......passion is much better shared than solo.....and that goes for everything that is where inspiration takes hold of your heart....when someone shares a passion.....deb
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