Fiancee broke off engagement and said she needed space. Does this mean it's Over?

[presto86]

I was a person who was always afraid of commitment. Until one day I was introduced to this girl. Her mom and my mom worked together so it was kind of a set up. The first time we hung out we just watched T.V. and talked and got to know each other. A week later she made me dinner and this was our first date and then that is when we were considered dating. She was in school and so was I at the time so we only would get too see each other on the weekends and maybe a day during the week. We became really close and I loved spending time with her and being around her and her family.

When school was done for the year I had graduated and she moved back home which was nice because we only live 20 min away. During the summer there might have been only a hand full of days where we didnt see each other and those days were hard. We just loved spending time with each other and we never would fight. In July she told me that she wanted to get engaged. I was a little shocked by that because I felt like I wasnt ready yet. So I started to do some soul searching and realized I had never felt like this with anyone before and knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I made some lifestyle changes so I could prove to her and myself that I was ready to get married. In the middle of July I proposed to her and she was so happy and so was I.

The rest of the summer went on like we were still dating and we couldn't be apart from each other. At the end of August she had to move back to school which was going to be really hard from almost seeing her everyday to just on the weekends. I would go down and visit her during the week for a day which felt good to do. As school went on I could tell we started to become more distant from each other. We would still hang out on the weekends when she came home but I could tell something was bothering her. She called me one day and told me she wanted to wait till she was done with school to get married. At the time I was a little upset because I was so excited to get married this summer and I didnt want to wait for whole year. I should have listened to her.

In the third week of October we had our engagement pictures taken. I thought everything was going to ok, she seemed so happy and so did I. Two weeks later I get the news that changed my life and she texts me saying she doesn't love me as much as I love her. She wants to take a break and not talk. Well for a week I was just in so much pain because I didnt know where we stood with each other. I didn't know if we were gonna get back together and she just needed some time or if we were just broken up and that was the end of it.

A week later I had to meet her and talk to her. She agreed to meet and we talked and I told her everything that was in my heart and we both cried and we both laughed. She told me that she thought that after we got engaged I stopped trying and didn't do the little things. After going through this I realized I did take some things for granted but I never thought I would come to this. After we met she texted me saying she was really happy with had this talk and we were just going to start things slow with each other. She gave me the ring back to hold onto because I told her I would love to give it back to her in the future. So for that week we were texting and not so much talking on the phone as much as we used to and she was really stressed about school which I sure was part of the problem. Last Saturday I made her dinner and we watched some movies. At first it was a little weird but then when we sat down to watch the movies everything felt like it was back to normal.

Then the other day we were skyping and I asked her if we were still on for seeing a movie this Saturday and she told me she didn't want to. She said that but us talking and hanging out she didn't want to lead me on thinking we were just going to get back together and she never got the space that she needed. So right now I feel like I'm back at square one with everything. We had such a good thing going together that I can't see it ending and us not being able to work things out. I mean she said yes to marrying me. She told me she loves me and cares about me but she wants to feel it as much as I do for her.

Right now I'm just lost and searching for answers. It's so hard not to talk to her and I'm worried she is going to find someone better than me. Is there any chance that we do get back together? My mom and her mom think she will come around and she is just confused on what she wants right now. Her mom and dad went through the same thing but they were't engaged. Her mom broke up with her dad for like 2 months and she realized she wanted him back and then they got married. It kind of was the same situation with her sister but her husband spent a year and a half in prison and she was pregnet and she filed for divorce and now he his out of prison and they are expecting another child. So i dont know if this is just something that runs in their family or what. I just wish I knew what the future held because all I see in my future is her.

I'm hoping that with the holidays coming and I won't be with her she will realize what she is missing and that might make her think.

 

 

Update--------------------

 

So since the last time I posted my story some things have changed and I don't know if she is just confused on what she wants. The past two weekends we have seen each other due to things that weren't planned and things that were planned before this all happened.

Saturday night we went to a Christmas concert with my family because my mom bought tickets in June before any of this happened. So she decided to come and she told two days before that she didn't want me to think that it was going to bring us closer to being back together and I told her I know that but I would like to just go as friends. During the concert we told each other that it was awkward because we both wanted to hold each others hand and touch each other but we were just friends.

When the night was over I texted her and told her thanks for coming and she said thank you for inviting her. Then she said she is sorry for being frustrating and confusing and she hates herself for it. I told her I know there is a lot going through her mind right now but and by me giving her the space she needs that we can work things out and get back to how things used to be. So to make a long story short she told me that she wasn't crazy and madly in love with me like she hoped she would be. She said she loved me but not enough to marry me right now. She said the love she has with me is more of a comfortable and easy love and that is what she has done her whole life and doesn't want to that anymore. She said that it never couldn't be me but right now its not me or anyone.

Her mom and my mom talked the other day and her mom said that she needs to grow up and realize what she had. Her mom said I never did anything wrong and that I need to just ignore her daughter and just see if she misses me. Her mom could see that when we were together that we were so good together. This is just what her older sister did when she turned 21 and she just wanted to go out and party. Its better that she gets this out of her system now then when she gets married.

I know that she is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with but I just don't know if she feels the same. I hope with this time away from each other she will realize that. I just don't know where I go from here. Is she really just confused and not sure what she wants or does she have her mind made up that she doesn't want to be with me. Granted she was the one who wanted to get engaged and then when she realized what it took she go freaked out and didn't know how to handle it.

So right now we have no plans in the future to see other. Im going to cut off all contact from her and just see what happens. I just don't what is going to happen and I don't think she does either. How long do I wait for her to contact me before it really might be over.

[Chi townD]

I agree with Will. You don't want to marry someone that isn't sure. That could be a really big mess in the long run. When you get engaged to someone, they can wait to offically start their life with you. There would be bridal magazines everywhere. She would be DRAGGING you to look at venues. Looking at flowers, and cake sampling....and they do it all while walking on a cloud.

 

It seems like is wasn't at the same level you were.

[TaraMaiden]

I can usually be quite argumentative, but in this case?

I concur.

This thing is History.

 

Read the Caliguy link in my signature, and follow it, 100%, and 100% of the time.

It's your only path to self-preservation and salvation now.

All else, is lost.

[KatZee]

:/

 

I wouldn't compare what she's doing with anyone in her family. Every single person is unique.

 

I think she's been perfectly clear and honest with things she has been saying. She wants space, she doesn't want to be with you, she isn't madly in love with you. It's better you know this NOW rather than get married to her, have her pop out a few kids and then find out she's been having an affair and experiencing that "crazy madly in love" feeling she's been searching for.

 

Maybe she'll realize what she had, maybe she won't. But either decision she comes to isn't happening now. She needs space and thus far that has not been respected. You keep talking, keep hanging out, and she's making it clear that each time you do hang out, it's not to get back together.

 

I think you need to fully leave her alone. She needs to see what her life is like without you, she needs to do whatever she needs to do at this point in her life.

[presto86]

So you don't think there is any chance she will want to get back together? It's just going to hurt so bad if she does move on and I'll be thinking that whoever she is with is making her happier than I was. I promised her forever and gave her my heart. I just feel like its going to take a long time to forget her. She means everything to me.

Edited November 28, 2012 by presto86

[Chi townD]

No one can say if she will or won't. But, you have to start living your life as if she won't. Because, if you don't start doing that, you can't move forward with your life. Then, one day you'll find out that she found someone else, married him and has a baby on the way and you've wasted that time struck in limbo clinging onto false hope. No one can or should live like that.

 

You have to heal, move on and live with the ethios, "Her loss"

[flitzanu]

Fiancee broke off engagement and said she needed space. Does this mean it's Over?

 

yes. it means it's over, and she just broke up with you.

[LostOne1]

I agree with Chi Town on this one... I know it hurts and you can't imagine life without her, but honestly there are more fish in the sea and things will get better... all other cliches... but they are true. you need to start heeling and forget this woman.

 

Althought not to spark your hope, one of my best friends got engaged to this girl recently... he was engaged to her 5 years ago, but they didn't go forward with it because they both had to move far away for their jobs. they ran into each other at the begining of summer and have rekindled things. they just got engaged, again, a week ago. He believes it is real this time, because they both have settled down and don't plan on moving to a new area any time soon... that and they are older now. I'm happy for them. So there still may be some hope for you in the distant future, like my friend. However, that is extremely rare and unlikely.

 

So your best bet is to move on, and have a great life. you will find someone else.

I guess that story is one of those.. if it's meant to be.. then nothing can stop it.

 

Guess in their case they let go and life brought them together again.