Author James00s Posted December 1, 2012 Author Posted December 1, 2012 really learnt a lot from the posts/replies you guys gave me. Can't say how much i appreciate it!
Author James00s Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 should I reply her saying I dont feel like being friends is good for us and continue NZ? instead of ignoring her message.
Winherback Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 should I reply her saying I dont feel like being friends is good for us and continue NZ? instead of ignoring her message. This is insecurity and uncertainty gnawing at you. It has to stop this minute. This is exactly what will sabatage any hope of reconciling or moving on in a dignified manner. Everything you need to know has already been said. But the reason they are saying it is because they all learned the hard way. And sometimes its impossible not to unless you have been there before because you cannot get into the confident state of mind consistently enough. Your emotions and illogical thinking are trying to break to the surface. Do not let them win. I have been there. I have made every mistake in the book right up until she ended up with another man. I wish I was back at your point. Its time for you to MAN UP. Re read this thread and do what you were told. DO IT. Fight the urges to constantly battle on what or what not to do. Just do YOU, and "when you have time" respond exactly as you would as if you can live with out her and that you do not need her. It is human nature now. Law of attraction. You are at the disadvantage of her moving on in ways more than you know. So you CAN NOT move forward thinking that she is thinking like you are. She is not. Good luck. And most of the time.... do the EXACT opposite of what you want to do. I promise.... its the only way.
Author James00s Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 This is insecurity and uncertainty gnawing at you. It has to stop this minute. This is exactly what will sabatage any hope of reconciling or moving on in a dignified manner. Everything you need to know has already been said. But the reason they are saying it is because they all learned the hard way. And sometimes its impossible not to unless you have been there before because you cannot get into the confident state of mind consistently enough. Your emotions and illogical thinking are trying to break to the surface. Do not let them win. I have been there. I have made every mistake in the book right up until she ended up with another man. I wish I was back at your point. Its time for you to MAN UP. Re read this thread and do what you were told. DO IT. Fight the urges to constantly battle on what or what not to do. Just do YOU, and "when you have time" respond exactly as you would as if you can live with out her and that you do not need her. It is human nature now. Law of attraction. You are at the disadvantage of her moving on in ways more than you know. So you CAN NOT move forward thinking that she is thinking like you are. She is not. Good luck. And most of the time.... do the EXACT opposite of what you want to do. I promise.... its the only way. thanks for this piece of advice. I really do need to face reality and stop getting trapped in my emotions. Shall listen to every piece of valuable advice here.
LostOne1 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 thanks for this piece of advice. I really do need to face reality and stop getting trapped in my emotions. Shall listen to every piece of valuable advice here. Just like winherback said.... we all learned the hard way. So take the advice and don't panic or rush. one thing I wish I someone said more of to me is.. PATIENCE.. it goes a LONG way my friend. If I had PATIENCE I bet my ex would have come running back to me. But I rushed it, pushed it, forced it etc.. and it just pushed them away. PATIENCE is key.. those who wait get rewarded.. and I didn't, because I wasn't PATIENT.
Author James00s Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 Just like winherback said.... we all learned the hard way. So take the advice and don't panic or rush. one thing I wish I someone said more of to me is.. PATIENCE.. it goes a LONG way my friend. If I had PATIENCE I bet my ex would have come running back to me. But I rushed it, pushed it, forced it etc.. and it just pushed them away. PATIENCE is key.. those who wait get rewarded.. and I didn't, because I wasn't PATIENT. Patience in wat way? With no contact and ignoring replies? Being in control?
movingon12 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 Ultimatums never work. Especially with a young woman. Even if she agrees to something, she is agreeing out of fear of consequence rather than desire for pleasure - as Freud would have said it. Anything that comes from this will be fleeting at best. I don't see it as an ultimatum, I see it as a polite explanation. I don't expect she would take him back, but I do think it's more mature to end the relationship with a civilised 'goodbye' rather than simply disappearing. These people say not to play games, but I wouldn't necessarily call them "games." Waiting to text her back isn't a game, it's training yourself to not seem desperate. The arbitrary rules that are out there about not texting a girl who's number you get for a few days - those aren't games, they're ways to manipulate your intuition so that you can be successful and not come off as too forward or desperate. In time, they won't be games anymore. They'll just be standard, and you'll be much better off.Sorry I don't agree. It's game playing. Be yourself. Text when *you* want to. If you want to reply after 4 seconds, do it. If you don't feel you have anything to say until 4 days later. Wait. I, like most girls I know, have zero patience for the type of guys who mess around pretending to be distant and not replying for days. Yes, there's a chance that you'll end up getting the kind of girl who's self esteem is so low that she'll put up with it or who has no one else interested in her. In the meantime, the happy, confident, well balanced girls will have stopped waiting and will be dating the guy who answered the phone when they called. 1
Author James00s Posted December 2, 2012 Author Posted December 2, 2012 But I have messaged her that I don't want to be friends about a month ago. But the she asked if we can in the future and I gave her a playful "sure ;)", maybe I shouldn't have replied that's y she might be taking it as enough time has passed now and we r friends hence talking to me? No idea
movingon12 Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 But I have messaged her that I don't want to be friends about a month ago. But the she asked if we can in the future and I gave her a playful "sure ;)", maybe I shouldn't have replied that's y she might be taking it as enough time has passed now and we r friends hence talking to me? No idea Could be - you're not being very consistent and that's not going to help you. Personally I would do what I already said: tell her you like her too much to be 'just friends' so you don't want to be in contact anymore. Then ignore any future communication from her unless she actually says she wants to try again.
Author James00s Posted December 3, 2012 Author Posted December 3, 2012 Could be - you're not being very consistent and that's not going to help you. Personally I would do what I already said: tell her you like her too much to be 'just friends' so you don't want to be in contact anymore. Then ignore any future communication from her unless she actually says she wants to try again. sent her a message along those lines, dno if she will reply. But decided that she has nothing to do with me. Message was a bit harsh but wateva, gotta stand up for wat i want
imstatic Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I've seen and experienced this pattern before... It's like when you're applying for a new job. You just don't go out publicly saying you're in that process. People mostly keep track of things and start weighing their options. If your new job provides much better benefits, you take it; otherwise, you stay with the old one until a better one comes along. I believe most men usually look for younger and more attractive women; on the other hand, women usually look for men who can provide a better life style. I don't mean to offend you or anyone, but I think this is your case. It's not nice knowing you're on the balance. Looks and money eventually fade, and the only things left are feelings. No matter what the situation is, I think NC is the way to go. Eventually someone who really likes you for who you are will come along.
Author James00s Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 I sent a message to her saying I don't want to be friends )second time telling her . She isn't replying , does that mean that I won't have a chance with her? Want her back with without being friend zoned
movingon12 Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 You have to let this go. She's moved on already. Now you need to start that process too. She's not replying because she doesn't want you as a boyfriend, and if she can't have you as a friend either, it's not a big deal to her. I know that sucks, but it's the truth. If she wanted you back, she'd be trying to get you back, and she's not. She's not even acknowledging you anymore. Let it go. Block her from everything you can block her from, just so you don't wait around hoping she might contact you. It's over. I'm sorry. 1
Author James00s Posted December 5, 2012 Author Posted December 5, 2012 You have to let this go. She's moved on already. Now you need to start that process too. She's not replying because she doesn't want you as a boyfriend, and if she can't have you as a friend either, it's not a big deal to her. I know that sucks, but it's the truth. If she wanted you back, she'd be trying to get you back, and she's not. She's not even acknowledging you anymore. Let it go. Block her from everything you can block her from, just so you don't wait around hoping she might contact you. It's over. I'm sorry. thanks for bringing me back to reality bud
Dagorath Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Sorry I don't agree. It's game playing. Be yourself. Text when *you* want to. If you want to reply after 4 seconds, do it. If you don't feel you have anything to say until 4 days later. Wait. I, like most girls I know, have zero patience for the type of guys who mess around pretending to be distant and not replying for days. Yes, there's a chance that you'll end up getting the kind of girl who's self esteem is so low that she'll put up with it or who has no one else interested in her. In the meantime, the happy, confident, well balanced girls will have stopped waiting and will be dating the guy who answered the phone when they called. This is foolish information. You can still be yourself and grow as a person. People are awful at relationships when they first start, and they get better by changing things and learning. Training yourself to not chase women away is not being a fake or playing games, it is growing to a point of efficacy. You say you like an honest guy, and you women all say the same thing when it is in regards to a third person scenario. If this were a guy chasing you, you would have something quite different to say. There is a gaurd and a bulwark that goes up in a woman's mind, and it is a test. Women are testing men all the time, and one of the tests is to filter our men who seem overly desperate. Your input here is irrelevant to the overall norm.
Hopeful714 Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Women dont want a man who is "indifferent" to her. I want a guy who's man enough to state his feelings and intentions about me. Why the heck would I want to waste time and play games with someone. Once a BU has occurred, how many times to people REALLY come back and say "Im sorry...I made a mistake...I want you back?" I just don't see it. It's all games, breadcrumbs, indecision etc....blah blah blah. Sorry but I would never have responded with the "I still have feelings dont contact me text." Right there you pegged yourself as still pining and haven't moved on. Value plummet...in so far as post BU games are concerned. And by the way what the heck is considered an alpha female? If the guys act like they dont need the girl, and the girl is supposed to act like she doesn't need the guy...can someone tell me where the heck is the common ground then for 2 people who care about each other to come together?
movingon12 Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 You say you like an honest guy, and you women all say the same thing when it is in regards to a third person scenario. If this were a guy chasing you, you would have something quite different to say. There is a gaurd and a bulwark that goes up in a woman's mind, and it is a test. Women are testing men all the time, and one of the tests is to filter our men who seem overly desperate. Your input here is irrelevant to the overall norm. There is a MASSIVE difference between being "overly desperate" and deliberately taking an unnecessarily long time to reply to a text in order to appear - well, whatever it is you think it makes you appear: cool? in demand? mysterious? Those 'rules' came in before texts, emails and mass mobile ownership. If you think the rules of communication haven't changed even thought modes of communication have, you are sorely mistaken.
flitzanu Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I sent a message to her saying I don't want to be friends )second time telling her . She isn't replying , does that mean that I won't have a chance with her? Want her back with without being friend zoned didn't we tell you this weeks ago? stop talking to her and stay NC.
Author James00s Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 so no wishing her happy new year? havent talked to her since I told her I didnt want to be friends a month or so ago. She hasnt messaged me too. I guess it really is over
flitzanu Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 so no wishing her happy new year? havent talked to her since I told her I didnt want to be friends a month or so ago. She hasnt messaged me too. I guess it really is over nope. and obviously from your post she didn't wish you a happy new year either, so quit fretting it. she isn't thinking about it and you saying it isn't going to do anything but make you look desperate.
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