Ex girl friend breaks no contact

[James00s]

hi, this is james from a month ago if you still remember me. my ex broke up with me 3 months ago because she didn't want to be in a relationship and just wasn't sure wat she wanted . she recently broke nc saying how she misses talking to me, i gave a short reply like one ill give to a friend. how do i talk to her(approach wise) so i can get her back? cheers

[denxnis]

If you think she just needed breathing room then honestly I would guard your heart, no matter how lame that sounds, and start as friends.

 

If she dated other men I would move on because odds are it will happen again in the future; this I can almost promise.

[James00s]

If you think she just needed breathing room then honestly I would guard your heart, no matter how lame that sounds, and start as friends.

 

If she dated other men I would move on because odds are it will happen again in the future; this I can almost promise.

 

Thanks for the reply. I am sure she didn't date anyone else. She might have just needed breathing space. I am just not sure how to handle things now. I know u said being a friend but would that put me in the friendzone? Should I play a bit cold and hard to get? Or the same as when we were together but on a more platonic level

[denxnis]

Cold and hard to get. You need to figure out why she did this in the first place, without being too nosy, and make a decision on whether or not you think she will do it again.

[James00s]

I don't really get how to play cold and hard to get though. Tips? Thanks

[flitzanu]

hi, this is james from a month ago if you still remember me. my ex broke up with me 3 months ago because she didn't want to be in a relationship and just wasn't sure wat she wanted . she recently broke nc saying how she misses talking to me, i gave a short reply like one ill give to a friend. how do i talk to her(approach wise) so i can get her back? cheers

 

you don't. she dumped you, and she hasn't told you anything that suggests she wants to get back together with you. maintain your dignity and YOU maintain NC.

 

did it work 3 months ago when you tried to get her to stay? no...so why will it work now? she's the one that left, and she's still the one that has to make the decision to be with you.

[Chi townD]

Flitz is right. Nothing in that text tells me that she's sorry, she made a mistake and that she wants to come back.

 

I think she's just pulling on the leash to see if the dog is still there.

[James00s]

Yea thanks ! Just really confused at the moment. Trying to make it seem that I don't really care an I moved on. If I ignored that means I care right?

[geegirl]

It's not your responsibility to get her back. It's her responsibility to win you back. She dumped you, remember? You don't go trying to sell her a relationship when she didn't want one.

 

Stick to NC. If she has anything of substance to relay, she will.

[Chi townD]

Yea thanks ! Just really confused at the moment. Trying to make it seem that I don't really care an I moved on. If I ignored that means I care right?

 

If you didn't answer her text? What would that mean? who cares! The point is she dumped you. She made the choice to have you out of her life. If you didn't respond, the only thing it SHOULD show you is that you're respecting her wishes.

[GraceisGone]

I would tell you to ignore her. Trust me on this one, I went through the same thing, in about the same time frame after the break up that you did.

 

If you guys start talking again, hanging out, everything will feel like you are getting back together (in your mind). Unfortunately, she probably won't feel the same way. She broke up with you only a couple of months ago, and by hanging out with you again, it will probably just help her to move on. I'm sorry to break that to you, but just because she misses you, doesn't mean she wants to date again.

 

When I was in your situation, even though I was told not to, I started talking to my ex again. It was great for a little while for me, because I thought we were getting back together, but really, it was just helping her move on. I'm sure you will do what you want to, but if I could do it all over again, I would have just continued living my life instead of digging myself in an even deeper hole. Hope everything works out for you man.

[James00s]

Thanks for all the help guys. I'll ignore her messages now on then. Doesn't seem like there is a way to get her back. I give up.

[James00s]

It's funny because the first week after we broke up she avoided me like the plague and now she talks to me, saying how she misses talking to me. Doesn't make sense to me.

[GraceisGone]

It's funny because the first week after we broke up she avoided me like the plague and now she talks to me, saying how she misses talking to me. Doesn't make sense to me.

 

The same thing happened to me. She didn't want anything to do with me, then all of a sudden, she misses having me in her life and wants me back in it.

 

I guess I should have been smart and listened to the voice in the back of my head that said this isn't going to end well, but I wanted to give it a chance. Maybe your situation is different, but if she felt like she couldn't be with you 3 months ago, I doubt that has changed now, she just misses talking to you.

 

I would just see where it goes and don't give in to her. Trust me, you don't want to get sucked into that trap, and then have her dump you all over again, it's worse the second time around.

[itsmyfault]

just ignore her, NC. It will probably drive her crazy.

 

At the end of the day if she isn't moving heaven and Earth to get back with you she just wants friendship.

 

Cut all ties again.

 

My Ex wanted to be "friends" I thought i'd give it a try, turns out I hate to do all the contacting...

 

This is how I categorise my friends. I see them regularly, Spend all day with them, lend them money, visa versa.

 

My Ex probably just wanted to snoop on my life, We'd have done none of the above. So by my books we wouldn't be friends. TBH you have to be a hardy kind of person to stay friends with an ex

[dumPI]

If you don't stay NC you'll realize the truth we all have learnt: "Missing you/missing talking to you/loving you does not equal wanting to be in a relationship with you"

 

First 3 things are feelings, last one implies action

[James00s]

I appreciate all your replies. But I don't get how she is supposed to give the relationship another chance if I still ignore her after she initiated talking after nc?

[Redbirdinabrightsky]

I appreciate all your replies. But I don't get how she is supposed to give the relationship another chance if I still ignore her after she initiated talking after nc?

 

 

 

Let me answer by saying that I am in a similar boat, and have been many times before.

 

My 2 cents: you ignore her efforts to contact you, it just makes her wonder about you more. That keeps you on her mind more because people want what they can't have.

 

When you do not respond immediately, or not at all, you do not lose points with her. You just make her wonder about you. Because when you do not respond, you build mystery, whereas before when you two were together, she could get your communication whenever she wanted to right? Almost immediately? Delaying your response times, not hanging out when she wants to, or at her suggested times keeps the ball in your court.

 

Denying communication make you stay on her mind. She obviously misses talking to you, so let that be your bait.

 

I would also say, when the texting is going on, be serious about nothing, joke around, but keep your texting to a complete minimum. Make it a tool for her to set up hang out times. Make it so that she can only see you in the evening, or when drinks are involved, or at her place, because you are so "busy busy busy."

 

That will put her in the room with you, at night, with drinks involved. Make her make all the moves to initiate time together.

 

Otherwise, stay busy for real, ignore her for real, find other stuff to do.

 

Are you two connected on Facebook?

[James00s]

thanks for ur reply. yep we are, basically just light chatting atm. Nothing serious. So i should just reply in a few days each time she messages me?

[movingon12]

thanks for ur reply. yep we are, basically just light chatting atm. Nothing serious. So i should just reply in a few days each time she messages me?

 

No. Don't play games. If you're going to reply, then reply. Don't start some needless countdown to when you are going to reply.

 

BUT. I vote for staying NC completely. Send her one last message to tell her that you miss her too, but that you still have feelings for her and that just being friends isn't an option for you. Ask her to stop contacting you and tell her you're going to block her emails/messages and so you can move on with your life.

 

We all know how blocking works, all you need to do is open a different account to get around it. She'll do this if she really has something to say to you.

 

IF she wants you back, she will tell you she made a mistake and ask if you can try again.

 

Until she says she wants to try again, she hasn't got anything to say to you that's worth hearing.

[ilou]

Watch out buddy, if you do later see her, she might explode later putting blame on you for whatever reason you did NC to give her an ego boost. Maybe she won't, maybe she will.

[James00s]

So I guess ignoring her messages is the way to go

[Dagorath]

Be cordial but not necessarily overly-friendly. Women are attracted to what they consider to be masculine. Don't use emoticons, don't be overly excited, don't text back right away. Live your life, and respond on your own time. Just be cordial and be yourself. You want to give her the impression that you don't need her and are indifferent to the notion of getting her back - that will drive her insane, and make her want you more.

 

She wants to know that you won't be obsessive, and that you'll give her space. Nothing says that more than to show her that you don't need her.

 

And while you're at this - don't bank on it. Don't invest all of your hopes on this girl, because it might not even work out. Get out there and keep yourself open to others girls that you won't have to play games with.

 

Best of luck to you.

[Dagorath]

Send her one last message to tell her that you miss her too, but that you still have feelings for her and that just being friends isn't an option for you.

 

 

Ultimatums never work. Especially with a young woman. Even if she agrees to something, she is agreeing out of fear of consequence rather than desire for pleasure - as Freud would have said it. Anything that comes from this will be fleeting at best.

 

These people say not to play games, but I wouldn't necessarily call them "games." Waiting to text her back isn't a game, it's training yourself to not seem desperate. The arbitrary rules that are out there about not texting a girl who's number you get for a few days - those aren't games, they're ways to manipulate your intuition so that you can be successful and not come off as too forward or desperate.

 

In time, they won't be games anymore. They'll just be standard, and you'll be much better off.

[Dagorath]

Yea thanks ! Just really confused at the moment. Trying to make it seem that I don't really care an I moved on. If I ignored that means I care right?

 

No, it's not about whether you care or not. It's about whether you need her. Women want a man who is strong and independent. When we fall head over heels for a girl and chase her like a puppy dog she loses attraction. That is why "nice guys" lose, because they are overly eager.

 

You hear it all the time about how he "tried to do everything right." That's exactly the problem. He acted like her butler, not her lover.

 

Be a man and stand up for yourself. You don't need her, at all - and even if you want her, you only want her if she's on board, and be tentative of that as well.

 

When you show an independence, a distance, an indifference to her, she will become attracted to you, because she will perceive you as the strong alpha male.

 

Remember that dating is a game, no matter what anyone says. The role of a woman is to garner the attention of the alpha male, and the role of the alpha male is to seek out the alpha female, or as close to it as we can find, respectively.

 

Holding out, being tough, and acting or knowing like you deserve the absolute best is the most attractive thing to a woman because it is complete confidence. It says to her, "I'm worth it," which she can't agree with.

 

This doesn't mean you just ignore her. It means you show her that you are strong enough to talk to her without becoming desperately in love with her.

 

A desperate man, inadverdantly says to a woman, "I don't know if i'm worth it," which... again, she can't help but agree with. Portray yourself as you wish to be. Confident; with bountiful self-worth.