I can't live without him!

[xem]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for more than 3 years... 3yrs and 9 months to be exact...

 

before we met i was really sexy and pretty and a lot of guys are courting me and i was in High school during that time, I've already dated 6 guys, where in i loved them back but in the end i can't find the "spark" so, i don't want to hurt them so i always break up with them but my last boyfriend was kinda gaining the SPARK but he cheated on me so i broke up with him, and decided to get busy and focused on myself,

 

then last 2008,during summer vacation, i met my current boyfriend, well, it was the first time that i had a crush on him and i can't go on a day without seeing him.. i saw him at the mall, he was playing DDR(dance dance revolution) which i really love too, then i felt like i was falling for him,

 

 

1 day, i lost my precious silver bracelet that was given to me by my mom, then i prayed and asked God if he could give it to a guy that i really deserved to be with, like a SIGN thingy, and the next day i was really surprised that i saw my crush wearing my bracelet and i immediately approached him about it.

 

 

he was kinda famous in the mall because of playing ddr, so i approached him by calling him in his name, then after that day, we became friends and i can sense something is going on between us because he was kinda flirting with me and staring at me, *goosebumps*

 

then i asked for his number but he deleted it then i get sad then he gave it to me again, then we have been texting all the night, exchanging thoughts and experience...

 

as day goes by, he started calling me every night, and we always go to the mall and play ddr together,

 

we've been friends for months i think it was 10-11 months,

 

some people are telling me that i was flirting with him, wer in i was really not, I like him but i still considered him as a friend...

 

but i know that at some point what we are doing is not right because he was going here in our house and we've been kissing and hugging and we even get to the point that we almost had sex but we controlled ourselves because we know that wer friends and we can't have sex, and we don't have any experience because wer both virgins... i was 16 and he was 19...

 

then February 7, 2009 he called me, and told me that he likes me and he was really falling in love with me, he asked me if i could be his girlfriend, but then i cried coz he never courted me and i felt attached to him because wer acting like wer lovers, it was like MU... then i told him that i don't want him to get me through phone call or text, i'm not a toy that he could just easily get... then he just told me that he's willing to wait for my answer...

 

 

I was thinking the whole weak about it so, I decided to say yes, i was planning to tell him that on feb 14 2009 because it was valentine's day... but he told me that he can't go with me at the mall coz he has classes..

so i was really sad and just played ddr...

 

 

2:14pm someone blind folded me and grabbed me... it was him.. he has flowers and fav chocolates...everyone was watching us and he knelt infront of me and said "will you be my girlfriend?"

 

i was shaking... it took a while before i was able to speak and then said yes! and cried out because of joy....

 

then our 1st yr was going smoothly.. wer both legal in both sides... he was loved by my family and i was loved in his...

 

then after our 2nd anniv.. we started having fights... and honestly i was immature then... there wer times that he was lying in front of me, textng and calling other girls, i was insecure because i was afraid of losing him because we started like that texting and calling so, i don't want him to do that again... but he made me realize that he loves me and begged me to trust him, so i did... because i love him..

 

then we reached our third anniv, there wer still fights but few... then i was in third year college and he was in his review for his board exam... it was really hard because wer not seeing each other but we have communication, he was there for i think 5 months, but we wer seeing each other like 2-3 times a month, i just trusted him all the way..

 

then he passed the board exam and he is now an engineer, i'm so proud of him, then he started working in their company as a cadet engineer, his sched was 7am till 4p.m so the only time that we can text and call was before going to work, lunch and after work, at first it was hard but i widen my understanding, and just asked him to see each other after work but sometimes he's too tired to go to the mall and just go home for him to rest..

 

I just tried to get myself busy by focusing on my mini business in baking cakes,cupcakes and pastries... so that i can lessen the sadness of missing him...

 

then 1 time they have a project out of town... so, i was emotional that time because i'm really gonna miss him again... then he just promised that his feelings will not change and i should just wait for him, so it was just a weak and he went back last oct. 28, 2012... it was sunday and he said that he has work on the next day so i just texted him if he could go in my house and i'll buy roasted chicken for dinner...

 

so, i was really excited to see him... then wen he came... i opened the gate and he just smiled and that was awkward because he use to hug me and kiss me wen he see me... but then again as a loving girlfriend i just understand that may be he's just tired from work...

 

we ate our dinner.. he's not talking, my mom noticed it, she asked him what's wrong, he just said that he's tired...

 

so my mom thinks that we need to talk so, she said that she'll wash the dishes...

 

 

then we sat next to each other... he suddenly cried and said that he's having a hard time... and i asked him what's wrong... he said that he was falling out of love.... and i was shocked!!!!

 

i can't breathe... then he said that he was calling and texting someone else while he was in his review... so, that's why he always said that he's gonna sleep early..

 

i was really hurt... because he promised me that he won't cheat on me or lie... i trusted him... i was loyal and faithful... i changed for the better.. before i was immature but taught me how to grow... he made me a better person... the last last fight that we had was months ago... and it was not that serious and i told him that he might broke up with me... but then he said that why would he do that... we've been through so much challenges in our relationship... he will not let me go no matter what... i believed in him... and he even promised to marry me when i get the age of 25 and now i'm 20...

 

we where in the point that he's waiting for me to graduate and get a nice job and reach 25 and settle down... her mom even said that she wants me to be the wife of his son... everyone loves how our relationship...

 

then suddenly he became like that..

he said that he wants to be free... he has too many things to do that he don't want me to get involved with.

 

but then i told him that we already talked about it and i told him that i'm not stopping him, he's free as long as he knows he's limitations, because he's committed with me...

 

why can't he understand that after everything we've been through.. i can't accept that he'll just dump me that easy...

 

he left me that everything was perfect... i'm not demanding anything... then when he came back he just said that he doesn't love me anymore.... WTF?!

 

i was really mad but i begged him... i even knelt in front of him and hold he's leg... :'(

 

it was really hard... then after he left...

the next day i went to his house and talked with her mom...

she was surprised... and mad...

she said that she won't let us break...

 

then she tried to talk with him...

but she told me that he's not saying anything..

 

i was really desperate..

until now... its almost a month that wer like this...

i was even forced to try committing suicide... but its no use...

and now i texted and begged him because i have big orders of cakes i a hotel and it is due on dec.1 and i can't do a thing because of him.. i tried my best to be ok.. but i really can't.. :'(

then he said ok...

i texted him iloveyou... twice..

no reply..

:'(

 

 

you know what...

if he wot really fix everything...

i'd really kill myself..

 

 

I LOVE HIM!

 

 

I MISS HIM

 

 

I MISS US

 

 

EVERYONE KNOWS THAT WE'LL GET MARRIED..

but now... i think thats not gonna happen..

 

 

i prayed all night...

i have no bad intensions..

i just want us to be back in what we used to..

 

we wer happy... but why it has to be like this...

help me please...

 

T_______________________T

[LostOne1]

I know how you feel about the loss.

 

My relationship was 3 years and ended the week of our 3rd anniversary.

 

So I know how tough it is to lose someone that you know for a LONG time.

 

But trust me begging won't do any good. It will make him feel bad, but it won't help.

 

You need to stand up and realize you SHOULDN'T have to beg. He should be able to see you and ask to be back with you by HIMSELF.

 

What you need to do is stop talking to him and anyone that knows him. Start off by working on your cake orders. Ignore what is going on and realize that you and the rest of us have no control.

 

I was like you begged and cried and it lead me no where. You know what it did.. it made things so bad for me and my ex.. that I can't ever possibly see her wanting to get back with me now.

 

So please don't bug him anymore. Let him go and if he misses you or realizes he made a mistake he will contact you. It could be possible he feels stuck in the relationship. He wants out and it doesn't mean you are bad at all. It might mean that he wants to date or see other people to know what it's like out there.

 

For now you can't do anything to get him back. All you can do is look at your life and pick it back up. It's gonna be SUPER hard, but hang in there.

 

Suicide WILL NOT help. Why kill yourself for who? A guy that left you? You know there will be LOTS of guys lined up to meet you and want to love you.

 

Realize he wants the space away from you and give it to him. Begging and all won't help. I know I tried it.. and it didn't help me. My ex lost respect for me by begging her and all.

 

Don't lose your respect too by begging.

[amaysngrace]

If you love him let him go. 100%. No calling his mom. No getting in his way. Just stop texting him and leave him to go do what he's going to do.

 

Love isn't selfish. Saying you want to kill yourself is selfish. Therefore you don't really love him.

[LostOne1]

If you love him let him go. 100%. No calling his mom. No getting in his way. Just stop texting him and leave him to go do what he's going to do.

 

Love isn't selfish. Saying you want to kill yourself is selfish. Therefore you don't really love him.

wish someone told me this a long time ago... might have helped me.

 

"Love isn't selfish...."

[amaysngrace]

 

"Love isn't selfish...."

 

it's from the Bible.

[LostOne1]

it's from the Bible.

funny because I have a bible near me when I pray and all. I just never really read much of it before. I'm not religious much.. but I do believe in god and I guess lately I've been keeping a bible near me for the strength to push on for each day.

[xem]

thanks...

i'm just really so,desperate of getting him back...

it was just last night when we had our last "fight"

he told me that if i could wait for 5 years.. he's gonna marry me...

i wish i could hold on that...

but i can't...

he texted me before going to his office..

then i replied that i was not able to go to school...

i just really can't..

and i also told him that i really need his help..

that he need to fix everything..

because i have orders in the hotel...

100 cakes...

and i can't start because of our situation and it is due on dec.1

this is really hard..

i'm not like, i say that i can't without trying...

 

i really tried my best to go on and move on...

i just really can't..

 

worst is that once that he remove our relationship stat on facebook..

people will flood us with questions and everything...

i don't like issues and gossips..

its really hard...

 

 

i'm not that bad...

i get in the point of killing myself may be because it really hurts...

 

i love him and i'm not selfish...

he is..

 

its just that i'm not in the point that i'm ready for this..

we wer really okay..

as in OK without any doubts or anything..

i was just waiting for him..

then poooof...

he just made that drama...

 

but he told me that he don't have any girlfriends...

he was just txtng and calling..

 

and he said after the night that he told me about it..

he cut their communication..

 

well, i hope he was telling the truth..

 

 

after texting him about fixing things..

he said that ok.. he'll just go on with what i want...

i feel so bad about it..

 

it only proves that he really doesn't love me anymore...

HUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHU!!!!

T___T

 

 

my room is filled with our pictures and things from our happy moments..

i just really can't believe that he turned out that way in just a click...

 

if only i could teach myself...

if only i can turn back time and never loved him the way i did...

 

pls pray for us..

i was really still hoping that we can still work things out..

 

because 3yrs and 9months is really long..

its not that easy to let go..

i believe in us..

 

I LOVE HIM.

I MISS THE WAY WE USED TO..

I MISS HIS HUGS AND KISSES..

 

AND MOST OF ALL..

 

I MISS HOW HE ALWAYS TELLS ME HOW MUCH HE LOVES ME...

 

((

 

 

*btw sorry for my wrong grammar... i'm not that good in english...

[th90]

Hey Xem,

 

I understand what you are feeling right now. 3 weeks ago, my bf broke up with me. We have been together for 7 years and were so sure we would get married. He told me he would propose to me after my graduation (which is in 2014). Then, he said he doesn't feel the same anymore out of the blue.

 

Like you, all I did was crying. I couldn't eat, I had no motivation to do anything. I know it's hard because you're still in shock. You couldn't believe what has happened. You just can't accept it at the moment. I understand.

 

Well, I cried and cried. I made my mum so worried. I got sick. When he told me he wanted to break, I begged and pleaded. I reasoned with him. But all the pleadings and begging were nothing but tools of reassurance to him how much he wanted me out of his life. By doing that, we reassure them. So you gotta stop.

 

My ex gave me another blow few days later (I'm not gonna elaborate on it) and that was when I decided it's enough. I picked myself up. I finally did some logical thinking.

 

You see, we need to let them go if we really love them. Let them be free. It took me a week after the break up to realize this. When we love someone, we should expect nothing in return. When your ex told you he doesn't love you anymore, you gotta suck it up and let go. It's hard for you to accept this now, but you're gonna come to your senses sooner or later. Look around, if you killed yourself, who are you hurting most? Your ex? I don't think so. Surely, he would feel sorry about your death, blamed himself for a while, BUT he will eventually move on. Please don't be so stupid.

 

Be brave and be strong. You have 100 cakes to bake. Do it! It helps alot to read break up tips and self-improvement books. These things bring you back to your senses. Right now, I'm still hurting and feel sad about my break up but at least, I'm proud of myself I didn't go more than 1 day of begging and pleading. I'm proud of myself that I go NC. I still made mistakes but I'm picking up the pieces slowly.

 

Please go NC. You need to let go and move on. That's your only proof that you really love him. Somewhere down the road, he may come back for you. Chances are, you don't want him anymore.

 

Have faith in yourself

[xem]

hello th90...

 

I Understand...

i already thought of not killing myself because before this things happens..

i was really doing fine...

i join national competitions...

i was kinda famous but i was not showy..

and last night he came in to my house and told me that he wants me to be famous so that he will really feel sorry about what he did...

he also told me that he still loves me..

but i told him that he should not think that i still love him more than myself...

i had enough and i'm starting to love myself..

but i still love him..

i still want him back..

and now he's back but then..

wer not like we used to..

but i can see that he's trying..

somehow... it lessen the pain..

50:50 hoping and not hoping that things will work out...

but both of our moms said that we can fix this..

for now, i'll be focusing on my orders and at school..

I PROMISE that i won't attempt suicide ever again..

i've learned enough...

thank you for giving me all your words of wisdom...

:')