He Texted Me

[mishy]

So a few days ago, i woke up one morning and realised i felt nothing. The usual pain the chest that i got when i thought of him with her, which went on for about 3 weeks, it was gone.

 

its like i have been injected with pain killer into my chest. I just feel very very slight sadness about it but generally just nothing, just numb. Not bad not good, just nothing.

 

SO, then out of the blue last night he texts me saying he still wants to see me. I said well you have a girlfriend, so????? ( Im thinking what the ? )

 

He said yes he still does have a girlfriend. I said well what do you want with me then? and he says I don't know

 

He doesn't know what he wants, so why say he wants something when he doesn't know what it is???

 

I would say what he is after is a bit on the side. As if i am going to do that. At least if that is what he wants why not just say it, instead of "i don't know" ?

 

 

*******

Edited November 27, 2012 by mishy

[geegirl]

He keeps giving you nothing but you keep communicating with him. When will you be rid of him?

 

If he didn't have a girlfriend anymore, you'd see him? If no, why even ask the question? If yes, then what else can the people on this board say to help you?

 

You know he wants sex. He has blatantly told you. Yet you entertain him.

 

Everytime you engage, you teach him that no matter how badly he treats you, you'll be ever willing to communicate. You teach him you have no self-respect and will continue to engage even for scraps. Attention is attention, bad or good, it still teaches them that you care.

Edited November 28, 2012 by geegirl

[mishy]

He keeps giving you nothing but you keep communicating with him. When will you be rid of him?

 

If he didn't have a girlfriend anymore, you'd see him? If no, why even ask the question? If yes, then what else can the people on this board say to help you?

 

You know he wants sex. He has blatantly told you. Yet you entertain him.

 

Everytime you engage, you teach him that no matter how badly he treats you, you'll be ever willing to communicate. You teach him you have no self-respect and will continue to engage even for scraps. Attention is attention, bad or good, it still teaches them that you care.

 

yeah i know, i am more annoyed by the contact than anything else. I shouldn't have engaged in it, or responded.

[geegirl]

yeah i know, i am more annoyed by the contact than anything else. I shouldn't have engaged in it, or responded.

 

You're the only one enabling his bad behavior. He will keep contact for as long as you keep responding.

[cavalier99]

I thought you were NC? To me NC is NC and is NC. Responding isn't NC. I'm not sure why you are annoyed by his contact. Seems to be expected at this point. Isn't he blocked 100 percent by now anyway? Texts cant get thru the block unless he uses another phone??

 

To me NC isn't a game. Im going to get over my situation as quickly as humanly possible and wont let myself F-K it up. Im not sending anything and she can communicate all she wants (she hasn't) and I'm NEVER responding. She is blocked anyway but could potentially get in touch somehow. And if i have moment of weakness I'm posting here 1st.

 

I say start NC again. You do realize that even these brief exchanges sets your recovery back weeks right? Over and out.

Edited November 28, 2012 by cavalier99

[veggirl]

Last time he contacted you, you had sex with him! Please block his #!!!! Or change yours! God what a loser, "I don't know" ?! :sick::sick: he knows damn well what he wants...sex with whoever he can get it from, and he thinks that will be YOU. Don't let it be!

[beyond]

So a few days ago, i woke up one morning and realised i felt nothing. The usual pain the chest that i got when i thought of him with her, which went on for about 3 weeks, it was gone.

 

its like i have been injected with pain killer into my chest. I just feel very very slight sadness about it but generally just nothing, just numb. Not bad not good, just nothing.

 

SO, then out of the blue last night he texts me saying he still wants to see me. I said well you have a girlfriend, so????? ( Im thinking what the ? )

 

He said yes he still does have a girlfriend. I said well what do you want with me then? and he says I don't know

 

He doesn't know what he wants, so why say he wants something when he doesn't know what it is???

 

I would say what he is after is a bit on the side. As if i am going to do that. At least if that is what he wants why not just say it, instead of "i don't know" ?

 

 

*******

 

Oh come on Mishy, you know exactly what he wants.

He has been using you to have sex on the side for a while now. He even said last time he had sex with you before going back to his girlfriend that it would be the 'last time' and you told him you didn't want it to be the last time. You are handing yourself to him on a plate - can hardly blame him for trying to take another bite.

 

Last post I remember from you was you saying you weren't going to put up with it anymore - so don't!

[Own Worst Enemy]

The worst thing you can do is let your mind cling onto this toxic little shred by turning it into something it's not, and thinking he can't let go either or whatever your brain wants it to be. Try and see it for what it really is: a guy who just wants to have you as his little fallback, and who is tossing out his usual garbage after not hearing from you for a couple of weeks.

 

Chin up, phone off....

[Berna]

Why are you even bothering to reply?

 

What on earth is wrong girl?? What are you hoping for?

[mishy]

I thought you were NC? To me NC is NC and is NC. Responding isn't NC. I'm not sure why you are annoyed by his contact. Seems to be expected at this point. Isn't he blocked 100 percent by now anyway? Texts cant get thru the block unless he uses another phone??

 

To me NC isn't a game. Im going to get over my situation as quickly as humanly possible and wont let myself F-K it up. Im not sending anything and she can communicate all she wants (she hasn't) and I'm NEVER responding. She is blocked anyway but could potentially get in touch somehow. And if i have moment of weakness I'm posting here 1st.

 

I say start NC again. You do realize that even these brief exchanges sets your recovery back weeks right? Over and out.

 

i don't feel any different as a result of him contacting. I don't feel set back, or damaged, or anything. I just feel NOTHING.

 

I don't actually know how to block a number using my phone. I can just ignore him next time anyway.

 

I dont know, i just feel so different to how i was about 5 weeks ago. Its like i have had all the hurt drained out of me and i just am numb.

[mishy]

Last time he contacted you, you had sex with him! Please block his #!!!! Or change yours! God what a loser, "I don't know" ?! :sick::sick: he knows damn well what he wants...sex with whoever he can get it from, and he thinks that will be YOU. Don't let it be!

 

he wants a bit on the side. I am not going to be that. And i havent seen him since that time we slept together, the "one last time"

 

You know what? I am so lucky that i am NOT his girlfriend. That poor, poor girl. She probably thinks she is with some great guy, and meanwhile he is texting someone that he has been fooling around with for FIVE years, wanting to keep things going.

 

And i mean if its not me, im sure theres others. That poor girl. Its not like she will find out as such, but sooner or later she'll work out he is doing something with someone. I feel so sorry for her.

[mishy]

Oh come on Mishy, you know exactly what he wants.

He has been using you to have sex on the side for a while now. He even said last time he had sex with you before going back to his girlfriend that it would be the 'last time' and you told him you didn't want it to be the last time. You are handing yourself to him on a plate - can hardly blame him for trying to take another bite.

 

Last post I remember from you was you saying you weren't going to put up with it anymore - so don't!

 

I haven't seen him since that time. That time was so horrible, not the sex part but the end part... i vowed then i would not put myself through that again, and am sticking to it. I promised myself that day to not forget how i felt that day.

[mishy]

The worst thing you can do is let your mind cling onto this toxic little shred by turning it into something it's not, and thinking he can't let go either or whatever your brain wants it to be. Try and see it for what it really is: a guy who just wants to have you as his little fallback, and who is tossing out his usual garbage after not hearing from you for a couple of weeks.

 

Chin up, phone off....

 

I was feeling kind of nothing ,and so i wasnt posting here. i still feel kind of nothing for him, but just felt like posting as an update. Theres no drama, nothings going to happen, im not going to do anything. He has a girlfriend and openly is saying he wants to cheat on her with me on an ongoing basis. Its gross. Yuck. I wanted to post just to keep me on the straight and narrow

[beyond]

I was feeling kind of nothing ,and so i wasnt posting here. i still feel kind of nothing for him, but just felt like posting as an update. Theres no drama, nothings going to happen, im not going to do anything. He has a girlfriend and openly is saying he wants to cheat on her with me on an ongoing basis. Its gross. Yuck. I wanted to post just to keep me on the straight and narrow

 

That's good Mishy, just think that that is the last time he will ever take advantage again.

Stick to NC and if he contacts you again (which he no doubt will) or you just want to rant, then post on here and re read all your posts about how bad you felt being used like that.

[Under The Radar]

He doesn't give a **** about you!

[Own Worst Enemy]

after all, if he has a gf, he is getting laid. and let's face it, they were sleeping together for 5 years, so it's not as if he is getting the novelty or the ego boost of a new woman.

 

based on what mishy has said, i think it's more about the control and the mind games and knowing that if he clicks his fingers he has a doormat waiting for him. being strong and not responding because you just don't care any more will be the best wake up call you can give him.

 

but best of all, it will be TOO LATE because you just don't care any more.

[Under The Radar]

after all, if he has a gf, he is getting laid. and let's face it, they were sleeping together for 5 years, so it's not as if he is getting the novelty or the ego boost of a new woman.

 

based on what mishy has said, i think it's more about the control and the mind games and knowing that if he clicks his fingers he has a doormat waiting for him. being strong and not responding because you just don't care any more will be the best wake up call you can give him.

 

but best of all, it will be TOO LATE because you just don't care any more.

 

 

These are all very valid and insightful points. I completely agree with your post; thanks for adding that!

[Own Worst Enemy]

Even mine. But this tool? Biggest most unfunny clown in the whole damn circus!!!

[mishy]

That's good Mishy, just think that that is the last time he will ever take advantage again.

Stick to NC and if he contacts you again (which he no doubt will) or you just want to rant, then post on here and re read all your posts about how bad you felt being used like that.

 

that was a terrible day. I just felt so so low afterwards, it was the worst.

[mishy]

after all, if he has a gf, he is getting laid. and let's face it, they were sleeping together for 5 years, so it's not as if he is getting the novelty or the ego boost of a new woman.

 

based on what mishy has said, i think it's more about the control and the mind games and knowing that if he clicks his fingers he has a doormat waiting for him. being strong and not responding because you just don't care any more will be the best wake up call you can give him.

 

but best of all, it will be TOO LATE because you just don't care any more.

 

whats more, he has only been with her for TWO MONTHS, a stage when you are supposed to be at it like rabbits. Yet he still wants me (he openly told me he wants me) (obviously for sex, not as a gf). So he still wants me even though its five years on,

[Under The Radar]

whats more, he has only been with her for TWO MONTHS, a stage when you are supposed to be at it like rabbits. Yet he still wants me (he openly told me he wants me) (obviously for sex, not as a gf). So he still wants me even though its five years on,

 

 

Yep, don't let it become six years on ......

[mishy]

after all, if he has a gf, he is getting laid. and let's face it, they were sleeping together for 5 years, so it's not as if he is getting the novelty or the ego boost of a new woman.

 

based on what mishy has said, i think it's more about the control and the mind games and knowing that if he clicks his fingers he has a doormat waiting for him. being strong and not responding because you just don't care any more will be the best wake up call you can give him.

 

but best of all, it will be TOO LATE because you just don't care any more.

 

 

i agree, its about wanting me there as a fallback. His relationship is new and i guess he doesnt know how it is going to pan out, and wants me there for sex in case they break up

[mishy]

one thing that helps me stay strong is that i have real evidence that even in a relationship with someone else he treats women like cr@p.

 

He has only known this woman for two and a half months, and he now wants to start up a casual thing again with me, an ongoing thing where we keep seeing each other.

 

At long last i know that it wasn't just me he treated badly and disrespected. He is supposed to be really into this girl. And now he wants to cheat on her

 

On the 14th of October he first told me about her and that things with me had to stop, no sex or anything, and now its all changed ,and he wants to carry on with it.

 

Nobody here has to worry, im not going to do it, its just information. Its just that in 5 years i never had any knowledge of how he treated other women, so its an eye opener, and a relief.

[Under The Radar]

one thing that helps me stay strong is that i have real evidence that even in a relationship with someone else he treats women like cr@p.

 

He has only known this woman for two and a half months, and he now wants to start up a casual thing again with me, an ongoing thing where we keep seeing each other.

 

At long last i know that it wasn't just me he treated badly and disrespected. He is supposed to be really into this girl. And now he wants to cheat on her

 

On the 14th of October he first told me about her and that things with me had to stop, no sex or anything, and now its all changed ,and he wants to carry on with it.

 

Nobody here has to worry, im not going to do it, its just information. Its just that in 5 years i never had any knowledge of how he treated other women, so its an eye opener, and a relief.

 

 

Yes, it certainly should be an eye opener . Your biggest mistake in the last 5 years was not walking away sooner. It is not your fault he is an *******.

[mishy]

Yes, it certainly should be an eye opener . Your biggest mistake in the last 5 years was not walking away sooner. It is not your fault he is an *******.

 

thats the thing, i just never knew any other girls he was involved with, or how he treated past ex's or anything. He seemed really into this girl, i mean he probably still is, but something must be missing if he wants to go back to old faithful (me)

 

when he first told me about her, and i was posting here about it, one of the things that really stung was imagining that he was fully treating her well, and respecting her, and it was somehow my fault that i wasn't treated well.

 

but now i have it all delivered on a silver platter, can see that he is treating her like rubbish too, (although she doesnt actually know it). I wish she would look at his phone.

 

and really the only reason i was engaging and responding to him, was just so i could confirm all of this.

Edited November 30, 2012 by mishy