gazell2415 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 My husband and I have been married for a few months and just found out that we are expecting our first child. Everything would be wonderful, but his ex-girlfriend is constantly talking about us to mutual friends and family. (My husband and I had been dating a year and a half when he proposed and we got married soon afterwards because he was preparring to be deployed to Afghanistan and pick new orders. The baby was a suprise obviously, but he or she came after we decided to get married.) Our problems with his ex started a few months after we began dating. He had dated her for two years (on and off) and although he loved her, he knew he didn't want to spend the rest of his life with her. He tried on multiple occasions to break things off for good but she always insisted they could work things out and would beg for him to stay. To make matters more difficult, she was pretty close to his family and friends. My husband finally broke things off with her 3 1/2 months into a year long deployment. Needless to say, things didn't go over well. She told his friends and family that it was a shock and completely out of the blue. She said she had no idea there was problems and this resulted in a lot of upset people e-mailing his about his terrible decision. My husband is a pretty private person and kept his relationship issues close to his chest so he had to explain to everyone how then had been having problems and how she knew he didn't want to be with her. A few weeks after his break-up, he and I started dating. I know what your thinking but as I said, my husband had been trying for a long time to end things with her. I was not the reason he broke up with her and I didn't even know he was dating anyone until he broke up with her. He and I were just friends and co-workers, that is all. I of course always liked him and through our friendship, he became attracted to me. We didn't even know that we liked each other until after his break-up. My husband is a very honest man and was completly up front with her about the reasons for the break-up; the same reasons he had told her months and months before when trying to end things. Another woman was not his reason. She was heartbroken at first and then when she finally heard that he was seeing someone else, she immediatly blamed me for their break-up. I became the other woman, the homewrecker in her eyes. I understood this and my husband and I knew we would have to deal with that because of how soon we began dating after their relationship ended. I figured if that was how she needed to deal with the hurt, then I could be the focus of her anger. The main problem is, even though it's almost been two years, she continues to say snide things behind our back to mutual friends and she even tries to talk about me to my sister-in-law! She is still close to her because my sister-in-law has children that she is close to and as I said before, she was close to his friends and family. I don't mind this and I completly understand it. I've never tried to end these relationships and have in fact encouraged them. But she insists on saying hateful things to mutual friends (aka my husband's friends that he introduced her to). She has to know that it will get back to us. Also, she has become really good friends with my husbands high school sweetheart! BTW they hated each other before I came along. I just feel that she is being so transparent and childish with her actions. She is 30 years old! I'm pretty sure that means she is supposed to be an adult. She is dating another guy whom from all accounts is a wonderful person and she has told everyone that she has moved on but he words and underhanded shenanigans doesn't support that. I just heard from my sister-in-law that she tried to make comments about me getting knocked-up and that being why my husband married me. This is where I draw the line. It has been almost two years since they broke up, we are married with a baby on the way, she is dating someone else. When is enough enough? I say very little to anyone about this because my husband and I love each other so much and we have so much going on with our lives that she is literally the last worry on our list. But when she starts turning her snide comments towards my marriage and my child, then I'm fighting mad. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this situation? We have never met so I find it so childish that she gossips like a teenager behind our backs.
BewitchedandBothered Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Just live your life, but do NOT talk about this woman to your sister in law--she is still close with the ex and can you really trust her?
Author gazell2415 Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 I've only had a few conversations with my sister-in-law about the situation and I've never said anything negative about her, just that I wish she could really move on. I do trust my sister-in-law. It is hard for her because she has two small children who know the ex and are attached to her. Contact between them has lessened and I feel like it will eventually end all together.
newcaledonia Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 that seems terrible that a woman is making those kinds of inroads into your life and is kind of sick, I think. I was actually recently dumped and my boyfriend moved on quickly with someone who was an acquaintance..and I sort of knew they would get together somehow. Apparently, they didn't "know" they were attracted to each other but claim that I brought up the possibility of it so they decided to try it. I don't recall exact words but they justified their getting together somehow and made me look a bit like the bad guy. So, I have entertained thoughts of meddling in their lives, and showing up unwanted and I have stayed friends with his parents but the idea of trying to bad-mouth the woman to his family, or ask for their allegiance if my ex and his new woman were soon to be married and have a kid...it would take a lot of nerve and stupidity on my part to make such a fool of myself. It seems the family (sister in law especially) should be told on no uncertain terms where her loyalties lie. In other words, I think your husband should draw a line in the sand with his family and friends. I think he should say that you and he have had trouble with this woman and she has been somewhat toxic or damaging to you on some level. With him being away in the military, it makes you particularly vulnerable. I think your husband should make it clear to HIS family and/or friends that this stupid meddling woman is not a friend of the family and if his sister wants to stay in the family she has to pick her loyalty...and that should be to you and your husband and the new baby, etc.
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