Do Men Want Relationships?

November 28, 2012

V this is basic stuff for me, I know what I'm talking about. If you flirt, or chat a guy up, and he doesn't respond positively he isn't interested. If he's dismissive of your points of view he isn't interested. If he talks about other women he isn't interested. In short you read between the lines.

Kay, that we can agree on. I just like to know the reason he's not interested.

So I take it you have interacted with ever single guy withing 50 miles of you then?

I'm pretty sure I have.... every single one, anyway. I mean I was on 3 dating sites, went to several Meet-ups, nerd conventions, different book stores, coffee shops, even borrowed my friend's Welsh Corgi to go to a few dog parks.

November 28, 2012

You know you're fat. Everyone else who isn't blind knows it too, I promise you. You know you're not pleasant looking. Again, everyone who isn't blind knows it too.. The only thing a person in your situation has is personality, and any mentally/emotionally intelligent person you hold a conversation will see the spite and anger in you TOO!

Hell, I know obese people are angry in general, it's part of their vice. I say that growing up with my brother, a 35 yr old who weigh well over 400lbs. someone who has never fully went through pubrty because of it. Gets discriminated against in every fashion of life. He's angry, and it leads to another go around in his vicious circle.

You're fat, but for some reason you need to hear it from the outside source, and are questioning me questioning you-which is your rhetoric. talk to me when you have a real question. Or actually want to heed some decent advice.

Are fuc.king serious? She's not fat at all, and kicking her when she's down certainly won't help.

Im going to report your posting.

November 28, 2012

Kay, that we can agree on. I just like to know the reason he's not interested.

Why do you need to know?

I'm pretty sure I have.... every single one, anyway. I mean I was on 3 dating sites, went to several Meet-ups, nerd conventions, different book stores, coffee shops, even borrowed my friend's Welsh Corgi to go to a few dog parks.

V, you know this is a really poor response right? I mean come on, you would be lucky if you interacted with 1% of the men in your area.

November 28, 2012

Why do you need to know?

So I know it's not something else that could have been easily fixed, like my breath smelled or I was wearing too much perfume or something.

V, you know this is a really poor response right? I mean come on, you would be lucky if you interacted with 1% of the men in your area.

.... No, I don't really see why this is a poor response. I mean, I think it's pretty reasonable to say I've met maybe not 100%, but a very high percentage of single men 25-32 in my area, considering how hard I've worked and all the places I went to meet men.

Unless you are claiming they are all hiding AND aren't online, I really don't see why this isn't reasonable.

November 28, 2012

i keep asking her to post a photo. but noooooooo, and you're still sitting there.. being a retard.

I already have, numerous times. Go back to my very first thread, and it's right there.

November 28, 2012

So I know it's not something else that could have been easily fixed, like my breath smelled or I was wearing too much perfume or something.

I'm going to tell you strait up I don't believe this. I think your need to know has a lot more to do with your personality. By that I mean your irritated/angry/upset that you got turned down so now you want to know why.

.... No, I don't really see why this is a poor response.

How many people do you estimate live in your metropolitan area?

November 28, 2012

I've been in relationships where I cared more about having a boyfriend than who my boyfriend was. They were all train wrecks and I wound up getting burned over and over again every time. I understand feeling lonely and thinking 'I want a boyfriend' but its a sign of desparation and sadness, not a good attitude to have in life, IMO.

You're describing the vast majority of our population, unfortunately.

November 28, 2012

Haven't you been told that you're...
1. fat.
2. ugly.
3. have polished turd for a personality by everyone here on the board.

You're going in circles, you don't want to hear anything.

She keeps doing to this every new person concerned and trying to help.
the veyr definition of a troll. It's just unfortunate she resembles one, but then again, who knows, cause she won't post a photo.

She isn't a troll, and she has posted her picture several times. If you check her last thread, she posted an old one in the last few pages.

V, my dad has spent most of his adult life married. He remarried about a year after my mother left him in 1979. He said to me the other day, "I think I'm a decent guy, but two women divorced me, so what do I know?"

He remarried my mother, less than a year after his second wife left him.

November 28, 2012

Lol, Negative Nancy "likes" a lot of your threads and posts.... What a surprise!

And my bf is nuts about me, when to most men I am not: gorgeous, intelligent, and I have not gotten a degree yet

I am just an average/slightly cute girl. I guess being positive, kind, and fun, go a long way... I do have great style too!

November 28, 2012

Lol, Negative Nancy "likes" a lot of your threads and posts.... What a surprise!

And my bf is nuts about me, when to most men I am not: gorgeous, intelligent, and I have not gotten a degree yet

I am just an average/slightly cute girl. I guess being positive, kind, and fun, go a long way... I do have great style too!

Kind of feel sorry for you. I agree in theory...cant wait til you get a little older and realize that is not enough for keep a guy satisfied long term.

November 28, 2012

Kind of feel sorry for you. I agree in theory...cant wait til you get a little older and realize that is not enough for keep a guy satisfied long term.

Actually her boyfriend has proven our "theories" right because he slept with a hooker during their relationship.

November 28, 2012

Kind of feel sorry for you. I agree in theory...cant wait til you get a little older and realize that is not enough for keep a guy satisfied long term.

Except when it is.

The dating board is a good place to hear the views of single men. The marriage board is a good place to hear the views of men in long term relationships. Most of the "regulars" on the marriage board are satisfied with their wives, although they may prefer sex with her more often.

Maybe those with different experiences pick different men?

November 28, 2012

So we're back to "all men want to be players" again

Glad I'm not the only one bored with this, no point reading the thread, same old dysfunctional c**p again.

November 28, 2012

The main idea in this thread has gone mostly unchallenged. You can even take gender out of it:

Disregard a person's real-life attitude and behavior. Imagine them with the (super? supernatural?) power to directly satisfy the basest instincts of their reptile brains. Pretend you know how they would think and act. Then judge them.

Edited November 28, 2012 by Bristolius

November 28, 2012

I've been pondering this question while reading two books I picked up, "Unnatural Selection" and "Challenging Casanova." The first book discusses the potential issues of a world is which men significantly outnumber women (resulting in men not having marriage opportunities, increasing sex trafficking, bride kidnapping, and overall violence) and the second book discusses how 75% of men would prefer a stable romantic relationship over being a "player."

Now I just want to be clear: I do think men want relationships. But from my personal experiences and what I've read, it seems like men want relationships with specific kind of women. In order to want a relationship, a man must be absolutely nuts about the woman, so she must be smart, independent (but not too career-oriented), "feminine" but not naggy/needy/clingy/too passive/other-negative-"feminine"-qualities, and above all, gorgeous.

Obviously there aren't enough women to fit this description, since those are some high standards, and most of us are, ya know, average.

So in the face of demand not meeting supply, it seems a lot of guys "go their own way" and just forego commitment/relationships in favor of either celibacy or casual sex with women who aren't "enough" to date.

Here's my question: if a guy isn't nuts about a woman, why would he want a relationship? What is the appeal of commitment to guys?

Is sex the big deciding factor? If the majority of guys could get sex easily (prostitution was legalized, sex bots invented, what have you) would most guys forget marriage altogether?

I keep reading "Unnatural Selection" and thinking, yes, it's sad about the female fetuses being aborted, but is there really a larger impact on the world? Is it really that big a deal if a lot of men can't find women to marry?

I don't think most guys really feel all that good having to resort to paying for sex. And if they are happy with this arrangement, usually they are disconnected in some way. Most normal people want to give love and receive love. And more so then you are able to do with a Mother, Father or sibling.

With that said, I do think that men ahve a lot of standards today that are unrealistic. Today, to be the ideal woman, you have to be ambitious to your career, while still very feminine and nuturing. You are expected to still maintain a majority of the household chores, raise the kids, work a job and still keep the same body you had when you were 20. These are the expectatoins that are heavily placed on women both through male expectations and even female expectations. All us women are familiar with the commericials or movies or shows that shocase this very image of super-woman.

I think that while a lot of men do want relationships, alot of men don't put in the actual work that would actualize that for them. They don't understand women and instead of trying to understand women on some level and giving them the benefit of the doubt, they blame them for their problems or call women "crazy". You see it on this board all the time. These men have not put any effort into really educating themselves about women in a healthy manner. Or dealing with their issues with women in a healthy manner. They leave no room for women to be human-beings like themselves that are imperfect and trying to do the best they can. ... that is some men do this. So they turn to things like strippers, porn or escorts because it's easier to pay for an hour of fake affection then actually dig into their own weaknesses or deal with the weaknesses of another person. But as we all know, we all got our personal weaknesses. Some men just aren't brave enough to get that involved, committed or messy in a relationship. And if you ask me, relationships are all about getting involved, committed and messy sometimes. That's what challeneges you and creates a space to learn.

With all that said, I think what a lot of men end up doing is self medicating through activities that are cheap, easy and make them feel good on the most primitive plane. So what do a lot of guys do? They settle for a woman that is "average", because they never really learned how to appreciate her as an individual woman or see her outside the constraits of what society deems the epitome oe desire in a partner, and they fulfill their other desires through other mediums. "Fantasy Images" if you will...which can be in the mind or in print. And instead of appreciating what you have, you get locked in managing the aspects of everyday life and using Fantasy as filler. To me, there is something wrong about that.

Oh and I realize that both men and women can do this. But this thread was about how men relate to their own ideas of the perfect women. So for all the haters that can't stand when the genders are talked about independently, if you want to talk about women, make your own thread.

November 28, 2012

Originally Posted by guildenstern
I've been in relationships where I cared more about having a boyfriend than who my boyfriend was. They were all train wrecks and I wound up getting burned over and over again every time. I understand feeling lonely and thinking 'I want a boyfriend' but its a sign of desparation and sadness, not a good attitude to have in life, IMO.

I can't relate to that. I've been cry-myself-to-sleep lonely at various times in my life, but still almost always cared about who my would-be boyfriend was. (Two short-lived exceptions that occurred long ago, but even with them, I was aware that I didn't want them as boyfriends long-term; there was no trying to fool myself).

Thinking back on all the men I've liked and been involved with, (except those two), I was proud to be with all of them *at the time*). Some I wouldn't date now because of changed taste in men, but like I said, at the time, I was proud.

November 28, 2012

With that said, I do think that men ahve a lot of standards today that are unrealistic. Today, to be the ideal woman, you have to be ambitious to your career, while still very feminine and nuturing. You are expected to still maintain a majority of the household chores, raise the kids, work a job and still keep the same body you had when you were 20. These are the expectatoins that are heavily placed on women both through male expectations and even female expectations. All us women are familiar with the commericials or movies or shows that shocase this very image of super-woman.

I think that while a lot of men do want relationships, alot of men don't put in the actual work that would actualize that for them. They don't understand women and instead of trying to understand women on some level and giving them the benefit of the doubt, they blame them for their problems or call women "crazy". You see it on this board all the time. These men have not put any effort into really educating themselves about women in a healthy manner. Or dealing with their issues with women in a healthy manner. They leave no room for women to be human-beings like themselves that are imperfect and trying to do the best they can

I really admire you for writing that.

Edited November 28, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

November 28, 2012

I doubt there is any appeal of commitment to guys when it's often referred to as the ball and chain and envisioned as some ungodly trap.

I highly doubt most guys want relationships as I don't see most male fantasies, paradises, envied lifestyles, and porn being about a relationship. It seems the envied lifestyle is a bachelorhood of f*cking an array of young attractive gals.

I don't doubt if the majority of guys could get sex easily that almost all guys would not be seeking a relationship.

Most likely guys want relationships if they are incapable of getting a steady supply of no strings sex or they want a relationship with a specific type of gal. That specific type of gal being a young attractive gal who is feminine aka subservient, submissive, and placates and panders to his ego.

In my opinion it's not a big deal to guys if a lot of guys can't find a gal to marry rather it's a big deal to guys if a lot of guys can't find a gal to f*ck.

Edited November 28, 2012 by udolipixie

November 28, 2012

First of all, I saw your picture V and you are NOT ugly. Jesus Christ I was expecting someone disfigured or hideous the way you describe yourself.

Secondly, I beg you to go over to the breakup section of this board and see it is FULL OF MEN who are completely heartbroken over a woman. If it's true what you say, that they are incapable of love and just after sex, you'd think they'd be over the moon to be "set free" to sleep with other women and play the field some more. There is real hurt and real heartache voiced very painfully and plainly in some of those threads. I mean some of these guys are really torn to shreds over losing a woman they loved.

I think it's important for us to remember that while frustrating and at times seemingly hopeless, men struggle just as much as we do but with different aspects of matters of the heart. We should be celebrating our differences, not tearing each other apart over them.

November 28, 2012

First of all, I saw your picture V and you are NOT ugly. Jesus Christ I was expecting someone disfigured or hideous the way you describe yourself.

Secondly, I beg you to go over to the breakup section of this board and see it is FULL OF MEN who are completely heartbroken over a woman. If it's true what you say, that they are incapable of love and just after sex, you'd think they'd be over the moon to be "set free" to sleep with other women and play the field some more. There is real hurt and real heartache voiced very painfully and plainly in some of those threads. I mean some of these guys are really torn to shreds over losing a woman they loved.

I think it's important for us to remember that while frustrating and at times seemingly hopeless, men struggle just as much as we do but with different aspects of matters of the heart. We should be celebrating our differences, not tearing each other apart over them.

I stated in my very first ****ing post that I don't believe men are ONLY after sex (and that isn't even the entire point of the thread, but hey, who listens to me, posters started making this personal from page 1.)

I said men want relationships with the Best woman. I'm sure there ARE men who are devastated, because they had the Best and now don't have it. Unless you can point me to a thread where a guy was dating a fat, ugly, annoying woman and is so sad he lost her?

Guys DO want relationships, they just want them with Bigger Than Life women. Now, I can't say what percentage of women are like that.... by this board, almost every woman poster describes herself as hot, smart, talented, successful, nurturing, feminine, etc. So maybe the majority of the female population is like that.

But for the rest of us, who are NOT, we're just fodder for sex and nothing else. That has always been my position.

November 28, 2012

First of all, I saw your picture V and you are NOT ugly. Jesus Christ I was expecting someone disfigured or hideous the way you describe yourself.

Secondly, I beg you to go over to the breakup section of this board and see it is FULL OF MEN who are completely heartbroken over a woman. If it's true what you say, that they are incapable of love and just after sex, you'd think they'd be over the moon to be "set free" to sleep with other women and play the field some more. There is real hurt and real heartache voiced very painfully and plainly in some of those threads. I mean some of these guys are really torn to shreds over losing a woman they loved.

I think it's important for us to remember that while frustrating and at times seemingly hopeless, men struggle just as much as we do but with different aspects of matters of the heart. We should be celebrating our differences, not tearing each other apart over them.

Different perceptions as I saw it as full of men who have completely crushed egos over being dumped and dreading having to endure the jumping through hoops show to get a steady supply of sex again.

November 28, 2012

Different perceptions as I saw it as full of men who have completely crushed egos over being dumped and dreading having to endure the jumping through hoops show to get a steady supply of sex again.

I think it's extremely healthy for some of you to remove yourself from the dating pool. You're doing everyone a favor.

November 28, 2012

This was one of the first threads I pulled up.

"So me and my ex broke up 4 almost 5 months ago now and she is still in my head everyday. We were together for 5 and a half years and I have not been able to get any sort of closure from her. I have made all of the mistakes I read about on here like texting her and emailing her but she has not responded a single time. I just find it so hard to grasp how you can be with someone that long and then just go cold turkey without contact or answer as to why she did what she did.

I have been going to therapy and it is not really helping. I have tried several times to go NC with her but then I will make it a week or two until I breakdown and just send her a nice message in hopes that she would maybe one time respond to me. I still love her with all of my heart and I just wish I could get over this hump but I guess I am still holding onto some hope that one day she will come back.

I guess I just needed to write this and vent a little bit because it really does help to read through these forums and know that I am not the only person going through something like this.

It is really tough going through the first holiday season without her and I am just looking for some support from you guys. I thought for sure my feelings for her would die down a little bit by now but it feels like no matter what I do she is always in the back of my brain and it feels like it is slowly breaking me down."

November 28, 2012

Secondly, I beg you to go over to the breakup section of this board and see it is FULL OF MEN who are completely heartbroken over a woman. If it's true what you say, that they are incapable of love and just after sex, you'd think they'd be over the moon to be "set free" to sleep with other women and play the field some more. There is real hurt and real heartache voiced very painfully and plainly in some of those threads. I mean some of these guys are really torn to shreds over losing a woman they loved.

What you say is true Drseussgrrl. And it's a good point. But it's also true that very little things men actually fantasize about are around having one good woman. It is usually about having a harem of young, attractive women. Why do you think that is? (That's a sincere question!)

I think it's important for us to remember that while frustrating and at times seemingly hopeless, men struggle just as much as we do but with different aspects of matters of the heart. We should be celebrating our differences, not tearing each other apart over them.

What aspects do men struggle with in matters of the heart? Anyone can really take a shot at this question.

November 28, 2012

This was one of the first threads I pulled up.

"So me and my ex broke up 4 almost 5 months ago now and she is still in my head everyday. We were together for 5 and a half years and I have not been able to get any sort of closure from her. I have made all of the mistakes I read about on here like texting her and emailing her but she has not responded a single time. I just find it so hard to grasp how you can be with someone that long and then just go cold turkey without contact or answer as to why she did what she did.

I have been going to therapy and it is not really helping. I have tried several times to go NC with her but then I will make it a week or two until I breakdown and just send her a nice message in hopes that she would maybe one time respond to me. I still love her with all of my heart and I just wish I could get over this hump but I guess I am still holding onto some hope that one day she will come back.

I guess I just needed to write this and vent a little bit because it really does help to read through these forums and know that I am not the only person going through something like this.

It is really tough going through the first holiday season without her and I am just looking for some support from you guys. I thought for sure my feelings for her would die down a little bit by now but it feels like no matter what I do she is always in the back of my brain and it feels like it is slowly breaking me down."

And that proves the girlfriend wasn't the Best.... how?

I have already explained my position, that sure, men get busted up over losing relationships, with Exceptional Women.

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