Do Men Want Relationships?

[Lonely Ronin]

I take most everything at face value. It's worthless to do otherwise, because I am not a mind reader and I can go round and round and round on people's motivations until I'm blue in the face.

 

You are going to have problems in all aspects of your life if you continue to do this.

 

Does it really matter WHY my friend gets mad at me for calling myself fat, even while she also calls me fat behind my back? No, her motivation really doesn't matter. Her behavior is what does, and her behavior isn't nice.... so what good would it do to determine her motivation for it.

 

A better question is why do you consider her a friend, and continue to tolerate her actions?

[Lonely Ronin]

The only twisting and presumptuous assertion was done by you.

 

O really...

 

I think most people here are able to read between the lines and see what you where actually implying.

 

I'm stating the possibility.

 

He stated he was kinda jealous of a couple where the gal can't take her eyes off him and so on while the guy is seemingly blase and just looking ahead. It's possible he wants to have some adoring partner considering he was kinda jealous of such a couple.

 

Possibly you want a gal to stroke your ego without having to play make-believe. Sort of like to me how a guy may want loads of sex without having to pay prostitutes as it's likely more satisfying to his ego to get it 'honestly'.

[xxoo]

What you say is true Drseussgrrl. And it's a good point. But it's also true that very little things men actually fantasize about are around having one good woman. It is usually about having a harem of young, attractive women. Why do you think that is? (That's a sincere question!)

 

You mean sexual fantasies are about more than one woman? I think that's biology and hormones, being turned on much of the time whether they are driving kids to school or mowing the lawn. Libido for men can be a burden, constantly feeling aroused, no matter if it is appropriate or not.

 

But I know that many men fantasize about having one special woman in his life.

[udolipixie]

O really...

 

I think most people here are able to read between the lines and see what you where actually implying.

 

So you think most people here ASSume and projection onto others word twisting them and making presumptuous assertions...okay then.

 

Like I said you can't show me because no where did I state what you claim.

[ThaWholigan]

You mean sexual fantasies are about more than one woman? I think that's biology and hormones, being turned on much of the time whether they are driving kids to school or mowing the lawn. Libido for men can be a burden, constantly feeling aroused, no matter if it is appropriate or not.

 

But I know that many men fantasize about having one special woman in his life.

But of course we are just indulging rather than actually trying our hardest not to think of any other woman but our lovely .

 

And I certainly do fantasize about having one special woman, whoever that is. But yeah, sometimes I am aroused no matter what I'm doing or where I am and it is annoying sometimes, even when I don't want to be.

[verhrzn]

You are going to have problems in all aspects of your life if you continue to do this.

 

A better question is why do you consider her a friend, and continue to tolerate her actions?

 

Why shouldn't I? It's the best I am ever going to get. When I first came to this forum, I thought I was just ugly.... but as all of you have informed me, over and over, I am ugly AND awful. I am annoying and worthless, with no redeeming qualities... a drama queen, a sociopath, a whiner, complainer, who men won't touch with a ten foot pole.

 

So why bother trying for better friends? I won't get them, because I have nothing of value to offer them.

[udolipixie]

Why shouldn't I? It's the best I am ever going to get. When I first came to this forum, I thought I was just ugly.... but as all of you have informed me, over and over, I am ugly AND awful. I am annoying and worthless, with no redeeming qualities... a drama queen, a sociopath, a whiner, complainer, who men won't touch with a ten foot pole.

 

So why bother trying for better friends? I won't get them, because I have nothing of value to offer them.

 

Perhaps bother trying for better friends as it likely may lead to a more healthy and positive outlook on life.

 

Though in my opinion you're better suited trying for diet, exercise, and plastic surgery as it seems a gal's inner shell is more or less irrelevant or insignificant to most guys.

[dasein]

OP is confusing basic standards of health and overall appearance with beauty standards. There are beauty standards relating to symmetry, waist/hip, waist/shoulder, etc., but they are broad and subject to broad individual preference. The "no men like women with missing teeth and huge bellies" is a straw man because people generally prefer healthy members of the opposite sex and that doesn't address specific male preferences at all.

 

I mildly prefer brunettes with pale skin, taller, brown eyes, distinctive facial features like noses and facial shape, medium sized breasts, long waisted with rounder bottoms and average length legs. Guys in this thread and elsewhere would express totally different preferences to mine. It's not uncommon among my friends for one guy to have a thing for a particular woman physically that their friends don't feel at all. Men are no more standardized in preferences than women, probably less so due to more standard female height preferences.

 

As far as proof that male preferences are broad, just look at the art world. Many of the classic beauties in painting and sculpture, for example, are not what many would see as traditionally beautiful, but rather reflecting a certain character or personality.

[xxoo]

Why shouldn't I? It's the best I am ever going to get. When I first came to this forum, I thought I was just ugly.... but as all of you have informed me, over and over, I am ugly AND awful. I am annoying and worthless, with no redeeming qualities... a drama queen, a sociopath, a whiner, complainer, who men won't touch with a ten foot pole.

 

So why bother trying for better friends? I won't get them, because I have nothing of value to offer them.

 

You could always improve yourself.

[Lonely Ronin]

Yes, I am sure you do have different opinions, as in one guy like blondes with big boobs, and one guy likes redheads with smaller boobs. But those are accessories.... it's like how Barbies all have the same general body shape and proportions, but supposedly "look different" because some have freckles and all of them have different hair colors.

 

Not even close, when I say drastic, I mean women I find attractive he does not, and visa versa. We differ even more when it comes to personality and style of the women we are attracted to. He's not my only friend like this either, as a group, my male friends are all over the place with what we find attractive.

[Lonely Ronin]

Like I said you can't show me because no where did I state what you claim.

 

whatever....

[Lonely Ronin]

So why bother trying for better friends? I won't get them, because I have nothing of value to offer them.

 

Imo, you would be better off with no friends, than with friends that make you feel like crap.

[Ross MwcFan]

I'd like to play the field for just a short time first, and then have a serious relationship. I'd also be really happy with having a serious relationship first without playing the field.

[Under The Radar]

After reading all 23 pages of posts, I feel compelled to state again, that you are NOT ugly. I know, for a fact, that many of my straight guy friends and those that are gay (which means they have excellent taste ) would find you physically attractive (not that my gay friends would hook up with you ).

 

Furthermore, I have already commented on your intelligence and wit as being far above average. Many men would find those two traits alone to be adorable and alluring.

 

The problem is not any of the above mentioned things. The issue here is your negative attitude and toxic generalizations. The mentality in which you approach men and relationships is the concern. Without correcting these pervasive and unhealthy thought patterns, you will always find yourself on the losing end of the "Relationship Spectrum".

 

You don't have to take my word for it, but I promise you I am right. Why create painful and unpleasant self-fulfilling prophecies?

 

I wish you well,

 

Josh

Edited November 28, 2012 by Training Revelations

[verhrzn]

You could always improve yourself.

 

I have already tried. I exercise, have taken numerous classes to improve my hobbies... None of it has stuck. Why bother pretending or trying anymore? I came to this forum a year ago looking for help and got nothing but insults, told over and over that not only am I ugly but everything about my personality is repulsive. So fine I give up, you all win, I am ugly inside and out and it's a good thing I will never inflict myself on the male population again.

[tman666]

OP is confusing basic standards of health and overall appearance with beauty standards. There are beauty standards relating to symmetry, waist/hip, waist/shoulder, etc., but they are broad and subject to broad individual preference. The "no men like women with missing teeth and huge bellies" is a straw man because people generally prefer healthy members of the opposite sex and that doesn't address specific male preferences at all.

 

I mildly prefer brunettes with pale skin, taller, brown eyes, distinctive facial features like noses and facial shape, medium sized breasts, long waisted with rounder bottoms and average length legs. Guys in this thread and elsewhere would express totally different preferences to mine. It's not uncommon among my friends for one guy to have a thing for a particular woman physically that their friends don't feel at all. Men are no more standardized in preferences than women, probably less so due to more standard female height preferences.

 

As far as proof that male preferences are broad, just look at the art world. Many of the classic beauties in painting and sculpture, for example, are not what many would see as traditionally beautiful, but rather reflecting a certain character or personality.

 

Absolutely. Amongst all of the males I've known, I've never known them to have a specific beauty preference. Some preferences that seem to be a lot more consistent among the male population are:

 

1) They don't like sloppy looking or unhygienic women

2) The don't like being around emotionally unstable women

 

Aaaaannnddd that's about it. Everything else pretty much seems up for grabs, both beauty wise and personality wise. The subject of what people are attracted to in the opposite sex is far too complex, in my opinion, to categorize into tidy little boxes of "tall and muscular" or "blonde with big boobs and waist to hip ratio of X:X".

 

On the other hand, I also think it's a little bit optimistic to say that there aren't ANY generalizations that can be drawn about beauty. However, I think we can all point to examples within our own lives and within the lives of others where folks "break the mold", so to speak.

 

The beauty of being human lies in our ability to rationally look at a situation and find ways to solve it. If the solution isn't immediately apparent, then we have the ability to adapt ourselves or our surroundings in order to circumvent the road blocks. It's what separates us from "being up sh*t creek without a paddle" in the event that we weren't born with everything we'd ever need in life built into our genetic code. In much of the animal kingdom, if you don't have the biggest antlers, or the brightest feathers, or the reddest baboon ass, you might truly be hosed when it comes to continuing your genetic line. That's just the way things are for many creatures. Not so with being human. Use the gifts that nature gave you and adapt yourself and your surroundings to accomplish your goals.

[Treasa]

There are a few books you should consider reading. They helped me tremendously. One is called Go Suck a Lemon: Strategies for Improving Your Emotional Intelligence, and The Feel Good Handbook.

[PJKino]

I have already tried. I exercise, have taken numerous classes to improve my hobbies... None of it has stuck. Why bother pretending or trying anymore? I came to this forum a year ago looking for help and got nothing but insults, told over and over that not only am I ugly but everything about my personality is repulsive. So fine I give up, you all win, I am ugly inside and out and it's a good thing I will never inflict myself on the male population again.

 

What exactly do u want to hear?

 

If people say youre not ugly ad you can get men you jump down their throats saying theyre lirts,if they say that youre fat and ugly you jump down their throats if people tell you change to jump down their throats what exactly do u want or are you trying to gt out of this?

[runningfar]

My experience has been that men want relationships as much if not more than women.

[Under The Radar]

I have already tried. I exercise, have taken numerous classes to improve my hobbies... None of it has stuck. Why bother pretending or trying anymore? I came to this forum a year ago looking for help and got nothing but insults, told over and over that not only am I ugly but everything about my personality is repulsive. So fine I give up, you all win, I am ugly inside and out and it's a good thing I will never inflict myself on the male population again.

 

 

*SIGH*

 

(10 Characters)

[udolipixie]

I have already tried. I exercise, have taken numerous classes to improve my hobbies... None of it has stuck. Why bother pretending or trying anymore? I came to this forum a year ago looking for help and got nothing but insults, told over and over that not only am I ugly but everything about my personality is repulsive. So fine I give up, you all win, I am ugly inside and out and it's a good thing I will never inflict myself on the male population again.

 

Have you considered surgery?

 

If you haven't and you don't want to perhaps it's suited for you to work on being happy alone and not lonely.

[xxoo]

I have already tried. I exercise, have taken numerous classes to improve my hobbies... None of it has stuck. Why bother pretending or trying anymore? I came to this forum a year ago looking for help and got nothing but insults, told over and over that not only am I ugly but everything about my personality is repulsive. So fine I give up, you all win, I am ugly inside and out and it's a good thing I will never inflict myself on the male population again.

 

Don't forget that people have told you, over and over, that you are not ugly. And that you are smart, and funny, and feisty. You only retain the negative, as usual.

 

I wish you the best, v. I hope that you find some peace, with yourself and others.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

You mean sexual fantasies are about more than one woman? I think that's biology and hormones, being turned on much of the time whether they are driving kids to school or mowing the lawn. Libido for men can be a burden, constantly feeling aroused, no matter if it is appropriate or not.

 

I never heard any man say his libido was " burden". Neither have I ever heard any man say that anything regarding his libido was inappropiate. Never, in my entire LS time or time on the internets have I ever heard men say either of these two statements.

 

But yes, lets give sympathy to men at the same time while men fantasize about all other women other then their actual partners. That's totally fair. So lets see, men get more understanding for their libidos and more justifications for them as well. Again you prove to me how much women get the crap end of the stick. Thanks for making my point for me XXOO.

 

 

But I know that many men fantasize about having one special woman in his life.

 

And yet, I haven't seen any medium that depicts such a fantasy for men. Again, why is that? If men actually fantasize about such things, then where is the material that actually reflects that?

[Drseussgrrl]

I also only date men but I love looking at lesbian porn. Women are so hot and beautiful and lesbian porn is so much less "aggressive".

 

Doesn't make me a lesbian, it's just what I fantasize about.

[Treasa]

I also only date men but I love looking at lesbian porn. Women are so hot and beautiful and lesbian porn is so much less "aggressive".

 

Doesn't make me a lesbian, it's just what I fantasize about.

 

Same here. I've never been in love with a woman, but I...yeah, ditto what you said.