BigProc Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Back on here again. Well heres my story. I have been seeing this girl for a year, despite the warnings i had off people she was bad news. I had known her a year before, she was a barmaid in the local pub. 3 weeks ago as of yesterday i found out she was seeing her ex behind my back who she actually works with in her day job. The relationship wasnt a very good one as she treated me really badly and i dont just mean the cheating. When we was good we was really good and i seemed to connect to her more than any other relationship in a physical way. (iam 30 years old and not my first relationship). We are in a stage of no contact and have been for 3 week, but it seems like an eternity. As strongly as i want to text i am not going to, but it seems to be getting worse not better. I am trying to keep myself busy, but i am really struggling and find myself on my own a lot. Also a week ago somebody sent me a msg of her on a night out in fancy dress, clearly enjoying herself. Whenever i think of that image i feel sick. PLEASE HELP
na49 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Not much I can tell you but to stay strong. Think of it this way, nothing she can tell you will make you feel any BETTER. What can she say? She's loving life without you in it? That will really cheer you up. She fell in love with another guy? Forget it, don't contact her for your own good. You don't want to know what she's been up to in the past 3 weeks. I've been NC with my ex for about the same amount of time and I have no interest in contacting her because I know that if I do, it would be a major step back. Good luck. You'll get through this. The image and the feelings won't just disappear sadly. I think everyone here wishes they did.
Author BigProc Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 Yeah i know what your saying. Im not going to text her because i really dont know what i would say anyway. I am just really frustrated at myself. She was really horrible and basically used to make me feel crap yet i miss her. i think i was just so physically attracted to her. It doesnt help that i cant really talk to people about it because i was warned. So iam basically dealing with it on my own. I am spending lots of time alone, so i have lots of time to think.
Chi townD Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Okay...well, you were dating her for a year....BUT!! She was cheating on you also....You've only been NC for only 3 weeks. Dude, that's nothing. No time has passed and you have to realize that you were more invested in the relationship than she was. So, obviously the loss of the relationship is going to hurt you deeper. So, the next time you get depressed thinking about her in that fancy dress having a good time, I want you to think about this to yourself, "Wow, you can move on that quickly and forget about me as if I was nothing more than an after thought? Did you think so little of me and our relationship? Well, guess what? I'm NOT going to let you have that kind of power over me! I'm NOT going to let you drag me down in the dumps! I have self worth and you missed out on a damn good thing!" Then, I want you to make positive changes in your life buy a new wardrobe and get a new hairstyle. Something people will notice and like. If your a jeans and t-shirt kind of guy. Go to designer jeans with dress shoes, belt button down shirt and even a sports coat. Total GQ. This will help with your self esteem. Get to a gym and hit it hard. Run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight. This will help you work off that frustrations and stress. Plus, you'll be working towards that ripped bod. Also good for the self esteem. If you haven't finished college then go sign up! Or if you have, then start grad school! It will help keep your mind busy and not sitting around your place wondering what she's doing. Plus, a solid eduaction means better financial opportunities. So, you'll be able to afford that kick ass ride and a Nice townehome in a great neighborhood. Then, find new hobbies to keep you busy. Join a cycling club, a running club...anything. Then, travel!!! Go see the world! Pick a place that you've always wanted to see. Save for it...and go! Drag a friend with you. This will give you a goal and something to look forward to. The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life. And wouldn't it be nice if one of her friends messaged her or told her this, " Oh yeah! By the way, I ran into BigProc coming out of the gym today. And damn! Girl! He looks buff! He was dressed really nice; styling and profiling! I asked him how he was. He said he was doing great. He got a new job that's paying a hellva lot more than his old one and he was on his way to the store because he need a few more things for his trip. I asked him where he was going and he said that he took up scuba diving as a hobby and he was going to the Florida Keys to go diving in the Carribean Sea. Then maybe some deep sea fishing while he was there. Then we said goodbye and....hey, did you know he got a new car? Yeah, this cute little red convertable. Oh, by the way, I gave him my number. I hope you don't mind?" 2
Author BigProc Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 Cheers for the post Chi. I am an avid gym goer and i also work full time and go to college. I guess i am just not enjoying them at the moment because my mind is taken up. The good news is no matter how tempted i get i will never text her, because what could i possibly say? Shes cheated on every partner she has had i have recently found out and also i was warned about her before. I guess i thought i could change her and she also talked a good game. Ijust dont understand how you can miss someone who was not very nice to you through most of the relationship. Maybe a fear of being alone?
Chi townD Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Then you have to find enjoyment in what you're doing. You need to find the passion and the motivation. To quote a very wise and rich dude, "If you can dream it, you can do it." Walt Disney. You need to picture yourself making those changes and the positive reactions you're probably going to receive from those changes. You need to be upbeat and happy. Hard to attract girls if your moping about. And when the RIGHT girl comes along. You're going to look back at the Ex and think to yourself, "What the hell was I thinking." 1
Jay08 Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Cheers for the post Chi. I am an avid gym goer and i also work full time and go to college. I guess i am just not enjoying them at the moment because my mind is taken up. The good news is no matter how tempted i get i will never text her, because what could i possibly say? Shes cheated on every partner she has had i have recently found out and also i was warned about her before. I guess i thought i could change her and she also talked a good game. Ijust dont understand how you can miss someone who was not very nice to you through most of the relationship. Maybe a fear of being alone? Man im going through the same exact thing as you. Its only been 8 days NC for me, but im already getting better. And since we have the same situation, let me tell you what i think about. -Shes cheated on everyone shes ever been with. You thought you would be different. Your not. Neither is her ex she cheated on you with. She cheated on him once before, shes going to do it again. You wanna know why? Because he doesnt trust her, hes enjoying the sex and honeymoon right now, but deep down he knows shes a cheater and a liar. Their distrust will lead to major problems. -You miss her, i miss her. But do you really? I mean, did you ever have a part in your relationship where, you guys were all good, and youd lay down and think "Ehh, i mean i love this girl, but i dont know if im in love with her". She wants what she cant have, and so do you. She treated you like garbage, you want her because you cant have her. If she came back to you, a week down the line you would feel differently, until she split again. She will be back eventually, even if its to tease you. - Stay in the gym. The best i feel about the whole situation is when im hitting the gym HARD. No stress, i look at myself and my fit body and think 'haha, i can pull another girl'. And so can you. Your depressed right now like me, because you are used to a life with her being there everyday. Thats what you miss, your old life. You got a new life now. Enjoy your freetime with your boys and if your not good at PUA, im sure you have friends who are. Get them to get you. Trust me, my story is on here. I was with her for a year and a half. Strong conclusion that she is BPD. She also cheated on all her guys, AND I WAS EVEN WARNED. And i wanted to play the hero, because she was smokin hott. Turns out she was cheating on me with nearly all her ex's, she never admitted fault to anything she did. But she also made me feel like i was on top of the world, and i look back and think it was all a show. She made me feel like that so she could keep me around for her own use, trust me half the crap these kind of chicks do behind our back is sick. If we saw it in person no way in hell would you put it up with it. Karma will get her, she will get an STD or end up with a dirtbag. Its exactly what she deserves. One day she will sit there, and remember you man, she will. Trust me.
Author BigProc Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 i'm sorry your in a similar position jay, its horrible isnt it. Its hard because i am basically doing it on my own. Most of my mates are settled and very rarely go out and i also dont talk to them about my situation, hence me coming on here. So its not as though i do lots of fun socialising to help take my mind off it. If i had a more sociable group of mates then i think i could handle this pretty easily, but its not as though i go out to meet new girls as my mates are settled.
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