Dubphonik Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Greetings all, My story: I've been with this girl that is beautiful and amazing for just over a year. We are both 30. We met through a mutual friend. I was going to college as a new fulltime student and working fulltime Monday-Friday. Our mutual friend secretly blind dated us. We grew up with a hundred mutual friends but never met. We hit it off extremely well. We were very much alike, a little too alike. Finishing sentences and thoughts. Doing the same weird things. We had the same upbringing and our parents are exactly the same. Only problem is she lived in the city and lived in the suburbs and say each other on the weekends. We were inseparable for the first 6 months. She really touched my life. We traveled alot. Which I never did due to being poor most of my life. She had a good job and had her stuff together. Then the honeymoon period wore off. She is a binge drinker on the weekends and social butterfly. Things went down hill when we just go to bars on the weekends during our time in the city. It was her choice she liked music and dancing. It was her way to veg out from a hard week at work. Well at the bar, she would get drunk and compliment something (like a saying or logo on a t-shirt) on the drunkest person in the bar. She would have a 10 minute conversation usually with them while I'm right behind her waiting for her to order my drink at the crowded bar. A shot would be bought for her by them or her arm would get grabbed. I would be standing right there and feel like I was invisible. When the drunk guy would get aggressive I'd jump in. She would never say anything to the guy grabbing her arm just move it away. I would then have to stand up usually with someone or more than one wanting to fight me and it got old. It's dangerous and not right. I could get stabbed or hurt badly. She never said a word when someone is up in my face just watched. We argued about it forever. It kept happening I even tried to ignore it. Felt like our time was being wasted. Our mutual friend was like a relationship judge which I felt bad for. She grew up with my girlfriend and swore up and down she isn't the kissy or sleazy bar girl. Which other friends could agree on. It felt good to have a girl that didn't sleep around. Problem was since my last ex was an alcoholic, I could see these same signs. My ex cheated on me brutally while I was being trusting with her. Felt the same signs with my current. My current girlfriend would go to bars with me wearing see through pants and shirts (bra and panties showing), get loud and wild, but was selfish while drunk and was a different person than the one I fell in love with. Fulltime work and school was kicking me hard and then the weekend drama from bs at the bar added up and I was going crazy. She got a new stressful high paying job and was going crazy too. I tried to keep my cool though. So many Sundays we would recap Saturdays in drama. I wanted communication and solutions to fix these issues. She would respond with let it go or kill it or don't want to talk about it. If we did, she would get loud and annoyed while my voice was calm and low and argue. We tried other things other than the bar. Fighting became every other weekend at the bar now. I stuck around. But it was getting disrespectfully too much. It was harder for me to trust her and I questioned more than I should. I realized I fell in love with Dr. Jeckyll not Miss Hyde. I had the greatest girl sober Monday through Friday. So caring, flirty, great talker, great support, motivation for hard college tests(she went to school and worked fulltime for 8years), delivered me lunches by surprise at work, plan out great concerts(of course alcohol was involved here too.) But seriously the greatest girl ever. We went to Vegas for her bday on Thanksgiving with her bestfriend and her bestie's man. Who are both mutual friends that I knew before we dated. First day there our mutual friends want to party it up. I need food to drink all night and my girlfriend knew that. I got sick drunk and was puking badly at 11PM. We didn't eat anything since a small breakfast snack and I needed food to soak up some liqour. She agreed to find food with me and we left the club with our friends. As soon a we leave and walk to get food for a minute she ditches me for our other friends while I'm standing there with a menu in my hand. I was mad. I ordered a meal and no one answered their phones. I went back to my room and she never came home until noon. Our mutual friends said they all slept in the room. I let it go it was the first night in Vegas. I wanted to get past it. 2nd night some random comes up to her. They talk, he is definitely prowling. We have another bad time because I'm being ignored for a random again. So I went to the bathroom. Vegas was terrible for me. Finally on our way home my phone died. I wanted to call my family and used her phone. She had a facebook notification that that random dude added her. Keep in mind she flipped out on me when a group project female classmate added me on facebook. But she'll add a total random. I was like why do you do these stupid things. She blew up badly. I asked her why are we together if you act so unhappy. She accused me of breaking up and instead of spending the night, I was yelled at to leave. I started to grab my belongings and I left my gifts that I bought her. She didn't want me to grab anything because she thought I would grab the gifts I bought her. She tries to push me out the door and throwing my stuff out the door while I'm grabbing my watch and clothes from the trip. I shrugged her off but never laid a hand on her or threatened her. I wasn't even violent just yelled back with stop. She called her uncle who is a police officer at 2AM Monday to rough me up. He sends 4 cops over they got there in 3 minutes. They let me get my stuff and leave. I drove home pissed. I texted her like wow you called the police. Did I hit you or break into your house? Yesterday night, I get blocked on facebook. She changes her relationship status. Deletes my family members. Have 40 mutual friends side with her when she tells her story on facebook. I felt my life was threatened, he was scary blah blah. Yet she was the pushy screamy violent one. Followed by telling everyone this is my fault and I always start fights and she is unhappy. All my homegirls think I'm some total aggressive bad guy and deleted me on facebook too. I never saw her get like this sober. It was more of a shocker. That loneliness hit me today after i got a text from her. It said, "You are a good person. This is best for us. Our friends hate us together. I couldn't stand the fighting. I felt insane, depressed, and upset. We both need to grow. Maybe we will cross paths again sometime." I responded with I wish you the best and wish things would have been different. I wanted to work through this and be happy with you. Sorry. Farewell. I feel like I have no control. Like all of this spiraled and turned against me. I fought for what I thought was right. Because if i didn't it wouldn't be me. I thought my reasons were good ones. Just now the Dr. Jeckyll that I love most of the relationship is gone. It's all hitting me while I'm at work. Heart is beating out of my chest and it sucks. Any thoughts on this relationship or to make this break up easier?
pteromom Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I fought for what I thought was right. Because if i didn't it wouldn't be me. I thought my reasons were good ones. Just now the Dr. Jeckyll that I love most of the relationship is gone. It's all hitting me while I'm at work. Heart is beating out of my chest and it sucks. Any thoughts on this relationship or to make this break up easier? You tried too hard to control her, rather than accepting her for who she was and deciding whether you were compatible. Obviously, she likes to party. She is social and enjoys talking to other people and making new friends (I don't see any indication from you that she came close to cheating or anything, so I assume for her, it was about being social.) You fought about it every weekend, trying to get her to feel the same way about it that you did, but she DIDN'T. She saw no problem with what she was doing. So my only comment is that in the future, continue to fight for what you believe in, but do it in a different way. Rather than trying to mold someone else to who you think they should be, focus on determining whether their lifestyle fits with yours; whether your morals and values fit together. Because someone can be nice and loving and kind, but life will always be a struggle if you are coming from two completely different mindsets. The only thing that is going to make it easier is TIME. Well, that, and you have to reconcile that the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde are BOTH parts of her. It's not as if the kind one is the true her, and the drunk yelling one is not. So it is good you got this out of your life. When you move forward to your next relationship, just make sure you pay a lot of attention to compatibility, not just emotions.
KatZee Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I don't agree that this was her being social. She was an absolute s.hitshow when she went out, to the point she was literally picking up men, having them buy her drinks, grab on to her and the only reason they didn't take it further was because OP had to step in and be like... HELLO?! what are you doing? It's one thing to be social, it's another to be completely s.hithoused, accepting drinks from other men, being flirty, wearing basically nothing, all while you have a boyfriend. There's a certain line that needs to be upheld when you're in a relationship and it's as if she didn't even care she was in one, or that you even existed when she was drunk. To her, you were just in her way. I think there's a definite drinking problem here, and unless it's acknowledged (by HER) this is how things are going to continue to be. I have no doubts that if left alone, she'd wind up being wasted enough to take home other guys, and wind up cheating. It's fine that you miss her but she's a toxic individual to you. You two aren't meant to be together despite any love you may feel. She's not mature enough to be in a serious relationship, and who knows if she ever will be. I also think it's really crappy for you that she went off and spouted lies to everyone because now you look like the horrible person when you're not. It seems unfair to you when essentially all you were asking for was respect. I would just cut all ties with her, and any family members of hers, pick and choose who you hang out with from now on and try to avoid her.
Chi townD Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I know you don't want to hear this, But I think you should be dancing the jig right now. You dodge a bullet in my opinion. Sure, okay...she didn't cheat on you, but she allowed guys to be "touchy feely" with her in your presence. So, it makes me wonder what she lets guys do when you're not around. I totally get you, How would she feel if girls were hang all over you in the club and you didn't do anything about it? I think she would be pretty pissed. But, I also think that you've never really come to terms on your other Ex girlfriend that got drunk all the time and then cheated on you. You saw some of the same behaviors in the girl that you were currently dating. I think you have to realize that not all women are like that, but I think your attracted to a certain type. I could be wrong (but that rarely happens here ). I think you need to find a girl that really isn't into the partying scene. That doesn't mind going out once in a while, but is just as content on curling up on the couch with her man watching a movie and sharing a tub of popcorn. Go NC on this chick, she smeared your name and told absolute lies about you. This won't be the last time you hear from her. So, any communication she sends your way. Ignore it! 1
Million.to.1 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I'm sorry this worked out as it did.. It sucks. Seems that you guys weren't compatible, and the break-up is for the best. But the fact that she reacted as she did when you broke-up and is now slandering your name to all your mutual friends is really immature and totally unfair. I'm sure she has her perspective and you may have been too controlling in trying to change her, but that is no excuse for blaming you and making you the bad guy. This is what sucks the most, but it will come right. Anyone who has taken a "side" when it's none of their business or without hearing your perspective is not a true friend anyway. I had a hard party/drinker boyfriend once.. it was ****. It would of never of worked out long term as i just find that lifestyle pointless, shallow and a waste of money. I am much happier spending a sunday at the beach with my partner than being constantly hung-over. it really was a lucky escape for you. Try and focus on that.
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