karacan Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 Agree... that doesn't change the fact that if you don't love your partner anymore you still owe him/her the respect to tell them and to leave them to live freely their lives without the deception of cheating... Yep plus if you do get caught cheating then not only will your spouse not trust you and possibly leave you but it will spill over into future relationships. You have to tell your future mates the reason you divorced and they wont completely trust you either. Unless you lie to them too, then if and when they find out the truth, it will ruin their trust in you two fold.
Owl Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 OP...I'm curious. You posted your story and situation on a forum that you knew was filled with BS's...and specifically asked them to "tell you how what you're doing hurt them"...and then spent every single one of your responses disagreeing with their responses. What kind of response were you expecting? How did you use the information you asked for/were provided? And I do think that the most pertinent thing for you to consider now is...what do I do with/about my marriage? 8
Author TheOW Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 OP...I'm curious. You posted your story and situation on a forum that you knew was filled with BS's...and specifically asked them to "tell you how what you're doing hurt them"...and then spent every single one of your responses disagreeing with their responses. What kind of response were you expecting? How did you use the information you asked for/were provided? And I do think that the most pertinent thing for you to consider now is...what do I do with/about my marriage? I have listened but again I will not be compared to a child molester - I'm not an evil person I made a mistake yes and I fully admit that. I have broken all ties with MM and have discussed with my partner about us splitting up over the holidays, he is obviously heartbroken (both of us are) because we have small children to consider but he also knows that I had felt this way for a long time and if he is truthful with himself he probably has felt the same. It is because of these forums I made the decision to end things with MM I have read other BS stories and they were heartbreaking, I do not wish to do that to another woman, if MM is unhappy in his marriage (obviously he is otherwise he wouldn't be having an affair) he and his wife need to work on that without any outside influence from me.
meandmyself Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I have listened but again I will not be compared to a child molester - I'm not an evil person I made a mistake yes and I fully admit that. I have broken all ties with MM and have discussed with my partner about us splitting up over the holidays, he is obviously heartbroken (both of us are) because we have small children to consider but he also knows that I had felt this way for a long time and if he is truthful with himself he probably has felt the same. It is because of these forums I made the decision to end things with MM I have read other BS stories and they were heartbreaking, I do not wish to do that to another woman, if MM is unhappy in his marriage (obviously he is otherwise he wouldn't be having an affair) he and his wife need to work on that without any outside influence from me. But have you told your BS that you had an affair? 1
waterwoman Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 ..., if MM is unhappy in his marriage (obviously he is otherwise he wouldn't be having an affair)... it really isn't that simple. 1
frozensprouts Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I have listened but again I will not be compared to a child molester - I'm not an evil person I made a mistake yes and I fully admit that. I have broken all ties with MM and have discussed with my partner about us splitting up over the holidays, he is obviously heartbroken (both of us are) because we have small children to consider but he also knows that I had felt this way for a long time and if he is truthful with himself he probably has felt the same. It is because of these forums I made the decision to end things with MM I have read other BS stories and they were heartbreaking, I do not wish to do that to another woman, if MM is unhappy in his marriage (obviously he is otherwise he wouldn't be having an affair) he and his wife need to work on that without any outside influence from me. The real truth of the matter is that you will never really know what things are like between the two of them, as what goes on in private between two people is probably very different than what he will tell you ( or anyone else).... From what I understand, married men who cheat tend to fall into two groups of behavior: they do their best to make sure their wife never suspects that he is cheating-he'll go out of his way to be "extra nice" and make her think that everything is just fine...otherwise, she'll get suspicious or he'll go out of his way to be extra cruel towards her...everything will be her fault, he'll find reasons to pick stupid arguments with her, he'll be mean to her, and if she tries o ask him what's wrong, he'll manage to twist it around so it seems like she's the one doing something wrong as for you not liking some of the things that have been said on here about men and women who choose to be an affair partner...while you may see a lot of hyperbole in some of the responses, you did ask betrayed spouses to tell you what and affair did to them,and they are. While you may not like hearing it if that's how they feel it' how they feel.... unless you've been there, it can be pretty hard to understand just how extreme the reaction may be....that doesn't mean you can't empathize, rather it means that you may not be able to truly understand it 3
Owl Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I have listened but again I will not be compared to a child molester - I'm not an evil person I made a mistake yes and I fully admit that. I have broken all ties with MM and have discussed with my partner about us splitting up over the holidays, he is obviously heartbroken (both of us are) because we have small children to consider but he also knows that I had felt this way for a long time and if he is truthful with himself he probably has felt the same. It is because of these forums I made the decision to end things with MM I have read other BS stories and they were heartbreaking, I do not wish to do that to another woman, if MM is unhappy in his marriage (obviously he is otherwise he wouldn't be having an affair) he and his wife need to work on that without any outside influence from me. A couple of thoughts for you. First off...I'm not comparing you to a child molester or anything else. Second...and this is more hypothetical than actually comparing you to anything...but it's intended for you to open your eyes and SEE, and THINK about things for a moment. Do you believe that the "evil" people of the world see themselves as evil? What defines someone as "evil"? Their actions? Their intentions? The bottom line is this...you intentionally, deliberately participated in a situation that was to the vast emotional detriment of two other people...his wife and your husband. You did so selfishly, intentionally, and deliberately. Is that "evil"? Depends on how you define "evil" I guess...but at the end of the day when you look at it in that light, you can see why folks use the comparsions that they do. Flattering? Certainly not. Intended to open your eyes? Most likely. You asked to have your eyes opened. There you go. Some folks might view you as "evil" based on your actions/intentions/etc... You don't have to like that...you don't have to accept that. But you can't change that either. And again realize that I personally don't view you or anyone else posting here as "evil"...I'm simply spelling out to you why the reactions you got were as stark and painful as they were. So what do you do now? You're in the process of ending the affair. What are you going to do to "make things right" with your husband? 5
nofool4u Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 I'm not an evil person I made a mistake yes and I fully admit that. A mistake is something someone regrets. You already said you don't regret your A with MM. So not only was it not a mistake in that sense, it wasn't a mistake in that you wanted to be with MM. Call it a lousy choice, but don't insult the intelligence of others and downplay what you did by calling it a "mistake" 3
Author TheOW Posted December 4, 2012 Author Posted December 4, 2012 Frozensprouts - I agree with this I think MM was ur first scenario, at the beginning at least he was always taking her out (they never used to go out much) and he was always telling her to go out with friends and he would watch kids etc etc - No i dont know what really goes on between them he never bad mouths her, he has told me alot about them tho - how they met, some bad times they had (but they always worked through it) I have no doubt in my mind he loves his wife. I know people on here will say he's a serial cheater bla bla but he's not. I think he was going through a bit of a rough bit in their marriage (numerous reasons which i cant get into on here) and I was also going through the same. Meandmyself: No i have ended my realationship with H why tell him I was cheating as well ? Im not going to kick him when he's already down, the A is finished with there will be no going back. Another reason I will not tell him is because of our children I need us to be civil with each other for their sakes (not mines) Yes i know im going to (well u didnt think about that when u were sleeping with MM) No i didnt i was confused back then, im not anymore - the best decision (and probably the most mature i have ever made) is to end both relationships.
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