FightClub Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I've seen quite a few threads recently about spouses wanting to potentially leave the marriage after a few years, seems as though 25-35 age group fits into this category, that I have seen on LS. So, to reverse that, starting from the beginning, what qualities while first getting to know and progressively dating, attracted you to your husband? and if you are contemplating divorce, what changed over time? and lastly, how old were you when you married? -FC 1
Author FightClub Posted November 28, 2012 Author Posted November 28, 2012 So, any takers for these questions? I'm very curious to hear different responses and what really 'clicked' or felt right when you felt it was the right person to marry? Thanks, -FC
BetheButterfly Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 what qualities while first getting to know and progressively dating, attracted you to your husband? I actually made a list in my journal about this when I met him lol. It would be too long to copy all the list and I want to get off loveshack in 15 minutes, so the main qualities are the following: 1. Loving - knows how to love. I could tell from how he treats his family, as well as how he treats me. He knows that love is action, not a mere feeling. 2. Spiritual - his beliefs are similar to mine, which to me is a very important quality, after knowing how to love. 3. Intelligent - We had (and still do have) many very interesting and thought-provoking conversations. He also knows about many things and how to do many things, and is a quick learner (He taught himself how to fix the car, with the help of wonderful people on youtube!) 4. Self-disciplined - his working out in the gym and dietary habits showed me that he knows how to control himself. I learned that he is also self-disciplined in other areas. 5. Positivity - he is not a negative person. That trait/quality is so important because negativity is one of the leading causes of divorce. Positive thinking, positive communicating, and positive living greatly blesses all aspects of life and makes marriage a pleasurable, priceless experience, not torture! 6. Ability to make love passionately and lovingly - he knows how to make me feel awesome, both while making love and all the rest of the time. 7. Head of the home - As a Christian, I personally believe the husband is the head of the home. He is a natural leader who takes into consideration what I say and who doesn't make decisions without me. I really appreciate that. I don't feel like a doormat or disrespected at all. Respecting his wife or team or group is a very important quality for a leader. and if you are contemplating divorce, what changed over time?We are not contemplating divorce. We plan and hope to be married till "death do us part." and lastly, how old were you when you married? We were both 34 years old. We have been married one year, so we are still honeymooners. 3
seren Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 I am afraid the very first thing that attracted me to my H was that he looked gorgeous! he had just got back from a detachment to Cyprus and was tanned and lovely to behold. So, the shallow bit over, I was working as a cook in a Forces bar and restaurant and he would flirt when he placed his order. I would bump into things when walking off as I knew he was watching me, he says this endeared me to him as he knew I was embarrassed as I did a funny head shaking talking to myself thing. At the time, I knew he was seeing someone else, so we were friends first. I was moving back to the UK, so gave him a card and present for him and his girlfriend as they were due to get engaged at Christmas. I left thinking he was the one that got away and felt regret, but he was taken in my book, so didn't expect to hear from him again. Fast forward to March and I got a phone call out of the blue, he couldn't get engaged as he felt I was The One, he had ended his relationship and had spent months tracking me down. We took it slowly. He made me laugh, out loud, we had the same weird sense of humour, he was gentle, opened doors for me, went to the car to warm it up before I got in, he made my heart do flip flops, we could talk and talk for hours about everything and nothing, I trusted him with me and told him things I hadn't told anyone and still he stayed. He woo'ed me and after 18 months I introduced him to my son, he was so good with him. I remember a moment when it all clicked - a New Year's Eve on a freezing cold beach, I had insisted on paddling in the sea, we could hear the music from a nearby club playing our song, so we danced and he got down on one knee, in the freezing sea and asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes. We are almost into our 28th year together, we have been through a lot, yet I feel exactly the same, I still get flip flops, our love has matured, but still has that sparkle. We are each others best friends, we don't need other people, we live remotely, see very few people socially and yet I and he are content. The things that attracted me then attract me still and I hope they always will. 7
cocorico Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 I've seen quite a few threads recently about spouses wanting to potentially leave the marriage after a few years, seems as though 25-35 age group fits into this category, that I have seen on LS. So, to reverse that, starting from the beginning, what qualities while first getting to know and progressively dating, attracted you to your husband? and if you are contemplating divorce, what changed over time? and lastly, how old were you when you married? -FC What attracted me? I'd read his work, so had already registered some positive things about him before we met. When he walked in and was introduced, I was struck by his quiet charm, his comfort in his skin, the twinkle in his eye. We spoke some and I liked what I saw. As I got to know him better, I liked his values, his sense of humour, his self-possession, his up-for-itness, his passion, his social ease, his dancing. I got him completely wrecked one night to see what lurked below and it was just more of the same, a little bolder. No nasty surprises. When I got him into bed I wasn't disappointed either - OTC I was highly impressed on all scores. 1
eleanorrigby Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 I thought he was the cutest guy in the 11th grade. We were both 21 when we got married. 1
stillafool Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 We were told about each other for a long time through mutual friends of ours but neither of us had an interest in blind dating. About a year after that our friends had a party and both of us went there with dates. My husband walked by and I couldn't take my eyes off him and he gave me the same look. He was/is drop dead gorgeous. The next week he asked my friend who was the girl in the white dress at the party,and my friends told him who I was and also told him I asked about him. They said thats the one we wanted you to meet. We met and the rest is history. We fell in love right away and have been together ever since. That was 20 years ago we met and he still makes my heart flutter. 2
MissBee Posted November 29, 2012 Posted November 29, 2012 I am afraid the very first thing that attracted me to my H was that he looked gorgeous! he had just got back from a detachment to Cyprus and was tanned and lovely to behold. So, the shallow bit over, I was working as a cook in a Forces bar and restaurant and he would flirt when he placed his order. I would bump into things when walking off as I knew he was watching me, he says this endeared me to him as he knew I was embarrassed as I did a funny head shaking talking to myself thing. At the time, I knew he was seeing someone else, so we were friends first. I was moving back to the UK, so gave him a card and present for him and his girlfriend as they were due to get engaged at Christmas. I left thinking he was the one that got away and felt regret, but he was taken in my book, so didn't expect to hear from him again. Fast forward to March and I got a phone call out of the blue, he couldn't get engaged as he felt I was The One, he had ended his relationship and had spent months tracking me down. We took it slowly. He made me laugh, out loud, we had the same weird sense of humour, he was gentle, opened doors for me, went to the car to warm it up before I got in, he made my heart do flip flops, we could talk and talk for hours about everything and nothing, I trusted him with me and told him things I hadn't told anyone and still he stayed. He woo'ed me and after 18 months I introduced him to my son, he was so good with him. I remember a moment when it all clicked - a New Year's Eve on a freezing cold beach, I had insisted on paddling in the sea, we could hear the music from a nearby club playing our song, so we danced and he got down on one knee, in the freezing sea and asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes. We are almost into our 28th year together, we have been through a lot, yet I feel exactly the same, I still get flip flops, our love has matured, but still has that sparkle. We are each others best friends, we don't need other people, we live remotely, see very few people socially and yet I and he are content. The things that attracted me then attract me still and I hope they always will. This is so beautiful Seren. I wish you many more years of happiness. You inspire me, truly 2
BetheButterfly Posted November 30, 2012 Posted November 30, 2012 I am afraid the very first thing that attracted me to my H was that he looked gorgeous! he had just got back from a detachment to Cyprus and was tanned and lovely to behold. So, the shallow bit over, I was working as a cook in a Forces bar and restaurant and he would flirt when he placed his order. I would bump into things when walking off as I knew he was watching me, he says this endeared me to him as he knew I was embarrassed as I did a funny head shaking talking to myself thing. At the time, I knew he was seeing someone else, so we were friends first. I was moving back to the UK, so gave him a card and present for him and his girlfriend as they were due to get engaged at Christmas. I left thinking he was the one that got away and felt regret, but he was taken in my book, so didn't expect to hear from him again. Fast forward to March and I got a phone call out of the blue, he couldn't get engaged as he felt I was The One, he had ended his relationship and had spent months tracking me down. We took it slowly. He made me laugh, out loud, we had the same weird sense of humour, he was gentle, opened doors for me, went to the car to warm it up before I got in, he made my heart do flip flops, we could talk and talk for hours about everything and nothing, I trusted him with me and told him things I hadn't told anyone and still he stayed. He woo'ed me and after 18 months I introduced him to my son, he was so good with him. I remember a moment when it all clicked - a New Year's Eve on a freezing cold beach, I had insisted on paddling in the sea, we could hear the music from a nearby club playing our song, so we danced and he got down on one knee, in the freezing sea and asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes. We are almost into our 28th year together, we have been through a lot, yet I feel exactly the same, I still get flip flops, our love has matured, but still has that sparkle. We are each others best friends, we don't need other people, we live remotely, see very few people socially and yet I and he are content. The things that attracted me then attract me still and I hope they always will. So beautiful!!!! CONGRATULATIONS Seren!!! :love: You and your husband are a wonderful inspiration!!! I hope 28 years from now, my hubby and I will be like y'all! Oh yes, I forgot in my list: humor, confidence, and sexual chemistry also were qualities that attracted me to my husband.
Silly_Girl Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 I've seen quite a few threads recently about spouses wanting to potentially leave the marriage after a few years, seems as though 25-35 age group fits into this category, that I have seen on LS. So, to reverse that, starting from the beginning, what qualities while first getting to know and progressively dating, attracted you to your husband? and if you are contemplating divorce, what changed over time? and lastly, how old were you when you married? -FC Okay, so we won't be married for another 7 months but here's what attracted me... Self-sufficient and centred, he's lived in various places and environments and different jobs and he is just fine with this and extremely capable of adapting and doing all the things in life an adult needs to be able to do. A thirst for learning and a tangible passion for books and films and music. Friends - friends from many years ago who are almost like family, despite geographical distance, he's a very loyal person. Fantastic, constructive, loving relationship with his mum. He's someone who strives BUT is not materialistic or egotistical about objects/career etc. He's a happy person who is quietly confident but never cocky. His moral structure impressed me and I liked his take on life; what's right, what's wrong and what he'd do in various situations. He has a wonderful and often cruel sense of humour which suits me perfectly and it's very common that we both end up in tears through laughing. He's in to sport for fun AND for fitness and takes pride in both striving for better and looking his best. He's extremely intelligent, both intellectually and emotionally. No explanations needed when discussing complex stuff even when it might be something new to him. He's very handsome! 2
xxoo Posted December 1, 2012 Posted December 1, 2012 Animal magnetism. I wish I could say it was deeper than that initially, but it wasn't! We also quickly became best friends, and wanted to spend all of our time together. We share a lot of interests. All the practical stuff came later (we were teens at the time). 2
pink_sugar Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 A friendship built on trust and his sense of humor.
KathyM Posted December 2, 2012 Posted December 2, 2012 What attracted me to my husband while we were dating were his sweet, somewhat mysterious personality. His intelligence. His good looks. His charm. His impeccable manners. His respect for my faith and shared faith. His ambition. His beautiful accent. His muscular tanned body, and his interest in physical fitness. His caring nature. His cooking skills. His independence, but yet desire for closeness. I married him when I was 19, and still happily married after many years. 1
lastone Posted December 3, 2012 Posted December 3, 2012 I meant my husband through a friend and I was and still am attracted to him, physically. That is the first thing I noticed about him when he came to her house. I told my friend that he is really "HOT" and as I got to know him, before and during us dating, he is also kind, humorous, a gentleman, hard working and pretty selfless. He is the type to open car doors and lend his coat etc... and since I rarely see that in men, I fell, hook, line and sinker and have been since then. I still get flustered when I see him mowing the lawn on a hot summer day with his shirt off. My sister made the comment that I stare at him like I was staring at a sultry pool boy that I secretly desired. I feel that way now and hope i always do but as a friend who doesn't feel that way anymore said, The minor annoyances that used to be minor become huge especially when they stop putting each other first. I understood her. Ive been with guys who thought everything else took priority over the relationship once they got together and it made me change my views on them too.
zengirl Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 The first thing. . . his profile was so well-written, it was terribly sexy. Really great diction. The next thing. . . he was a hottie. The thing that sealed the deal. . . his kindness and wonderful heart. 1
BetheButterfly Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 The first thing. . . his profile was so well-written, it was terribly sexy. Really great diction. The next thing. . . he was a hottie. I met my husband online too! I loved how he had a verse from Ecclesiastes and his profile. And yep, he's a hottie too. Love this: "The thing that sealed the deal. . . his kindness and wonderful heart." That's my experience with my husband too!!!
Silly_Girl Posted December 5, 2012 Posted December 5, 2012 This sounds terribly cheesey but my boyfriend is a hero, to me. He's just an ordinary guy but how he behaves towards me, and everyone in his life, is wonderful. The longer I know him the more I realise how special he is. 1
Nyla Posted December 6, 2012 Posted December 6, 2012 We have only been married for two years, together for almost six. I was 28 and he was 36. I was attracted to my husband's restraint and very good manners. He did not kiss me until the third date, nor was he all over me like other men. My husband's sky blue eyes were very sexy, along with his deep voice.
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