youngnlove89 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I have this guy friend that I went on a couple dates with, he was Mr. Perfect, but something was missing for me so I had to turn him down and walk away. He tried really hard to win me, but I knew I couldn't lie to him and tell him I felt the same. That was 2 years ago. We remained acquaintances and he now has this beautiful girlfriend who he just bought a house with. On Facebook, I always see him and her going out and doing fun things together, celebrating holidays and visiting family and going on trips. And I realized I became envious of his relationship. I don't want him that way, I don't regret my decision I made, but I'm envious of what he has. It's what I want. I want a partner that I can prosper with in life. It was a wake up call with Mr. Unavailable. He recently broke his ankle and I've been there taking care of him, because I care. He needed me and I can't just not be there for him. I did his chores for him, cooked, cleaned and I've catered to him with anything he needs. But we had this talk that he was never going to change. That he knows he should see a relationship psychologist because he doesn't want to end up single and an old man. He spoke of his last 2 serious relationships that were years before me and how they went on holiday trips together and celebrated anniversies and went on trips and planned marriage and a life together. It made me sad because we never did that. He has never bought me a bday present or any other holiday present, we don't spend holidays together or plan trips together. It's a very casual relationship. He even said that he thought we were getting serious at one point and I laughed. We must have different perceptions of serious!The most we did is meet eachothers family. We never got serious. I need to move on from this dead end casual fling. It's the worst addiciton I've ever been in. I hate myself for causing my broken heart. That relationship I envy, I could have. The power is within me. But I choose to stay with a casual relationship for only god knows why. He has called and texted, I haven't responded. Ignoring him is the only way I know how to let go. It isn't a game, it's just me trying to move on. Everytime he calls or texts, I have to remind myself of the relationship I want and what he can't give me. Sorry this is so long, this is just me venting. Thanks for listening.
KatZee Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Block and Delete. Do or do not. There is no try. You are not trying. You say that it was never serious yet you act like a wife. Wiping his a.ss every time he takes a s.hit. He broke his ankle. I'm sure he has a mother or friends or other family members to do his chores. There's a very fine line between caring, and being taken advantage of. You've crossed that line.
Author youngnlove89 Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 Block and Delete. Do or do not. There is no try. You are not trying. You say that it was never serious yet you act like a wife. Wiping his a.ss every time he takes a s.hit. He broke his ankle. I'm sure he has a mother or friends or other family members to do his chores. There's a very fine line between caring, and being taken advantage of. You've crossed that line. Yea I know. He doesn't talk to his mother and he really doesn't have anyone to help him. But why should I care right? I'm not his wife, not even his GF?! What do I owe him? I can see how he is taking advantage of me. It was a very brutal wake up call for me yesterday. For the first time in a year and a half I saw it for what you see it as and what everyone else see's it as. Made me hate myself for putting up with it. I wish I could slap me. Gosh, I am an idiot. You were soooo right.
KatZee Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 But why should I care right? I'm not his wife, not even his GF?! What do I owe him? Exactly. You shouldn't. None of this is your problem. He chooses to isolate himself from his family, he chooses to have nobody in his life. And I think it should be painfully OBVIOUS why he doesn't have many people in his life, I'm sure others are well aware of how he acts and chooses not to be around it. You have too much going for you to continue tying yourself to someone who broken and unavailable. I truly hope this was the wake up call you've been waiting for and you're now done. Step 1: Block and delete.
Author youngnlove89 Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 Exactly. You shouldn't. None of this is your problem. He chooses to isolate himself from his family, he chooses to have nobody in his life. And I think it should be painfully OBVIOUS why he doesn't have many people in his life, I'm sure others are well aware of how he acts and chooses not to be around it. You have too much going for you to continue tying yourself to someone who broken and unavailable. I truly hope this was the wake up call you've been waiting for and you're now done. Step 1: Block and delete. I haven't even told him this is what I'm doing, I don't think it is necessary. I've just been ignoring him. He should know why I am finally walking away. I know he will get mad and angry and then he will calm down and try to pull me in again. I know his cycle, it's sick. But he has made the bed he is in, he can lay in it. I want marriage. I want kids. I want to move in together. I want to have anniverseries, I want to spend holidays together, I want vacations. He can't give me ANY of that. It is my wake up call. I'm very sad by it. I let myself be used and abused. Why was I so oblivious to that? That scares me. This will be hard, but everytime I almost fall back, I need to remind myself of this disasterous year and half he put me through. BLOCK AND DELETE.
KatZee Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I haven't even told him this is what I'm doing, I don't think it is necessary. I've just been ignoring him. He should know why I am finally walking away. I know he will get mad and angry and then he will calm down and try to pull me in again. I know his cycle, it's sick. But he has made the bed he is in, he can lay in it. I want marriage. I want kids. I want to move in together. I want to have anniverseries, I want to spend holidays together, I want vacations. He can't give me ANY of that. It is my wake up call. I'm very sad by it. I let myself be used and abused. Why was I so oblivious to that? That scares me. This will be hard, but everytime I almost fall back, I need to remind myself of this disasterous year and half he put me through. BLOCK AND DELETE. Well you thought you were somehow different than all of us here. You thought you situation was unique. You thought you had something that all of us never had. You thought you could change him. You thought he'd wake up one day and realize how wonderful you are. Unfortunately for all of us that's been where you are, we know none of this is reality. We knew what you were doing and how you were only screwing yourself, but you needed to learn the lesson on your own. You don't need to tell him you're going NC. Just stop talking to him. Don't play into his pity party and most certainly don't let him pull you back in. If he's sick, let him be sick by himself. Maybe you should get individual counseling to understand why you think these men are all you deserve.
Author youngnlove89 Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 Well you thought you were somehow different than all of us here. You thought you situation was unique. You thought you had something that all of us never had. You thought you could change him. You thought he'd wake up one day and realize how wonderful you are. Unfortunately for all of us that's been where you are, we know none of this is reality. We knew what you were doing and how you were only screwing yourself, but you needed to learn the lesson on your own. You don't need to tell him you're going NC. Just stop talking to him. Don't play into his pity party and most certainly don't let him pull you back in. If he's sick, let him be sick by himself. Maybe you should get individual counseling to understand why you think these men are all you deserve. I agree. I thought I would be the exception to the rule. But I was the rule itself. I wish I could afford counseling, I would go. I tend to choose men like this. That Mr. Unavailable book had me questioning if this is what I really want, no commitment relationships.
KatZee Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I agree. I thought I would be the exception to the rule. But I was the rule itself. I wish I could afford counseling, I would go. I tend to choose men like this. That Mr. Unavailable book had me questioning if this is what I really want, no commitment relationships. Well then perhaps it's time to stop looking for relationships for a while and just be single. Really figure out who you are as a person, and start learning to love yourself. Until you're perfectly fine alone, and happy by yourself, you won't be in any sort of successful relationship. 1
flitzanu Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 yeah if i broke my ankle and had some girl to sleep with me and take care of me that i could treat like garbage, and throw her away in a few weeks when it's healed...why not? man, sounds like the perfect setup.
Author youngnlove89 Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 yeah if i broke my ankle and had some girl to sleep with me and take care of me that i could treat like garbage, and throw her away in a few weeks when it's healed...why not? man, sounds like the perfect setup. Now that you put it that way, I feel worse!! haha I guess it really was like that. No more naive girl. I'm moving forward. He has already tried contacting me a few minutes ago and I have no desire to respond. It is just hard.
KatZee Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Now that you put it that way, I feel worse!! haha I guess it really was like that. No more naive girl. I'm moving forward. He has already tried contacting me a few minutes ago and I have no desire to respond. It is just hard. Why isn't he blocked and deleted? I wasn't being figurative with this statement. This is exactly what I mean about you not trying.
Author youngnlove89 Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 Why isn't he blocked and deleted? I wasn't being figurative with this statement. This is exactly what I mean about you not trying. Sprint said it will take a couple hours for them to be blocked.
KatZee Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Sprint said it will take a couple hours for them to be blocked. Good girl.
flitzanu Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Now that you put it that way, I feel worse!! haha I guess it really was like that. No more naive girl. I'm moving forward. He has already tried contacting me a few minutes ago and I have no desire to respond. It is just hard. we've told you all this before, and will gladly tell you over and over that it's a mistake every week that you choose to go back to him.
Author youngnlove89 Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 we've told you all this before, and will gladly tell you over and over that it's a mistake every week that you choose to go back to him. Good. But from now on you will be rooting for me to keep staying strong and ignoring him. Right now, I feel fearful. I'm afraid of what will happen next. I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of him moving on and being happy without me. I know it's pathetic, but I am angry that he will never miss me or want me that way. How do I overcome this fear and anger?
KatZee Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Good. But from now on you will be rooting for me to keep staying strong and ignoring him. Right now, I feel fearful. I'm afraid of what will happen next. I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of him moving on and being happy without me. I know it's pathetic, but I am angry that he will never miss me or want me that way. How do I overcome this fear and anger? He's a mess of a human being. He has sabotaged every single relationship he has ever been in. Do you really think he's going to meet some super human female and walk happily ever after into the sunset? NO! He's going to choose some other damaged female, and they're going to continue dragging each other down with their respective problems. Why do you think he chose and decided to date YOU? He sniffed out your damage a mile away. People like him seek people similar. It's time to stop worrying about him and start worrying about yourself. You're never going to have any of those things you want; reliable boyfriend, intertwined lives, marriage, a home, kids, UNLESS you work on yourself. He will never miss you or want you because he's unavailable. His brain doesn't work that way. It's nothing wrong with you, it's HIM. 2
Tree_Salmon Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 He's a mess of a human being. He has sabotaged every single relationship he has ever been in. Do you really think he's going to meet some super human female and walk happily ever after into the sunset? NO! He's going to choose some other damaged female, and they're going to continue dragging each other down with their respective problems. Why do you think he chose and decided to date YOU? He sniffed out your damage a mile away. People like him seek people similar. It's time to stop worrying about him and start worrying about yourself. You're never going to have any of those things you want; reliable boyfriend, intertwined lives, marriage, a home, kids, UNLESS you work on yourself. He will never miss you or want you because he's unavailable. His brain doesn't work that way. It's nothing wrong with you, it's HIM. Yep. He will find the next girl to do this to and then she'll be on here a year later. All my favorite people all on one thread here. 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 He's a mess of a human being. He has sabotaged every single relationship he has ever been in. Do you really think he's going to meet some super human female and walk happily ever after into the sunset? NO! He's going to choose some other damaged female, and they're going to continue dragging each other down with their respective problems. Why do you think he chose and decided to date YOU? He sniffed out your damage a mile away. People like him seek people similar. It's time to stop worrying about him and start worrying about yourself. You're never going to have any of those things you want; reliable boyfriend, intertwined lives, marriage, a home, kids, UNLESS you work on yourself. He will never miss you or want you because he's unavailable. His brain doesn't work that way. It's nothing wrong with you, it's HIM. I'm going to print this out and put it on my mirror. Thank you for this!! Everytime I have a weak moment, I will read this. "If you want something bad enough, you have to change what you are doing" 1
flitzanu Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 Good. But from now on you will be rooting for me to keep staying strong and ignoring him. Right now, I feel fearful. I'm afraid of what will happen next. I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of him moving on and being happy without me. I know it's pathetic, but I am angry that he will never miss me or want me that way. How do I overcome this fear and anger? that's what i've been rooting for now for the many months you've been posting, dear STOP TALKING TO HIM!
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