sadsadsad Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 I got dumped 2 months ago First week there was some texting and i saw her a couple of times. I was sad when i saw her. But tried to move on. No contact After this low contact, she texted me a couple of times. I responded after her second text days after she wrote me -how are you ?- I haven't been needy, sad or negative, blaming in response to her texting. Last night i met her for a drink. She was a bit cold. We went to her house and ended up in her bed. She started kissing me and we made love. I can't lie. I was happy to have her in my arms and hoped for reconciliation. But this morning she was cold again. I went back home without really talking to her about it. Hours later i texted her if she wanted to do something. She responded- don't want to give you the wrong impression, but it is over between us, sorry - I called her and i cried I know it really is over, but Now i'm writing her a letter. My burning questions are; in general -Why is it a bad thing to send her a letter? -What does a dumper feel when getting a letter from a ex -It's over so why does it matter if she sees you as needy and sad after getting a -i love you so much kind off a letter-? -I want to know what's going on in the mind of a dumper. Can someone please share some of their wisdom with me? It really hurts to experience the coldness and think about how sweet she used to be. I hope someone here can respond to me, so if you got the time and feel like it, please do, it would really help me. sadsadsad.
YorickBrown Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 Geezus...this is like deja vu for me (i finally got to use deja vu).... Uhmmm...ok, look. Just 2 words: "Its over" (wait that's 3) Just...move out. Move away. Move on. Sorry. Im just so distracted the past few days. But seriously, move on. However, because you seem to keep on doing the "dirty deed"...(and based on my most recent even more "devastating" experience with break ups, she'll give you several break-up sex ---dont fall for it!!! Or, ok...maybe one for the road)... I got just 3 letters for you: DnA (do not leave anything behind!) What I mean is, make sure you haven't gotten her pregnant. Coz she'll probably, most likely...(if she hasnt been doing so yet)...sleep around soon. Check that she bled (literally!) Do that before you totally go NC on her ass. Believe me.
Treasa Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 If you send her a letter when things are over after she proved that she can hook you easily again, then you're doing damage to your self-respect without even realizing it. And trust me, it builds up. You aren't a doormat. I know this because doormats can't type. Why are you allowing her to treat you like one? If you send her ANY kind of email, you're teaching her that it's ok to lie to you or make you feel like she wants you, and then drop you when she's done using you for her ego fix. My ex is trying to do that to me, only I'm not falling for it, and while my self-respect his only increasing, he's starting to lose it a little bit. I definitely prefer it that way if it's really over. Don't you?
Author sadsadsad Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 Hi Monicaelise, Thanks for your insightfull answer.It's probably true what you say. It's hard to swallow though. I am good enough to have sex with. But me writing her a letter will make her feel whatever.....but will not make her love me again, will not make her melt. Because making love didn't do the job, she was cold to me when we woke up, a letter would'nt change a thing. I have to realise something that i know, something she told me when we were together. She can have sex with people without being in love with them. I was used like a sextoy. Still, in my mind i'm composing a letter the whole time. But she won't care. I'm ashamed for calling her and sounding like a cry baby. She has all the power. I'm waiting for her texting or calling me while i know she won't do that.
Author sadsadsad Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 Well Treasa, i'm a doormat. I just can't deny that. She can do whatever the hell she wants with me. Yikes.
Author sadsadsad Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 hey Yorick, i would love it to be in her bed again and say NO to her when she wants to have sex again. Not gonna happen. I have the feeling she will never contact me again. I wasn't perfect, but not a total *******. Still want to write her stuff like that.
YorickBrown Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 hey Yorick, i would love it to be in her bed again and say NO to her when she wants to have sex again. Not gonna happen. I have the feeling she will never contact me again. I wasn't perfect, but not a total *******. Still want to write her stuff like that. That's ok dude....so you got just one "break-up" sex!? Better than nothing. But don't lose hope. There's always hookers (im kidding!...er, mostly) No letters please. I mean that's just "evidence" of your uhmmm..."defeat". Celebrate instead (with or without hookers) PS: And oh yeah, if for some miracle she does come back and ask for sex again....Dont say "NO" outright. Calmly tell her...you'll have to check your "schedule" (you know this would go down well if you have a hooker wrap around you).
YorickBrown Posted November 28, 2012 Posted November 28, 2012 I think you might be looking at the sex in the wrong way. I spent a couple nights with the man I left in October a couple weeks ago. The sex wasn't about getting my rocks off. Honestly, it was more a matter of seeing how I felt about him...if there was anything still there. The sex was basically very good, but I knew by the time he left that I was pretty much done (took me a couple days to decide for sure, but I knew in my gut then). So, anyway, don't be so certain she used you. She may have just wanted to see if there was anything left there to save. Hahaha what honesty! I just had to "Like" this. Although now that I think about it, this was probably what my ex did to me... Darn it! ...ohhhh well....we did it several times over the course of weeks... so I must have gotten "one" of her rocks off...that's a consolation i think.
Author sadsadsad Posted November 29, 2012 Author Posted November 29, 2012 Monica, I think i'm looking at the sex the wrong way. But it still hurts although i do understand her perspective a little better now. Yorick, a hooker doesn't interest me, never did never will. Are there any dumpers who'll share what they felt getting a letter from their ex? I would love to hear more about this. There have to be more people on loveshack who experienced this. Please share it.
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