budley12 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 (edited) Hey everyone. So I went through a really rough break up about 10months ago with my first love of 3 years (you can see all of my past posts if interested in the backstory). It was a HORRIBLE breakup and I was borderline suicidal at the time. Anyways... Fast-forward 11 months and I am currently studying abroad halfway around the world, had a new relationship, loving life and starting to let memories of my ex drift away. Well, my ex decides to contact me while I am abroad after ignoring me ~8months (the worst time of my life). He starts saying how he misses me and wants to get back together, and how it will be perfect. We start reminiscing over old memories and the "good old days". I eventually break it off with my new relationship hoping to get back with my ex. My ex was even planning on visiting me abroad up until yesterday. Yesterday I get a message saying he doesnt think he can come visit because he got a nice job offer (located away from home) and that he "realistically" doesnt see us working out anymore since we wouldn't be able to see each other when I get back from studying abroad. I understand that he has to look for his future, but he must not realize how much this hurts me, especially when I am willing to give everything to get back with him. It seems that when I was in the other relationship he tried so hard for my attention, and now I am nothing since he knows I want him. I guess I am just looking for comfort and advice because I really thought we were going to work out again, and out of nowhere i feel like i am being dumped all over again and all of the old memories are coming back, and I am starting to feel miserable (first time crying over him in about 8months). He says he wants to try and be friends, however in my eyes "friends dont lead you on with false hopes, friends dont back out of trips to visit across the world, friends dont rip your heart out time and time again even though you give it your all." After all we have ben through I cant be "just friends". When will I learn and completely delete him and the pain he brings from my life... clearly i'm not ready to because I am now waiting by the computer hoping for a message from him... anyways, Thanks for reading... Edited November 27, 2012 by budley12
cavalier99 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 (edited) Wow this is a really tough life lesson. You really need to reflect on why you made all these changes for him so quickly after being dumped before and why you let your self get your hopes up so quickly? Be grateful he never came to visit. You will get over this much faster this time. Now you know why NC shouldn't be broken especially if you were suicidal over him. Sorry that this is really tough but i can see this will actually help you in the long run. BIG BIG lesson on trust and on who you should take risks on loving and when. He sounds like a a-hole. Good riddance. Edited November 27, 2012 by cavalier99
KatZee Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 (edited) This is a really s.hitty position to be in. For both you and the guy you just dumped. You just got rid of him like he was something to use and then a piece of garbage to just throw out like nothing. I think you jumped the gun and just acted impulsively thinking everything would go back to the way it used to be. That's not reality. He had a lot of making up to do and a lot to prove but instead you just took him on his word without even thinking about the pain he put you through, the fact that you're now with someone else, and now you're left with nothing. I don't think it's possible to be "friends" with this guy as you're clearly still madly in love with him, and I also don't think you should be in a relationship right now because it's only a rebound and you're only using these people you're with. Go back into NC and truly try to move on from him. Edited November 27, 2012 by KatZee
Cutiepie1976 Posted November 27, 2012 Posted November 27, 2012 First, congratulations on being able to move on after a very tough, painful breakup. He's a real a--hole for what he's now done to you. Built your hopes up by asking to get together, and once you've given up your new guy, telling you sorry but he doesn't see you working out after all. Pretty cruel and heartless. But you now know his nature. Try to move on. Cease contact. Stay busy. Start dating others. Know that the right person for you will come along but only after you're able to open your heart to others and trust again. It will get better!
Author budley12 Posted November 27, 2012 Author Posted November 27, 2012 thank you for your responses everyone. I really appreciate you taking your time to read my story and reach out. Life can be hard sometimes, but now I just have to try and see this in a positive light... who knows what doors may open for me now that I am not tied down and clinging to false hopes back home. thank you
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